Title: The Trials and Tribulations of Cooking
Author: Seven O'Nine
Category: Humour
Summary: What's in the soup?
Rating: G
Warnings: Bad cooking
Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon are walking through the Temple. Qui-Gon looks
mildly depressed, while Obi-Wan seems extremely chipper.
OBI-WAN: Master, have you ever tasted Master Yoda's cooking before?
QUI-GON: Oh, yes. Most of the time I was his padawan.
OBI-WAN: What's it like?
QUI-GON: Unique.
Obi-Wan starts to say more, but a glint in Qui-Gon's eye silences him. The two Jedi stop at one door and ring a chime. Yoda can be heard from inside
YODA: Come in!
The door opens, and the two step inside, looking around at the rather muggily misty air around them. Yoda emerges from the kitchen. He is wearing a tall chef's hat, apron, and wielding a wooden spoon in each hand.
YODA: Early you are, hmm.
QUI-GON: Sorry, Master Yoda. We got a little tied up at-
YODA: Time for Jedi to eat too, hmm? (chuckles)
Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon sit down at the very, very low table, and watch as Yoda carries a huge, steaming pot in, as if hefting a boulder. Qui-Gon starts to get up.
QUI-GON: Let me help you, Master.
YODA: Need help I do not! Not that old I am.
OBI-WAN: How old ARE you exactly?
Qui-Gon gives his apprentice a gentle whap.
YODA: Old enough.
Yoda sets down the pot and starts to ladle a thick brown soup into the bowls. Qui-Gon starts eating immediately, but Obi-Wan stares at it. Yoda limps into the kitchen again.
OBI-WAN: Master...
QUI-GON: (muffled) Yes?
YODA: (from kitchen) Talking with your mouth full, you are!
Qui-Gon flushes and swallows hard.
OBI-WAN: I think... my soup just winked at me.
QUI-GON: Don't look at it. Just eat it.
OBI-WAN: I'm supposed to put that in my stomach?
QUI-GON: Yes.
OBI-WAN: But I'm too young to die!
QUI-GON: Die, my foot. I survived on Yoda's cooking for eleven years, so I think that eating it once won't scar you for life.
OBI-WAN: What if I DO die?
QUI-GON: (smiling) Then I'll have been wrong.
Obi-Wan sighs and takes a hesitant sip of the soup. His eyes widen.
OBI-WAN: It's not that bad!
Yoda enters with a plate of muffins and greenish jelly.
YODA: Like it, you do? Wonderful spicy flavor, the spider-bats have.
Obi-Wan chokes and almost falls face-down on the table. Qui-Gon gives him a compassionate pat on the shoulder, as Yoda smiles and winks, handing him the plate of muffins.
Later, Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon emerge from Yoda's room. Qui-Gon is
grinning from ear to ear, while Obi-Wan looks slightly nauseous.
OBI-WAN: I don't know if I could have eaten spider-bats for all those years...
QUI-GON: (amused) You didn't even eat one, Obi-Wan. Yoda's plant did-the first time it's ever gotten such treatment, I'll bet.
Obi-Wan blushes.
OBI-WAN: You saw that?
Inside Yoda's room, the little green chef laughs to himself and eats a chocolate muffin, playing with a box for bean soup. Next to him, a bowl of the "spider-bat soup" is cooling.
YODA: Have the last laugh, I do!
THE END
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