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Derek showered again, then took a long walk, intrigued and horrified that his scent seemed to attract animals of every shape and form. He stooped to offer a squirrel an acorn, patted a friendly rabbit between its long ears, but shied away as a full-grown skunk waddled toward him. He hurried along to find small animals appearing from every tree and bush along his way. A buck deer, its head heavy with antlers, showed itself to him at the crossing. It blocked his way, snorted, pawed the ground. He took several steps backward, turned and looked for an escape.
A young doe slipped out from the shadows to lick his hand and Derek petted her head. Her large brown eyes went to the buck and she trotted over to him, grazed her body along his length. Then, she turned to stand side by side with him. Mirrored, except for the doe’s lack of antlers and smaller size, they moved in syncronization. Derek watched, fascinated. “Go on, the two of you. Go.” he said, waving them away. As if they understood his words, the deer turned and bound off into the trees. Derek breathed relief.
He returned to the house, rushed to his bedroom and sat quietly pondering. He thought of his old friend, Alan, a long-time confidant. He felt an urgent need to talk to someone, and Alan was the best listener he knew. He dialed the number in Los Angeles, a winter home for him. Alan was originally from England.
The British accent came through the phone in smooth strains. “Alan Windham speaking.”
“Alan! It’s Derek. How are you?”
“Doing marvelous, dear Derek, and you?”
“I’ve got a serious problem.” Derek began. “Do you have a minute?”
“I’ve got all the time in the world for you, my friend.” Alan said softly. “Do tell me the problem.” Derek explained about the potion and its effects. “It doesn’t only attract others to me.” he concluded. “I am affected, too.”
“In what way? The animals that approached you, were you sexually attracted to them?” Alan asked.
“No, of course not.” Derek said.
“Then what are you talking about?”
“Nick is here. We have spent some time together and his presence makes me feel so very...needful.”
“So....it’s Nick. And this bothers you...why?”
Derek took a deep breath. “Because I cannot ....never mind, Alan. I really just needed to talk to someone.”
“Derek, you know how I feel about you. Do you want me to come?”
“No, Alan. I don’t think that would be a good idea right now.”
“Why not? We could go away together, stay at my little island hideaway for a few days until this ‘potion matter’ has disappeared. Then you could safely face Nick and all the other animals without worrying about getting ravished.”
“I don’t think so.” Derek said. “But thank you for offering, Alan.”
“If you want to get away, dear boy, to be alone, the place is yours. You have the spare key. Take it and be alone a while. It may repair all the problems.”
Derek thought about it. “That’s a good idea. I may take you up on that.”
“Call me. Let me know how it’s going.”
“I will.” There was a female giggle in the background on Alan’s end of the phone. “Good luck, Derek.” he said, and broke the connection. Thoughtfully, Derek put down the phone.
It was after dark before he went downstairs again. Nick was in the control room. “Hi.” Derek greeted.
“Hi.” Nick’s eyes rose to meet his, and the hazel color of the irises glowed a brilliant deep-sea green. He stood and walked toward him. “How are you feeling? Did you get some sleep?” he asked.
“No, I didn’t sleep. I went for a walk.”
“You want to talk about it?”
“Yes, I think we should talk.” Derek answered, taking a step back as Nick advanced toward him.
“Why are you backing away from me?” Nick asked. “I don’t bite.”
“Are you sure about that?” Derek asked with a half-smile.
Nick grinned at him and Derek nearly lost his heart as he looked into that handsome face. He was so sweet, so sexy, so good looking that it was just melting. He shivered and closed his eyes, felt a total lack of direction. It wasn’t Nick he did not trust; it was himself. “Are we going to watch TV tonight?”
“If that’s what you want to do, Boss, that’s what we’ll do.” Nick answered.
"I'll make popcorn and coffee." Derek said, and headed for the kitchen. Anxiously, Nick went to the living room and plopped down on the floor in front of the television and took up the remote control, reflecting. He did not turn on the power, waited until Derek returned with popcorn and coffee. The older man sat on the floor to join him.
Derek studied him a moment before he asked, "Is it the way I smell?"
Nick nodded. "Yeah. You smell like....I don't know....I can't describe it. Maybe flowery or something. It's different, but it's familiar. Weird."
"I don't smell it."
"Smell your hand."
Derek put his hand to his nose and inhaled deeply, then shrugged his shoulders, mystified by it. "I don't smell it."
Nick reached for the hand, put it to his nose and shook his head before the inhalation was complete. "It's like a drug." he said, holding his breath. "It *is* a drug."
Derek took away his hand and handed him the bowl of popcorn. Without a word, he went upstairs. Minutes later, he reappeared, and the smell hit Nick long before the precept was near, strong cologne, probably a whole bottle of it. His hair was wet, Nick assumed with the fragrance. "Do you still smell the drug?" Derek asked as he took his place in the floor again.
"No, but you're burning my sinuses." Nick answered, rubbing water from his eyes. "Damn, Derek, that's awful!"
With a short laugh, Derek asked, "Can you stand it?"
"Hell no! I can't taste the popcorn! Go take a shower and wash that nasty shit off!"
Derek sighed. "All right. But you know where the consequences may lead." "Where?" Nick's bright eyes were innocent. Derek got up and went into the shower, leaving him to ponder on it.
When he returned in a plush burgundy bathrobe, his hair was still damp, even the hairs on his long legs were still glistening with water. Nick stood to meet him as if out of respect, and the unsettling, amorous gleam in his eyes told Derek he was in trouble. "Nick, maybe we shouldn’t be together now. We can watch TV some other night. Don't you think it's a little too dangerous for you to be here with me tonight?"
Nick reached to take him by the elbows, his young face serious and affectionate. "Let me stay. What are you so afraid of? What do you think is going to happen? Do you think I'll take advantage of you or are you afraid of your *own* feelings here? Or am I so repulsive you can't stand the thought of me touching you?"
Derek stepped closer and put his arms around his neck, sighed in his ear. "You know you're not repulsive, Nick. You're extremely handsome and I am very fond of you. You simply don't realize how strong this potion is. What I should do is get myself together and go to Alan’s island hideaway for a few weeks until it disappears. I should do that, and not come back until it is safe."
Nick's hands were massaging his back through the plush robe, clenching the material in fisted handfuls, then slowly, one hand moved to his shoulder-length hair, the fingers gently slid beneath it and caressed the soft skin on the back of his neck. His breath was hot against Derek's lips as he brushed his own across them. On the return, he placed a soft kiss on his mouth.
"Oh, no, Nick." Derek moaned, deeply affected. "Stop it before it's too late."
"Too late." Nick said, nuzzling at his earlobe. "I don't think I *can* stop."
Derek groaned helplessly. He felt the gentle touches on his skin, the burning breath in his ear, the careful nibbles at his throat, the form of Nick's firm body pressed against him and he could not push him away, could not deny him what he craved, what he *himself* needed. He closed his eyes, his fingers in Nick's short hair, and swallowed down a lump that rose in his throat. He shivered involuntarily, gasped out loud as Nick's arm closed tightly around his waist.
"You are so sweet." Nick said quietly. "So sweet."
"Nick, please...."
"I have an idea!" Nick proposed, drawing back to look into his eyes. "Why don't you go and get that big, thick quilt out of the linen closet and spread it out here on the floor? We can lie on it while we're watching TV. How about that?"
Derek traced his jawline with his index finger, his expression dark and doubtful. "That sounds cozy." he said. "What do you have in mind?"
His innocence intact, Nick answered, "Watching TV if there's anything on that's any good. What did you *think* I had in mind?"
With a shrug, Derek went to the closet and brought back the quilt, spread it on the floor, then went back for cushions and a blanket. "I thought maybe you had evil on your mind."
"*Ev-il*." Nick pronounced the word the same as Vincent Price had in a movie he had recently watched. "Evil on my mind, eh?" He laughed as he made himself comfortable on one of the cushions. "Do you really think I have evil intentions toward you, Derek?"
Derek sighed, feeling foolish. "Maybe I was wrong." He sat down next to him and smiled at him. "I'm sorry. Again, I find myself apologizing to you."
“Not necessary.” Nick gave him an impish grin that gradually faded into a sedated gaze. "So, what I did was evil?"
Derek pointed the remote control to turn on the TV and turned up the volume. "I don't have the faintest idea what you're talking about." he said.
They were quiet, watched the silly movie that was playing until a commercial came on. While a chihuahua advertised Taco Bell’s newest value-meal, Derek gave in to curiosity and asked, "So, you're not greatly affected by the potion?"
"Oh, yes, I am." Nick answered. "Very much."
"Then you're exercising tremendous resistence."
"I'm in bed with you. Is that exercising tremendous resistence?"
"But you haven't done anything."
"I'm here."
Derek snuggled close to him. Nick smiled, leaned forward and kissed him tenderly on the lips. It was awkward and quick, then he settled in and held him, rubbed his back through the burgundy robe until the show came back on. Derek’s heart rate and respiration were out of control.
"Okay, here we go." Nick said, turning on his back to watch TV. Derek felt deflated. With a sigh, he put his head on Nick’s shoulder, no longer able to concentrate on the show. He could not believe himself. Here he was, after having scolded Nick for possible misbehavior, after all the fuss he had given him, and now it was *Derek* who felt the morbid disappointment when the simple kiss was all he received from him. He felt himself growing depressed about it. A few private tears coursed down his cheeks.
He realized why he had worn only the robe, because he was wearing next to nothing, the most erotic piece of clothing he owned and if Nick had so desired, he could have rid him of it in less than a minute. His body was warm and willing, and his mind was a jumble of passion, desire and fear. He knew the fixation on Nick was not right, but somehow, as in the stories of Cupid's arrows, Nick had been there at exactly the right time, had touched him, had kissed him at exactly the right moment. Derek wished the fire would burn lower. It was driving him insane. He drew in a long breath that did nothing to cool the heat and tried to think of something else. The potion was strong, too strong.
"Derek," Nick was shaking him, waking him up.
Derek grunted in refusal, unwilling to wake from his dreamworld. He shifted his position and cuddled closer. Nick laughed and shook him again. "Come on, Derek. Wake up. It's two in the morning. You're tired. You should go to bed. I should go to bed."
The words woke Derek instantly. A sense of panic seized him at the prospect of parting with Nick. He hugged him tightly. "Please stay, Nick. Stay with me."
"You really want me to?"
"Of course I do."
"Okay." He turned off the TV with the remote and made himself comfortable. "Good night." Gently, he kissed Derek's forehead. Derek laid contentedly in the embrace. The floor was not as comfortable as his own bed. He wished he had the courage to ask Nick up to his room, but was afraid that during the transfer, something would separate them. "Good night." he whispered.
Morning's light touched Nick's eyes and he sat up, yawned and stretched. He popped his neck first one way, then the other, then sat cross-legged gazing down at Derek, who was still sleeping tranquilly. Nick began to tease him, tickled his nose with the tip of his finger. Derek shook his head, rubbed his itching nose with the back of his hand, grumbled in discomfort. He turned over without waking and became still again. Grinning, Nick leaned over him to continue the torment, but thought better of it. He looked so peaceful lying there that he could not bring himself to disturb him. He got up, instead, and made coffee in the parlor. The smell of freshly brewing coffee was a good eye opener for most people. But not Derek Rayne. It took the ringing phone to rouse him.
Nick had answered it on the fourth ring, but Derek sat up, yawning. "He's getting up." Nick was saying. "Yeah, hold on just a minute."
Derek dragged himself to his hands and knees and crawled across the floor to take the phone from him. "Hello." he mumbled into it.
"I didn't expect you to have company there. It's not safe for others to be around you right now." It was Kara's voice. "Who's the other man there with you?"
"My friend. Why?"
"He will attack you, Dr. Rayne. You need to get him out of there before he loses control."
"He's been here all night and he didn't attack me, so there." Derek said obstinately. "Your potion is not what you think it is."
She sounded puzzled. "He was there all night?"
"Yes, he was."
"And he left you alone?"
"I beg your pardon?"
"He didn't attack you? He wasn't affected?"
"Not in the least." Derek lied.
"Apparently he has no sense of smell."
"What if he was affected but restrained himself?"
"Then he has very strong self-control. Control like that is near to impossible. I’ve discovered that men are way more susceptible to this drug than women. Men can be downright dangerous. If your friend has that kind of control, he’s a hell of a man."
He glanced at Nick, who was holding two cups of coffee. "Kara, can you make an antidote?"
"No, there's no way, not with the proportions the way they are."
He slumped against the table. "Then why did you call me?"
"To tell you to stay out of public places. Don't go out, Dr. Rayne. You need to seclude yourself and stay there until it has worn off."
"And how long will that take?"
"Possibly a month."
"A month!"
"Maybe two."
In anger, he hung up the phone, seated himself on the floor, his back against the coffee table. He hugged his knees and looked up pitifully at Nick. "Maybe two months before this wears off!"
Nick handed him coffee. "What are you going to do?"
"Jump off the highest bridge I can find."
"Yeah, like that'll work." Nick said.
“Something has to work!"
"Well, don't do anything as radical as jumping off a bridge."
"Then I'll stab myself in the heart."
"That's a little better.” Nick quipped, beginning to worry. “Drink your coffee first. You need to get woke up good before you kill yourself."
Derek laughed. "Nick, you're so clever you put me to shame." Nick gave him a hand up and when he was on his feet, Derek walked to a far window. "Tell me how you managed to contain yourself when we were so close. How did you do it?"
"Contain myself?"
"You did not ‘attack’ me, as Kara so put it."
"Did you want me to?" With another laugh, slightly embarrassed, Derek turned to find him close again. "I just want to know how you managed to restrain yourself from this ‘attack’. What did you think about that overwhelmed the temptation?"
Nick shrugged, looked truly perplexed. "I didn't overwhelm the temptation. You were right there in my arms all night."
"The kisses you gave me weren't even lover's kisses. Nick, you did absolutely nothing lewd. You're saying that's all the potion did to you?"
Nick put his arms around him. "Did you want it to be more?"
"I just want to know why the potion didn't work on you like Kara thinks it should have."
"I don't know."
"You weren't aroused by my nearness?"
The hazel eyes glanced away, then back. "Aroused? You mean did I get a.."
"Yeah, Nick, that's what I mean."
"Well, yeah."
“And you have this much control over your own hormonal urges?”
Nick drew him away from the window, found himself backed against the wall beside it. "I never got like that with another guy, you know? I don't know...it just never happened. But if it was ever with anybody, believe me, Derek, it would be with you. You're the one, especially with this love potion and all. That's pretty sexy, all right. You really do smell sexy."
"Then why aren't you turned on?"
"I am. Completely." Nick looked down. "Are you?"
Derek was verging on desperation. "Nick..."
"What do you want from me, Derek? If you would let me kiss you again, it would definitely happen now. You have to know that smell really turns me on. But I tell you what ruins it for me.....what makes all the difference in the world! I *can’t* get turned on,.....no matter how good you smell....as long as you've got me backed against this wall."
Derek dropped his hands and walked into the kitchen, opened the refrigerator. Nick followed him. "I'm sorry, Nick. Maybe you'd better go."
"No, I think maybe I'd better stay a while."
"I'm not asking you for sex, Nick."
"All right."
"I need companionship." Derek's lie sounded almost believable. He wanted to scream out his need for intimacy, his need for love, but he kept it to himself and spoke evenly. "It's the one thing I've felt in dire need of, and I can't explain why. It's the reason I've begged you to stay with me when I knew it wasn't a good idea."
"I can understand that."
"And, if it was the only way I could retain the companionship, I would even be willing for the sex."
Nick smiled. His cheeks were pink. "You would?"
Derek took out a plate of left-over salmon loaf and set it on the counter, sliced it and made them each a sandwich. "Yes, I would."
Studying him, Nick took a bite of his sandwich. "I think that's something a psychiatrist would be interested in."
"Nick, I'm serious."
"I know. That's what worries me."
"So you're really not interested in me in that way?"
"I never said that."
"Oh, this is a great conversation. I'm really accomplishing a lot here." Nick shook his head. "I love you, Derek, you know that. Way too much to mess up our friendship like that. Is that so hard to understand?"
Derek gazed at him in awe. "So that's the answer?"
"What was the question?"
He huffed. "The question, you idiot, is do you want me?"
"Then the answer is....absolutely. I want you to be my friend."
"But not your lover?"
Nick paused, redder. "Yeah, sure."
"You mean you do?"
"Is that what *you* want?"
"I asked you first."
"Why are you being so evasive?"
"Why aren't you giving me a straight answer?"
"Because the questions aren't straight!"
Derek blew out in frustration. "Do you want some orange juice?"
"With salmon loaf? Hell, no! I'll take some coke."
Setting the bottle on the counter with a thud, Derek said, "There, open it yourself."
"Why are you so angry?"
"I'm not angry!"
"Yes, you are."
"No, I'm not!" Derek threw his sandwich across the room. It landed on the floor, made a huge stain on the linoleum. He winced at the mess he knew he's have to clean up, then threw up his hands. "Okay, so maybe I'm angry!" He stormed from the kitchen, up the stairs to his room and slammed the door. Half an hour later, when he came out again, Nick was gone.
He sat weeping for hours, totally alone in his sadness until the rage was gone. But in its place was extreme depression. He packed for a trip, for cold weather, five outfits, a dufflebag full of rations, his new sword, plus some other supplies. He was ready to leave when the doorbell chimed. He groaned.
It was Saundra. She kissed him as she entered, then kissed him again before the door was closed. "You smell so provocative." she said, getting very close to him, taking in his aroma. "Mmm, I could just eat you up."
"Saundra..." He was miserable. "I'm just leaving. Maybe you could come back some other time."
"No, I'd rather stay and have a little bedroom romp with you today." she said boldly, then kissed him again. She doubled up on the kisses and her hands began to explore.
He was, in spite of his male attributes, very embarrassed. He backed away from her, tried to fend her off. "Saundra, please, not now."
She was aggressive, led him up to the bedroom and shoved him onto the bed, then pounced on him like a wildcat. "Yes. Now." She became brutal as she began to rip off his clothes and initiate the sex she wanted with him.
He heaved a sigh and gave in to her, letting her have what she wanted, hoping that when it was done he could get rid of her and escape before anybody else caught him. It occurred to him that he was a pushover, that his personality was fast diminishing. He hoped it wasn't permanent. He had noted all the drastic side-effects of this odd potion: his very real sexual attraction to Nick, of all people, his desperate need for love, the mood swings, his inability to say no. But the worst of these was his increasing dread of being alone.
"Hey, can you try to get your mind on this?" Saundra complained, snapping his head around and kissing him again.
He forced a smile, pretended it was all his idea. He thought of taking her with him to the island for company, but he knew better. He would have to endure this alone. And Saundra could, in no way, take the place of Nick.
Damn, he was sick! Nick? His weary mind refused to admit he was actually being raped; that had he denied her, a fight would most certainly have evolved. And Derek might have lost. He knew from past experience that, given the proper motivation, women could be more deadly contenders than men.
The phone rang again when they were getting dressed. He picked it up. "Hi, Derek, how's it going?" It was Charles, a neighbor on Angel Island and another close long-time friend.
Derek’s voice was emotionally drained. "Not too well, Charles. I was just leaving."
"So I heard. Nick said you would do that. He's pretty broken up about what happened there this morning."
It made him want to cry again. He leaned against the wall, drew in a long, trembling breath. "Yeah, so am I."
"I figured. So, you got any idea how long you'll be gone?"
"Nope. I'm just going, Charles. No plans other than that right now."
"I gotta go." Saundra whispered in his ear. "Be back later tonight."
He kissed her, nodded his head and let her leave without telling her he would not be home later tonight. "Who was that?"
"Saundra. She dropped in for a few minutes."
"Uh huh." Knowing.
"Well, I should go."
"Derek, stop in on your way. Call it scientific interest, but I'd like to get a whiff of that stuff. Do you mind?"
"That's not a good idea, Charles."
"I promise not to jump your bones."
Derek grunted in annoyance. "Okay. I'll stop in for a couple of minutes."
"Good. I'll see you in a few."
His bags were in the car. He parked in front of the stone/brick house and entered the gates, found himself accosted by a wire haired terrier on the sidewalk. He kicked free of the impassioned animal just as Charles opened the door for him.
"So you're that sexy, huh?" Charles asked, his eyes twinkling. "Even the dogs hump your leg." Limping, he led him across the room and sat with him at a table where drinks were already poured and waiting for them. "Damn, you do smell fresh." he commented.
"Is it what you expected?" Derek asked.
Charles reached for his hand, sniffed it, then sniffed it again. "Yep. I see what Nick was talking about. Yeah, it's pretty enticing, all right."
"Does it turn you on?"
"You kidding? I've got the biggest woody since I was in high school. Damn." Charles picked up his drink and downed it like a shooter, then turned to Evan, his housekeeper and nurse. Charles was a cripple, had suffered a broken back in an accident more than twenty years ago and now depended on Evan for nearly everything. “Bring the bottle over here. I think I'm gonna need it."
Evan brought the bottle, and his wide green eyes shone as he came in smelling distance of Derek. "Will there be anything else?" he asked, edging closer to him.
"No, that'll be all." Charles answered. "Thanks, Evan."
Evan didn't leave. He leaned over Derek, his nose in his hair and spoke intimately to the man he knew only casually. "You are so delicious. I've got something for you, baby. Come with me and I'll show it to you."
Derek looked up at him; the wrong move. Evan kissed him furiously, over and over, his hands on his ribs, threatening to violate other areas of his body. The kisses were forceful, the hands were hard.
He fought, feeling futile. Shoving hard, holding him off with crossed arms, he glared angrily at the big man. "Get away from me, you bastard! What are you doing?"
Evan backed away, shook his head and looked very shocked at his actions. "I...I'm sorry. I don't know what came over me." In shame, he hurried to the wine cellar and shut himself in.
Derek was wiping the slobber off his face. His hair and his shirt were disheveled. "That was horrid!"
"Yeah," Charles agreed, glaring after him. "That's what *I* wanted to do."
"I think I'd better go." Derek was on his feet.
"You haven't finished your drink."
"I don't want it."
"Do I get a hug before you go?"
Derek paused, then leaned over to hug him, knowing it was risky. "So long, Charles." he said, detained by the lingering embrace, by the hand that was feeling out the muscles in his back, by the hard kisses that were bestowed on his throat.
Charles was breathing hard. "Okay," he said gruffly, "What you do now is walk away, because if you don't, I'm going to be just like Evan. That potion really works and if Nick didn’t go for it, he’s a stronger man than I am."
"Good bye, Charles." Derek broke the bonds and walked away from him. At the door, he said, "If you see Nick, tell him I'm sorry."
"I will." Charles said.
As he went out the door, he collided with a woman just entering. It was Charles’ daughter, Hanna. Before he knew what was happening, she had him in a stranglehold, kissing him dead on the mouth. He pushed her away, but she was quickly back upon him, not put off by the resistence. Her hand was rubbing him between the legs, unzipping him.
"What the hell are you doing?" a deep male voice demanded. A tall man ripped her off Derek and shook her violently. Derek recognized Hanna's husband and had a moment of panic, but the jealous husband pitched his wife into the house and closed the door, leaving her uninjured. Then, he took Derek by the head and kissed him savagely. His advances were harder to fight off because Derek's back was against the bricks and the big man's knee was firmly between his legs, a physical block that held him in place.
Before he finally managed to twist out of his clutches, the man had kissed him several times and his hands had touched him everywhere. Derek had never felt so defiled. When he was free, he ran to his car, got in and locked the doors as his attacker gave chase. He skidded his tires as he drove away.
He hoped no one else would come close. His last encounter was with the woman who took his money for the boat rental, an elderly lady with gray hair, too slow to catch him. He was soon on his way to the island where he would be completely alone until he decided it would be safe to return. He wished he could sleep until it was over.
His true wish was that Nick could be here with him. It was totally absurd and he knew it, knew what a dangerous state of mind he had entered. Yes, sleep was the solution. He should try to sleep the time away, let it pass until the drug had worn off, until he could act himself again. The island was cold and a depressing shade of gray. Derek climbed into the feather bed inside the cabin and fell into a deep, disturbed sleep.
to be continued.....
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