I've transcribed the parts where James actually spoke the most. This is not an entire transcript.. as you'll notice most calls were not included. James was quiet for almost all calls. I also was not able to get the last half hour of the show, but I did catch it on a car radio and I didn't here him say anything that was incredibly special. Though it would have been nice to have.

And note.. that "Kristen" The caller is actually me.. Darla. The Only person who actually asked James A Question.. Plus I got grilled, mocked, made fun of and joked all in a matter of a few minutes..Sad huh?

Adam: Tonight James Marsters is our guest.He is..uh, Spike--what the hell is that?-- from Buffy the Vampire Slayer

James: (Muffled) Hello

Adam: I told Drew I was ... see Drew and I are both tired tonight for different reasons: Drew is tired because he's been working and has been up for a long time. And I'm tired because I woke up from a nap 40 minutes ago and am a little disoriented.

Drew: And I'm pissed.

Adam: And Drew is pissed (laughs) are you jealous of my napping schedule?

Drew: You bet. I'd say it's full blown envy.

Adam: Let me tell everyone something, I used to. I use to apologize for my napping until I "Literally" became a millionaire. LITERALLY. literally (James laughs)I did you know. When you're poor you have to apologize for napping you see.. you know, people call you at 4 in the afternoon when you're taking a nap 'ohh ohh..No, I mean, yeah, but I was.. I was pulling an all nighter -- I was working a triple shift, grave yard, swing shift .. and uh, uh, Phil couldn't make it in so I had to pull his shift.' And uh, but when you're 'literally' a millionaire. Literally, Like myself now, I nap all God damn day and laugh like a hyena. I answer the door in my bath robe at 4 in the afternoon

Drew: How.. how dare you.

Adam: Yeah, *laughs* that's what I say , because people think 'well he must be some kind of genius if he can nap.'

James: You should be an actor, just as part of the parcel of the whole business, you can sleep till 2. Yeah.

Adam: I should. Do you nap James?

James: Yes I do. Ever since I moved down to Los Angeles, I was a theatre actor, but I've embraced Sloth and Ignorance. I'm a happy man now. It used to bother me.

Adam: Good. Well, ignorance was something I had a long time ago, that was something I always embraced, but the Sloth part was something I hadn't really.. Fully immersed myself in until recently.

James: Just give in to it. Just give up ambition and just roll.

Adam: That's what I do.

James: You know, till someone calls you, be passive with your life.

Adam: You, know. That's what I say to Drew all the time. 'Figure out exactly what you wanna do in life..and then nap.' (James Laughs)

Drew: Well, you always forget that step.

Adam: ohh! ohh Masturbate

All three of them: And then nap.

James: much better napping.

Adam: tonight it came in a slightly different order...uh.. That's another story. One thing I do have to do though, is I .. speaking of sloth and ignorance. I have to set my clock that's in my bedroom...

Drew: Your egg timer.

Adam: for the current time ... not my egg timer, my actual clock, digital clock, cause I still have not moved it ahead-or moved it back.

Drew: that takes great initiative.

Adam: it does take some doing. Here's my point-here's my point.. I'm good with it because I know it's an hour off. except for after a really hellacious nap and I'm disoriented, you know what I'm talking about?

James: Yeah.. yeah, you're gonna catch it someday. I think it's going to get you.

Adam: And when you're doing a radio show, it's really freaky. Because you wake up and it says '9:49 PM' and you're thinking 'holy Christ, I've missed the show.'But here I am. Isn't it great.

James: even sadder, i have a very fancy kind of clock with it's own button for daylight saving

Drew: ohh ohh.. That's lazy

James: (laughs) I feel so guilty for using it.. like I'm an idiot.

Adam: ohhhhhh! *groans* I'll give you five thousand dollars... no ten thousand dollars! I'll have Iswaldo bring ten thousand dollars to your home so I may obtain that clock.

Drew: Suddenly you've become Thurston Howell.

Adam: Drew! I'll give you fifteen hundred to be quiet! (James laughs)And all you people, a thousand apiece to laugh. Okay? Very well! run along!

Drew: I know you've been working -- you were telling me you were installing a latrine. We spoke to you yesterday.

Adam: hmm.. oh yes yes, I'm putting a urinal in my bathroom.

James: (enthusiastic) Good for you!

Adam: Yes, my new party house I'm building. Three urinals! Three urinals!

James: Thank you!

Drew: With dividers?

Adams: uhh yes.. divisions, unlike the LA airport.

James: okay..

Adam: and let me tell you something, when you walk into a man's garage you see a floor hoist, you see an impact wrench. You see a table saw that runs off of two hundred and twenty volts with a beezmyer(?), uh, fence on it that goes up to 54 inches, then you see a urinal coming out of the wall and you go 'this guy is all man. I will never F around with this guy,' A urinal in the garage everyone.

James: *laughs* Don't put the ice in the urinal though, man.

Adam: No, only when I throw parties.

James: Okay

Adam: All right, lets talk about-who did we just have on here from Buffy the Vampire Slayer?

Drew: The women.. girl.

James: Amber

Adam: Crazy... Oh yeah, Amber, the virgin.

James: Yeah. You made her say Vaginal Stimulation? She was talking to you about that?

Drew: In front of her mom. In front of her mom.

James: She was quite proud of that though, We gave her.. enormous amounts of props for that.

Adam: She brought her mom in here. Which is always a bad idea. (laughs) .. Yeah, so we plugged the hell out of the show, but what episode is coming up this Tuesday? We'll do specific plugging.

James: This, uh, Tuesday is all about ME and MY feelings and what I'M doing, no it's, yeah (laughs) It's a crossover episode between Buffy and Angel and we're going back in time about 120 years to a point where Angel and Spike, Drusilla and Darla all kinda hooked up.

Adam: Wow.

James: Yeah, and we're going to find out stuff about Spike that no ones known before.

Adam: Really? like.. You don't wanna give it away?

James: NO... We'll say.. for sexual preference we'll just leave it at that.

Adam: Tune it Tuesday at 8:00 on the WB.. and you'll find out if Spike's gay or

Caller: I was wondering the side effects of Shrooms.

Drew: I except to see the same kinds of problems from Mushrooms that we see from LSD and Ecstasy. Possibly. But I've not seen it, So I can't honestly say that I definitely happens...I think the reason I have not seen it is people don't do alot of mushrooms. They taste like hell.. they're grown in cow pies..and they kick the crap out of you.

Adam: Yeah, Drew, think of it this way, you spread cow crap on everything that grows.

Drew: and you eat?

Adam: Yeah, broccoli, you know manure, manure is everything. Fish guts. so there's your logic. Thank you. Thank you. Who's the genius here.

James: Stand up for the mushroom, man. Defend that thing.

Adam: *silence*.. I was thinking about me High School.

Drew: Yeah.. and is that what you did?

Adam: I didn't do alot.

Drew: You took notes?

Adam: I didn't take notes either, I didn't get laid, I didn't do any drugs. I was honing my napping craft back then. So it was time well spent. James had you begun napping in High School?

James: uh.. yeah. I'm a big sleeper. I LOVE to sleep.

Adam: I like to think of it this way: When didn't I nap? I think there was a summer between the 4th and 5th grade where I wasn't napping.

James: There's nothing sweeter than an hour free where you can just lay down. You and your pillow. You know, I love my pillow. All four of them. I don't have a favorite pillow.

Drew: This some sort of torture for me tonight? Is that the deal?

Adam: You wish you napped today don't you Drew.

Drew: I wish I had any kind of sleep.

Adam: Well, Drew, you nap during the show.Kristen? You're 16.

Kristen: Hello? Uh yeah, Adam, I wanted to say, you're a god, even though you don't believe in God.

Adam: No, no, I believe myself as a god. That's the difference. I'm an atheist only when it comes to other people's gods. Not myself though.

Kristen: well, James

James: Yeah,

Kristen: Uh, I saw you on the Late Late Show on Friday, which I have you say your accents were very good.

James: *laughs* well, thank you

Kristen: I actually wanted to know..

Adam: Now the Late Late Show.. is the.. later show?

Kristen: Craig Kilborn

Drew: Kilborn.

Adam: Oh, is that called the Late Late Show? I thoughtit was called the Late Show.

James and Drew: that's Letterman.

Kristen: Letterman's the late show, Kilborn is the late late.

James: It sounded better than the "VERY Late show"

Adam: "You're Sleeping Show"

James: "It's Too Late"

Kristen: Way too late..

Adam: so go ahead., I'm sorry Kristen.

Kristen: The girl made me make up a question and so uhm.. What do you think of your fanbase online?

James: I think they're actually really cool! I gotta say it, I think the people who watch Buffy tend to be drawn towards good writing, frankly. They're not *pause* they're not watching some of the other shows that are available...uh.. But yeah, they tend to be very gracious, they tend to be very kind. give me a nice compliment and kind of make[s] me feel good and then that's about it. I don't have a computer- I don't like to get into it that much 'cause is can screw with your head a little.

Adam: ohh.. you don't? We could hang .. You like napping?

(laughter)

James: I've got a guitar, napping, guitar and uh..playstation.

Drew: You have a computer. A very expensive computer you just don't use it.

James: Same thing.

Adam: I know, it's a 3 thousand dollar coaster.

James: It's not ignorance. I'm just standing up for my right to be uninformed.

Adam: Hey, Kristen, you said our screener told you to make up a question, was that it?

Kristen: Basically. I just wanted to say that if you ever get online, James, to check out Jamesmarsters.com without any hyphens or anything. It's the best website for you out there ... so I'm basically plugging the girl who runs it right now. *laughs*

James: Thank you, yeah! You know, there's alot of unofficial websites, and I think. Go To, man. It's just great, you know, I like the unofficial ones. They just STEAL those photographs, I think it's COOL.

Kristen: You posted on the buffy.com posting board recently.. and..

James: yeah!

Adam: Okay, Kristen, How over weight are you, honey?

Kristen: Huh? ohh.. I'm only like 120, I don't know.

Adam: You three foot tall?

Kristen: No I'm 5'9" very skinny

Adam: What bad skin? what's going on?

Kristen: Nothing! *laughs*

Adam: Why are you camped out in from of the computer so much?

Kristen: Nothing I'm just I'm homeschooled I'm 16..

Adam: ohh.. doh.. ohh!

Kristen: 'ohh ohh!' I'm not religious though.

Adam: Doh!! I know, it just always means crazy mom with that whole homeschool thing.

Kristen: Oh, she's a little crazy, but uh..

Adam: I replace home and school with crazy mom..

James: now.. Wait wait

Adam: I swear to Christ.. if i hear the words home and school ..I just ... in my mind, it 'flip' crazy. mom. Those are the two words. just quick replacement. Right? Kristen? Crazy Mom?

Drew: It's sort of been the pattern on this show

Kristen: Yeah, actually I don't live with her though, I live with my dad. and I'm about to graduate. I get to graduate two years early because of home schooling.

Adam: ohh.. Yeah sure, listen, I would have graduated my kids when they were four 'yeah! go out, hit the pavement, get yourself a job, you've got your degree.'

Kristen: I'm gonna do computer classes and uh...

Adam: *laughs* wait a minute, how do you graduate early from home schooling?

Kristen: You take a GED if you..

Adam: oh, Drew you could have passed that in 6th grade.

Kristen: Yeah, you can pass that whenever. If you're homeschooled for 5 years straight at least, - I've been homeschool all my life - then you can take the GED when you're 16 and start college classes when you're 16 as well, so I'm gonna do computers...

James: okay, so you're homeschooled, Who is Charles De Gaulle?

Kristen: huh? I am not that awake.. Oh, God, that was mean.

James: *laughs* Testing her

Adam: Hey, uh have you seen daylight? Have you been outdoors?

Kristen: Yeah, I was just out today..

Adam: Oh! for the first time? What's wrong with your mom that you're homeschooled?

Kristen: mmm.. nothing, they just didn't like the schools here. They suck.

Drew: What city are you in?

Kristen: I'm in *************, VA

Adam: Right, and uh.. well everyone knows that school system over there.

Kristen: Completely opposite coasts..

Adam: I see.. now how are your parents qualified to be homeschool teachers?

Kristen: I don't know.. my dad is a psychology major and I don't know what my mom is..but uh.. But I guess, basically now we teach ourselves.

Adam: And you get up.. like what time would to have to be at 'school' when you're homeschooled?

Kristen: Well, uh, we can get up at like 9:30 or 10:00 and we only have to study for 3 or 4 hours 'cause we don't have all that extra crap from public school, since they just keep you there to babysit you.

Drew: Extra crap, like science and math?

Kristen: no, extra crap like PE and all that stuff.

Adam: Well she didn't have the actor that played Labow from Hogen's Heroes give an assembly speech about the Holocaust like I got .. so this is one important facet of schooling she missed out on. And probably alot of ceramic classes I took she didn't take at home.

Drew: Does not know how to do a coil pot.

Adam: I'm guessing she doesn't .. oh what is it. Why.. okay , I don't want to freak her out to much, but. 'Honey, we're going to graduate you two years early because uh, momma got a job *laughs*..' it's like. On one hand I learned nothing in school. It was a complete waste of time on the other hand, I learned how to mold other people into the shape I'd like them to be..

Drew: there would have been no flinging at home.

Adam: No.

James: Oh, it's just a great way to start a party. I mean you know, socializing at school. How are you going to make friends and learn how to..

Adam: Right! How are you going to negotiate? What is life? What is work? I mean half of it is the work and the other is the networking and who you get along with and who you know. And that whole sorta social aspect of it which I gotta believe is sorta hard to learn.

Alright.. James Marsters is here from Buffy the Vampire Slayer.

Adam: Nancy? You're 21?

Nancy: Yeah..

Adam: Oh well, we gotta go, The Man Show is on.

Soundbyte: Best show on television, The Man Show

Adam: Oh, yes. The best show on television, so says..

James: Hey! I thought.. we--no..wait

Adam: Buffy the Vampire Slayer

James: It's the best NIGHT on Television

Adam: That's right.

James: It's a whole different thing.

Adam: Yeah! It is Loveline. I'm Adam Carrola this is Dr Drew over there, phone number 1-800-love-191 James Marsters is our guest tonight. He is uh - Spike the Vampire on 'Buffy the Vampire Slayer' Tuesday nights on the dubba-dubba-dubba-dubba-dubba-dubba-dubba WB

James: No, no, don't do the frog thing, It's never really worked out.

Adam: It's too late. Oh, It didn't work out?

James: I don't know

Adam: I lost alot of money on that, Drew

Drew: What was his name?

James: Oh, God, what was his name? Clarence The Frog? I don't know.

Adam: Uhh, Bad Promo McBlowMe or something? I can't remember..

James: Yeah..

Adam: Remember the 'dubba-dubba-dubba'

Drew: 'Blow Me' was that what you told the producers when they asked you to do the 'dubba-dubba-dubba'(James Laughs)

Adam: We actually ..

James:(laughs) You're not going to go over to the Dub?

Adam: Well, no, no, what happened was: many many years ago, uh, Loveline was a syndicated show. The TV show was going to be syndicated by like, Fox. Before MTV, like a year before that. It's a long story. We went to some affiliate in Chicago, and it would have been on the WB in Chicago..

Drew: Yeah

Adam: And we had to do these little, you know, commercials for it and they'd say uh 'hey! watch Loveline on Chicago's Dubba-dubba-dubba-dubba-dubba-dubba WB' And I was saying to the guy, 'Fella's, this is a horrid, horrid, HORRID, horrid horrid horrid horrid Idea this 'dubba-dubba-dubba-dubba WB' (laughter) It was brand new at the time and they were like 'we gotta do it' and I'd go: 'Is it Dubba-dubba-WB or is it Dubba-dubba-dubba-dubba WB' and they'd go 'no it's dubba-dubba-dubba-dubba-dubba-dubba' and then like some guy would say 'no, there's two extra dubba's in there'

James: No, it's not three dubba's it's a sixlit.

Adam: It's six dubba

Drew: They had a card, remember, it was the number of dubba's

Adam: It'd be six dubba's but a good beat in-between the 4th and the 5th dubba. and I was like 'this is dubba-retarded' and I was saying, Drew, and I wish everyone would just listen to me, and you big pussy you never back me up on any of these things.

Drew: Back then I didn't know you were such a genius. Be real, be real. nor were you not yet a millionaire.

Adam: I would.. no Literally.

James: Literally you were not.

Adam: Because I yelled, we yelled, I yelled at publicist when we were doing something called 'media training' when you had to 'learn' to talk to the media as retarded and as awaste of time.

James: (laughing) What do they tell you in a class like that?

Adam: Oh my god, they have stuff called media training, where you learn how to answer questions. 'This is not uh, kids calling in.. it's young adults calling in. Never say kids. Never say kids. Say young adult. And Drew, so help me Christ, I stood up and said this is a big waste of all our time

Drew: No, no, be fair now, what you did was we were doing these little test sessions on camera.

Adam: Before that

Drew: And the guy says uh 'how do you feel about being attacked for uh, you know, difficult content on your show? And Adam goes 'how do I feel?! You want to know how I feel,' And what did you say? I can't remember.. I think you told him to kiss your ass

Adam: Uhh.. I used the S word a couple of times .. I knew it was a waste of time even though I'd been out of construction a week and I said 'this is a waste of time you idiots'

James: Well what do you.. what a boring radio show if you had taken their advice? Can you imagine?

Adam: This is for the TV, for the TV when the TV was gonna be on the syndicated circuit, but anyway, there's many a bad idea I've smelt, coming down the pipe, Drew's never backed me up on any of them I'm always left floating out in the wind on these things looking like an idiot

Drew: Adam, you need a brain vacation (James laughs)

Adam: How dare you! That's another horrible idea, oh my god, oh! The horrible ideas, and see, here's the thing everybody. I had never done a TV show before, I had barely done a radio show, I was barely doing anything. So I was sitting with people who had a collective 250 years TV experience around a board room table trying to tell them this was a horrible idea and I was like this guy who just got off the bus. And Drew would not back me up ONE IOTA!

Drew: I had just gotten off the bus with ya.

Adam: I know, but you've got no guts, man. You've got no instinct I said to those people at 'Neimen, Cafferelli and Blowme' that S-hole (James laughing)

Drew: hey hey hey..

Adam: oh please! Screw them! They do nothing those bottom feeding leech publicists..all you wretched horrible people, all of you. I told all you idiots.

James: Except for my publicist who got me this gig tonight which I love dearly.

Adam: Right, they're wonderful. But I told them this was a colossal waste of time when we did it on a Saturday, and I want my life back, they owe me four hours for wasting my time -- media training -- this is what you guys get when you sit at home and watch Entertainment Tonight. A bunch of crap that has been passed through a media sieve by a bunch of idiots who call themselves publicists

Drew: How about the brain vacation.

Adam: ohh.. ohh oh!! duhh.. buh! But Drew, you let me hang. Being a trouble maker. 'everyone listen to me' Thank You.