DISSOLVE TO:
(The cafeteria on the third floor of the HoF. Drew walks out of the cafeteria, carrying nachos, talking over his shoulder to the others, who are following with various small snacks.)
DREW
All I need is to relax for a minute, guys. Then I'll be in a better mood, really.
(He begins to walk towards the wall with all the new postings on it, not noticing Colin standing there perusing the postings of upcoming events, staring with a grin at the information on the new Elvis Presley exhibit. Drew bumps into Colin, nachos flying everywhere, getting cheese dip on his own shirt.)
DREW
Hey!!
COLIN
Oh, I'm sorry ...
DREW
Why don't you watch where you're going?
COLIN
Well, actually, you bumped into me.
DREW
Yeah, well, you're standing in the middle of the hallway! Look at my shirt! And you made me drop my lunch! What were you trying to do?? Honestly, does anyone in this museum have any consideration for others?!?
(Drew continues to rant, face getting redder and redder. During this scene, loud music begins to crescendo and the scene slo-mo's as the camera flips from Drew's yelling face and Colin's apologetic and slightly fearful face, and shows Drew pushing Colin up against the wall as he moves closer and closer. Drew reaches out and sticks his finger in Colin's chest, and the music stops with a bang as Colin falls to the floor in a dead faint. Drew steps back, panicked.)
KATE
Drew!! What did you do to him?
DREW
(stammering)
I didn't do anything! I barely touched him!!
KATE
Well you must have done something! He collapsed, didn't he?
LEWIS
You killed a man, Drew!
DREW
He's not dead, Lewis.
LEWIS
Well, you gave him a heart attack or something! I'm outta here!
(Lewis runs off, leaving Drew standing, staring blankly at Colin on the floor. Oswald grabs him by the sleeve.)
OSWALD
Come on! Before we get in trouble!
(Oswald & Kate drag Drew off)
DREW
(fading as pulled away, sounding distraught)
But I didn't do anything!!
(As the three disappear, Debra runs from the cafeteria over to Colin. She's followed by Jessie, Serena, and Lori. They don't seem particularly concerned, merely grinning at each other as the camera zooms in on Colin's eyes opening and zooms out as he stands up with complete ease. He grins at Debra and the Whosers, and shakes his head, looking after the departing Drew with a combination of glee and smug pride)
COLIN
Sucker.
(He and Debra walk into the cafeteria arm-in-arm, the girls following and chuckling to themselves)
LORI
You got that right.
SERENA
Tell me about it.
JESSIE
Oh yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah...
(the doors shut on the giggling group)
CUT TO:
(The second floor of the HoF. Lewis is at the 'Video Killed the Radio Star' exhibit, both looking at it and hiding from any security he thinks may be after him. Suddenly, there's a tap on his shoulder. He turns around, panicked.)
LEWIS
I had nothing to do with it, I swear!
(But instead of a security guard, he finds himself looking at Cindy's smiling face.)
LEWIS
Well, hello!
CINDY
I've been looking for you!
LEWIS
I've been waiting for you!
(Cindy blushes, smiles nervously)
CINDY
I thought you might not be around ... you're so elusive ...
LEWIS
I am?
CINDY
But now we've found you, so it's OK!
LEWIS
We? You have a friend with you?
CINDY
Of course I do!
LEWIS
Well, tell her to come out!
(Cindy turns and calls)
CINDY
Hey! Guys! I found him!
LEWIS
Guys...?
(From out of nowhere come Claudia, Chantelle, Lindsey, and Erin, surrounding Lewis.)
CLAUDIA
Hi, Ryan! It's so good to meet you at last!
LEWIS
Ryan?
LINDSEY
Um, hi...
ERIN
Hi, Ryan! It's nice to see you again!
CHANTELLE
Thanks for giving Ashley your autograph for me, Ryan!
LEWIS
Wait ... who's ... I'm not...
(The girls keep closing in on Lewis, all talking at once. Finally Lewis panics and takes off. The Whosers are dumfounded.)
CHANTELLE
Ryan???
CLAUDIA
He's never run from us before!
LINDSEY
What'd we do to make him do that?
ERIN
He wouldn't do that unless something was wrong.
(Cindy starts to go after him, followed by the others.)
CINDY
Ryan? Wait! What's wrong? Ryan!
DISSOLVE TO:
(Drew, still looking a little pale, stands with Oswald and Kate, who are looking around frantically.)
OSWALD
Now where did Lewis go?
DREW
Oh, he'll find us.
KATE
Drew, this is Lewis we're talking about.
DREW
Oh yeah ... lets go look for him, then.
(They begin wandering around the floors, going through different exhibits. Run across Mimi once, who is trailing behind Mr. Wick, and gives a sniff, tosses her head back, and walks away from Drew before he can ask her if she's seen Lewis. Oswald sees Larry, but he's talking to a security guard and doesn't see them waving to him to ask him. Finally, they see what looks to be Lewis standing the 'One Hit Wonders' exhibit, looking at the displays. He's wearing a Rock 'N Roll HoF sweatshirt and baseball cap instead of his Cleveland Indians shirt, but otherwise looks like Lewis. They run over.)
OSWALD
Lewis, buddy! We've been looking all over for you.
KATE
What'd you do, hit the gift shop?
RYAN
Excuse me?
DREW
You can relax, Lewis. I didn't do anything to that guy, honest!
RYAN
What guy?
DREW
Come on Lewis, stop kidding around. I've had a bad enough day.
RYAN
(confused look)
I'm sorry, you must have me confused with someone else.
(Oswald & Kate laugh, Drew smiles)
OSWALD
Come on man, we've known you since we were kids. How could anyone look like you?
RYAN
Really, I've never seen you guys before in my life.
DREW
Lewis, I swear to you, security isn't after us! Now cut it with the 'total stranger' act!
RYAN
(to Drew)
You do look somewhat familiar ... but I can't place you ...
KATE
Come on Lewis, knock it off!
LEWIS
(off-camera)
Drew! Oswald! Kate! Help me!
(Lewis runs up to them, out of breath and panicked. He doesn't see Ryan at first.)
LEWIS
They came up to me, started calling me Ryan and asking me questions, and I don't know, I just got overwhelmed and ran off and then they started following me asking what was wrong...
(He notices Drew, Oswald & Kate staring at him with blank stares and stops mid-ramble)
LEWIS
What?
(Drew & co look from Lewis to Ryan and back again. Lewis and Ryan finally look at each other.)
RYAN
What the...
(The Whosers run up, see two Ryans. They stop dead in their tracks.)
LINDSEY
(looking back and forth)
Ryan?
RYAN
(staring at Lewis)
Right here.
CINDY
Two Ryans? This is a dream come true!
(Erin looks at Oswald.)
ERIN
Hi.
OSWALD
Um, hi ... who are you?
ERIN
I'm Erin, but you can call me Eirn if you want.
OSWALD
Do you know how this happened?
(Indicating the two Ryans)
ERIN
I'd be happy to sit with you and try to figure it out.
KATE
She's all wrong for you, Oswald. She's an intellectual.
(Ryan keeps staring, and takes a step back.)
RYAN
Um ... it's time to go to the show, I think.
(to the Whosers)
Come on guys, I'll walk you to the line.
(He walks backwards, still trying to puzzle it out. The Whosers follow, making sure he doesn't trip. As he gets to the edge of the exhibit he looks at Lewis again.)
RYAN
You're a good-looking man, but you could use more polite friends.
(Ryan walks off, leaving Lewis with the others)
LEWIS
That's just weird.
OSWALD
Did you sign up for some cloning experiment at DrugCo?
LEWIS
I don't think so ... I hope they didn't take my DNA when I wasn't looking.
KATE
I guess it's true that everyone has their double in the world.
(Oswald looks around worriedly)
DREW
Not you, Oswald. We don't need two of you. Come on, let's get going. I paid to see this show and I'm going to enjoy myself.
(They walk off towards the show)
DISSOVLE TO:
(Drew & Co finally make it to the doors of where the tapings are. There is a large group of Whosers lined up to one side, and a seemingly endless line trailing down the other.)
KATE
We have to wait in that?
DREW
Well, let's just wait in the other line, we'll get in faster. I hate waiting!
LEWIS
Oh no, man. I recognize some of those girls. I'm going to the back.
(Lewis ducks down behind Oswald, but Drew still approaches)
BAYKENT
Excuse me, the line's over there.
DREW
Why do you get to stay over here?
DONNA
Oh, we're on the production list. They like us, we're loud.
DREW
Well ... we could be louder than you guys.
NATALIE
Oh yeah?
(Nat hits a high piercing note, making Drew step back a moment, cringing)
NATALIE
Beat that.
KATE
Come on Drew, forget about it.
(Kate grabs Drew and pulls him back to where Lewis and Oswald have gone already.)
DISSOLVE TO:
(Drew leads the group into the room. At one side a large stage, in bright colors with a plush floor and 6 chairs, and tables with water pitchers. They walk up to Fabian, in a dark blue jacket, who looks up at them)
FABIAN
How many, just the 4?
(Mimi, Mr. Wick & Larry run up, Mimi pushing the people behind out of the way to cut ahead of the still long line with them.)
MIMI
Seven.
DREW
Sure, use me for my place in line. I feel so hurt.
(Fabian is already moving away and gesturing for them to follow, so they do. He gestures to a row near the back, behind the host's desk and right in front of the Whosers. Fabian jokes with them a little, ignoring Drew and them as they sit down and Drew tries to get his attention. Fabian walks away.)
DREW
Jeez, this had better be good.
(At that moment, there's a voice-over announcement.)
ANNOUNCER
Hello, Cleveland! Please welcome the producer of 'Whose Line is it, Anyway?', Mr. Dan Patterson!
(Dan, in a blue blazer, comes out from backstage with a microphone)
DAN
Good evening ladies and gentlemen and welcome to this very special on-location taping of 'Whose Line is it, Anyway?'!
(loud applause and some screaming from all over, most loudly and noticeable from right behind Drew & co which makes Drew wince)
DAN
We've come here to Cleveland, for the simple reason that you all know. Our host is from here, and he loves this town!
(Screams, this time from Cleveland people, including Drew's group)
DAN
To make things go along a little more speedily, we're going to introduce the host and the contestants all in one fell swoop. So first, may I introduce ...
Denny Siegal!
Wayne Brady!
Greg Proops!
Brad Sherwood!
Colin Mochrie!
Ryan Stiles!
And our host ...
(Each player runs out onstage as their name is called. For every entrance of a smiling and waving contestant the screams and applause get louder, especially from behind Drew & Co. So much so that they can barely hear the last couple of names, and are completely drowned out as the host is introduced. As the contestants enter, Drew & Co.'s jaws keep dropping as familiar face after familiar face enters in the form of the contestants. The contestants each sit in a chair, and the host sits with his back towards them, so that they can't really see him that well, except for a suited back and short haircut. The screaming behind them draws the eyes of the contestants, who all look up where they are seated and grin. Drew, thinking they're looking at him, scrunches down more in his seat and covers his face)
OSWALD
Wow, Drew, how many TV stars can you insult in one day?
LEWIS
Come on, Oswald. He still needs to get to the host. Gotta set the record.
DREW
Shut up, you guys. I can't believe this.
KATE
Who IS the host, anyway?
(They peer at the host, but still only get to see the back. They are disrupted by Larry returning to his seat.)
LARRY
They won't let me change seats, can you believe that?
(squints at the stage)
Hey Lewis! That guy kinda looks like you. Poor soul. Ha, ha!
(The Whosers begin to whisper again behind Lewis, who peeks back at them staring at him and scrunches down in his seat like Drew, but doesn't cover his face.)
DREW
Hey Larry, any idea who the host is?
LARRY
Some big-shot sitcom star was all I heard.
MR. WICK
He'll never measure up to that Clive fellow who hosts the British show.
MIMI
I think he does a great job!
(whispering to Kate)
And he's pretty cute, too!
DREW
Probably someone else who has a show on while we're at the Warsaw.
(For each game played and each comment made, Drew gets more and more embarrassed from the needling his friends are giving him)
SCREEN WIPE:
(Let's Make A Date: Denny is the guesser; Greg, Colin and Ryan are the contestants)
OSWALD
Hey look at that Drew, they're playing utter rejects, and they still get closer to a date with her then you did!
SCREEN WIPE:
(Greatest Hits: Wayne is singing)
LEWIS
You told THAT guy to shut up?
MIMI
You told Wayne to SHUT UP??? Oh, was he not singing a polka tune properly?
DREW
Bite me, dough-girl.
SCREEN WIPE:
(Song Styles: Brad is singing)
KATE
(sighs)
Damn, and talented to. Why was I so stupid?
(glares at Drew & Oswald)
And you guys were really helpful too.
OSWALD
We were just trying to keep you from getting hurt, Kate.
DREW
Oh, come on, Oswald. You were jealous. Admit it.
OSWALD
I was not!
KATE
Will you guys shut up? I want to hear him sing!
(The song ends)
KATE
Great, thanks a lot.
SCREEN WIPE:
(Weird Newscasters: Ryan goes up to the camera and mugs for it.)
DREW
Wow Lewis, I can't believe how much that guy and you look alike!!
LEWIS
(by now annoyed by the comments)
Well, how about we be more alike, and I'll be annoyed at you too!
DREW
Oh wait, never mind, he's actually funny.
SCREEN WIPE:
(HOEDOWN: Colin faints instead of finishing his verse)
DREW
Oh my g......... That faker! He faked it! He fake....
SERENA
(leaning over shoulder)
Of course. It's his specialty. Sucker.
SCREEN WIPE:
(Questions Only: Mimi loses track of where she's writing, begins to grumble and finally when a break between games comes throws her pencil into her lap with a indignant gasp)
MR. WICK
Mimi, what do you mean by stopping! We're on a mission here!
MIMI
They're going too fast, Mr. Wick! There is no way anyone could keep writing all this down!
JESSIE
(from behind)
Oh please, it's easy.
MIMI
(turning around in her seat)
Oh yeah? Let's see you do it!
(Jessie flips wordlessly through page after page of written notes, then takes up her pen and writes the next game's name down)
JESSIE
Any questions?
MR. WICK
Yes, what do you charge per hour?
SCREEN WIPE:
(Superheroes: Greg lets out a string of particularly witty putdowns)
LARRY
Ouch, I'd hate to be on the receiving end of that guy's mouth.
OSWALD
Yeah, you might get torn to shreds, right Drew?
DREW
Shut up Oswald.
LARRY
What?
DREW
Just don't tell him he looks like Buddy Holly.
OSWALD
Or Elvis Costello.
LARRY
But ... he doesn't.
DREW
Good. Go with that.
SCREEN WIPE:
(The final pickup has been shot, and the taping is over. People get up to leave. Drew and Co. try to catch a glimpse of the host, but he's immediately surrounded by people.)
KATE
I still want to know who the host is!
OSWALD
Yeah, what's the big mystery?
DREW
Look, we have to cross by the stage to leave. Why don't we just hang around there for a bit?
LARRY
Yeah, I want to try to get autographs for Mrs. Louder.
(They all go over to the stage, unnoticed in the confusion, and try to approach the mystery host.)
KATE
Where is he? Do you see him?
LARRY
Oh, come on, don't hosts stay out and sign autographs anymore?
DREW
I don't see him. All I see are ... oh jeez, it's them.
(He sees the Whosers standing in a group, and glares at them)
Hey, could you guys please be louder? I still have some hearing left in one ear.
DONNA
We warned you we were loud!
(For whatever reason, the stage goes quiet as Drew says his next line.)
DREW
You are the loudest, most annoying bunch I've ever...
(Suddenly, the group of Whosers part - and standing there, glaring at Drew, are all of the players he's encountered that day. Drew gulps but holds his ground.)
BRAD
Are you trying to insult our little club here?
DREW
Your ... club?
COLIN
Our most loyal fans, who travel from around the world to support us?
WAYNE
Our friends???
MIMI
Nice one, doughboy.
DREW
No, I wasn't, really ...
(trying to change the subject, to Colin)
Hey, what do you mean by pretending to faint? Is that any way to get out of a fight?
DENNY
Fight???
RYAN
(looming over Drew)
You picked a fight with my best friend?
DREW
Well, I, uh...
WAYNE
What, insulting my fiancée and me wasn't enough?
DENNY
You mean you had a run-in with him, too?
OSWALD
Yeah, you all did. Pretty weird, huh?
DREW / KATE / LEWIS / MR. WICK / MIMI / LARRY
Shut up, Oswald!!!
(Greg steps to the front and gives Drew one of his patented glares. He opens his mouth to speak. Drew cowers.)
GREG
Security!
(Fabian and Mae rush over.)
MAE
Problem here?
GREG
This guy's being a jerk. Get him and his friends out of here.
FABIAN
OK, let's go.
(He puts his hands on Drew's shoulders to guide him out. Mae and a couple other pages herd out the rest of the group, amid protests.)
DREW
Wait ... it was all a misunderstanding, really...
MIMI
Wait! We're not with that group!
FABIAN
You were when you came in.
MR. WICK
We'd never be treated like this in England!
MAE
Maybe you have friends with better manners in England.
(She and Fabian deposit the group outside the theater and shut the doors.)
LARRY
Thanks a lot, Drew. Now how can I get autographs for Mrs. Louder?
MR. WICK
Carey, you'll pay for that humiliation.
MIMI
Nice work, pig. I wanted to meet that host.
DREW
Can we just go home?
LEWIS
You know, the show really was pretty funny.
KATE
It was, now that I think about it.
OSWALD
Yeah, I really enjoyed it.
LARRY
That Hoedown they did was too funny!
(They walk off, everyone except Drew talking about the show excitedly.)
FADE OUT
(commercial)
CREDITS SCENE:
(Kate, Lewis and Oswald are sitting on Drew's couch watching WliiA? and laughing.)
LEWIS
I really like this show!
KATE
It's very witty! And all of those guys are really cute!
LEWIS
(smug)
Even the one who looks like me?
KATE
Um ... did I say cute? I meant funny.
OSWALD
Hold on, Drew's coming.
(He switches the station. Drew comes down the stairs.)
DREW
What are you guys watching?
KATE
Um ... the mating habits of the rhino.
DREW
Why?
LEWIS
It's fascinating.
(pretending to watch)
Oh, that's why the rhinos don't bathe!
DREW
Whatever. I need a beer.
(He goes into the kitchen.)
KATE
Quick, change it back.
OSWALD
I'd hate to miss the show!
(CLOSE-UP on Oswald. He grins at the camera, then aims the remote at it and clicks it. The screen image changes to that night's episode of WliiA?.)
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