I dreamt he came to me last night. He walked into my room with the confidence he always has and he stood beside my bed, waiting for my permission to be with me. "YES," I called out to him, "I've waited SO LONG for you to come to me -- to love me the way that I've wanted you to."
He only smiled at me and didn't say a word. As he began to slowly descend onto the bed and touch my body ever so gently, I could feel my excitement quickly being aroused. I closed my eyes from the sheer joy and comfort of his touch as his hands roamed over my body. But suddenly, it stopped. I opened my eyes and watched as he stared at me looking lost, unable or unwilling to continue.
Like a flash he was up and heading out of my room. I quickly followed him but was cut off by the slamming of his bedroom door. I listened to see if the noise had awakened anyone else in the household and then, when satisfied that it had not, I entered his room.
I didn't wait for permission to sit on his bed -- or to touch his shoulder with my hand -- and my heart ached when he seemed to refuse my touch by moving away. "Nick, don't do this," I pleaded, "don't pull away from me when this is something that we BOTH want!"
He turned to me then, tears in his eyes. Did he think that *I* didn't want HIM? Did he think I had only agreed to let him touch me because I thought HE needed it? Was this man who was normally so sure of himself REALLY this unsure?? I could see the pain and longing there and quickly took him in my arms.
I held him for what seemed like hours, content that he was near. Though I wanted more than anything to make love to him, holding him close was enough -- for now! He needed this ... and so did I!!
I woke this morning feeling, for the first time, at peace with myself. I can no longer deny the feelings of attraction and love I have toward Nick -- at least, not to myself. I know that he has had many different women -- just as I have -- but I wonder if the relationship of my dreams can ever be?! I also feel that, somehow, in these night dreams I have of him, I am beginning to understand the man who is sometimes such a mystery -- even to himself!
Before I sat down to write this in my personal Journal, he came into my office and shared a heartwrenching piece of his past with me. It was something that had been burdening him for days now and he chose to share it with me! When he finished, I placed my hand on his shoulder in a comforting gesture and he responded by giving me a quick hug and leaving my office.
I marvel now how someone can be so physically strong and yet so emotionally weak and wounded; and I realize more than ever how much he needs someone like ME in his life! I also remind myself that today HE made the first move -- the slight embrace that he seemed almost afraid to share, but did nonetheless. Now I wonder ... WILL my dreams someday come true?!
NIGHT DREAMS
By Lace
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