1 Hour Left : The Awakening
---------------------------------------------------------
An-Paj’s POV
Obi-Wan Kenobi went into cardiac arrest at approximately 1.06 am. His heart
stopped beating and for 1.78 minutes we worked feverishly to bring him back
to life.
/Clear!/
The line on the heart monitor remained flat. No, I’m not going to lose this one.
/Again! Clear!/
Nothing. Have you ever tried resuscitating a child? You never want to stop.
/Dammit, Obi-Wan. You’re not going to die on my watch! Clear!/
His body jerked again. It was almost painful to watch the young body arching as the electricity flowed through his body. No heartbeat.
/Again! Cle-/
/An-Paj, wait! Look../
I stared at the heart monitor for what seemed like eternity, willing the straight line to reshape itself to peaks that signified life. Then I heard it.
*Beep* Beep*
A rhythm. We’ve got a rhythm.
***
Qui-Gon’s POV
I remembered nothing during those 1.78 minutes. Nothing. When it was all
over, the Healers told me my control just snapped. But I don’t remember. I
don’t remember throwing myself at my Padawan with cries of denial. Neither
do I remember being held back to allow the Healers to work. They said I
struggled like a madman and that it took 3 men to restrain me. Apparently,
I even punched one of them in the eye, trying to escape their clutches to
get back to my Obi-Wan. Strangely, I cannot recall any of that. No memory
remained of that 1.78 minutes of my life and I could even be persuaded to
believe that the whole thing never happened. Except… except that I
do remember one thing. That one sound that will forever haunt my
nightmares for years to come. The cry that began when my Padawan’s heart
stilled only to be replaced by gentle beeping when he was snatched back from
the jaws of death.
*We’ve got a rhythm.*
I only became aware of my surroundings after hearing those words. Four simple words. These four words saved my sanity, hauling me from the brink of madness, of despair, back to reality. A reality where Obi-Wan is still breathing, still [b] ALIVE [/b]. As my senses slowly awaken, I realized that I was sitting on the floor, leaning against the wall, my chest heaving. The taste of salt lingered in my mouth, a mixture of sweat and…. tears. Tears. I had cried during those long forgotten moments and I was crying still. Great big sobs wrecked my body as I gasped for air.
*We’ve got a rhythm.*
I wanted the tears to stop. I wanted to get up and reach for my Padawan. To hold him, to touch him… to feel his heartbeat against my cheek. To convince myself that he hasn’t left me. But I was afraid. So very afraid that if I moved even an inch, this bubble would shatter.
*We’ve got a rhythm.*
It might have been an illusion, something that my mind had made up to shield from the fact that Death had indeed taken away my light in life. That if I touched that still figure, I would only find an empty husk. That I was alone. And so I stayed on the floor, frozen in fear and uncertainty. I was aware that the Healers were staring at me, this pathetic lump of a Jedi Master who could do nothing but cry.
How long this went on, I cannot say. I lost all track of time until a hand gently brushed against my cheek, wiping away the tears. It was Leona. She gave me an understanding smile and then whispered in my ear.
“It’s not a dream, Qui-Gon. Obi-Wan’s still here with us.”
That was all I needed to hear.
***
An-Paj’s POV
Qui-Gon has always been the strong one. Speaking his mind, defying the
council, he never held back, no matter what the consequences. His courage
was legendary. I’ve seen this man face enemies with the odds against him
without blinking, without fear. Watched him wrestle with demons that
plagued his soul and somehow still managing to keep the Dark Side at bay.
The ultimate tower of strength, he seems invincible, almost omnipotent. I
know better but even I believe that nothing can ever break him.
But the sight of my friend, on the floor, crying like a child… no longer caring about the loss of dignity … reminded me that he was only human. One that can feel sorrow and pain. One that can only take so much. He no longer looked like the Jedi Master I know so well, his hair all undone with streaks of tears lining his face. He looked a mess. He looked old. He looked like a grieving father.
But his son was no longer dead. And yet, he did not move. I could see the naked fear in his eyes, wondering if Obi-Wan’s heartbeat reverberating around room was yet another calm before the storm. I can understand the feeling. Everything feels vaguely unreal. Surreal. Like a long bad nightmare.
***
Qui-Gon’s POV
He’s alive.
My sense of touch told me this was no dream. The warm breath on my fingers. The pulse of life by his neck.
He’s alive.
My ears heard the drum of his heart. Machines singing the song of life. A beautiful symphony.
He’s alive.
Looking at the gentle rise of his chest, I knew…
My Padawan lives.
***
An-Paj’s POV
I see him go through the motions. Touching, feeling, allowing his senses to
convince him of the truth. It was almost heartbreaking, watching him. I
could hear Leona crying. But when Qui-Gon gently lowered his head on his
Padawan’s chest to listen for a heartbeat, it was I who could not hold back
the tears.
***
Qui-Gon’s POV
“Qui-Gon.”
I turned at the sound of my name. Mace Windu stood by the doorway, Bant held in his arms. Her salmon colored skin looked pale and a small oxygen mask covered half of her face. With her eyes closed, she looked younger than her 13 years, clinging to her Master like that.
“Mace.” I returned the greeting. There was an unspoken question hanging in the air. Why did he bring Bant here? She was hardly well, just recovering from the effects of the poison. Selfish of me perhaps, but I don’t really want to see her. I guess deep inside, I blamed her for surviving while Obi-Wan still struggled. She was just another stark reminder that my own Padawan was …….
“She insisted, old friend.” Mace answered while carefully settling down on a chair next to Obi-Wan’s bed, making sure that his Padawan was comfortable. His obvious protectiveness of her made my heart ache. Would I ever be given a chance to hold Obi-Wan like the way he is holding Bant now? “She threw a fit as soon as she regained consciousness, wanting to be with Obi-Wan and wouldn’t take no as an answer.” Mace’s gaze lingered fondly on her face before shifting to look at my Obi-Wan. “How is he?” Softly. Almost afraid to hear the answer.
“Coma.” I turned away from the compassion in his eyes. I don’t need any pity, not now. I had more than enough of that from the Healers when they told me that although Obi-Wan lives still, he may never awaken from his slumber. There was always another hurdle.
“Master Jinn?” The small weak voice drew me to the bundle in Mace’s arms. Those silver eyes were open now, filled with sorrow and guilt, begging for my forgiveness. “I’m sorry.”
“It’s not your fault, little one.” Even as I said it, I realized that it was true. It wasn’t. I wiped some of the tears away from her cheeks. So much like Obi-Wan, this young one. So young, so vulnerable and yet strong.
“No, it’s my fault!” She clutched my hand, sobbing harder now. “He.. he.. could have made it. He could have! But he saved me instead. I’m so s-s-orrryy…”
“Shhhhhh…” With her Master’s permission, I took her into my embrace, rocking her gently while she sobbed. Oh, Obi-Wan. My brave Obi-Wan. So typical of him. Giving up his own life to save others whom he loved. I could feel my own eyes watering. My brave brave Padawan. “Bant…” I gently tipped her chin so that she would look straight into mine. “Obi-Wan makes his own choices, little one. It was his decision and his alone. It was his gift to you and you should feel no guilt. Obi-Wan would not have wanted that.”
“You’re not angry?” I hugged her tighter, hearing the uncertainty in her voice.
I shook my head. No, I wasn’t angry. Just proud. Proud that Obi-Wan was…. Obi-Wan. She looked at me steadily for a long while before climbing onto her best friend’s best. Holding his hand, she drank in his features, as if committing them to memory.
“Well, I’m angry.” Her next words took both Mace and I by surprise. Her silver eyes were flashing now, anger clearly outlined on her face. “You hear me, Obi-Wan? I’m angry at you. How dare you do this? Give up living for me? I never asked for this, I never asked you to be so damn self-sacrificing. Are you listening to me, Obi?”
She looked at his features almost desperately, willing him to answer her. If he heard, Obi-Wan made no sign.
“Idiot! You’re an idiot! Do you remember what your last words were? You told me to tell Master Jinn that you loved him. Remember that? Well, I’m not going to! You hear me? Because you can damn well wake up and tell him yourself. You better come back to me, Obi, so that I can beat the crap out of you.”
Tears were rolling down her cheeks earnestly now but she paid no heed to them. Laying her head next to his, she continued her tirade.
“Don’t you dare die, Obi-Wan Kenobi. Don’t you even dare. Don’t you leave me living with all the guilt. Did you think I’d thank you for this? For this noble gesture? Am I supposed to weep at your funeral while thanking the Force for giving me such a wonderful friend?” She hissed at him, all the while holding his hand in a death grip. “Think again, boy. If you die, I won’t cry at your funeral. I refuse to waste my tears for someone so stupid, you hear me? I won’t! I won’t!”
She buried her face into the crook of his neck, her small body shaking wildly.
“I won’t…”
***
Mace’s POV
We finally moved an extra bed into Obi-Wan’s room for Bant. She wouldn’t
leave the Kenobi boy, no matter how much I ordered, threatened or coaxed.
Stubborn little Padawan. A trait, I’m told, she shared with young Obi-Wan.
Besides, she looked at me with those huge eyes. How could I refuse? She
only agreed to sleep after she made us both promise to wake her if the boy
should regain consciousness. Even now, in the land of dreams, she’s holding
his hand tightly, unwilling to let go.
The whole temple is in uproar. This incident has shook the Jedi Order down to its core. Two of our Padawans, poisoned, right here inside the sanctuary right under our own noses. Emotions are running high and someone must pay. No, the Jedi seek no vengeance but someone must pay. I wanted to hunt down the perpetrators myself but Yoda forbade me. My place was with my Padawan, he said and told me explicitly to stay. As always, I obeyed. Perhaps it was wise of him, because if I had been the one to catch those men……
Yes, the ones responsible were caught. Questions could finally be answered. But the answers gave me no comfort. A terrorist group from Yals, trying to intimidate the Senate, decided to attack the Jedi. It was a show of power. By succeeding, the message would have been clear. Give in or not even the Jedi can save you. The ones we caught showed no remorse, no guilt. It was all just a game to them. Just another battle in the war for supremacy. Sacrifice the innocent for a larger gain. It mattered not that the ones caught in the crossfire were children. The ends justified the means. I felt no hate for those men, merely pity. How could I when they have such empty souls? They know only the evil that darkness brings and living in such darkness without light would be punishment enough.
Young Kenobi saved Bant’s life. Of that I have no doubt. She was whole physically but …. I’m afraid. Afraid of what might happen if he ever lost the fight for life. Afraid for my Padawan. Would she be able to live with her guilt? If he died, her own soul would go along with him. I don’t want to lose her again. And Qui-Gon….
Please Obi-Wan. Wake up. For all our sakes. Just wake up.
***
Qui-Gon’s POV
In a month’s time, my Padawan will turn 15. We have a little tradition that
started when he celebrated his fourteenth birthday. It all started when I
prepared his favorite meal as a treat. No mean feat when we were handling
negotiations in the middle of a desert. It was a little overcooked but the
look on my Padawan’s face was worth all the sweating over an open campfire.
He returned the favor around 6 months later when he surprised me in our
quarters with a slightly burnt version of *my* favorite cake, wearing at
least half of the flour on his body.
My Padawan is a boy of many talents but baking was *not* one of them. The cake flopped to one side and was singed beyond repair at the sides. It tasted vaguely like soap and was hard enough to break teeth.
Obi-Wan hates cooking with a passion, avoiding even the simplest task of boiling water. But he overcame his aversion to the kitchen to make me a cake. Later, I found out he secretly took lessons from the cooks everyday after kata practice, nearly destroying the dining kitchens in the process.
Thus, you must forgive me if I found the cake to be the best I’ve ever eaten. Because it was made from the best ingredient of all…. Love.
***
“Obi-Wan. Come back to us.”
/I’m so proud of you, my Padawan. So very proud./
“Did you listen to what Bant had to say? You made her so very angry at you. Come back and fix that.”
/Why won’t you wake up?/
“She’s sleeping now but her dreams won’t give her peace. She’s so scared you’re going to leave her. Come back and show her she’s wrong.”
/I’m afraid too./
“Everyone’s still so worried about you. Master Yoda came by just a while ago to see how you were doing.”
/Love you, I do./
“An-Paj’s going to have something to say if you don’t wake up, little one. He hasn’t rested even a little since you came in here and you wouldn’t want to waste all his efforts now, would you?”
/Don’t leave me, please don’t leave me./
“Your birthday is coming up next month, Padawan. Remember? No, I’m not giving your another rock this time. You’ll have to wake up to find out what it is.”
No response. The still figure on the bed gave no indication that he heard.
Undaunted, the Qui-Gon went on. “Remember our mission to C’ta? That cake and ice-cream that you liked so much? I was planning to make that cake for you… I finally got the recipe from the ambassador’s wife…. The cake is pretty simple but the ice-cream… I don’t know.. It would be h-hard to find some of the ingredients… I –I..”
/Force, I can’t do this anymore!/
“You can’t do this to me, Obi-Wan,” Qui-Gon whispered into his Padawan’s ear. “First you barge into my life, demanding that I take you as my Padawan. Then, you wouldn’t leave me alone until I did. Now you want to let it all go? Not a chance. I’m not letting you go so easily. I’ve never told you how much you mean to me, have I? I’ve always believed that actions meant more than words. B-but… would you please give me a chance to say those words to you? If only you’d wake up, I’ll tell you everyday that I love you. Just give me another chance….”
Qui-Gon bowed his head and buried them in his arms. There was nothing more left to say. It was all up to Obi-Wan now.
Seconds passed. Minutes ticked away. Still there was nothing. Qui-Gon’s heart bled a little more. The air in the room grew suffocating. Qui-Gon felt like he was going to go mad. Too much. It was just too much. He needed to get away from there. Away from the white walls. Away from the machines. Away from the smell. From the specter of death.
/I need to get out of here/ He thought wildly. /I need to-/
Wait. What was that he heard? A voice?
/Mas-mas../
Qui-Gon’s head snapped up.
“Obi-Wan?”
Eyelashes fluttered and then those beloved green eyes were focusing on him, trying to say something. Fighting against the respirator down his throat, calming only when Qui-Gon laid a gentle hand against his cheek.
“Shh.. don’t struggle. I’ll get the Healers to get it out.”
/D-don’t leave me../ Tiny fingers gripped his own.
“I’m not going anywhere…” Joy was bursting from his heart, lighting up his soul, burning away the chill that has settled there. “An-Paj!!!”
/Y-yes, M-mast.../
/Obi-Wan../ That little corner of his mind was no longer cold and empty. The void was no longer there. The warmth that was Obi-Wan has returned.
/D-don’t.. don’t../
/What is it, young one?/ All was right with the world now.
/D-don’t f-forget…/
/Forget what?/
/D-don’t forget the i-ice c-cream…./
***
Epilogue
This was definitely *not* his day. First, he had to wake up with a tube
down his throat. Then, Bant had to go and….
***
“Obi? You’re awake?” His best friend’s face suddenly appeared inches away
from his own.
“Bant?”
“Yes.. you feeling okay?” A gentle hand brushed his arm.
“Yes, Bant.” Couldn’t people stop asking him that question?
“Nothing hurts anywhere?” Almost anxiously.
“No, Bant.”
“Good. Then, I can do this..”
*Slap*
“Ow! What was that for?”
“That was for scaring me out of my life.” Her eyes were gleaming like newly sharpened knives. “And this…” He cowered back as she moved a little closer to him…
/Eeep. Master, save me!/
/Oh no. It’s not my place to come between best friends…./ *snicker*
“.. and this..” Bant pulled him into a tight embrace, then planted a kiss on his cheeks. “..this.. is for being the best friend a girl can ever ask for. Thank you for saving my life.”
/Phew!/
“You’re welcome, Bant.”
/Knew she wouldn’t hurt me./ Grinning smugly until she socked him in the arm. /Oof!/
“Bant!!!!”
“Just don’t ever do that again!”
/I couldn’t have said it better myself, Padawan./
***
“But I don’t want to take another nap! I want to go home!”
Qui-Gon looked fondly at the young man pouting at him. It was certainly good to have things back to normal.
“Now, Padawan. You know what An-Paj said. One more night here for observation and then, you can come home.”
“I’m feeling fine, NOW! All I do here is sleep anyway. Why can’t I do that back in my room?”
“Enough, Padawan. You’ll be back tomorrow.”
“But, Master…” The boy’s voice has taken a definite whining quality.
“Padawan…” The Master raised an eyebrow. “Sleep. Now.”
Uh –uh. Qui-Gon was using that tone of voice which must be obeyed. Grumbling a little, Obi-Wan obediently snuggled under the covers.
“It isn’t all that bad, Obi-Wan.” Qui-Gon pulled his Padawan into his arms and planted a loving kiss on the top of Obi-Wan’s head. “You’ll be able to convince the Healers you’re okay and it’ll certainly put my worries to rest.”
“You’re just afraid of what the Healers might do to you the next time you end up here,” Obi-Wan sulked, his voice muffled as he buried his face against Qui-Gon’s tunic.
/That too./ Qui-Gon couldn’t help smiling against Obi-Wan’s hair. How he loved this boy in his arms. If only he could tell him that…
“Obi-Wan?”
“Hmm… yes, Master?” The boy sounded sleepy and contented.
“I-I.. I mean.. you.. No, what I mean is.. I..” Sigh. Qui-Gon Jinn, Jedi Master, Master Diplomat…. defeated by 3 simple words. He took a deep breath. He would tell the boy. Obi-Wan deserved to know.
“Master?” Puzzled tone.
“I just wanted to tell you that you’ve been the best apprentice I could ever ask for. Ever. And I know I’ve never shown it much but I’m so proud of you.” Qui-Gon babbled on. Sith, just 3 little words. Was it so hard to say? “And .. and..”
“Master.” Qui-Gon screeched to a halt and looked enquiringly at his apprentice. “I know. You don’t have to say it. You show me everyday.” Suddenly, there was this lump in his throat. He knows?
“Obi-Wan?” He caught a glimpse of bright eyes filled with emotion that took his breath away before Obi-Wan snuggled even closer. Automatically, his arms tightened around his Padawan, savoring the feel of the warm body against his. The boy’s next words just took his breath away.
“I love you too.”
Qui-Gon smiled, fighting back the tears. Some things are better spoken without words.
THE END
You are visitor # to come here since May 10, 2000.
© 2000 heather.lively@ns.sympatico.ca
Get your own Free Home Page