I was playing with why Qui-Gon would do what he did at the end of "Jedi Apprentice: #5 Defenders of the Dead" so easily. He didn't even turn back for a last look. So what you think.
If you haven't read JA#5 don't read this. I has MAJOR spoilers.
TITLE: JA #6 - Final Peace (1/?)
AUTHOR: Laheara, heather.lively@ns.sympatico.ca
ARCHIVE: Early Years, The Temple, StarCheer, anyone else just ask me
ERA: "Jedi Apprentice" period, Obi-Wan is 13
RATING: PG (major angst)
SPOILERS: Refers to all 3 books in "Jedi Apprentice"
SUMMARY: My version of the first chapter or so of the new JA book coming out in January
FEEDBACK: YES, please. Should I write more?
DISCLAIMER: I don't own the SW characters (i.e.: Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan) George does. To bad really, I'd have such fun making them miserable.
Part 1
Qui-Gon walked up the ramp and took the starfighter up into the murky skies of Melida/Daan without looking back. He set the course back to Coruscant, and the computer reported they would arrive in 3 days.
Now finally the Master sat back in his pilots seat and took a deep breath.
He had sensed Tahl's question in his mind since returning but had not given her time to ask it.
He looked down to see that he again had Obi-Wan's lightsaber in his hand.
A sudden impulse hit him to throw the weopon in the rear of the fighter never to be seen again. He even raised his hand to do it but...
As if out of nowhere, the memories of the past few months assaulted him out of the dark resesses of his mind. He remembered the sad look on Obi-Wan's face as he turned him down at the Temple. That feeling of defeat and loss that the boy had not been able to hide, had stayed with Qui-Gon all this time.
Then the fight with the draigons when he had been able to call out to the man through the Force. And then the determined look as he almost fell to his death on Bandomeer. Of course, how could he forget the resultness the boy showed in the tunnel after Xanatos trapped them there.
Qui-Gon had to admit that the stream of events leading to this mission were strong and going in one direction. There was no indication that Obi-Wan would betray him, that he would wish to leave his training and his life as a Jedi behind. Everything that had happened in the last 2 months painted a *VERY* different picture.
If that were so what was it that would make him change so drastically. Why would he do this?
"You've done a good job of looking to past for answers, now don't forget the more recent past, my old friend," Tahl's voice snapped him out of his thoughts.
Giving her a curious stare he asked, "What do you mean?"
A faint smile in her features, she slowly answered, "I mean, yes, he has been loyal to you through all those times of danger. But how have you treated him? That is the question you should be asking yourself."
"I have treated him as any Master would treat an apprentice," he rebuffed quickly.
Shifting slightly and turning her unseeing eyes to face him, Tahl continued, "You are so confused and hurting right now that even in this state I can see straight into your mind to the truth."
"And what truth is that," he asked harshly.
"Even after what happened aboard the Monument, and with the draigons, you didn't trust him enough to tell him about Xanatos and what that letter you received meant. It wasn't until after Master Yoda pointed it out to you that you conceeded. And by then it was to late to save Obi-Wan from your nemisis. You didn't let yourself feel anything for him until you saw him fall from that mining platform, knowing there was nothing you could do to save him. Then when he was safe again you put those walls up again."
"That is not...", he began to protest.
With a quick finger in the air Tahl silenced him, "I'll let you know when I'm finished."
Straighting as much as she could without causing pain, she continued, "As I was saying. You put those walls up in your mind, closing him out and not letting yourself care what that would do to him. You didn't want this bond, you said it as much to Yoda at the Temple before you left. You were shocked by his power and control to reach you. You wondered how he could do this, there was no bond between you. But there was, he knew, whether you wanted to believe it or not.
"So what did you do? You gave *him* the key to the collar for safekeeping. But you knew what you were doing. Knowing Xanatos, you were hoping he had something like the tunnel door, and the bomb planned. Either way it would be a good way to get rid of this bond you didn't want. Then when Obi-Wan made the suggestion and stepped next to the door with the trigger in his hand, your conscience finally hit you in the face. You finally excepted that the Force put you together for a reason and you couldn't let Obi-Wan die.
"So you saved him, but you still haven't let him in. Haven't fully opened yourself to him. Let him know the real you under all those barriers. You shut him out, closed yourself to him. Afraid that if you let yourself love again, you would be hurt again in return. All you were protecting was yourself, not him."
"Stop."
"You don't care about him. Admit it. You know it's true you wanted him to fail. To prove to yourself that you were right and that someday he *would* fail you. So you just let it happen sooner rather then later."
"STOP IT!"
"Why? I'm right aren't I? You don't care about him," she pressed again.
"I DO! I DO CARE! Damn the Force but I do care about him..." he trailed off, half crying, half angry.
"You're right. I didn't want too. I didn't want anything to do with him, he reminded me so much of Xanatos. I kept expecting something to go wrong. He would turn and it would happenen again. Even still, I stayed because this bond that I feel to him is stronger then anything I've felt before. But... I never did let him in."
"And just how do you think that makes him feel. He feels like a burden to you. Baggage you'd like to be rid of but can't find a very proper way to do it.
Masters are supposed to lead by example but also by trust and love. Can you honestly say that you have even once told him what he means to you? I doubt you can, because you...don't... even... know it... yourself," she said poking the point home with her hand.
"You care about him. But you don't trust him, you don't care about him enough to open to him, to let him help you find what Xanatos took. And by doing that you can help him feel at home, and wanted and a part of your life."
There was a deafening silence in the room that threaten to shake the small fighter to pieces and throw Qui-Gon out into the vacuum of space for his short-sightedness.
Then the memory of his last moments with Obi-Wan on the surface flooded back. "He drew his weopon on me down there. That is a great breech of trust and respect. How can I overlook that?"
And understanding smile crossed his old friend's withered and battered face. "Think about how you've been treating him. You distrust his choices, you're always correcting him, you second guess his choice in friends, you shut him out of your life and your mind. When children feel unwanted by their guardians they will find belonging among themselves. Where together they don't have to be judged, where they take each other as is without questions. He didn't find a family with you, so he looked for it elsewhere. Unfortunately he found it in the middle of this civil war."
Hearing the word, Qui-Gon remembered what a state that planet was in when he left it. The Young were being attacked on all sides by their elders, children were dying in the streets. Qui-Gon found himself staring at the lightsaber in his hands wondering if he had made the right choice.
Putting a comforting hand on the saddened Master's arm, Tahl noted, "Yes, Obi-Wan made a mistake by pulling his saber on you. But is that one stupid, heat of the moment, mistake really worth his life?"
Even after everything that happened, the thought of Obi-Wan dying shook Qui-Gon to the core of his being. Jedi were to protect life at any cost. But this wasn't just duty, this was personal.
Picking up on her friends train of thought Tahl agreed, "Yes were are to protect *all* life, regardless if that life is a hurt master or a confused apprentice."
Qui-Gon looked at her about to protest again, but as before she stopped him.
"Obi-Wan is still your apprentice. Either that or you two pulled the quickest Severence ceremony in the history of the Jedi Order. Until those words come out of both of your mouths, you are still liable to each other."
A flicker of remembrance flashed on Qui-Gon's face. This gave him a reason to go back, ..... if he still wanted too.
"Ahhh, and that is the question. Do you keep shutting yourself away from the universe forever and let Xanatos truly destroy you? Or do you fight back and rejoin it? But the more immediate question is, 'Are you going to *let* Obi-Wan *die*?"
The force of those last words could have been enough to throw a planet off its axis. '...let Obi-Wan die?'. The answer was obvious, and even if Qui-Gon did try to hide again this time the Force wasn't going to let him.
As if to puncuate Tahl's question an intense wave of pain, despair, sorrow, and loneliness came rushing towards the two Jedi like the force of a massive tidal wave. Something *very* wrong had just happened on Melida/Daan, and Obi-Wan was in the middle of it.
Qui-Gon swiftly corrected the ships course, sending it back the their previous co-ordinates. The computer reported that the return trip would take approximately one hour.
"Can we go any faster?" the worried master asked anxiously.
"We are currently at top speed," the female flight computer's voice answered.
Qui-Gon attempted, for the first time, something he thought he would never do again. He reached out to Obi-Wan through the Force, trying to see that the teen was uninjured. Even with how new this bond was, he trusted what he found.
All that came back was pain and loneliness. Qui-Gon felt it then, as if the entire Jedi Temple had collapsed around him. Obi-Wan was hurt, no... more then hurt, ... he was dying. Qui-Gon reached his senses out to the area surrounding his padawan and found nothing alive. Everything around him was destroyed, everyone around was dead. That's why Qui-Gon was feeling lonliness. Obi-Wan was scared, and didn't want to die alone.
Remembering how badly he had treated the boy, the thought of him dying at all scared Qui-Gon more then he would have admitted. But the idea of Obi-Wan dying alone, on a strange world, believing that his master hated him was something he *WAS NOT* going to let happen. No one, even Xanatos, deserved to die like that.
Qui-Gon was so caught up in worried and doubt he barely heard Tahl command the computer to scan the surface of Melida/Daan, and report. There was a silence and then the report was read back.
"Heavy weopons fire was indicated, but has since stopped. Massive fires are ragging across the surface. Toxicity levels in the atmosphere are raising exponentially..."
Tahl stopped the read out, and asked, "What about life sign readings coming from the capital of Zehava?"
The sound of long range scans being done, and again the disembodied voice, "There are sparse readings coming from the capital city. Much of the city is engulfed in flames. There are no longer any buildings standing and there is evidence of immense craters in the ground. At the base of which are the blasted out reminents of underground tunnels."
Realization hit them both at the same time. They had blasted through the surface to destroy the Young's escape routes. Things had gotten much worse very quickly.
Qui-Gon could hear the engines straining to make the best speed back to the ruined planet. The only question was would they arrive in time? If not to save Obi-Wan, at least to comfort him as he died.
TO BE CONTINUED
You are visitor # to come her since December 29, 1999.
© 1999 heather.lively@ns.sympatico.ca
Get your own Free Home Page