************
Qui-Gon stepped into the medical ward with Obi-Wan in his arms and Darick and
Bruck right behind him. An-Paj was informed earlier that they were on their way. An-Paj pointed to exam table and said, "Place him there Qui-Gon. Now, what happened?"
Qui-Gon held his apprentice's hand and ran his fingers gently across the apprentices face. He then proceeded to tell the healer about the days events.
An-Paj was concerned with the young apprentice who was not speaking, but was awake and trembleing. An-Paj turned to Qui-Gon and said gently, "Qui-Gon, you need to step outside."
Qui-Gon nodded but when he tried to let go of Obi-Wan's hand, the boy tightened his fingers even more. An-Paj saw this and reassured the boy, "Obi-Wan, it's OK, Master Qui-Gon will be just outside the room." Obi-Wan's eyes filled with tears but he let go. Qui-Gon's heart wanted to break, all he could do was brush a kiss against his head and leave the room.
An-Paj started to examine Obi-Wan, when he lifted the tunic he gasped, the healer could actually count the padawan's ribs. He quietly said, "Gods, Obi-Wan, what have you done to yourself?" Obi-Wan did not answer but he did flinch when An-Paj took a blood sample. The indicator showed high levels of the sedative that he had prescribed to Obi-Wan.
An-Paj turned to the other healer, "I am admitting him again, run these tests and then get him hooked up to an i.v."
The healer bowed, "Yes, Master An-Paj."
An-Paj then went to see Qui-Gon, who had no doubt paced a hole in the waiting room floor. Qui-Gon stopped pacing as soon as he saw An-Paj, "How is he? Can I see him?"
An-Paj sighed, "Qui-Gon we have to talk. Let's sit."
Qui-Gon had a bad feeling about this, but he sat down, "Alright An-Paj, we are sitting, now tell me what is going on."
An-Paj started, "He is malnourished."
Qui-Gon was shocked, "But, but, he was eating."
An-Paj gently said, "I think he wanted you to think he was."
Qui-Gon was having a hard time taking this in, he had been sure that Obi-Wan had been eating, placing his head in his hands he whispered, "What kind of Master am I?"
An-Paj touched his shoulder, "It is not your fault."
Then Bruck cut in, "Master Jinn?" When Qui-Gon looked up, Bruck continued, "Master An-Paj is right. Obi-Wan was pretending to eat. I knew this, but he asked me not to say anything."
Darick said, "Bruck, that was wrong of you."
Bruck lowered his head in shame, "I know Master Darick. But I had to earn Obi-Wan's trust, I gave him my word." Turning to Qui-Gon he said, "I am sorry Master Jinn, but I thought if Obi-Wan trusted me I could help him."
Qui-Gon got up and put his hand on Bruck's shoulder, "It is not your fauld Bruck. You have been a good friend to Obi-Wan."
Taking his seat again he turned to An-Paj, "There is more?"
An-Paj nodded, "How many sedatives have you been giving him?"
Qui-Gon looked confused, "One. Why?" Then it hit him, "He has been taking more hasn't he?"
An-Paj nodded, "Qui-Gon I need you to go along with my decision. So hear me out." Qui-Gon nodded and An-Paj said, "I am admitting him again. He needs to be. He is also going to be seeing the mind healer, Master Nak-Ki. Qui-Gon, I need you to step back and not see him for seven days."
Qui-Gon was floored, "I...I don't know. I mean he needs me."
An-Paj nodded, "He does need you. Always will, but he needs to heal, so do you Qui-Gon. Master Nak-Ki is going to visit you too. But if you keep doing everything for Obi-Wan, he is not going to heal."
Qui-Gon sighed, "For seven days, no more."
Then there was a shout of fright, it was Obi-Wan. Qui-Gon and An-Paj ran in to see Obi-Wan in a corner and an i.v unit knocked on the floor. The nurse said, "He does not want an i.v."
Obi-Wan saw Qui-Gon and ran to him. He half hid in Qui-Gon's robes for protection against the healers. On instinct Qui-Gon wrapped his arms around the boy.
An-Paj then said gently, "Leave Qui-Gon."
Qui-Gon nodded and hugged the boy again, he kissed the top of his head and said quietly, "Get well, my Obi-Wan. When you are well you will come home."
Obi-Wan then got hysterical, "No Master! Don't leave me alone! I can get better at home, I will. I promise I will eat, I will not make mistakes, just don't leave me here!"
Then Qui-Gon did the hardest thing he has ever had to do, he turned away from his crying apprentice and walked out. Once outside, he would allow his own tears to fall.
Obi-Wan was crying so hard he was gulping for air. It was Melida/Daan all over again. Once again, Qui-Gon was leaving him because of his actions.
Obi-Wan tried to run to Qui-Gon. He needed his Master, his Master would protect him, but An-Paj and the other healer held him back physically, and Obi-Wan suspected that they were also using the force, Obi-Wan was screaming, "Master! Master! Come back!" But Qui-Gon kept walking and never looked back at the hysterical padawan.
Qui-Gon stepped outside the room. The last thing he heard before the heavy door shut was his apprentice screaming for him. He felt like he was abandoning him again. Every instinct told him to run back in there, scoop up his Padawan, and take him home where he would be safe, but he had given An-Paj his word. He would wait the 7 days, no matter how hard it was. He was full of emotion. He felt like his heart was just ripped out. Tears threatened to fall at any moment. It took several minutes to control his feelings. Darick gave him time to calm down and said to him, "Qui-Gon, you are coming home with Bruck and I."
Darick left no room for argument and Qui-Gon quietly followed them to their quarters. When he arrived, Bruck went to the kitchen to prepare some tea. When he came out he said,"Master Jinn, you can have my room. I will sleep on the couch."
Qui-Gon looked at Bruck and responded, "Thank you Bruck, but I think I may go home after all."
Darick then said, "Qui, you will go nuts in that empty apartment. You are staying here with us."
************
At the medical ward, An-Paj managed to get Obi-Wan back into bed and got the i.v hooked up. It was a definate struggle. Obi-Wan kicked, clawed, and screamed. All the while An-Paj talked soothingly, "Obi-Wan, it's going to be alright. I just want to get some nourishment into your body. It won't hurt, I promise."
Obi-Wan, only struggled more, "NO! I don't deserve it! I deserve to die!" He fell into tears again, "Don't you see, I failed everyone, I deserve to die."
An-Paj was stunned, why would this promising and bright boy think he deserved to die? "Obi-Wan, that is not true. If you died, Master Qui-Gon's heart would break. He loves you, you know that."
Obi-Wan finally gave up fighting the losing battle and allowed himself to get placed in bed, he said, "But I failed him in so many ways." His breath was coming in great gulps.
An-Paj sat next to him, "You have not failed him, he just wants you to get better."
Obi-Wan shook his head, "I failed him, I let him down."
An-Paj knew that Obi-Wan was in turmoil and thought that it would be best to sedate him. Obi-Wan's feelings were ripping him apart, and An-Paj was not a mind healer, if he tried to help Obi-Wan, it could make it worst.
Obi-Wan flinched when the i.v needle went in his arm, he wanted to scream and rip it out, but the boy was all out of fight. He did not care what happened anymore.
An-Paj ruffled his hair, "See, all done. Do you need anything?"
Obi-Wan choked up and said, "My Master, I want Master Qui-Gon."
An-Paj sighed, "I know Obi-Wan. But you need to heal first."
Obi-Wan closed his eyes, "I hurt him."
An-Paj shook his head, "No, he is hurt because you are hurting and he could not take the pain away. You need to sleep now, in the morning Master Nik-Ka will be here, and he will help you."
An-Paj dimmed the lights, but did not turn them off, and Obi-Wan fell into a dreamless sleep.
***************
Qui-Gon and Darick were drinking their tea, Bruck had fallen asleep on the sofa and they were speaking in quiet tones.
Darick tried to reassure his friend, "It is not your fault Qui-Gon. You can not blame yourself."
Qui-Gon sighed, "I failed him. I should of seen this. He was not eating, and I did not notice. How could I not notice that?"
Darick replied, "Look Qui, Obi-Wan put up some pretty strong shields, how could you know?"
Qui-Gon looked at his hands, "He still does not trust me."
Darick disagreed, "He does trust you Qui-Gon. The kid adores you, worships you. But he has had a hard time. And maybe when the mind healer talks to him, he can get all of this behind him."
Qui-Gon stated, "I hope you are right." Just then the com unit in the apartment went off, Darick jumped up to get it, so it did not wake up Bruck.
An-Paj's face came up on the screen, "My apologies Darick for calling so late, but is Qui-Gon there?"
Qui-Gon stepped up, "I am here An-Paj. What is wrong? How is Obi-Wan?" Qui-Gon was a bundle of nerves.
An-Paj said, "Calm down Qui-Gon, he is in bed and sleeping. I had to sedate him, but it was for the best. I just wanted you to know that."
Qui-Gon sighed in relief, "Thank you An-Paj. Tell...tell him...that I love him."
An-Paj nodded, "I will Qui-Gon, but he already knows that."
*********
The next morning Qui-Gon reported right to the Council. He wanted to make sure that the two Padawan's in question were dealt with. Darick and Bruck went with him.
Yoda considered the boys in front of him, "Like Jedi you think you have acted?"
Padawan Heron snorted, "We were only having fun. We did not know the welp would fall apart."
Qui-Gon wanted to throttle the boy when he said that, but Mace asked, "So you find enjoyment hurting those who have been hurt?"
Padawan Astly said, "Please, the kid gets lost for a couple of months and falls apart, maybe he is not fit to be a Jedi."
Bruck could not stand it anymore, "You are such a disgrace to the order! Do you have any idea what Obi-Wan Kenobi went through? If you did you would realize that he is an asset to the Jedi and ten times the Jedi you will ever be!"
Astly and Heron looked angry, but before they could respond Yoda stated, "On the path to the darkside you are. Bring you back we must. You will go to the planet Ganft. Learn compassion you will. Help less fortunate people you must."
Padawan Astly looked at Yoda and asked, "You are kidding right. Go to that backwater planet and help those people?"
Mace Windu asked them, "would you rather be banished? The council thinks that 1 standard year is suitable. You will continue with your studies there. You are both dismissed."
******************
Meanwhile Obi-Wan was waking up. He tried to reach out to Qui-Gon, but the healers were shielding. Obi-Wan could feel Qui-Gon's life force, but could not touch it through the bond, only a dull ache was there.
He looked out the window and saw the sun rising. Then the door opened and a pretty healer apprentice stepped in. She held a tray of bland food. Obi-Wan felt nauseous.
She smiled brightly and said, "Good morning Obi-Wan, I am Klea. Are you hungry?"
Obi-Wan shook his head, so she continued, "Well you better get hungry, cause I am not leaving until this tray is empty."
Obi-Wan was ready to cry again, but held it back, he was going to stop acting like a creche baby.
Klea pulled up a chair, "I know that you are afraid to eat Obi-Wan, and I am here to help you through that. You have to trust me. You want to get better so you can go home, right?"
Obi-Wan swallowed hard and nodded. Klea smiled again, "Good, then lets start with this."
It was a bland hot cereal. Obi-Wan put the spoon to his mouth and almost gagged. Klea soothingly said, "Shhh, its ok Obi-Wan, you need to fight the nausea. Use the force to push it away."
Obi-Wan did what she said, and was surprised that he was able to swallow the food. Again he took a bite, again he was nauseous, but this time it was not so bad. He used the force to fight it, and swallowed his second bite of food in months.
Klea was pleased, "That's it Obi-Wan. You will be fine, you are a survivor."
**************
Obi-Wan finished his breakfast and got dressed. He felt a little better, but he wanted to go home.
An-Paj entered, "Good morning Obi-Wan. Klea told me that you have eaten your breakfast."
Obi-Wan nodded, "I have, may I go home now? Please? I promise to eat..."
An-Paj held up his hand, "Obi-Wan, you have taken a step towards healing, but you are not healed yet."
Obi-Wan slumped into a chair by the window and looked outside, he said, "I want my master."
An-Paj did not answer, someone else did, "And I want to get you home to your Master young one. But that is all up to you."
Obi-Wan looked around and saw the mind healer, Master Nik-Ka. An-Paj said, "I will leave you both alone."
Master Nik-Ka was as tall as Qui-Gon with brown hair and brown eyes. His eyes were kind, much like Qui-Gon's, Obi-Wanthought. Nik-Ka took a seat across from Obi-Wan and said, "Now tell me young Obi-Wan, what do you feel now." He had a calm, soothing voice.
Obi-Wan was border line rude, he crossed his arms over his chest and said, "I miss my Master! That is how I feel. It is not fair that you are keeping me from him. He needs me!"
Master Nik-Ka nodded, he expected the boy to be this way. He had been through what most Jedi never faced. The fact he still was alive and functioning was a miracle. Nik-Ka responded, "Of course he needs you Obi-Wan. You are his Padawan. But he will be all right with out you for a few days. Now tell me what you need."
Obi-Wan let out an impatient sigh, "I need my Master, I need my own room, my own bed, and my own clothes."
Nik-Ka did not give up, he needed to make some headway, "Ah your clothes. But they don't fit so well now, do they?"
Obi-Wan's face grew pale, he did not say anything, so Nik-Ka continued, "Why did you try to starve yourself?"
Obi-Wan looked out the window, his eyes grew misty, "You don't understand."
Nik-Ka answered, "No, I don't. But I want to, so does Master Qui-Gon. We want to know why you did this to yourself."
When Obi-Wan did not answer Nik-Ka tried another route, "Don't you trust your Master?"
Obi-Wan's eyes grew fiery, "Of course I do! How can you ask that?"
"Then why didn't you tell him?"
Obi-Wan looked at his hands and said, "I don't know. I did not think it would matter."
His answer surprised the mind healer. He knew Master Jinn by reputation, and he knew that he was very protective when it came to young Obi-Wan. Nik-Ka knew that Obi-Wan was deeply scarred, and it was going to be hard to heal those scars.
After an hour, Master Nik-Ka left. Obi-Wan stared out the window. He was lonely.
"Obi-Wan?"
Obi-Wan turned around, it was Klea, she smiled at him again and said, "You have a visitor."
Obi-Wan looked at the door with hope, was it Qui-Gon? Obi-Wan did not know who else it could be, since Garen and Bant were away from Coruscant. In stepped Bruck.
Bruck nodded at Obi-Wan, "Hello, Obi-Wan. How are you?"
Obi-Wan still was not used to this 'new and improved' Bruck Chun, but he answered, "Truthfully? I feel like I have just been trampled by a herd of tauntauns."
Bruck took a seat across from his new friend, "I can imagine. Look, Obi, I know that in the past I was a real jerk, but I have changed."
Obi-Wan nodded, "I know, I saw that night my master and I were at your house." Obi-Wan looked at Bruck and added, "I want to thank you for keeping my secret."
Bruck shook his head, "You shouldn't thank me. I had no right to keep that secret. That secret was detrimentle to your health."
Obi-Wan said, "Still, you kept your word. And thanks for finding me after Heron and Astly locked me in the closet."
Bruck replied, "Your welcome, by the way, you should of saw their faces when they got their punishment. It was priceless."
Obi-Wan broke into a smile, and Bruck was thrilled to see it was a real one.
They talked for a bit more and Klea stepped in, "Obi-Wan, it is almost time for you to have lunch."
Obi-Wan nodded, "OK, Klea."
Klea smiled at him again and left, she could not stop thinking how cute he was.
Bruck nudged Obi-Wan, "Who's the babe?"
Obi-Wan looked confused, "Huh, oh Klea. She is an apprentice healer."
Bruck smiled and added, "I think she likes you."
Obi-Wan blushed, "Nah."
Bruck affirmed, "Yes, she does."
****************
Master Nik-Ka and Qui-Gon were sitting in the privacy of the meditation gardens, Qui-Gon asked him, "You have seen Obi-Wan?" It was more of a statement then a question.
Nik-Ka nodded, "I have, he is a strong boy. But he is frightened and his scars run deep. I feel that he is unsure of his place in the galaxy."
Qui-Gon shuddered, "And unsure of his place with me?"
Nik-Ka disagreed, "I don't think so, your Padawan is very loyal. But on that subject, why do you think that?"
Qui-Gon sighed, "Before he was my padawan, I rejected him. Rejected him three times. Even after I accepted him as my Padawan, I held him at arms length for the longest time."
Nik-Ka nodded, "You were afraid. Of what?"
Qui-Gon got up and paced, "I don't know, nothing...everything. That I would fail again."
Nik-Ka said, "Ahh, your second apprentice. He turned. But that was not your fault."
Qui-Gon replied, "I was his Master, and I chose to ignore the error of his ways. I made excuses for him, covered for him, even faught the council for him. And he finally turned."
"But you trained a successful padawan before, she is now a knight...correct." Nik-Ka pointed out.
Qui-Gon sat again, "Hmm, oh yes, Natia is a knight now with a padawan of her own. She is an asset to the order. I see her every so often, when missions allow. I am proud of what she has become."
Nik-Ka nodded, "And rightly so. And Young Obi-Wan, you have trained him well."
Qui-Gon sighed again, "I only hope so. I blocked him for so long. He thinks he was never worthy of me. In reality, I was never worthy of him. Maybe it was a mistake for me to take him."
Nik-Ka asked, "Do you want to give him up?"
Qui-Gon shook his head, "Gods no! It's making me nuts that I can not see him for a week, I can not imagine not having him by my side. I love him as my son. He is my son."
Nik-Ka smiled, "I know. But you have to see that Xanatos was not your fault, he was a sniveling, conniving brat that was out for himself. Obi-Wan is different, you trained him well, all through his ordeal, he never once even looked at the darkside. He clung to the light."
Qui-Gon was proud of Obi-Wan, but the Master still harbored guilt, "But when he came home, he almost starved himself, he was having trouble with classes and with agemates, and he was taking more sedatives then subscribed. I had no idea. What kind of Master am I?"
Nik-Ka answered firmly and truthfully, "A good one. One who has loved and nurtured his padawans. Natia would agree, so would Obi-Wan, he loves you very much. Even Xanatos knew that deep down. One who is protects them at all costs.
Qui-Gon argued, "But I left him behind."
Nik-Ka knew that Qui-Gon had not forgiven himself for that, "And how did you leave him behind Qui-Gon? You were not even awake." Qui-Gon did not answer, "And as soon as you were well enough, you were on the first cruiser looking for him."
Qui-Gon then said in a small voice, "When I found him though, I...I still have nightmares about how his poor body looked. In my dream I pull him out of the hothouse and he is bruised and bloody with those awful insects crawling on him. But he is dead, I am too late to save him."
Nik-Ka says comfortingly, "But he is not dead, Qui-Gon. He is alive. Alive because of your training. And he will be whole again, I promise."
***************
Obi-Wan managed to fight the nausea to eat his lunch, and at dinner, the
nausea barely bothered him. He was feeling much better.
Obi-Wan was reading his data pad when An-Paj came in. An-Paj considered the boy sitting in front of him, noting the color on his face was much better. An-Paj checked the boys vital signs and asked, "How are you feeling, Obi-Wan?"
Obi-Wan shrugged and answered, "I guess better."
An-Paj nodded, "Good, take a deep breath."
Obi-Wan did so and An-Paj listened to his heart. An-Paj was worried that Obi-Wan's heart would be strained after all that had happened.
An-Paj was relieved to hear a steady, strong beat.
Obi-Wan asked, "Master An-Paj?"
"Hmmmmmm"
Obi-Wan looked down, "Have you seen my Master? Is he OK, does he miss me?"
An-Paj placed a hand on Obi-Wan's shoulder, "Yes, I have seen him. And he is fine, aside from missing you."
Obi-Wan gave a small smile and said, "I miss him too. I just want to go home."
An-Paj replied, "Well, keep doing what you are doing and you will be home before you know it."
***********
The next morning Obi-Wan ate his breakfast and noticed just how pretty Klea
really was. Obi-Wan asked, "How long have you been a healer apprentice?"
Klea answered, "Two years, ever since my thirteenth birthday."
Obi-Wan was elated, they were the same age.
Obi-Wan took a shower, and got dressed, he tried to reach out to Qui-Gon again, but the healers were still sheilding. Obi-Wan figured in another day or two he would be able to bust down the shields and talk to his Master through the training bond whether the healers liked it or not.
Nik-Ka then knocked on the door. Obi-Wan sighed, Master Nik-Ka was nice enough, but Obi-Wan had trouble with his probing questions.
Nik-Ka said, "Good Morning Obi-Wan."
Obi-Wan was polite, "Good morning Master Nik-Ka."
Nik-Ka took his seat, "So, tell me, how are you faring?"
Obi-Wan answered, "Well, I am eating so I am feeling much better. It...it was stupid for me to do that, not eat that is."
Nik-Ka nodded, "Then why did you do it?"
Obi-Wan thought for a moment, "I don't know, I thought I wanted to die, but I don't now. I don't think I ever really wanted to die." Obi-Wan looked out the window and continued, "After Master Qui-Gon found me, I almost died."
Nik-Ka was intrigued, "How do you know that?"
Obi-Wan looked at him, "Well, there was a bright light, and I was walking towards it. There were Jedi ahead in the light. They were Jedi who I only know about through history disks. I think the light was the force."
Nik-Ka gently proded, "And then what?"
Obi-Wan swallowed, "Well then I heard my Master cry out. And I was worried for him, so I turned back." Obi-Wan started to cry.
Nik-Ka strengthened the sheilds around the room, so that the boy's broken emotions did not slip out. He knew that if Qui-Gon felt the emotions through the bond, he would be there in a moment, agreement or no.
Nik-Ka gently said, "You could not leave your Master?"
Obi-Wan shook his head, "Even though I failed him in the camp..."
Nik-Ka asked, "How did you fail him Obi-Wan? You acted as a Jedi in that camp."
Obi-Wan did not answer, so Nik-Ka said, "That is enough for today. Try to rest up, and we will continue tomorrow."
Master Nik-Ka walked towards the door and stopped, he turned around and asked, "Obi-Wan, would you like to write your Master a letter?"
Obi-Wan looked at the mind healer surprised, he nodded and Nik-Ka handed him a data pad and Obi-Wan started writing.
Your Padawan,
Obi-Wan
Qui-Gon read the letter and tears filled his eyes, "He did not fail me."
Nik-Ka sat down, "You know that he did not fail you, and I think I am making some progress in making him see that too."
Qui-Gon rubbed his eyes, "I want to see him. I want to make all the demons go away. I want to make him feel safe again."
Nik-Ka nodded, "I know that you want to see him. But he needs to see that he can be strong on his own. He needs confidence."
Qui-Gon looked down, "I should of done more for his self esteem. I never wanted him to get to confident in his abilities." Qui-Gon hit his fist into his palm, "When am I going to stop worrying about him becoming Xanatos? He is nothing like Xanatos, he has proved that to me time and time again."
Nik-Ka said, "Qui-Gon, it is time that you put Xanatos behind you. It is the only way for you and Obi-Wan to continue on."
Qui-Gon nodded, "I would like to write him a letter as well if I may."
"Of course."
Love Your Master,
Qui-Gon
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