Chiox, Part 8
Ruka looked up into her face…she always felt faintly uncomfortable when he gazed on her like that. She wondered what he was seeing, what he was thinking in his deepest thoughts, even though he always kept his words casual. “Unfortunately I do not think that it can be helped. I seem to recall you telling me he hadn’t wanted to challenge Tenjou either but he did” They were friends as well. It was worrisome, would it put a rift in their friendship if she defeated him so viciously? And she would have to defeat him. There was no question of that.
“And if he still has feelings for the Bride, as innocent as those are they will only be twisted and used against him and yourself.” Ah yes there was young love to worry about on top of it all. So sad how such innocence could be twisted into such vile posion at the hands of the Ends of the World.
“Should you have to fight him do not hold back,” Juri frowned, did he think she would? “though I know you will not. I would only hope that the wound in your friendship would heal shortly. But that will be a while coming I am sure.” Juri wasn’t so sure…the duels seemed more erratic towards the end and harder to predict.
A careless smile touched his lips, how long had it been since he seemed to smile without making a great effort to do so? Whatever new treatment they were giving him, it seemed to be doing wonders. “I only wish I could be there to watch you wipe that smirk from Kiryuu’s face when you defeat him.” His icy fingers covered hers like blanket of snow. So cold, always, “He needs to be brought down a few rungs from his social ladder and I think you could be just the one to do it.”
Juri returned his smile with a little less than her usual caution. “I would take great pleasure in it, believe me. I’ll see what I can do about pulling him down a few pegs. In the mean time, you concentrate on getting well. Don’t worry about the duels so much.” She could tell he’d been thinking of her chances and the difficulties she would run into with the other duelists. As gently as she could she dislodged her hand from underneith his, she wished he wouldn’t do that. It was easier for her to reach for him, she felt in control. When he touched her he was coming from an entirely different set of thoughts and feelings, wasn’t it? She didn’t like to think about it.
“ I’ll be fine, you’ve taught me well. Who knows, by the time I face Touga you may be well enough to see it.” She hoped he would be, it would be nice if her sensei could see at least one of these duels she triumphed in. And she would continue to do so. Her eyes landed on the blue roses, her hand brushed them gently…imposters. “These don’t look as nicely as they did yesterday…perhaps I’ll bring you some different ones next time,” she said half-absently. Turning her gaze from the roses she stood and nodded to him, trying to be blind to the disappointment on his face? Leaving so soon? Yes…yes she didn’t like to be reminded of all that she had to overcome, all that was riding on her winning now that she had made the decision to continue in earnest. “I should go now, I told the Bride I would be back in an hour. I’ll see you soon.” She nodded to him and made her way out.
***
Juri opened the door to her dorm and was disturbed to hear that…ChuChu…thing… whining and carrying on somewhere. Honestly. Did Anthy neglect to feed it or lock it in somewhere? She wasn’t going to take care of it for her.
“Himemiya?” Juri called into the otherwise quiet dorm. Was she still at her damned brother’s? Noticing the sliced carrots, she deduced that the Bride had to be home, perhaps in her room –
The cries of Anthy’s ‘friend’ grew louder and more frenzied. Sighing, Juri set down her keys and walked in the direction of the sound, perhaps it was locked in the bathroom?
No. It was trying with all its might to squish its chubby little self underneath the bathroom door, and failing that was crying and pounding uselessly on the door with its tiny little fists. Juri felt her heart leap into her throat as she dashed towards the door, it was only a stupid animal, wasn’t it? Not taking any chances Juri threw open the door—
Red rivers flooding down the Bride’s arm, the silver glint of the knife poised… “HIMEMIYA!” she screamed, rushing in and making a grab at the hand with the knife before it could do any more damage.
“ANTHY!” Juri clenched her fingers around the other woman’s wrist, grappling for control of the knife. Glasses’ caught in the light’s glare, the Bride turned at last to look at her. Juri’s eyes widened further, she recoiled instinctually, loosing her grip on Anthy’s wrist. For a split such unfathomable hatred burned in the Bride’s eyes Juri thought she was going to plunge the knife into her instead
In a flash it was gone, Juri took the second to reach for the Bride’s hand again, her fingers slick with blood as she struggled to get a firm grip.
“DROP IT!” Juri ordered, her fingers at last clenched tightly around the Bride’s wrist. “DROP IT NOW!” Shaking the Bride’s limp hand, the bloodied knife at last clattered to the tile floor. Anthy stumbled against Juri a little and Juri sank with her to the ground, kicking the knife out of harm’s way.
Now that the immediate danger of the sharp object was gone Juri had to contend with the wounds Anthy had already inflected, all of them seeping blood in awful quantities. Frantically Juri pulled the nearest towel off the rack and wrapped it around the Bride’s mangled arm, pressing with all her strength. The Bride cried out but Juri held her arm firmly. “Don’t flex your arm like that!” she snapped hoarsely, distressed to find her own voice was barely cooperating. “You’ll make it worse….” The towel turned a disgustingly vivid and damp red beneath Juri’s shaking fingers. Gods..gods no….what could she do it wouldn’t stop!
All this time that damned ChuChu was running around the bathroom in a complete frenzy, making high pitched distress sounds. Juri caught it by the scruff of its neck and held it up to her face. “Listen,” she hissed shakily, “get the phone from my bed table! Do you understand me?” The little thing nodded its head so hard it looked as though it would snap off. Juri released it and quicker than she would have thought imaginable it returned with the phone. Taking a calming breath as she dialed Juri explained the situation as calmly and quickly as she could.
Turning it off, Juri sighed with perverse relief, leaned against the bathtub and put her free hand down on the floor in a pool of blood. She ripped it out again and sat bolt up right. At least some one else was on the way, somewhere else she could place this awful responsibility. The Bride’s head had been slowly sinking while Juri was talking and now her eyelids fluttered closed. Juri shook her, terror creeping into her tone. “Himemiya…Anthy…stay with me...”
The Bride attempted to lift her head up as ordered but all too soon it was sinking again…no…no she couldn’t fall asleep...”Gomen nasaii, Juri-sama...” she said weakly before her eyes drifted shut again.
“NO!” Juri shook her again, more sluggishly Anthy opened her eyes. “Don’t…just…stay awake... That’s an order.” She wasn’t allowed to disobey them, was she?
So quiet…dammit where was that emergency crew!? Nothing but the sound of dripping, Juri wrapped another towel around the injured arm, still the red crept through…Juri started to shake, bit her lip…this wasn’t a time to panic..but gods…gods what if they were too late… what happened if the Bara no Hanayome died in her arms?
***
She had finally worked up enough strength to continue her experiment, pulling her head up, but it was difficult to find a place where she had not cut along on her arm…it was hard to see beneath the bothersome blood that covered the dark flesh from her sight. There was a numb feeling to her arm, more then usual…a pounding, it felt hot though the rest of her body felt undeniably cold…as if her arm was leeching the heat from her body.
“HIMEMIYA!” A scream penetrated her thoughts no…no just a little more, she could make it hurt this time…perhaps it she stabbed it, it would hurt more, but no. “ANTHY!” Fingers tightened around her other arm and pulled her to her feet, she didn’t know the swords had fingers…to grip her with…to torment her further. No, not sword. She looked up and gazed hatefully into the wretched face, she wanted her knife! Why wouldn’t they leave her be! She resituated the knife, she would deal with this….with….Juri-sama…
It rushed back to her, what she was doing, the blood coursing down her arm, ChuChu’s shrill cries for his mistress. Oh…gods…
“DROP IT!” Pressure on her wrist, but she wouldn’t let it go, couldn’t get her fingers to unfurl. “DROP IT NOW!” At last the knife clattered to the ground and whatever energy she had found was rushing away now and her body slumped, leaning against the strong shoulder of her victor…she felt faint, she felt cold and her lungs did not want to take in air. She was vaguely aware of pressure on her arm, Juri trying to staunch the blood. She looked around, so much blood…and it was all hers…she heard Juri order her to do something…oh…she relaxed her arm…what had she done? It was slowly dawning on her what could have happened and what still could happen, and guilt seized her, Akio. Onii-sama…she was failing him, a failure to him…if she died then he would have to bear the swords…gods…she felt so tired, her vision was spotty and her head swam.
“Himemiya…Anthy…stay with me...” Juri’s voice came to her, worried edge with weariness and panic.
“Gomen nasaii, Juri-sama...” She managed to utter. She would not be able to obey her, though she tried her damndest, faintly realizing that if she did fall asleep she might not wake. She had not meant this as insult to her as a victor…she would not want Juri to feel badly about this.
“NO!” No? She tried again…she was tired…so tired of everything, her body was tired, her soul…ached… “Don’t…just…stay awake... That’s an order.”
An order…but couldn’t she rest just a little bit…She was tired and they had traveled so far. She felt like a sacrifice being let to the mountains summit…let her rest a bit, they were close she knew, but she needed to catch her breath and she knew that as soon as she was sacrificed at the summit…she would awaken at the bottom of the mountain, only to be led through the procession again…carried and pushed up the rough mountain trail…to be sacrificed all over again. She was Sisiphus and Ipheginia in one.
At last the Emergency crew arrived and she felt faint panic as the familiarity of Juri was torn from her and strange hands took her, laid her down and began doing irritating things to her arm. They wrapped it so tight. She shivered and a new voice began to tell her the same things that Juri had told her. Stay awake, stay with them…but she didn’t have to listen to them, they were not her victor. She could hear someone barraging her champion with questions somewhere away from her. Something covered her mouth and cool fresh air forced itself into her. She was being moved now and she could hear so many voices and in turn felt blade upon blade as students crowded the hall of the dorm to see what was going on…so many people…too many people. She made a small cry, wanted them to all go away…leave her in peace. Panicked tears ebbed at her eyes as sword upon sword skewered, panic driven, through her soul until finally the blackness had forced itself upon her and she embraced it eagerly.
***
She was both in and outside herself in the hazy dream. She could see her body held up by the swords, and at the same time she felt them, the steady stream of metal coursing through her, the continuous grating sound of one blade forced against another as they seemed to line up, waiting their turn at her. She could see the goings on of the world from where she was pinioned, or at least what it chose to show her, she usually had to watch her actions…over and over, as she faced the throng of people to announce that the prince was dead.
“Stop it…onegai…” she cried to the visions, “Onegai!” And other times she begged for forgiveness…anything to end her suffering, but there were no benevolent gods. Not for her.
“Oji-sama…” she whispered, stirring beneath the blankets placed upon her to keep her once shivering body warm. Vaguely she became aware of noise, a rhythmic beep that seemed synonymous with her own heartbeat. It was difficult but she slowly opened her eyes, squinting them at the bright light of the hospital room and closing them again…waiting. “Onii-sama?” another soft cry. She opened her eyes again, another few moments. She realized that she did not wear her own things, her glasses had been removed and her hair was splayed out beneath her. Her arm throbbed and she slowly turned her head to look at it, covered in white gauze up to the elbow.
“Himemiya?”
Anthy turned her head slowly and saw Juri in the chair next to her, a closed magazine in her lap. “Juri-sama? Gomen nasaii Juri-sama,” she said softly, “Gomen nasaii…I did not mean to be such a bother, we can go now if you like, I was being foolish, gomen…” she looked away from the penetrating green eyes, she attempted to push herself up so that she could sit but her body was still weak and she only ended up staring at the ceiling, catching her breath.
Her lost hope…and now she still lived…she would still have to trek up the mountain and lay upon the altar in silence. No more struggles from the sacrifice…no more trying to fall down the hill…she would go quietly. The sigh that escaped her lips was shaky and she closed her eyes, a tear escaping her eyes and making a trail on her dark flesh.
***
Juri flipped through the magazine without reading anything for about the 10th time…they said she would be alright… but why wouldn’t she wake up? Sighing Juri shut the magazine and leaned forward in the plastic vinyl chair, trying to get more comfortable, and watched the shallow breath of the Bride…how much time did she spend in this place?
“Stop it…onegai…” Weakly the whispers slipped from between the Bride’s parched lips, “Onegai!” Juri frowned, at least she was alive, then, waking up. But who was she telling to stop, what was she seeing?
This evening was a complete disaster… how had it looked, walking out of that dorm drenched in blood. There would probably be rumors circulating tomorrow that she tried to kill her. They all thought she was scary, anyway. And when the Council found out…gods. Juri massaged the bridge of her nose, trying futilely to ward off a headache. The meeting tomorrow would be an Inquisition. And they certainly wouldn’t take the Bride’s word for what happened. They wouldn’t think her worthy of keeping Bride anymore. This was just the perfect excuse Touga was looking for to swoop down, accuse her and attempt to take the prize of the Revolution away… when he himself probably would have let the Bride bleed to death. Or perhaps not, he cared for his skin too much and with her brother watching over him he might’ve felt scared enough to attempt to save her...
“Oji-sama…” What Prince was she calling on? Juri frowned. Probably Tenjou. Didn’t try to slit her wrists around her precious Utena-sama, did she, thought the current Victor bitterly. “Onii-sama?” Oh her brother. ...Juri wondered where he was surely he had been contacted?
The Bride seemed to be coming to consciousness. “Himemiya?” She offered as gently as she could.
With aching slowness the Bride turned her head and her eyes finally focused. “Juri-sama? Gomen nasaii Juri-sama” Juri sighed inwardly. That didn’t begin to account for it, “Gomen nasaii…I did not mean to be such a bother, we can go now if you like, I was being foolish, gomen…” Foolish and selfish and thoughtless…Juri watched as she tried to sit up but collapsed back on the bed, panting from the effort. Well. It wasn’t the time to go through all that, anyway. A single tear trickled down Anthy’s cheek. Juri blinked and when she opened her eyes again it was gone. Impossible, it must have been a trick of the light. She wasn’t supposed to react like that.
“You’ll stay here for tonight at least. You need to rest and replenish your strength before you can go anywhere,” Juri ordered.
“Hai, Juri-sama.” Dutifully the Bride shut her eyes to rest as she had been instructed to do, although her voice lacked something of its usual automated tone.
Juri stared at the seemingly serene mask a long moment, longing to give into the resentment and anger that gnawed at her, smoldering. She hadn’t asked for this! She’d be labeled worse than Saionji now for the seeming neglect that lead the Bride to this sort of action. None of the Duelists would look at her as trustworthy again, how could the little wench dare to and ruin her reputation, her trustworthiness so…. And what if she had died? How could she do this to her?
Keeping her emotions in check, Juri continued to watch the dark mask, wondering how just hours ago those dead eyes had been able to express such unadulterated hatred… and now, produced a tear. What could it mean? Hatred could be an animal response, but the betraying tear was all too human. Juri wondered how many secrets she was trying to hide behind all those cuts. How many lies were the Ends of the World and Touga feeding them all?
“Perhaps it is I who should be asking your forgiveness,” Juri said at last, the Bride’s eyes snapping open again at the words. “Perhaps you were better off with your Utena, she seemed a noble sort for all I belittled her. And surely you were happier with her.” Juri stared at her eyes a long moment, no they still seemed empty..any less so now? “Are you so very miserable with me that it lead you to this?” Juri didn’t think she had been neglecting her, but she had been, obviously. She hadn’t realized, she hadn’t taken Miki’s warning. Trouble did follow the Bride, and she seemed to create herself. As it was the Bride’s duty do follow this wishes of the Victor, in turn it was the Victor’s duty to protect the Bride from harm, even from herself. Juri had failed in that. Perhaps it would be best if she were taken away then. Children were taken from parents who couldn’t care for them after all.
***
Juri told her to rest, saying nothing more. She was thankful for the moment, to not have to be berated, certainly there was anger at her in those eyes, why shouldn’t there be? But she was right about sleeping, or at least resting. She was tired…but then blood loss did that to one didn’t it? It was a bad thing…at least for the living. A bad thing then for her? She did not want to sleep though…almost feared it, for in sleep lay the swords, or the possibility. Would she be forced to see those visions again? Not that she didn’t project them herself…she was good at that…seeing the same thing over and over…changing it…wondering how things could have been different.
“Perhaps it is I who should be asking your forgiveness,” Juri said, her voice permeating Anthy’s thoughts. Her eyes opened but she kept them focused on the ceiling. “Perhaps you were better off with your Utena, she seemed a noble sort for all I belittled her. And surely you were happier with her.” She…had been. So much happier. But should she have been? In all honesty should she have been happy?
“Are you so very miserable with me that it lead you to this?”
Anthy faltered and she turned her head to look at Juri. She opened her mouth to release another apology but instead she said, “No.” She looked away, wishing she had the wire rim glasses to protect her eyes, to hide behind but she did not, and she was to tired to mold every muscle of her face in such away as to keep her thoughts from being seen. “I…would have done it no matter the victor. It was the time…certainly Saionji-sempaii was worse,” beating her as he had… “It was not you,” she closed her eyes, “It was the prospect of starting over again…I should not have reacted in such a way. This is my duty after all…I was wrong to do such a thing and you will suffer for it…gomen nasaii…” she turned her head again staring at the ceiling, her eyes squeezed shut. He would suffer for it…what she had felt…the swords were swarming back to her.
“It is probably better this way though,” she mused quietly, “It is better that you have defeated her…else I would have continued to place my hope in her only to see her fail at the very end…which is worse then this,” then why did she feel so miserable for it? ‘You’ll be a normal girl Himemiya! “…fool…she’s better off this way too…” she turned her head and studied Juri for a moment, “Hope if cruel…isn’t it?”
***
Juri waited, expecting the placating apologies. No of course Juri-sama its not you fault. Soothing nothings, as placating as if she were talking to some child. She’d never know the truth. The Bride would tell her only what she wanted to hear. “No.” She said the word with such conviction Juri looked up and caught her eye. Holding her gaze, Juri looked back into those eyes, soulless... not quite. She sounded so sure of her words, not the meaningless drivel she normally spoke in. “I…would have done it no matter the victor. It was the time…” Then why now? “Certainly Saionji-sempaii was worse.” Juri would like to think so but what was so different about this time? “It was not you.” Something in her oddly indisputable tone made Juri believe it. “It was the prospect of starting over again…” What did she mean? That the duels had been reset? “I should not have reacted in such a way. This is my duty after all…I was wrong to do such a thing and you will suffer for it…gomen nasaii…” Hating the almost prophetic tone the Bride used Juri frowned deeply…but it was true she would suffer, wouldn’t she? All the questions she would face, all the inadequate answers.
“It is probably better this way though,” Himemiya continued in a resigned tone. “It is better that you have defeated her…” Was it? Juri wondered. Undoubtedly Anthy wouldn’t have done this Utena. “...else I would have continued to place my hope in her only to see her fail at the very end…which is worse then this,” True, it was putting her meager faith in someone who would collapse at the end. But still this seemed so foreign, the Bride supposedly wasn’t supposed to have such belief, was she? “…fool…she’s better off this way too…” Her eyebrows raising in slight surprise Juri heard the resentment boil in Anthy’s tone. Calling her beloved Utena a fool. Was that just what Juri wanted to hear, was she reflecting her own sentiments back at her like a mirror? This sounded so genuine. Very odd.
The girl on the bed turned to look at her again, something fragile and childlike in the impenetrable stone of her gaze. “Hope if cruel…isn’t it?” What was the saying…abandon all hope, ye who enter here?
Unconsciously Juri clutched at the pendant which was... no longer there, of course. Foolish. “Hai. It is,” Juri confirmed stonily, staring off into the distance. Hadn’t she learned that lesson once? Why was she doing this, to herself, to the Bride… hope was a fleeting thing, inconstant, what right did she have to give it to Ruka? False hope, those painted blue flowers. “A sham we use to console ourselves, when it would save a lot of pain to accept the truth.” Accept it, Shiori wasn’t the same girl she loved. Accept it, Ruka was going to…die? No. No. She couldn’t think that. She mustn’t. “But sometimes it is the only thing that gets us through hard times.” For Anthy had lost it, it must have been hard times for her…to have the happiness snatched away… “So it has its place. A fitting testimony to how frail humanity truly is.” That such lies could keep them going when truth was too harsh to face. But the Bride wasn’t human…of course there were those on campus who said the same of Juri….how true was either judgement. She had seen the Bride’s humanity, the naked emotion in her eyes as she angled the knife…
“Himemiya,” she began after a moment, “I want to ask you. If it isn’t me, if you’re not that miserable, why do you--“ Hate me so much? Juri didn’t get to finish her sentence because the Ends of the World came into the hospital room.
His eyes landed on the Victor a second before stepping closer to the bed and turning his full attention on his sister. “Anthy…” His voice the rumble of distant thunder in the quiet room. The Bride’s eyes seemed to both brighten and tremble in his presence, as one might look on terrible but much loved god. It didn’t seem quite…normal for a sibling reaction but then these weren’t normal siblings. Unthinking Juri set her hand on top of Anthy’s dark one, just where the bandaging stopped.
The action seemed to draw the attention of Akio to her once again. “It seems there is some trouble with my sister…do you mind telling me what happened?” His voice was dangerously polite and Juri wondered faintly if this was the voice he used when he decided to make those who disobeyed the Code of the Rose disappear from the school. That was always an ominous warning but Juri never thought she would ever have to worry about it.
“I think perhaps Himemiya would tell it better than I. I wasn’t there when it happened after all,” Juri said as evenly as she could manage. She didn’t particularly like or trust the Dean after she found out his true identity, and suspected him of influencing Touga far too much in the course of the game.
Akio nodded, fine if she was not going to tell him he’d rather hear from Anthy anyway. “I’m sure you won’t mind leaving us alone to talk in that case?”
Juri’s hand remained where it was, her eyes meeting his unflinchingly…the man always had a mystique but now that she knew who he was she could almost see the power glinting in his eyes. “Of course,” she said with terse formality, removing her hand from Anthy’s at last. “I’ll be outside,” she said, more of a warning than anything else before making her way purposefully out of the room, shutting the door behind her.
Akio kept his eyes on Anthy’s face, as though he hadn’t even heard her, and continued to stare at her in silence a long moment after the door was shut. “I should have known something was wrong in the way you bid me farewell tonight,” he said at last, moving only his lips, his eyes still trained on hers with awful intensity. “I assume this has nothing substantially to do with Arisugawa’s treatment of you, does it?”
“No, onii-sama.” Anthy whispered meekly.
Slowly Akio sat down in the chair next to her bed and leaned closer, catching the faint twinkles of light in her eyes so he could hold them to himself, just as he held the twinkling of the planetarium stars in his palm. “Then I suggest you explain yourself, dear sister.”
***
Juri slid into another of those hideous chairs outside the room and let out a long sigh. Raking her fingers through her hair, she leaned back and attempted to relax. What if Anthy used this as an opportunity to get rid of her? The Ends of the World was, unfortunately both the Bride’s brother and the Dean. It was no secret the younger woman seemed to despise her utterly. Juri stared at her hands blankly in the faintly detached way people often looked at things when they were overtired and overstressed. Blue flickering florescent light caught the rose pattern on her dueling ring…would he take her signet from her? A negligent Victor?