IF ONLY YOU KNEW

Standard disclaimer: I do not own these characters. SJC and Co do. The
 song If You Only Knew is owned by Al Denson copyright 1997. I am only
 borrowing, I am not writing for profit. So don't sue me.


  BA sat in his van lost in thought. He was thinking over the past
 fourteen years. A lot had happened in those years. The A-Team had been
 pardoned, he had gotten married, and a good friend had died. It was the
 latter that he was thinking about at the moment.
         BA turned on the radio, hoping to distract himself from his thoughts.
 Unfortunately, the song he heard did nothing to help him.
                 I would always wait
                 For the perfect time
                 But now the time
                 Has come and gone
         Of all the Team, Hannibal took Murdock’s death the hardest. After all,
 Russ Clayton was trying to shoot him when Murdock jumped in front of the
 bullet. Hannibal felt as if it were his own fault. Nothing anyone said
 ever changed his mind, even after all these years.
         Face was devastated at the loss of his best friend for so many years.
 For a long time afterward, he avoided anything that reminded him of the
 Captain. He went into a depression so deep, his friends thought he would
 never recover.
         BA was quiet in his grief. He wasn’t able to show exactly how much the
 loss of Murdock affected him.
                 I hold on to the memories
                 As though we’re still together
                 Longing for the strength to carry on                                                           
 Ever since you’ve been
 gone.
         They all were changed after Murdock’s death.  Things were never the
 same without him. It was harder to go on a mission without the beloved
 pilot.
         After all they went through trying to remove the bullet that was
 threatening Murdock’s life, and avoid capture, Murdock died anyway. On
 the way to the hospital, the van hit a rough spot on the road, that
 jolted Murdock and caused him to hemorrhage and bleed internally.
 There was nothing they could do.
                 There’s not a day that goes by
                 That I don’t think of you and ask why
         Of all of them, no one understood why it was Murdock that had to die.
 He was the only Team member that was not a wanted man.          Not too long
 after that, the A-Team was recaptured and put on trial. Evidence turned
 up, proving their case, and they were free.
         The guys weren’t quite sure what to do after that. Hannibal moved to
 Bad Rock to be with Maggie.   BA moved to Chicago to be with his mother.
 Face just wandered, not knowing quite where to settle down.
                 I won’t get the chance now
                 To tell you good-bye
                 Or how much I lost losing you
                 If you only knew
                 If you only knew
         They all wrote each other and got together at Christmas, but it wasn’t
 the same. There was always something missing. And they all knew it.
                 Life has many pages
                 Some we wrote together
                 A story I must end alone
         It was hard for them all, but gradually, they began to live their
 lives again. They survived. One day at a time. Just like they did in
 ‘Nam. Just like they did after they escaped from prison.
                 As I go on without you
                 You’ll live with me forever.
                 Knowing that one day we’ll meet again.
                 Up where the rainbows end
         BA stared up  at the clouds and smiled. He knew that Murdock was up
 there. Flying high in the sky like he always loved to do.
                 There’s not a day that goes by
                 That I don’t think of  you and ask God why
                 I won’t get the chance now
                 To tell you good-bye
         BA regretted not telling Murdock how  good of a friend he considered
 him. Despite the fact that they always argued, Murdock knew that BA
 cared for him, even if he never actually said the words. It was an
 unspoken bond. Hannibal and Face didn’t understand it, and BA wasn’t
 even sure he understood.
                 And how much I lost losing you
                 If you only knew
                 I won’t get the chance now to tell you good-bye
                 Or how much I lost losing you
         Tears rolled down BA’s cheeks. He couldn’t hold them back any longer.
 It was far too long since he had allowed himself to grieve.
                 If you only knew
                 How much I lost losing you
                 If you only knew
         BA wiped the tears away without shame. He reached out a hand to turn
 off the radio and found himself unable to do so, his hand was shaking so
 hard.
                 My friend
                 How much I lost losing you
                 If you only knew.
         The passenger door to the van opened and BA’s wife got in.
         "I got what you asked me to get. But, it’s a rather strange plant to
 leave at a grave."
         BA wiped the remaining tears from his eyes and started the van. "No, it
 isn’t it’s just right."
                 How much I love you
                 If you only knew
                 How much I love you
         A few minutes later BA pulled up to the cemetery where Murdock was
 buried. BA took the plant his wife held. "I’ll be right back. I need to
 do this alone."
         BA walked down the path that led to the small headstone the guys had
 put up for their friend.  He knelt down beside it. He couldn’t find the
 words that he wanted to say. Quietly  he set the small plant down. He
 stood and quickly walked back down the path to the van and his waiting
 wife.
         From somewhere up above, someone was watching. Looking down upon a
 small grave with a tiny fern sitting by the headstone.