Tuesday:
Why do I do these thing to myself? Why do I always put myself into situations like this?
I know the reason. To see him. To allow the possiblity that he'll touch my shoulder, hug me, tell me he still cares for me.
But he doesn't. He still resents my leaving the Legacy for the Church. Just like Ellen resented my decision.
At least he's strong enough to accept how things must be.
But God help me, I'm not sure I can stay away much longer.
I love him. It took me months to figure it out, and years to accept it, but I love him. And I want to come back.
I know I'll be welcome, Derek is always asking me to consider returning. And Alex, Alex is a gem, she never pressures but she makes it clear I could come back anytime I chose.
I could face death knowing he stood beside me. But do I really want to face my Maker? A priest who loves not a woman but another man? Who broke his vows of celibacy not once but half a dozen times?
I was willing to go to Hell to stop Ravenwood. But am I willing to live out the rest of my life in sin and face my Creator on Judgement Day, knowing all the while I face the eternal fires?
Is he worth it to me?
Yes.
Entry by Jax.
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