Title: The Path Chosen
By: Shytei Shen
Rating: G
Summary: Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon bond while talking about the choices they've made while being alone.
Qui-Gon sat still, gazing solemnly out the short window to his modest quarters within the Jedi Temple. Obi-Wan would not be back for hours. It would be good for him, time for play, a day to reunite with some of his old friends and acquaintences from his time as an apprentice in the Temple. As for himself, Qui-Gon knew the Council Members would probably begin to wonder at some point where he was, but they should know, after so long, that he was never much for social gatherings. Perhaps he would stroll up later to the Star Room. Problem was, Yoda always knew to look for him there. That was one of the problems with others, they would eventually figure out your way, and be able to find you. If not on assignment, he preferred to be alone. People, humanoid or otherwise had always been intrusive upon his quiet, contemplative soul. Business was different, that only required the surface, only required his domineering physical presence, the strength in his eyes, his skilled use of The Force. All of these attributes were his, as truly as those that lay deeper, but they were impenetrable, calm, free of emotion. The consumate peace-maker and peace-keeper. He allowed very few past this point, into his soul’s sanctuary. Yoda, a few others in the Council both alive and past, and his Padawans had been the only exceptions to this. And Obi-Wan most of all. As every being on every planet consisted of a complex co-exiselements, Obi-Wan was no exception to this. As hasty, uncoordinated, and impatient as he seemed on the surface, his innerself was a rock of steadiness, one which never waivered. He had always known what he wanted, always known what it would take to get there. Qui-Gon smiled ever so lightly, so different from himself. Qui-Gon knew the dichotomy that existed about his own person-his regal physicality embued him with seemingly impenetrable strength, but his innerself was often a mixture of conflicting emotions, deep feeling, not so straightforward and sure as his Padawan’s. He knew it was not a weakness; he sighed a bit, the others on the Council had seemed to always find it so, but he knew better, he knew it was one of his greatest strengths, but a difficult strength nonetheless, as great feeling often causes great sorrow. The Council was wrong about him, Qui-Gon knew different, but it had never done any good to explain it.
"Master?"
Qui-Gon turned in surprise to see Obi-Wan walk through the door.
"Obi-Wan? What happened that you are back so soon?"
Obi-Wan threw off his robe and approached the window whereby Qui-Gon sat. He pulled up a short silver chair with no arms. "Nothing happened, I just wanted to come back."
Qui-Gon eyed him, he could tell there was something else on his mind.
Obi-Wan knew the look and smiled lightly at him. "I’ve just had enough, after being with you for so long, I’ve become accustomed to the quiet."
Qui-Gon’s face held his only expression, almost imperceptible. He did not know what to respond.
Obi-Wan glanced down at his hands. "It’s just you’re always alone. It makes me sad. I’m up there, reminiscing with friends, testing our sabers, checking out the new apprentice’s inventions, and I find myself having a hard time enjoying it knowing that you are here alone, rather than with the Council."
"You needn’t feel that way." Qui-Gon responded lightly.
"I know," Obi-Wan admitted, "I know you’ve always been outside of the Council somehow, your rank in wisdom, years, and ability exceeds all those on the Council except for Yoda and yet you never..."
"I know." Qui-Gon replied, his voice low.
"Sorry, Master, I..."
Qui-Gon raised his hand ever so slightly, his head shaking once.
"I came here because I hate seeing you alone."
"You really needn’t be concerned, but thank you for your concern nevertheless."
Obi-Wan patted his knees for a moment. "Was there ever a time, when you’ve regretted your life?"
Qui-Gon looked to him sharply, his eyes easing off a bit after a moment. "Small regrets I suppose."
"Like what?"
Qui-Gon sighed, looking back out the window. "A family mostly."
Obi-Wan nodded, glancing down, folding his hands again. "You would make a wonderful husband and father." He remarked.
Qui-Gon continued to look out the window. "Going from planet to planet, seeing inside the hovels, the huts, the many many different homes. Often it has made me desire the warmth of a fire, the gentle touch of a woman’s hand, the smile on the faces of the children as you walk in through the door." A light smile touched Qui’s lips, then slowly faded. "I’ve closed my eyes and imagined it some times. It seems very real."
Obi-Wan watched his Master’s visage, watched the joy, the shadow pass over his features. His heart ached for him. "I’m sorry Master, sorry that..."
Qui-Gon shrugged his shoulders ever so discreetly. "It’s a sacrifice Obi-Wan. Not every path is open to every man. We must choose wisely the path to which our inherent gifts most dispose us. We will find the greater joy in such a path, if not a fullness."
Obi-Wan could not help the pride he felt. "It is no good emotion for a Jedi to possess," Obi-Wan quickly admitted, "but I am extremely proud to be your Padawan." He wanted to continue, but knew Qui-Gon would not hear him. He did not take well to flattery. But Obi-Wan knew, he knew his Master’s sacrifice, his choosing the path of Jedi had in the past and would in the future help countless lives. It had been his Mater’s calling, and he had answered it, never turned away from it. Obi-Wan saw it as a greater calling, though he would not voice that either, for he knew Qui-Gon would disagree with him most vehemently. To his Master every calling could be only what it was, no calling greater, no calling lesser than any other, that only in the fulfillment or lack thereof of one’s own particular calling could there be success or failure. It was a flaw in himself, Obi-Wan knew, one that he hoped could one day be overcome with enlightenment.
Qui-Gon continued to look out the small window.
"What would you have been Master, speaking hypothetically of course, were you not a Jedi? What would you have wanted to be?"
Qui-Gon continued to look contemplatively out over the endless city. "I don’t know, a weaver maybe, a fisherman or a farmer."
"All blatantly sedentary objectives." Obi-Wan replied thoughtfully.
Qui-Gon smiled lightly. "Perhaps so," and then his smiled faded. "I am getting old Obi-Wan, I think it is the one thing in the universe I am afraid of." Qui-Gon paused briefly, "don’t tell Yoda." He flashed a warm familiar grin at his Padawan. Obi-Wan smiled reactively, looking to his Master. He had noticed, but not as one notices something new, but rather subtley, something he knew on a subconcious level, and it seemed for the first time that he noticed the streaks of grey throughout the long straight hair, still shiny, still healthy. Obi-Wan had a hard time acknowledging his Master’s age, for he was yet so strong, so powerful in The Force. He could never imagine his dying.
"The Force will never let you die." Obi-Wan suddenly found himself saying, just as he would have said as a child.
Qui-Gon did not reply to his apprentice, he knew as well as the one who had voiced the words that they were untrue. No matter how powerful the living Force, it was a part of nature, a natural part of The Force for elements to pass on, to change, to be constantly in motion.
"And what would you have been Obi-Wan?" Qui-Gon asked, his voice still low, subdued.
Obi-Wan grinned a bit mischievously. "Probably a boxer in one of the outer-rim territories."
He saw a genuine smile find its way across his Master’s face. Though what he’d said was probably true to some extent, that was still the effect he was hoping for. Qui-Gon seemed to realize it as well, as still smiling he looked over at Obi-Wan. "I think you would have made a great boxer."
Obi-Wan’s face grew somewhat more serious. "And I know you would have made a great father."
Qui-Gon met his eyes.
"You’ve been the best one I can possibly imagine."
Qui-Gon’s gratitude was plainly evidenced in his eyes.
"I am sorry for all those things that you will never have."
"They are small regrets my Padawan, insignificant in comparison to this time’s ultimate goal. Perhaps in another time, all things will be made up to us."
Obi-Wan looked thoughtfully to his Master. "Is there someone Master? Someone who you would like to be with, in another time?"
Qui’s countenance changed subtely, the corners of his mouth curving up ever so slightly. "Perhaps." He replied simply.
Obi-Wan’s smile persisted. "I know Clat’Ha was quite fond of you. I could tell on our trip to Bandomeer, and even while we were on the planet."
Qui-Gon’s smile broadened a bit.
Obi-Wan continued, encouraged by the reaction. "I recall once hearing her say how much she thought of you, and," Obi-Wan’s own smile grew, "she did save your life on the ship."
"That she did," Qui-Gon responded in a pleasant, gentle tone, "that she did."
A silence, comfortable as they were accustomed to, passed through out the small room. Obi-Wan knew that the deeper the devotion, the greater the risk, and Qui-Gon’s devotion ran deep. The Council had often condemned him for taking too many risks. More often than not those risks had paid off, chances had been given, lives saved to those who may not have had or been, were the great risk not taken. His Master had lost Xanatos, because he had trusted, loved him too much to see his flaws, and this failure, as he was sure Qui-Gon saw it on his part, had nearly cost them all that they had over the years experienced together, the now, and yet would. Obi-Wan glanced at Qui-Gon. He had never seen his Master’s experience with Xanatos as a failure. No one knows, not even with The Force, what the future may bring. Xanatos had made his own decision. It could have gone either way, his first Padawan could have chosen differently. Qui-Gon however, had stepped past that, and had taken another great risk, this time to his own heart, in accepting the scruffy, determined young Jedi apprentice, one who had been on his way to become an Agri-corps Knight- to be his Padawan and forever changed the life of yet another. "Thank you." Obi-Wan said quietly, his voice not seeming to break the silence. Qui-Gon looked over at him. "Thank you for everything, for your life, for that life which you live, and for that great part of your life that you have given to me."
And To Each Of Us.
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