Title: The Chasing of Obi-Wan Kenobi
Author: Seven O'Nine
Email: jsolinas@erols.com
Summary: Qui-Gon must save his padawan when a soon-to-be-married
princess with a jealous fiancee sets her sights on him.
Rating: G
Takes place about seven or eight years before TPM, when Obi-Wan is sixteen.
Spoilers: None
Disclaimer: Lucas owns all the characters, I make no money off of this.
Thanks to: PG Wodehouse, for writing the amazing fiction that inspires this...
CHAPTER 1
****
A soft knocking. "Master?"
Qui-Gon put down his datapad and slid off his bed, his bare feet sinking into the deep rug as he went to the door. The luxurious suite was darkened with the fall of night, but he had been unable to sleep.
As the door sped open, he saw his apprentice standing in the hallway, his body tensed and his blue eyes bloodshot. He glanced over his master's shoulder furtively. "She's not in here, is she?" he asked.
Qui-Gon's brow wrinkled in confusion. "No..."
Obi-Wan let out a sigh of relief and slipped past him into the suite. "Do you have any water?" he asked faintly. "I think I ran five times around the palace trying to get away from her..."
"Trying to get away from whom?" Qui-Gon asked, reaching into the cooler for a glass of water.
"Princess Mirika!" Obi-Wan uttered the name as if it were a curse. "You would not BELIEVE how fast she is! I swear, I think she might have broken a rib..."
Qui-Gon frowned, thinking back to the slim, golden-haired princess at the side of her father, King Ajuka. The princess, whose wedding Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon were scheduled to supervise, had been noticeably giggling in Obi-Wan's direction, but Qui-Gon had had no idea she was so taken by his apprentice.
"Princess Mirika chased you?" the master asked slowly.
"Chased me, held me down, kissed me," Obi-Wan panted, running to the window and yanking the heavy, velvet drapes shut. "She's really, really pretty, Master—but she's strange. You would not BLIEVE some of the things she was saying to me on the balcony."
"Then she kissed you."
"Right."
Qui-Gon was having an increasing amount of difficulty keeping a straight face. His apprentice ran his fingers through his close-cropped hair, giving him a wild look.
"That's not the worst of it," Obi-Wan finally said.
"What's the worst?"
"Prince Calian noticed the way she was looking at me," Obi-Wan grimaced, playing with a fold of his robe. "He had little veins popping out on his forehead."
"Jealous fiancee?" Qui-Gon asked, keeping his face deadpan.
"Very jealous. He mumbled something under his breath about sauteed Jedi, and... um, I sensed that he was thinking about attacking me with the cutlery." Obi-Wan was turning redder by the minute. "If he sees me, I think he'll kill me. If I defeat him in self-defense, it could trigger a diplomatic incident."
Qui-Gon sighed and rubbed his eyes. "Obi-Wan, why don't we switch rooms tonight? The wedding is the day after tomorrow, and then we can leave for Coruscant."
Obi-Wan breathed a sigh of relief, looking pathetically grateful. "Thank you, Master."
As Qui-Gon gathered his few possessions strewn around the suite, he began to think about how to keep Obi-Wan out of range of the princess...
The planets of the Rubari star system had been at war for almost a century. After months of negotiations with the Republic—under another Jedi Master who had had a nervous breakdown shortly after peace was reached—the Ridia and the Jorellians were marrying the heirs of their respective worlds.
It was not a good idea, Qui-Gon thought drearily as he reread the mission report from Master Dos-Di-Mal, written right before she had snapped and sent an obscene message to Master Yoda. Princess Mirika of the Ridia was known for her flightiness and—as Obi-Wan had put it—her strangeness. Prince Calian of the Jorellians was likewise known for his temper and lack of self-control.
Maybe I should send Obi-Wan home, Qui-Gon mused. Nothing good can come from confining him in close quarters with the princess and prince.
Resolved to send Obi-Wan off in the morning, Qui-Gon set down the mission report and slid under the bedcovers.
CHAPTER 2
****
BAM BAM BAM!
Qui-Gon jolted awake, amidst a tangle of bedsheets, at the sound of fists hammering on his door. "Who is it?" he shouted, pulling on a pair of pants as he rose and ran to the door.
The doors opened to reveal the ornately-dressed form of a very irate young prince. One of the things that Qui-Gon had first noticed about Prince Calian was that he was unusually large and muscular. Obi-Wan had unfavorably compared him to a Kamsian gorilla, and though Qui-Gon had reprimanded him for the comment, he had to admit it was accurate.
He looked surprised at finding Qui-Gon in Obi-Wan's suite, but quickly regained his composure. "Where's that apprentice of yours?" he snarled.
Qui-Gon sighed and rubbed his eyes. "I don't know, why?"
"Because if he doesn't stop ogling Mirika, I am going to tear him apart!"
"Why?" Qui-Gon asked, sinking onto a brocaded couch. Calian began to pace across the suite, strangling thin air between his fingers.
"Because that little worm wants her for himself!" Calian snapped. "If you see him, warn him. Otherwise..."
The younger man stormed out the door, leaving a very tired Jedi Master in his wake.
Obi-Wan glanced into the sparkling dinner hall, where the purple-clad figure of King Ajuka was standing, ordering the servants around. They carried light tables and chairs, preparing for the wedding feast.
He grimaced, looking down the hall furtively for Calian or Mirika. No sign of either. He began to tiptoe across the high archway...
"Ah, Kenobi!"
He almost sobbed in frustration at the kindly king's voice. The white-bearded old man walked over to him, smiling amiably, and put a ring-covered hand on his shoulder. "You're having a good time, Kenobi?" he asked warmly.
Obi-Wan bobbed his head, praying that Mirika didn't hear her father's booming comments.
The old man shook his head. "My daughter's taken quite a fancy to you," King Ajuka continued dreamily. "Quite shy around most young men..."
Shy? Obi-Wan almost fell over and choked at the description.
"Ah, but maybe it's you being a Jedi," Ajuka finished with a wide grin. Then he glanced over Obi-Wan's shoulder. "Ah, here she comes now!"
Obi-Wan made a noise similar to "glurk" as he started away from the old king, his heart dancing up in his throat.
"Obi-Wan!" High, fluting voice, and the patter of extremely flimsy shoes. Obi-Wan hurriedly changed his look of panic to one of serenity, however forced the serenity might be.
The Princess Mirika pranced up beside him, her long golden hair aswirl around a face, that housed the biggest pair of blue eyes Obi-Wan had ever seen in a humanoid. "I've been looking all over for you," she said, linking one long arm around his.
The king walked back the dining hall with a satisfied smile, as the princess began gently but firmly dragging Obi-Wan toward the huge lawn outside the palace. "The starlight lilies are so lovely right now," she said shyly. "I say hello to them every morning. Don't you just adore flowers, Obi-Wan?"
He heard himself mutter a feeble assent, and she began to skip alongside him.
Help, he prayed, looking up at the sky. Anything, anything to distract her...
"KENOBI!" Prince Calian appeared between a pair of trees, looking positively murderous....
CHAPTER 3
****
"KENOBI!"
At the bellow, comparable to an exploding ship, Obi-Wan froze. The princess's arm was still twined around his, suddenly seeming like a steel band. I'm dead, he thought frantically. I can't hit him or the treaty with the Republic will go down the tubes...
"Hello," Mirika said with a white smile, batting her eyes at her fiancee.
Obi-Wan unsuccessfully tried to extricate his hand from Mirika's. "Uh, your highness, let me explain-"
Prince Calian's broad face was bright red, almost exactly the color of his beaded vest. His thick arms were bulging as he flexed his fingers, a homicidal gleam entering his eyes. "I am going to tear you apart," he said in a remarkably serene voice. "You sneaking, sniveling, crawling, spying, cheating worm."
Obi-Wan flushed a little and started to reply. Then Calian lunged forward.
Caution gave way to self-preservation. Obi-Wan tore his hand from Mirika's and dodged the huge hands. As Calian turned back to the attack with a roar, Obi-Wan seized his arm and flipped him over his head. A muscle twanged in his side with the effort, but it paid off.
There was a thunderous crash and a bloodcurdling howl of fury. Obi-Wan winced and considered not turning around, but glanced over his shoulder.
The prince was tangled up in a mass of prickly flowering plants, his clothing and skin torn by the huge thorns. He continued roaring and screaming, thrashing around, but mercifully ignored Obi-Wan.
He glanced at Mirika. Her hands were clasped girlishly, and she was looking at him in a chillingly adoring manner. He froze inwardly, suddenly more terrified than he had been with Calian's sudden vicious attack.
"Uh," he stammered, rubbing at his sore side for a moment. "You should... umm... get someone to look after him. I have to go."
Mirika nodded and batted her eyes a little. "Of course, darling," she fluttered. He took his opportunity and ran for it, back into the pristine halls of the palace.
As Obi-Wan sprinted to his suite, his only thought was, "Master Qui-Gon's going to have a fit..."
****
Contrary to Obi-Wan's expectations, Qui-Gon did not have a fit. He did
not yell, or pace, or even rise out of his chair. He simply stared at his padawan, his ashen face taking on a distinctly green tinge, before he closed his eyes and covered his face with his hands.
"Obi-Wan," he said faintly.
"Yes, Master?"
"Did I, or did I not, inform you that getting into any kind of fight with the prince could be detrimental to our very purpose here?"
"Yes, Master."
Qui-Gon finally put down his hands, with an air of great patience. "So why did you fight?"
Obi-Wan wriggled a little, shuffling his booted feet. "He attacked me."
"Why?"
An expression of nausea crossed Obi-Wan's features for a moment. "Because the princess caught me leaving the palace... and she started taking me on a tour of the gardens. I couldn't help going... and when Calian saw me..." Obi-Wan clapped his hands together with a loud SLAP noise. "It was like trying to wade through a tsunami."
Qui-Gon's bearded chin was resting on the heel of his hand. Obi-Wan had never seen him look so completely ILL before. "Well-"
There was a loud knocking at the door, and the white head of King Ajuka appeared in the doorway. "Sorry... am I interrupting?" he asked slowly.
Obi-Wan shook his head, biting hard on his knuckle to keep back a shriek of terrified anticipation. Qui-Gon was looking dully at the king with the air of a martyr.
The king came in, wringing his hands. "Look, I know you two and the other Jedi worked hard on this treaty. But... um, it seems that my daughter and her fiance... no longer have an understanding."
For a moment, Qui-Gon swayed on his chair. Then he gripped the desk as the king continued, looking at Obi-Wan skeptically. "Err... I never really thought of a Jedi as my daughter's type," he said haltingly. "But if she's certain and you're certain... I hope you'll be very happy together."
Obi-Wan Kenobi came closer to fainting than he ever had in his life.
TBC
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