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A Brief History of the Israeli Nation By Abraham Ben-Judah Chief Assistant to the Director of Israeli Schooling The history of Israel can be broken down into four distinct eras; the Dimbleby era, an era of wasted years and laziness; the Sun Tzu era, an era of treachery; the era of The Great Raz's, a period full of growth, both economically and technology wise; and finally the period of the Fanatics, starting with Adolf Hitler then Saddam Hussein onto our current leader Rabbi Rasputin. Our great nation's history begun just over 5000 years ago with the initial settling of Jerusalem. The man behind this getting together of the nomadic tribes was Dimbleby the Weak. For the next few centuries, the Dimbleby clan led the early Israelites to explore the area now known as the mid-east and the northern section of Africa. Unfortunately for the later generations of Israelites to come, the Dimbleby clan failed to grab hold of the idea of settling in any of these areas. The name of Dimbleby is now used as a derogative term in most schoolyards as in "Don't act like such a Dimbleby!" The first great uprising heralded the era of the Sun Tzu dynasty. There was mass fighting through out the small nation as the followers of Sun Tzu clashed with the followers of Dimbleby, but Dimblelites being such lazy people, the fighting didn't last long. So begun the long reign of the Sun Tzu dynasty. It was during this period that the First World War broke out, and Sun Tzu himself orchestrated the treachery against Israel's oldest ally the Adriatic League. Great riches were bestowed upon the Sun Tzu clan from the newly joined league of Australia, Mongols and Chinese. The people of Israel failed to partake in these riches and longed for the glory promised them. One of the failings of Sun Tzu was to do anything about the aggressive nature of the Mali to the west. Many border raids and other terrorist attacks were undertaken in the region now known as Egypt. The people's calls for action to be taken fell on death ears in the palace. Nor did he pursue the promised land gift of India for his treachery. The Israelites remained the smallest of all nations. Although many public works programs were commenced. The second great uprising was a totally bloodless coup that heralded in the first of the Great Raz's. Rasputin took control when Sun Tzu himself was on vacation on the Solomon Islands. He was imprisoned there and eventually died in his cell. Although Sun Tzu's lineage was to continue and eventually had a ruling spell over the Mali and a future generation also arose to take over the current Mongols. With TGR1 the bonds of alliance with Australia and Mongolia were forged strongly. This tradition was continued through TGR2 & 3, as the Israeli nation begun to truly prosper with many trading companies set-up. However the problem of the aggressive Mali continued, including the now famous 'Buffalo' incident. Total war almost broke out during this crisis, but was averted by pressure applied by the world nations. Many Israelites felt that TGR was weak during this crisis and this led to the next great uprising. The third great uprising was inspired by the Israeli military. The military chiefs got together and formed the National Association of Zionists in Israel political party (NAZI), this party was eventually to win the next election and then promptly disbarred all other political parties. The leader of the Nazi's was one Adolf Hitler. He immediately set about cleaning the nation of Israel of all the weak leaders and the Raz dynasty was incarcerated or died fighting. Unfortunately for the next leader Saddam Hussein, one heir of TGR did escape. During Adolf's 70-year control of Israel, the Mali pushed once too many times into Egypt territory and Adolf immediately launched a retaliatory attack. This brought condemnation from the Pacific Pact, but was soon joined in war by the Adriatic League. The AL crushed the Mali in North Africa, and Hitler crushed the Northern Nile regions of Mali. At the death of Adolf Hitler, his top ranked General, Saddam Hussein, took over and showed his brilliance in warfare by soon conquering all the Nile Valley and Central Africa. He offered peace to Mali four times but was continuously rejected, the Mali believing they could fight on, even giving two Provinces to the Zulus. With the control of AL going to the Nationalist party there under Benito Mussolini, Saddam sought closer ties with them. With this closeness the Pacific Pact, suspended all techno aid to the people of Israel. The people of Israel however were going through a Fundamentalist revolt that would lead to the return of the Raz dynasty. This final uprising that lead to the Rabbi Rasputin taking control, also led to the death of Saddam in a train derailment by fundamental Israeli troops. The Rabbi Rasputin called for peace in the world, but also called for conversion of all Muslims to belief in the one true god. The Israeli people now stand strong and respected, even feared by our neighbours, a huge change from the small insignificant tribe we once were seen to be.