He would have been sixteen in a month. Qui-Gon could not help but think as he sat on the edge of his Padawan's now stripped bed. Three plain boxes now contained all of the room's contents. The young man who had for these last few years been the son he never had, his life had been reduced in two short hours to three brown boxes on the Temple floor. Just before they left, they had been making plans for his sixteenth birthday. He had wanted the two of them to visit his family on Tatooine for a few days before going to Ziltir IV. Once a millennium, night-time arose on this small planet. The practically unheard of globe became shrouded in darkness and it was predicted that this planet would be the only one whose orbit would make it possible to see the dawning of a galaxy that had been born billions of years ago. The time it took for the light to travel meant that the birth of this galaxy could be witnessed. And it just so happened, that on Obi-Wan's birthday, the one planet from where this could be seen would see night-time, and the event would occur in all its spectacular glory, without the light of a star to mar the view. Few knew about this event, and so it promised to be peaceful, and indeed an event that few could attest to.
And now he'll never see it. The thoughts constricted Qui-Gon's chest. He feared and at the same time hoped that his heart would explode, releasing this pain that was trapped inside that no amount of rage or tears could assuage. Obi-Wan will never see the birth of that galaxy any more than he will see sixteen years in this one. He will never know what it would have been like to be a full Jedi Knight…to realize that dream that he had committed his life to. I will never see him kneel before me and feel that pride in shearing the braid from behind his ear….never see those eyes that see my every thought look up at me as an equal. We will never have the chance to serve side by side as Knights. My Obi-Wan will never grow up.
*****
Obi-Wan kept his face a mask of Jedi serenity as Senator Palpatine
stepped into the lift with him. He selected the level that would take him
back to his quarters and then immediately selected the level that would show
the senator out.
"Thank you my boy. I wasn't sure where I should get off."
I could tell you where to get off. "Do you require an escort from the Temple grounds, sir?" Obi-Wan said instead, making sure to keep his voice perfectly neutral.
"Why yes Padawan Kenobi. I would be grateful for that. I confess I have only been to the Jedi Temple on one other occasion, and I got myself lost then too," he smiled down at him. Obi-Wan affixed a smile to his face and nodded, canceling his floor selection. Damn Qui-Gon and his diplomacy. I should have let him wander. But it wouldn't do for one of the senators to accidentally find himself in the trash compactor and wind up inside one of those cubes that was spit out to be hauled away. That thought got Obi-Wan to the bottom level where he would walk Palpatine out.
The senator looked closer at him, "My boy, have you been running?"
"Saber drills, sir," Obi-Wan answered, not the least bit embarrassed at having his state pointed out by Palpatine as he might have been by one of the Council members. He began walking, the senator falling in step. "I'm afraid there was no time to go back to my quarters to make myself presentable for yourself and the Council."
"Quite understandable, quite understandable," he nodded, the sly grin returning, "Not all emergencies can be properly coordinated into our schedules."
"Unfortunately not sir," Obi-Wan agreed discreetly.
"Do you enjoy training to be a Jedi?"
Obi-Wan faltered, but resumed his pace. The question caught him completely off-guard, "Why do you ask sir?"
"Well, it just seems to me that there are plenty of other things a boy your age might be doing right now. What are you, fourteen?"
"Almost sixteen," Obi-Wan said, a bit more offense in his voice than he intended.
"Really?" Palpatine said, surprise rich in his voice, "Well, do you know what other fifteen year old boys your age are out doing? They're playing sports and socializing in those clubs they go to, perfecting the fine art of mingling and dating," the senator lowered his voice, "They're out with girls in the back seats of their speeders and corrupting each other."
"Senator," Obi-Wan interrupted, his voice made of steel, "I have spent my life training to be a Jedi. It is all I have ever wanted. It is all I have ever dreamed of. To me, anything else in life that I could be doing is unbecoming of everything I believe in and hold dear."
"Your dedication is that concrete?"
"It is," he confirmed, meeting the senator's eyes and pausing in front of the front doors of the Temple.
"Such allegiance is rare for a child your age," Palpatine said with an edge to it.
"Not in the Jedi Temple sir." Obi-Wan said with finality, "I trust you can find your way from here."
"That I can Padawan. I thank you for your escort."
"It was my pleasure sir," he said as the doors closed behind his billowing robes of office. Obi-Wan turned slowly, making his way back to the lifts that would take him to his quarters. He tried to make sense of the senator's words the entire way home. When he reached their door, he was still at a loss save one conclusion, he now trusted Palpatine even less.
*****
"Padawan," Qui-Gon greeted Obi-Wan as he came through the doors.
"My apologies, Master. Senator Palpatine required an escort from the Temple grounds."
"How gracious of you to volunteer," the Master said the lilt in his voice betraying how gracious he knew it truly was. He zipped his packed bag and threw it beside the door, "We have another hour and a half if you wish to freshen up." Obi-Wan nodded and moved towards the 'fresher. "Obi-Wan, is everything all right?"
"Fine Master," Obi-Wan smiled, "Just fine." Qui-Gon decided not to pry any further. If it was important, Obi-Wan would tell him in his own time. He also supposed that it was time he let Obi-Wan work through some of his problems himself.
Obi-Wan, meanwhile, turned the shower on and let the hot water build up. If they'd ever update the heating system the entire Temple would have instant hot water, Obi-Wan bemoaned. But if he ever mentioned it, Qui-Gon went in on his lecture about Jedi not needing such comforts. Maybe a Jedi didn't need them, but Obi-Wan for one enjoyed it when available. He gathered a towel and washcloth from the closet and placed them on the sink. He shed his tunic top and tested the water with his hands. Still a bit too cold. Sighing, Obi-Wan gazed into the full length mirror beside the sink, striking a few poses and flexing his muscles. Stepping closer, Obi-Wan took a good look at his image…
"Master!"
Qui-Gon stuck his head in the door, "Yes Padawan?"
"C'mere. Do you think I need to start shaving?" He gazed closely at his chin and upper lip.
"Here, let me see," his master took his chin in hand and scrutinized it closely, "Maybe," he said speculatively, taking the washcloth and sticking it under the water in the shower that was growing hot, "Let me see," quickly he grabbed Obi-Wan and scrubbed his chin briskly.
"Master!" Obi-Wan giggled, squirming away.
"Nope, not dirt," he laughed. Obi-Wan had to keep himself from sticking his tongue out as his Master. Qui-Gon then turned and took a canister of shave gel and new razor from the closet, "Here, use hot water and go with the grain or it will sting for a quite a while after. If you cut yourself, use this," he held up a tube of bacta gel…"and quit grinning so widely or you'll miss spots," he tousled his Padawan's hair.
Qui-Gon stepped outside, shaking his head. My boy's growing up too fast, he mused. Inside, he heard Obi-Wan turn up the radio, music blaring just a bit too loudly, but for once, he let it go.
"OW!" he heard Obi-Wan yelp and then turn the music to a suitable level. Qui-Gon couldn't help but chuckle. The boy will probably come out completely cut up.
*****
Obi-Wan emerged from the shower, steam billowing from the door behind
him. He towel dried his hair creating soft spikes that stuck up perfectly.
Humming softly with the radio, swaying slightly since no one was watching, he
began to pack his things. Once again, he didn't know how long he'd be gone.
Obi-Wan arranged his desk neatly, placing the holopic he had been looking at
that morning in the drawer.
I wish I had time to apologize to Arica, he thought sullenly, bringing up the datareader to compose an apology letter.
"Padawan, are you almost ready?" Qui-Gon called from the other room. He checked his wristchrono. They still had a half hour before they had to leave, but his Master always liked to be early.
"Yes, Master, I'll be right there," he called, keeping his sigh to himself.
"Don't forget your datapad. I know you have hyperdrive quantum calculations that need attending to."
"Yes Master," he called again, grabbing his datapad from the drawer and tossing it absently in his bad. He sent his letter, wishing that he would know her answer before he returned, but resigned to the fact that once again, he would have to leave things in what personal life he had on hold until his duty was finished. Obi-Wan then grabbed his bag and joined his Master in the living room.
"Do you have everything Padawan?" Qui-Gon asked on their way out the door.
"Yes Master," he nodded, falling in step alongside him. Qui-Gon nodded, satisfied. He glanced sidelong at his freshly shaved Padawan. He only cut himself that once, he marveled. The Master could remember when the boy had first walked at his side, unsure, his step faltering. The boy…no, young man that strode at his side was sure-footed and confident without impudence. Careful, Qui-Gon, such nostalgia is the first sign of old age.
"So the senator arranged for our transport?" Qui-Gon nodded. Obi-Wan grinned, "Well, at least for once we'll have a decent transport…."
*****
"That's it??" Obi-Wan said incredulously. Their transport was, in fact,
a UST-1600 Sullustan freighter that looked to be on its last afterburners.
Carbon scoring decorated the hull and techs swarmed the vessel like womprats
on a rotting ronto. "We may not make it out of Coruscant's atmosphere."
"Appearances can be deceiving, Padawan," Qui-Gon told him, raising his voice to be heard over the attempt of the engines to fire, "Inside that hull may be a stout little ship…"
*****
"This stout little ship has stout little quarters," Obi-Wan said dryly,
observing the room they had been shown. One bunk was flush against the wall.
Six feet of space lay between it and a small 'fresher…and that was it.
Qui-Gon turned to the crewman that had escorted them, "This is adequate. Where is the other room?"
"Other room? Who do you think you are, the Chancellor. This is it," he waved his hand towards the room and left them standing there.
"Well," Obi-Wan sighed, "I'll take the floor," he tried to shove his bag under the bed, but the bunk came straight down to the deck with no storage space. He shrugged and sat it down in the corner.
"No need to sleep on the floor, Padawan. It may have been a while since we were forced to share a bunk, but I think we can still pull it off." Qui-Gon smiled, placing a hand on the boy's shoulder, "The way you're growing, one of us WILL be on the floor before long."
Obi-Wan looked up at him and grinned softly, but the grin disappeared quickly, "I want you to know, I smell a rat."
"Padawan!" Qui-Gon turned sharply. "I know you have 'a bad feeling' about the senator," he used one of Obi-Wan's pattoned phrases, "but such disrespect is unlike you."
"No Master, a real rat," Obi-Wan said, glancing at the tiny gray creature at his feet. The rat's whiskers were twitching vigorously as it sniffed the boy's boots. Qui-Gon raised an eyebrow. While he wouldn't say so aloud, he agreed with his Padawan's assessment of the entire situation. He didn't like being personally requested for this assignment by Senator Palpatine, he didn't like this transport they were given, and he most certainly was beginning to dislike the accommodations. He sent the rat thoughts of food that would lead it to the ramp and out of the ship, but there was no telling how many other creatures were roaming shipwide.
"Well, I suppose we've dealt with worse," Obi-Wan shrugged and sat on the bed, "There was that two weeks in the mud swamps of Hiirir searching for the Sultan's son."
"Mmm," Qui-Gon agreed, searching the room quickly through the Force for any other "guests." Not finding any, he sat down beside Obi-Wan. Master and Padawan exchanged a look as the engines groaned and whined into starting. This would indeed be an interesting mission.
*************
Smoke curled and rose to collect at the high domed ceiling before
escaping through the small vent placed discreetly at the top. This part of
the Temple was the most sacred, where each fallen Jedi was revered and
remembered. Funerals took place at the second highest point in the entire
Temple at the north tower, the Tower of Souls. The entire rest of the tower
was devoted to honor fallen Jedi, mostly through the library, historical
research, and the Holocron chamber, as well as a growing memorial that had
each Jedi's name inscribed upon it that had died. At this moment, it was the
last place Qui-Gon Jinn wanted to be. Many had shown up to honor his
Padawan, including Masters Yoda, Mace Windu, and Ki Adi Mundi from the
Council. His favorite class instructor Master Irten was there as well. Even
Padawans Bant, Reeft, and Garen Muln had been able to attend. Arica Song had
come in with them. Each Jedi wore their cloak, hoods pulled tightly against
faces lest any emotion be showed. There were several Padawans and Knights
whose acquaintance he had never made, but apparently Obi-Wan had in some way,
but the boy had always been like that, making friends and gaining allies on
every planet and every mission. Why should it be any different at the
Temple? The flames from the empty pyre flickered, casting dancing ghostly
shadows on the soft tones of the walls. The sun had set as the funeral
started, a bit too symbolic for Qui-Gon's taste. Now, the light of the fire
was the only illumination in the chamber aside from the city lights. Silence
cut through the room. Only the occasional sniffle or shuffle from one of the
Padawans broke the silence.
"Master, the code states 'There is no emotion; there is peace. There is no ignorance; there is knowledge. There is no passion; there is serenity. There is no death; there is the Force.'" Obi-Wan had seemed nervous to ask.
"Yes Padawan."
"Well, I don't mean to question the Code Master, but, there IS death as well as the Force. I mean, I am alive and I am a part of the Force, as are you, as are we all, but…"
"Go on Padawan. There is no disrespect in seeking insight. 'There is no ignorance; there is knowledge.'" Qui-Gon had tried to be encouraging.
"But…why, if I am part of the Force now is there no death? Someday, I WILL die. We all will, and yes, my spirit will pass into the Force. I will become a part of it, but still, I WILL die."
"Yes, your life as you know it will cease to exist. You will stop breathing. Your heart will cease to beat, and your body will die, but what you know now is but one stage of life. Most beings think of death as 'ceasing to exist.' You will never 'cease to exist' Padawan. Your spirit will forever be one with the Force. Luminous beings we are. Not this crude matter." Obi-Wan had smiled at his attempt to mimic Yoda. Qui-Gon had placed a hand on his shoulder, "Fear not Padawan, when the time comes for each of us, I believe that we will each attain full understanding of the things that now puzzle us. And another thing I know Padawan, when death touches us, each time, it teaches us the hardest lesson of understanding the will of the Force."
As Qui-Gon Jinn watched the flames on the pyre consume the last of the fuel, the lesson which he had tried to explain to his Padawan came before him…the hardest lesson, knowing that those that pass before you never die because they become one with the Force, and thus become a part of each living creature. As part of the Force, they flow through each of the ones that loved them and touched their lives and they live again in them. This was one lesson Qui-Gon Jinn had faced before, but it was the first time that he had ever felt rage at its teachings
Obi-Wan may live again in me, but it's not enough…it's not enough.
*****
Qui-Gon painfully opened his eyes. He sat up and winced as his battered
back protested. Beside him, Obi-Wan awoke at the shifting of the bed,
rubbing his eyes with the heel of his palm. The boy had never been a morning
person, but the night had made waking up worse than normal.
"Well my Padawan," he said wryly, "perhaps you ARE too big for us to share a bed anymore. You've developed a habit of kicking." He winced has he shifted to stand.
Obi-Wan shot him a mock glare, rolling onto his back, "Well you steal the covers."
"I most certainly do not," the Master replied indignantly.
The young Jedi pointed to the covers piled on Qui-Gon's side of the bed, "AND you rolled over on me three times," he held up his fingers for effect, "You're not small either. I spent most of the night pinned to the wall."
"Why don't we take turns of the floor from now on?" Qui-Gon suggested.
Obi-Wan nodded his agreement, "I'm sorry my Master."
"There's no need for you to apologize for growing Padawan. You cannot stop, nor should you want to," he tousled the boy's hair.
Obi-Wan swung his feet to the side of the bed, sitting up and stretching his thin frame, his back popping softly. Qui-Gon knew he had always hated being small. He had been the smallest human in his age group. Lately though, the Master had noted the characteristics of manhood creeping into the child he knew. His ribs were not so easy to count as muscle built on his torso. His shoulders were broader this year than last, leaving the promise of strength that belied his structure. He could also see hints of reddish-gold hair beginning to sprout on his chest. First the boy was shaving; before he knew it, he would be seeing the boy through his Trials and have to let go of him. It was the first time he had given it thought. Oh, he had thought about his Padawan taking his Trials and becoming a Knight. He had no doubt that the boy would pass his first time with flying colors, but he hadn't given thought to afterwards, when his Padawan would no longer be his Padawan. He would leave their quarters and move to the Knight's wing of the Temple. He would receive his own missions, have his own adventures and perils to face alone. Perhaps he would even marry. He seemed the type that would serve faithfully alongside a companion Knight until he became a Master and took his own Padawan to live with him and his companion as some of the Padawans did. In a second, Qui-Gon felt as if he was watching the boy's entire life pass before him before a gentle voice shook him out of his reverie.
"Master? Master?" Obi-Wan's piercing eyes finally caught his attention.
"Yes Padawan?"
"Why are you staring at me like that?" he asked, a tentative grin on his face.
"My apologies Padawan. I was lost in thought."
"Would you like the shower first Master?"
"No Obi-Wan, go ahead. I think I should like to meditate before I prepare for the day."
"All right," Obi-Wan agreed, bouncing off the bed and into the 'fresher.
Qui-Gon knelt beside the bed, breathing deeply and reaching out to the Force. No matter what his problems were, the soothing rhythms of the Force could always calm his heart and soothe his soul. Washing his thoughts clean, he released himself into the Force.
TBC
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