*disclaimer-the characters and stories of Ford Prefect, Zaphod Beeblebrox and Trillian are the creation of Douglas Adams and are copyright to him.

Javert's Guide to the Galaxy: Part 1

by Erin Vork

The house stood at the end of a small street in Paris. It was a rather ordinary house, not at all one that would make anybody stop in the street and say, ‘Oh, my, Alice, aren’t those French doors lovely?’ In fact the absence of French doors themselves would preclude such a comment. To be blunt, it was dull and ordinary. And that was how the resident liked it. He was not at all impressed by image or the social standing it presented.

Inspector Javert, for that was the resident’s name, woke up blearily this morning. He got up blearily, walked blearily over to his window, looked out, saw some students on his lawn, gathered his uniform, and walked into the bathroom. He then allowed himself his customary shriek of horror that the sight of his hair regularly illicited before firmly fastening it back again, realized he had forgotten a fresh shirt, went back into his bedroom, picked out a clean shirt, looked out the window and again, saw the students building a barricade on his front lawn, and walked back into the bathroom. The word barricade wandered through his mind in search of something to connect with. It connected with the word students. He mused over this connection for a few moments.

Fifteen seconds later, he was out of the house clothed in no more than his nightdress and greatcoat, and was yelling at the students.

Enjolras stood on the lawn, surveying the scene in front of him. Watching him, an observer could almost see his idealistic visions becoming reality in front of him. But, at this moment, something in front of him was not a part of his vision.

“Look, Inspector, this barricade has got to be built, and it’s going to be built!” Enjolras said looking down at Javert. Normally, this wouldn’t have been possible, since Javert was much taller than Enjolras, but at this time, Javert was lying on the ground, in the path of the barricade.

“First I’ve heard about it,” said Javert, rather testily, “Why has it got to be built? If you are unhappy with our government, you are quite welcome to make a complaint at the appropriate time.”

“Well, yes,” said Enjolras, “That may be all very well and good, and as a matter of fact, I tried it. Six months ago in fact.”

“Yes, well, there’s a lot that occupies the attention of our government officials,” said Javert, rather reasonably he thought. “I expect that they would have filed them away for future use.”

“Ah, yes, they were filed away all right,” Enjolras mused. “Funny method of filing those officials have. I eventually had to go down to the cellar to find them.”

“Well of course,” Javert said, “When the proper officials are unavailable to review such suggestion, they would be put in a sufficiently out of the way place. I expect that those proper officials had probably gone for a short time.”

“So had the stairs,” Enjolras said icily. “I eventually found them stuffed in a half filled wine bottle, in a box of torn shrouds, in a box labeled, ‘General Lamarque’s Sunday Cravats.’”

Javert shrugged. Quite a sight, considering he was still lying on his side in the mud. “That does not concern me. My only wish is for you to and your fellow students to remove yourselves and this barricade from my property.” He fixed his cold gray eyes on Enjolras. “And if you are wise, you will not pursue this ‘rebellion’ thing any farther. ”

Enjolras’s eyes suddenly took on a clouded, far-away look. “I think not, Inspector. The people will not stand for this injustice forever.”

Javert scoffed. “Spare me your doctrines on the injustice of society,” he retorted, with a certain amount of contempt.

Enjolras suddenly decided that he had quite enough abuse of this sort. “Inspector Javert, do you have any idea how much it would bother me if we built this barricade right over the top of you?”

Javert looked up. “No, why?”

“None at all!” Enjolras spat.

Go on to part 2

Contact the author:nudge@lkdllink.net