TONIGHT
I've heard him cry out night after night and have always been powerless to help him. A few weeks ago, I asked Rachel to talk to Nick; to try to get to the root of what might be troubling him. But, she was unsuccessful. He set his mind and willpower against allowing anyone to get close to him and her attempts to help him proved futile. Both Alex and I tried talking to him -- together AND separately -- but he just shut himself off from us. However, something kept haunting his sleep.
I could sense him drifting away from us and I wasn't certain how to prevent it. Tonight, we had a terrible argument; however, I believe it was a turning point in our relationship. I can only hope so!
He woke all of us once again with his ear-piercing shrieks. When we gathered beside his bed, his eyes were hollow and his breath was rapid; you could almost see his heart pounding in his chest! Fear and anxiety were written in his pained expression, but he tried to deny anything was wrong. I could not let this go on!
The gray t-shirt that he always wears to bed was drenched in sweat and plastered against his muscular frame. Though my primary concern was his well-being, I found myself extremely aroused by his firm body and helpless soul. He assured us he was "fine" (as usual) and I escorted Alex and Rachel from his room. I returned, however, shutting the door and locking it. It was time for Nick to face his demons -- or at least to face me!
The look of irritation and defiance in his eyes and on his face were almost erotic, but I pushed those feelings aside in order to help this young man I've grown to care so deeply for. Our "discussion" escalated into a shouting matching and, after I had pushed him to the brink and beyond, he hit me!
I had expected this move; however, I must say that the strength of the blow shocked me. Nick was stunned at his actions and he dropped to the bed holding his head in his hands. I knew how close he was to the edge -- both mentally and physically -- and approached him. Sitting beside him, I placed a comforting arm around him as he pleaded for forgiveness.
Feeling him begin to resist my touch, I strengthened it even more on his shoulder, drawing him to me. I could sense the turmoil he was feeling inside and my heart ached for him! As his tension began to ease, I drew him still closer. Before either of us knew what had happened, I found that I had kissed him -- soft and gentle at first, but with more force and passion by the end. He broke away and stared at me, almost as stunned at what had occurred as I was!
I had been fighting my sexual feelings and attraction to Nick for a long time now, but the helpless state he was in had reached me at the core of my soul and I found I could no longer resist my urges. It was *I* who apologized this time.
No matter WHAT happens for the rest of my life, I will never forget the look in those soft, hazel eyes as he said, "It wouldn't have happened if I hadn't let it, Derek." The simple, honest truth of those words made my spirit soar. I left his room after that, convinced now that I had helped him dispel whatever might have been haunting his dreams.
As I look back over these words I realize how pivotal tonight has been. The kiss I shared with Nick may well be the end of any kind of physical relationship he and I might share; however, it might well be the beginning. One thing is certain ... tonight has changed EVERYTHING!
Entry by Lace
All comments may be sent to addy below, they will be forwarded to the author.
© 1997 reets@vallnet.com
Get your own Free Home Page