Jake's Top 10

10. His white beard partially covers a bare, glistening chest.
9. Instead of "Ho, ho, ho!", he bellows "Yes, yes, yes!"
8. Beautiful female elves are always sitting on his lap.
7. Reporters constantly ask, "In your opinion, who’s the world’s greatest living Santa?"
6. He calls himself the Lord of Dancer – and of Prancer and Vixen…
5. Every child he holds smells like Bernini.
4. He grabs stolen kisses under the mistletoe.
3. He prefers to be called St. Patrick instead of St. Nick.
2. His favorite stocking stuffer is named Kelley.
1. "He’s making a list and checking it twice; Gonna find out who’s Moya and nice…"

10. Mike the creator / Lord of the Dance his baby / Wants the real thing.
9. Morrighan smolders / Her dark eyes set me on fire / Don’t call 9-1-1.
8. The Cry of the Celts / Unfolding banners drop down / Big toilet paper.
7. Big bad Don Dorcha / Breaks Little Spirit’s tin flute / Prefers loud punk rock.
6. Golden girl Saoirse / Strips off her dress to jiggle / Yep – blondes have more fun.
5. Diva Anne Buckley / Carey’s no comparison / Mariah, we mean.
4. The fiddlers lament / Playing sad tunes on their strings / Flute jam is no more.
3. Lord dies in Nightmare / Little Spirit pulls neat trick / Quick resurrection.
2. Them duelin’ tap shoes / Rat-tat-tat like machine guns / Lord’s got more ammo.
1. Planet Ireland / Land of idyllic living / Thanks, Martha Stewart!

10. Your post could be used as the script for a movie called "Debbie Does Dublin."
9. You start off with "Top Ten Ways to Diss a Newbie…"
8. You {{{Moya}}}.
7. You write a Christmas song entitled "Michael Flatley Got Run Over By a Reindeer."
6. You hold Bible class outside the dungeon, then send your students bird hunting.
5. You start off with "Top Ten Reasons I Should Make the Rules Around Here…"
4. You write, "Hello, Flatleyland! Here’s ‘War and Peace’ translated into Gaelic…"
3. You write a Christmas song entitled "I Saw Mommy Kissing Morrighan."
2. Your post could be summarized into three words: yada, yada, yada.
1. Your last sentence ends abruptly before

10. Thank Goodness It’s Flatley
9. Traipsing Giddily Into Flatleyland
8. Truly Gaelic-Inclined Fans
7. Transforming Gentlefolk Into Flatheads
6. Thousands Garner Internet Friendships
5. Tapping Generates Inspired Feelings
4. Terpsichorean Gods Invented Flatley
3. Tonight’s Gypsy Is Fiona
2. Troupe Gathers Its Followers
1. Today’s Growing Irish Fervor

10. Through the amazing ability of VB’ers to influence polls, Michael Flatley will become the next President of the United States.
9. Flatleyland really does exist; it’s located just north of Lake Wobegon, Minnesota.
8. Too much lurking on the VB can cause blindness.
7. Shamrock Imports’ shoe department is being run by Imelda Marcos.
6. Physicists from MIT are secretly studying the VB to discover the way to create light and energy without burning fossil fuels or splitting the atom.
5. Flatleyland really does exist; it’s located in the State of Mind.
4. A new LOTD video featuring the flute jam will be filmed from the Goodyear blimp above Wembley stadium next January.
3. Shamus is completely monogamous.
2. Those posting more than three times a day run a six-fold higher risk of getting married to Shamus.
1. Everything you read in a top ten list is true.

10. You won’t find a nicer bunch of Web addicts anywhere.
9. Uncle Michael wants you!
8. Give us a minute and we’ll flatten your skull.
7. Hugs R Us.
6. Sgt. Flatley’s Lonely Hearts Club Band.
5. We are the Flatheads. Resistance is futile. You will be assimilated.
4. Give us your huddled masses yearning to see something other than Riverdance.
3. Praise the Lord and pass the cheesecake.
2. We’re just like a big family except we ain’t.
1. Flatleyland: Where the women are strong, the men are good-looking, and the children never make typographical errors.

10. He calls up each of his dance critics and asks, "Do you miss me?"
9. He starts singing "A thousand bottles of Guinness on the wall, a thousand bottles of Guinness…"
8. Before Troupe 2’s next performance, he switches the Little Spirit’s tin whistle with a small lead pipe then sits back to watch the fun as the Warlord tries to break it in half.
7. He learns how to yell "One! Two! Three! Four!" in 127 different languages.
6. After becoming an addict of daytime soap operas, he decides to produce his own: As Planet Ireland Turns.
5. Before Troupe 2’s next performance, he switches the Little Spirit’s magic dust with ragweed pollen then sits back to watch the fun as the Colleens sneeze themselves awake.
4. He calls up Moya Doherty and asks, "Did you know I’m more fascinating than you are?"
3. He logs on to the VB as "Daghda Mike" and vies with Daghda Jim for the title of Official Sensitive 90’s Man of Flatleyland.
2. Before Troupe 2’s next performance, he puts Krazy Glue in Areleen Ni Bhaoill’s lipstick then sits back to watch the fun as her mouth gets stuck to John Carey’s during "Stolen Kiss."
1. He writes a top ten list: TOP TEN REASONS I MISS MY FLATHEADS.

10. "Seems pretty quiet around here -- not like the Riverdance guestbook where the REAL action is!"
9. "Yes! Yes! Yes! I can't wait for your fan club to be up and running!"
8. "Just LOVE your new show, Michael! When are you bringin' those black leather pants to L.A.? hehe [grin] HUGS ALL!"
7. "Do you have YOUR Riverdance CD and video ready to PARTY ... oops, wrong guestbook!"
6. "Hey, Michael, what the heck did you do to your hair?"
5. "Hi everybody!... I dinna think anything could top Riverdance... AWESOME show, Michael, WTG!... BTW, is Gillian single?... Well, gotta run, so TTFN... :-)
4. "Que magnifique, mes amis! Blowing a kiss to Michael... ~
3. "TOP TEN REASONS WHY LOTD WILL NEVER BECOME AS POPULAR AS RIVERDANCE: ... "
2. "Having been fortunate enough to witness your phenomenal debut at the Point in Dublin, may I offer the following suggestion: greet your fans after the show. It sounds a bit silly, I realise, but it just might enhance your image."
1. "First!"

10. Posting "First!" eventually puts you dead last at the bottom of the page.
9. Love means never having to say you’re sorry for accidental double-posts, misspellings, or grammatical errors.
8. {{{HUGS}}} is redundant (unless "Hugs" happens to be the name of your dog, cat, pet python, etc.).
7. Village idiots are like trick candles: they keep flaming no matter how hard you try to blow them out.
6. Village idiots don’t like songs by Simon and Garfunkel – "The Sound of Silence" in particular.
5. The time you spend responding to a village idiot is better spent hugging your dog, cat or pet python.
4. Like the British Empire, the sun never sets on the VB.
3. Unlike the British Empire, the VB never keeps a stiff upper lip.
2. ‘F’ and ‘M’ are the two most popular letters on the VB – and on most radio stations.
1. One cannot alliterate if one is illiterate.

10. Q: "Are you an egomaniac?" A: "No, I’m constantly wracked with self-doubt as to whether my audience will be happy with only three encores per night."
9. Q: "Why did you leave Riverdance?" A: "They wouldn’t let me take my shirt off during the finale."
8. Q: "If you’re from Chicago, why do you speak with an Irish accent?" A: "Because the babes love it."
7. Q: "Is it true you have sex after every show?" A: "You mean YOU don’t after YOUR show?"
6. Q: "Why did you take up Irish stepdancing?" A: "After becoming the first Irish-American to win the World Ditch-Digging Championships in Dublin, I had to find another challenge."
5. Q: "Why did you leave Riverdance?" A: "They wanted to put a ‘no bump and grind’ clause in my contract."
4. Q: "Did you sing with the Chieftains?" A: "I wanted to, but my voice was so bad they asked me to dance for them, instead."
3. Q: "Has LOTD caused grief to instructors of traditional Irish stepdancing?" A: "Probably – right now, most of them are working themselves to death trying to accommodate their overflowing enrollments."
2. Q: "Why did you leave Riverdance?" A: "They wanted to put a ‘no flirting with Jean or Maria’ clause in my contract."
1. Q: "Who’s the greatest living dancer in the world today?" A: "Probably the person who gets asked that question the most."

10. Jack the Ripper – A real lady-killer.
9. Sylvester Stallone – A natural with a headband and a bare chest.
8. Jackie Chan – Takes a licking but keeps on kicking.
7. Pierce Brosnan – As Agent 007, another stud coming from Ireland with love.
6. George Steinbrenner – Infamous for firing his managers.
5. Sigmund Freud – The Universe gave him those dreams so he could become famous interpreting them.
4. Larry Bird – Erstwhile Celtic team leader.
3. James Dean – The original leather-clad rebel.
2. Barney the Dinosaur – He loves you, you love him…
1. Shamus – HUGE following of female Flatheads (second only to Michael).

10. DO: Say "I love you" in e-mail. DON’T: Say "Please open the attached file in order to spread the ‘Love Virus’ all over your hard drive."
9. (men only) DO: Arrange an intimate pre-show gathering for just the two of you. DON’T: Arrange a pre-show gathering at your "babe lair" in Fresno, California when the show is in Edmonton, Alberta.
8. (women only) DO: Flirt lightheartedly on the VB. DON’T: Enlist the VB’s help in collecting names for your potential children.
7. DO: Appraise their intelligence and wit by the way they write. DON’T: Appraise their appearance by the way they write (you will be wrong 99% of the time).
6. DO: Share your most personal and confidential files through FTP. DON’T: Forget to practice safe software.
5. DO: Arrange to converse in Jeremy’s chat room. DON’T: Forget the whipped cream and strawberries.
4. DO: Buy each other a Guinness at the Friends of Flatley pub. DON’T: Get rip-roaring drunk and perform your own rendition of "Breakout."
3. DO: Pretend you’re Michael and Gillian during "Fiery Nights." DON’T: Pretend you’re Michael and Moya during "Fiery Fights."
2. DO: Send virtual flowers through www.webflorist.com. DON’T: Send harassing letters through www.webstalkers.com.
1. DO: Ask, "Will you be my sweetheart?" on the VB. DON’T: Add, "If I get dumped, does anyone else want to go out with me?"

10. As the wind blew and the bells began to peal during "Cry of the Celts," the whole scene took on an eerie, surreal quality, like when you’re on vacation in another city and "Seinfeld" is on Channel 8 instead of Channel 3.
9. During "Stolen Kiss," the chemistry between Michael and Bernadette ignited like a mixture of potassium nitrate, charcoal and sulfur combined in the proper ratio to produce gunpowder.
8. As she danced, Morrighan’s red dress flowed through the air like a Russian flag but without the hammer and sickle on it.
7. Michael Flatley is as tall as a 5-foot-9-inch tree.
6. Saoirse gracefully floated across the stage exactly the way a John Deere tractor with one flat tire wouldn’t.
5. After her tin whistle was broken in two, the Little Spirit looked as chagrined as someone who puts fifty cents in a candy machine for a Baby Ruth, but the coil doesn’t turn far enough to let the candy bar fall down.
4. Michael’s sweaty chest heaved up and down, like the top of one of those pods in "Alien" just before the crab-like monster bursts out and latches onto your face.
3. With her ethereal voice and long, curly red hair, Anne Buckley looked as enchanting as Jean Butler lip-synching to a really good Irish singer.
2. At the beginning of "The Duel," the Lord and Don Dorcha raced toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Pittsburg at 3:26 PM traveling at 70 MPH, the other from St. Louis at 4:35 PM at a speed of 55 MPH.
1. The audience in Sydney sat impassively, like Mr. Spock in anticipation of his yearly prostate exam from Dr. McCoy.

10. "Don’t you know that clapping improves your sex life?"
9."The last person to give me that look is now sipping their meals through a straw when they’re not drooling on the floor."
8. "If you don’t stand up every now and then, your a$$ is gonna get even bigger than it is right now."
7. "My psychiatrist said that if I didn’t stand up and scream on a regular basis, the voices in my head would make me kill somebody."
6. "I’m with the FBI, and I’m scanning the audience for a suspected Iraqi suicide bomber."
5. "Gee, I didn’t know there was a frontal lobotomy support group in the audience tonight!"
4. "Gee, I didn’t know there was an Al Gore Impersonators convention in the audience tonight!"
3. "I think you’re at the wrong show – the Yanni concert is TOMORROW night."
2. "Didn’t you know they’re auditioning audience members for ‘The Price Is Right’?"
1. "Smile – you’re on ‘Candid Camera’!"

10. "This show must be pretty good –- those women in the front row are giving a standing ovation, and it hasn’t even started yet!"
9. "Mommy, mommy -– who are all those people with flat heads?"
8. "Since this is the debut performance, shouldn’t we call it ‘T2 - Judgment Day’?"
7. "Them dancin’ girls are cuter than a bushelful of Idaho spuds!"
6. "I feel sorry for that fella dancing in his boxer shorts -– I hear his costume got sent to Australia by mistake."
5. "Is John Carey that guy with the big ‘S’ on his chest?"
4. "Looks like they toned down the show a little for the Idaho audience, but don’t you think that ‘Stolen Peck on the Cheek’ is carrying it a bit far?"
3. "For a ‘second-string’ team, those new fiddlers really rock!"
2. "Is it true that Shae-Lynn Bourne and Victor Kraatz are playing Saoirse and the Lord when T2 goes to Canada?"
1. Michael who?" (spoken by a non-VB’er, of course)

10. John: Lord of the Dance; Jim: Lord of the Dunce.
9. John: Moves his feet at more than 28 taps per second; Jim: Moves his face at more than 28 tics per second.
8. John: Used to wear a black mask as the bad guy; Jim: Used to wear a wooden mask as the bad guy, good guy, bad guy, good guy...
7. John: Michael Flatley’s pet project; Jim: Miami Dolphins’ pet detective.
6. John: Fast and faster; Jim: Dumb and dumber.
5. John: Loves Christmas with boughs of holly; Jim: Loves Christmas with Lauren Holly.
4. Jim: The cable guy; John: The cable-knit sweater guy.
3. John: Lives on Planet Ireland; Jim: Lives on Planet Hollywood.
2. John: The wind is always at his back; Jim: The paparazzi are always at his back.
1. Jim: Liar, liar, pants on fire; John: Forever and ever, pants of black leather.

10. The sleeping Colleens wake up as vampires and suck all the blood from the Little Spirit.
9. The role of the Lord is spoofed by Michael Myers (the guy from "Halloween", not "Saturday Night Live").
8. A new "Breakout" number features the male dancers in fishnet stockings à la Tim Curry in "The Rocky Horror Picture Show".
7. Morrighan transforms herself into Elvira, Mistress of the Dark Lord.
6. Instead of Anne Buckley, "Our Wedding Day" is sung by the Bride of Frankenstein.
5. After being vanquished by the Dark Lord, Michael is reincarnated as Luke Skywalker.
4. While dancing "The Duel" under a full moon, Michael/Luke turns into a werewolf and mauls Don Dorcha.
3. Michael reveals his fascination with the supernatural in a new Australian documentary, "Eerie Apparent".
2. Wes Craven is hired to direct Michael’s first film: "Nightmare Dancer".
1. Anne Rice is hired to write an account of Michael’s hair-raising encounter with a blood-sucking creature: "Interview with the Moya".

10. "Miss Aynslie, Bobby broke my flute but can’t put it back together!"
9. "Hey, lookit – a couple of those VB’ers spell as bad as Joey!"
8. "When the bad guys in the black masks jump up and down like that, it looks like they have to go to the little boys’ room."
7. "My favorite part at the beginning is when the little fairy wakes up all the girls from their time-out."
6. "Miss Aynslie, Jason just tried to steal a kiss from Sarah!"
5. "But WHY can’t Jenny and I look at Michael’s vacation pictures?"
4. "I don’t get it – when the Little Spirit brings Michael back to life, why doesn’t she bring his shirt back, too?"
3. "If Michael eats steak for breakfast, what does he have for dinner – Fruit Loops?"
2. "Ewww…he must have really nice cooties if the ‘good girl’ wants to kiss him on the mouth like that!"
1. "I wanna be like Mike!"

10. Fastest recorded rate of ticket sales.
9. Lowest body fat percentage of any individual eating steak for breakfast everyday.
8. Most championships won in the Irish triathlon (stepdancing, flute playing, partying).
7. Longest time sitting through an inane interview without blurting out, "If I have to answer one more question about my ego, I’m going to get sick!"
6. Most perspiration produced in two hours of dancing.
5. Most girlfriends by a "gay" male dancer.
4. All-time biggest selling video edited by a hyperactive chimpanzee with attention deficit disorder.
3. Performer with the largest, smartest, and most loyal fan base in history.
2. Performer with the smallest, dumbest, and most bitterly jealous critics in history.
1. Only Irish icon kissed more frequently than the Blarney Stone.

TOP TEN REASONS MICHAEL FLATLEY COULD PLAY IN THE WORLD SERIES:

10. He never has trouble getting to first base.
9. He never strikes out against anybody.
8. He’s an expert at the squeeze play.
7. He always makes the right pitch.
6. He knows how to play the field.
5. He’s a good pinch hitter (he pinches, then hits on ‘er).
4. He never misses the plate.
3. He’s smarter than his own manager.
2. The wind is always at his bat.
1. He’s in a league of his own.

10. "I’ve been to 43 shows all over the U.S. but I still haven’t gotten a date with Michael Flatley!"
9. "My doctor told me I was coming down with a fatal case of carpal tunnel syndrome."
8. "Shamus’ ellipses and stream-of-consciousness writing were making my head spin."
7. "Trying to figure out what FOCROTFLMAOWOTCNDOTESL and SPHYNGXTOAR stood for was making my head spin."
6. "I’m defecting to the Riverdance guestbook since Colin Dunne, unlike another male stepdancer, is still in the States."
5. "I just found out that I’m lactose-intolerant and I gotta stay away from cheesecake."
4. "I wanted to be the first to start a self-fulfilling prophecy."
3. "No one besides myself wanted to start a clique."
2. "I was getting a sore neck from watching all you guys standing on your soapboxes."
1. "The Dungeon just isn’t as much fun as it used to be."

10. Dance critics crawl back under the rocks.
9. The VB starts talking about the World Series.
8. The VB starts talking about El Niño and its effect on the weather in Flatleyland.
7. The U.S. Passport Service reports a record number of applications for the same destination: Wherever Michael is staying.
6. The Friends of Flatley Pub experiences a chronic shortage of Guinness.
5. Sales of Bernini skyrocket.
4. Sales of Prozac skyrocket.
3. John Carey gets ready for his role by shaving for the very first time.
2. John Carey gets ready for his role by kissing a girl for the very first time.
1. Troupe 2 gets ready to kick some serious a$$.

10. Boris Yeltsin, Official Caretaker of the Royal Beer Vats.
9. Eddie Murphy, Personal Chauffeur to the King's Courtesans.
8. Dr. Jack Kevorkian, Physician to Inhabitants of the Dungeon.
7. Kato Kaelin, Official Couch Warmer of the Royal Court.
6. Bill Gates, Prime Minister Zammi's Personal Servant and Whipping Boy.
5. Pamela Lee, Official Lifeguard of the Royal Moat.
4. Al Gore, Curator of the Flatleyland Wax Museum.
3. Bill Clinton, Manager of the Royal McDonald's franchise.
2. Dennis Rodman, Official Hairdresser and Beautician to the King's Court.
1. Michael Jackson, Operator of the Royal Amusement Park.

10. For a man with the sensuality of a ballet dancer and the swagger of a matador, he had an amazing touch with a pipe wrench on the kitchen sink.
9. The Universe gave Michael those dreams because it knew that E.T. couldn't dance to save its own life.
8. Michael grew up in Chicago, the City of Big Shoulders, not far away from its armpits.
7. He was born in America but his heart belonged to Ireland, especially his left ventricle which held a particular fondness for Dublin.
6. Michael always hated wearing shirts.
5. This dancing rogue with a brogue is totally in vogue.
4. The rhythm of life beats loudly in his soul, that tappity-tappity-tap which reminds you of one of those old Smith-Corona manual typewriters.
3. He danced in the best of times, he danced in the worst of times.
2. In the beginning God created the dance. And the dance was without form, and void; and darkness was upon the face of the deep. And God said, Let there be Michael: and there was Michael...
1. Who says white men can't jump?

10. It's being held at the Moya Doherty Irish Pub and Restaurant.
9. The only music playing is an Irish CD entitled "Colin Dunne's Greatest Hits on the Tuba."
8 There's a REAL dungeon for multiple posters.
7. The only other attendees are 14-year-old boys with laptops and bad acne -- all of whom refuse to give out their real names.
6. You compete against a pack of rats for the cheesecake.
5. The sign at the entrance says "Welcome, Worshippers of the Anti-Christ."
4. Wallflowers from the RD gathering next door drop in uninvited.
3. The SPHYNGXTOAR Brothers show up in force and throw a toga party.
2. The SPHYNGXTOAR Brothers show up in drag and suggest holding a pajama party.
1. Mary Francine takes the Brothers up on their offer.

10. Your travel agent knows what plane and hotel reservations to make before you call.
9. Your airline gives you "Frequent Flatley" miles.
8. You use old ticket stubs to stuff your pillows.
7. You brush up on Aussie slang in preparation to see the troupe Down Under.
6. You stock up on tinnies, bangers and mash for a ripping gathering of fair dinkum mates from the VB.
5. To thank you for your business, scalpers give you a special discount.
4. You have autographs of everyone associated with LOTD, including Emma's paper boy.
3. You need a vocal cord transplant every 50,000 miles.
2. Your nametag and green armband become a permanent part of your wardrobe.
1. You become the troupe's official mascot.

TOP TEN REASONS THE DARK LORD BECAME A PURPLE POWER RANGER:

10. It was better than becoming a purple dinosaur.
9. After getting in touch with his feminine side, he decided that lavender was definitely his color.
8. He needed kung fu skills to help him defeat the Lord of the Dance.
7. It's a shameless promotion for the upcoming Warlord/Power Ranger line of action figures.
6. It's a ploy to give Flatheads something to gripe about other than the recent VB crashes.
5. Michael heard that Moya was going to make Colin Dunne wear that eye-catching outfit, so he beat her to the punch.
4. It's a prelude to the transformation of the Warlords into the Purple People Eaters.
3. He was jealous of the Little Spirit's new sparkling gold body suit.
2. Morrighan told him, "You know, I just can't resist a man in a purple space suit."
1. Two words: shock value.

10. Children at the front (chronological children, that is).
9. No personal pictures (unless you're a shameless flirt).
8. No hugging or kissing (unless you're a shameless flirt).
7. No autographs where the sun don't shine (unless...you guessed it).
6. Do not bring birthday candles (we have our own).
5. Wear no attire bearing the insignia of the U.S. Navy, Army or Air Force.
4. Preferred gifts: anything from the halls of Montezuma or the shores of Tripoli.
3. No Thirty-is-Over-the-Hill jokes.
2. No How's-the-Weather-Up-There jokes.
1. Members of the "I Wanna Guard Karl's Body" Club must be supervised by Emma.

10. If Michael Flatley slips and falls while dancing and no one is around to hear it, does he make a sound?
9. If a kiss is stolen, can it ever be taken back?
8. If Irish dancers always keep their arms at their sides, how can they do the Macarena?
7. If Cora has strings of fire, does she need a body of water to stay cool?
6. How many Little Spirits can dance on the head of a pin?
5. If the Lord is omnipotent, can he choreograph a dance so difficult that he cannot perform it himself?
4. If intelligent beings exist in the Universe, do they like cheesecake?
3. If Michael's Irish eyes are smiling, what is his Irish mouth doing?
2. What is the sound of one heel clicking?
1. If God exists, is he a Flathead?

10. Michael is Love-Child of Elvis and Rosemary Clooney
9. Helen Egan Arrested for Dealing Magic Crack Dust to Addicted Colleens
8. Daire Nolan: My Secret Fantasy Involving Michael in Chains
7. Anne Buckley, Jean Butler, Nicole Kidman: Long Lost Sisters?
6. Anne Buckley: I Sing Only When Dressed Commando
5. Bernadette and Gillian Finally Break Out of the Closet
4. Cian Nolan Kidnapped by Space Aliens, Transformed Into Power Ranger
3. Power-Mad Zammi to Declare Martial Law Over Flatleyland
2. Portland Terry Abducted by Gerard and the Band, Becomes Love Slave
1. Shamus the Mystic: Madonna's Next Stud?

10. The Poink Sisters are much more "Flatley-like" in person than they are in chat (i.e. Their bark is worse than their bite).
9. It is nearly impossible to predict how a VB'er looks like just from reading his/her posts.
8. VB'ers ALWAYS look better in person than in Web pictures.
7. There are almost as many "Peachtree Streets" in Atlanta as there are peaches in a tree.
6. Liam O'Connor never sleeps.
5. Portland Terry and FOF Karen are in training for the 2000 Olympics in a brand new event: trampoline. (LOL Jake)
4. Bawlmer Lisa is an expert on Picasso (especially his blue period).
3. Steph can beat the living %#@& out of any overly-flirtatious male VB'er.
2. It is difficult to remove lipstick from both of your ear lobes simultaneously.
1. The new Flathead credo: I hug, therefore I am.

10. Saoirse: Where something originates. ("What's the saoirse yer info, darlin'?")
9. Erin: Being broadcast. ("What's erin on TV, Billy Bob?")
8. Flatley: Stamp collecting.
7. Reel: What y'all use with a rod to go fishin' for bass.
6. Jig: A swig from a jug of moonshine.
5. Irish: What you'd call the colored part of the eye after a few jigs of moonshine.
4. Feis: To obtain even more moonshine. ("Feis me mo' of that firewater, Eunice.")
3. Lord: The opposite of raised.
2. Celt: Caused the demise of. ("Ah reckon that Festus celt 'bout seven possums yesterday.")
1. Ronan: Spoiling or destroying. ("Them Yankees are ronan the show by clappin' and screamin' so doggone much!").

10. Michael and Bernadette dress up as Rhett Butler and Scarlett O'Hara.
9. In the middle of "Stolen Kiss", Michael says to Gillian, "Frankly, Morrighan, I don't give a d#mn."
8. The Warriors and the Warlords dress up as Yanks and Rebs, respectively.
7. Instead of Celtic banners, 1996 Olympic flags unfurl during "Cry of the Celts".
6. Jane Fonda and Ted Turner sing a duet version of "Our Wedding Day".
5. The twin towers are replaced by giant Coca-Cola bottles.
4. Instead of "Lord of the Dance", the Little Spirit whistles "Dixie" on her tin flute.
3. Instead of "Lament", Cora and Mairead give a soulful rendition of "Georgia On My Mind".
2. The Lord and Don Dorcha stage their final duel in the back of a pick-up truck.
1. For an encore, Michael leads the troupe in a country line dance set to "Achy Breaky Heart".