"I miss you." Nick says into the phone.
-I miss you too, how are you feeling?-
"Okay, still a little stiff. We need to talk Derek, something's come up."
-Doesn't it always? What's wrong now?-
"It's Philip..." Nicks stops, as Philip walks in the room.
-What about him, Nick?-
"How did the exorcism go?"
-He's there, you can't talk right?-
"Yeah, I bet it got messy. These things often do."
-I'll be home in two days, I'll try and call you later, maybe you can talk then, okay?-
"Sure boss, talk to you later."
-Nick, I love you.-
'"Yeah, same here." Nick clicks the phone off and sits it on the table near him. He digs into the plate of eggs without meeting Philip's questioning glance.
"Derek on da phone?" Nick nods and Philip gathers a plate of eggs for himself. "Sure did miss the cooking."
"Yeah, you are thin."
Philip nods and sprinkles pepper on his plate. "You know, maybe I could benefit from working out. That is, if you'd be willin' to be my coach."
"Whatever." Nick takes another bite, glancing from the table to Philip's eyes. Why didn't he just say it? He wondered, watching Philip pretend to be his friend.
"When will Derek be home?"
Nick stands up so quickly that the table shakes, sending the goblets of orange juice toppling over. "Why do you want to know?"
"I want to talk ta him, that's all." Philip scoots back a few inches in his chair.
"Sure, so you can scold him for loving me? Is that it,friend?"
Philip kept his composure as the ex-SEAL spatted the words and stormed off. This was going to be a long day. He finished his breakfast and chatted with Alex about what he couldn't quite remember. His mind kept sweeping back to the dream and the color of Nick's eyes as he let forth his anger earlier. When Alex pointed the fact that he was ignoring her out to him, he begged off, saying it was just fatigue. He wandered the grounds a bit, happy to be home. He found Nick exercising in the garden, like usual and watched. The tightly controlled, fluid movements of the muscles, The strong kicks and chops from nimble feet and hands. Nick's clothes were drenched with perspiration and his tee-shirt clung to his body. Philip swallowed hard as his eyes moved down Nick's frame. Nick kicked the side of a tree and bounced himself to the ground. He turns over and gets up slowly, pushing himself to his knees first then sitting back on his heels taking in massive amounts of oxygen. He punches the ground and Philip can hear the soft cursing as he holds the offended hand. He moves out of the shadows and steps up to Nick.
"You always go 'round abusin' yourself?" Philip stares down at his friend, his chest still heaving to gather his breath.
"You always go around spying on people?" Nick sighs as Philip kneels down on the ground in front of him.
"I wanted to talk."
"I don't." Nick starts to get up, but Philip grabs his hand. "Look Philip, I'm not interested in your condemnation of mine and Derek's..." His eyes fly open as Philip's lips press hard against his, he presses back and Philip breaks the kiss. "What the hell was that?"
"I thought it was a kiss, I'm a little out of practice." Philip laughs at the stunned look on Nick's face. "You're surprised."
"Uhh, yeah, just a little, 'Father Callaghan'." Nick stands up and watches Philip's face grow dark.
"I am not a priest anymore, I left the Church. Didn't you wonder why?"
"Yeah, but you can't tell me that this... this...is why."
Philip stands up and faces his friend. "No, not entirely. But my feelings for you and Derek are on the top of my list of things to work out.
"What feelings?"
"I knew you were no saint Nick, but I never thought that you and Derek would... I just supposed that Derek wouldn't, being Precept and all." Philip steps close and Nick steps back into a tree. "Nick?"
"What?" Nick closes his eyes as Philip's lips meet his again. His mouth opens and he accepts the exploring of the former-priest's mouth and tongue. *This is not happening, not Philip.* His mind is awash with desire, but when Philip attempts to deepen the kiss. Nick pushes him back. "No, wait. This is, not happening." Nick moves away from the tree, away from Philip. "You're not Philip, you're not, you can't be."
"Why? Because I kissed you or because you felt somethin' when I did."
Philip saw the shock on Nick's face. He rarely raised his voice and this time he had practically yelled into his friend's face. Philip reaches his hand for Nick, but only gets a shake of his head. "I care for you Nick, you know that. We've been best friends for years, I need your help. I don't know how to handle what I'm feeling." Philip takes a deep breath, hoping that his words have hit Nick's soft spot. "Why does it surprise you, that I could be attracted to you?"
"Because you're a priest."
"NO! I'm not anymore. I left the church. I couldn't handle the rules, condemnations, begging for forgiveness each and every time I had a thought that was outside of what I was preaching on Sunday. It's no' a way to live my friend."
"This is a trick, you wanted me to kiss you, so you can blame me for your leaving. Not going to work, I never made a pass at you, never."
"I know that, you never would. Maybe that's why I was surprised that you let Derek know that you care about him. You've not had the best time with lovers." Philip winced at the look of pain on Nick's face. The truth had hit home. Anyone outside the Legacy that Nick loved and one on the inside, had turned away, ran away, died or just left him.
"Derek loves me and I love him."
"Good, I'm not questioning that. But did you ever have a stray thought for me?" He senses Nick's turmoil and shakes his head. "I know, I have no right to ask ya this Nick, but I don't know where else to turn."
Nick pushes past him and heads inside the house. He spends most of the night in his room alone. Thinking, wondering and worrying about the feelings and thoughts running through his mind.
*****************************************
Later that night, Philip is tosing and turning in his bed. He'd done it now, kissed Nick full on the lips and admitted his feelings.. What was he thinking. Derek seemed to own Nick's heart as well as his head now. What did he expect Nick to do, betray Derek. It just wouldn't happen.
Nick was pacing back and forth in Derek's bedroom. Stopping from time to time to pound into the mattress. Derek hadn't called as he said he would and Nick was worried about him as well. He was mumbling now, when he felt a strong hand on his shoulder. "No!" He spins to find Derek rather shocked, staring at him. "Oh, man, Derek." Nick wraps his arms around the older man and buries his face in his chest. "I'm so glad you're home."
"So am I. I got the feeling that something was wrong, so I took the first flight I could get." Nick grins and looks up.
"You took a commercial flight, just for me?" For a moment everything is back to normal. Derek was home and he was wrapped in his arm, safe. Then Derek leans down to kiss him and Philip's face flashes before his eyes and he jumps back.
"What's wrong?"
"Nothing," Nick hugs him again, turing his face away from Derek's mouth. "Nothing, everything."
Derek watches as Nick gets ready for bed. Sweats and a heavy shirt. "Nick, what's bothering you? You said something about Philip."
"Ahh, he's wants to join the Legacy again, he's left the Church."
"Really, why, did he what was wrong? " He begins undressing. "I never though it would happen. I wonder what brought this on. I would say maybe a woman, but knowing our Philip, that can't be true. He'll probably never settle down. I guess you don't really stop being a priest, even if you leave the Church, now do you?"
Nick shrugs. *I don't know about that?* "I guess you'll have to ask him about that."
"Well, he'll be a great asset to have back. I could have used his help on this trip, I would have been back sooner." He climbs up the bed, Nick has tucked himself under the blanket. "I hated being away from you." Derek tries to pull the blanket back, but Nick is holding it. "Tell me what's going on. You obviously don't want me to touch you." Nick shrugs. "I thought you were going to stay in you room, when you wanted time to yourself."
"I don't know." He closes his eyes and runs through all the things he wanted to say. He wanted to tell Derek what he was feeling, but he knew he was wrong to be attracted to someone else. What if Derek wouldn't love him anymore. He just couldn't deal with that. But he didn't lie, he told Derek part of what was bothering him. "I do know." Nick surrenders and allows Derek under he blanket. "Philip knows about us."
"What? Why didn't you talk to me about this. We've discussed this Nick. I don't like these kinds of surprises."
"I didn't tell him."
Derek shakes his head. "If you didn't, who did?"
"He saw us at the hospital, kissing." Nick watches as Derek collapses back onto the pillow.
"What did he say?"
"I'm not sure."
"What?"
Nick gets up and starts his pacing again. "He said that we shouldn't assume, that he'll condemn us because of his beliefs. He never said more than that Derek, not really. He's been acting very strange. I don't know what he's feeling."
"Maybe, I should have a talk with him."
"Yeah, please. Cause I don't know what to say to him."
Derek takes Nick's hand and pulls him to the bed. "Does it have to be tonight?" He nuzzles Nick's neck and ear, finally getting the younger man to relax into the embrace. He rolls them and Nick is trapped beneath him.
"Ouch."
Derek pulls up and off Nick. "Your shoulder?" A nod and Derek moves away. "I'm sorry, I forgot."
"It's okay, I'm tired anyway." Nick scoots off the bed. "I'm gonna sleep in my room tonight."
Derek sighs but nods, watching his lover slip from the bedroom door. Something more than Philip was bothering him. A threesome, sit down talk was what the situation called for, but tomorrow. Tonight sleep.
****************************************************
Philip awoke to a slight knocking on his door. "Come." He sits up and wipes the sleep from his eyes. "Nick?"
"Listen Philip, I know you're going through something right now. But I don't think I can help you. Derek's home and I think maybe you should..." Nick lost the use of his mouth momentarily as Philip walked toward him. He had looked at Philip before, but not in this light, okay maybe once or twice, but Philip was a priest, untouchable and his best friend.
"I understand Nick. I don't want to make life uncomfortable for you or Derek. I'll leave tomorrow."
"No, no, that's not what I meant Philip and you know it." Philip is inches from him now and their eyes meet. "Don't do that."
"Do wha'? "
Nick leans forward, testing the water, Philip doesn't move back or step away. He swallows hard, his mouth suddenly going dry. "Philip?"
"Yes, Nick?" Philip steadies himself, this would have to be Nick's decision. He had fought his feelings so long for Nick and Derek, he was going to take whatever Nick had to offer tonight. After a long moment of silence Nick leans forward and catches his mouth, just a brief quick kiss, then another, then another longer, then a lip locking passionate kiss, that took both their breaths away. He could see the fear in Nick's eyes when he finally broke the kiss.
"I'm sorry, Philip."
The former-priest shakes his head and smiles. "Why?"
"Because I just kissed you and you let me. Hell I don't know. I should go." Nick backs into the door, then turns and hurries out.
Philip lies down on the bed and smiles. Hurdle one successfully crossed. "I still feel your eyes and the tug at my heart, but this is something I must do. Something I must find out for myself. If I'm wrong and there isn't any love here, I'll return."
*******************************************
Derek shook himself awake, the images of Nick and Philip together flooded his mind. Where was Nick, why wasn't he in bed with him. He hurries from the room and knocks on Nick's door. When the young man doesn't answer he pushes the door open and goes inside. Nick jerks awake and stares at him. "What's going on?"
"I had a dream."
"A dream?"
"I don't know," Derek sits down on Nick's bed. "I saw you, but you were..."
"It's probably just jet lag and my not being in there with you. I'm sorry, come on. Let's go to bed." Nick begins to get up, but Derek lightly pushes him back down.
"No. That's okay. I know your shoulder hurts and I'd probably make it more uncomfortable. You stay here, rest. I'll be fine. I just needed to know, that you were okay." He leans down and kisses Nick's forehead. "Good night my love."
"Nite." Nick watches Derek get up and walk to the door.
"Nick, you know how much I love you, don't you?"
"Of course I do and I love you too." Nick relaxes as Derek leaves, pulling the door closed behind him. "What am I going to do?" He curls to his side and closes his eyes. He could still feel Philip's lips on his and the desire that ran through him. How could he be attracted to Philip, if he loved Derek so much?
to be continued inpart 3
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