Obi-Wan Kenobi laid in the sleeping couch he had got from Nova trying to get to sleep. But was their actually a chance that he would actually sleep? No chance, not at all. Did he do the right thing? Was he justifyed in what he said?
He floped over on his stomach. Cursing himself for not letting himself sleep. Between himself and Nova, he will let himself eat this alive.
There was only one thing he could do.
******
Qui-Gon Jinn sat in a overstuffed chair looking out over the capital city of Benal. He absolutely had no idea how he was going to get Obi-Wan to come back with him. But, he knew that he deserved everything that had come to him.
He had hurt Obi-Wan terribly and was too absorbed into his own self guilt to actually notice.
The vision of Obi-Wan's face when Qui-Gon told him he didn't want Obi-Wan to be his padawan anymore. And the morning after that hurt him so much.
As the suns rose over the city of Coruscant Qui-Gon Jinn woke up with a heavy heart. Maybe he had been to rough on Obi-Wan? No. Well...maybe. He streched and looked over to a nightstand where he kept his personal belongings he saw a small data pad. He picked it up and began to read it.
Please forgive me master, or well, I shouldn't say master for you are not mine anymore. I have left the temple. I wish not to hurt anyone else as I have hurt you.
Please don't try to find me Qui-Gon. This is only right. I realize now the damage I have done to what we had before, and I know that your decision was founded.
I wish you all the best Qui-Gon, may the force be with you.
Coridally Yours,
Obi-Wan Kenobi
Qui-Gon must have fallen asleep because he was violently stired awake by a pounding at the door. He mumbled somewhat aloud and to himself. "Coming...Coming." He stumbled over to the door and opend it.
I must be hallucinating.
There, he stood before him, the one thing he came to this planet for.
"Obi-Wan?"
Qui-Gon Jinn motioned for his former padawan to sit at a small table in the corner of the small room. Obi-Wan came in quietly and sat at the table. It made Qui-Gon a tad bit nervous that Obi-Wan was so calm, but on the other hand, it was also quite a relief.
Following Obi-Wan over to the table Qui-Gon sat across from him. Where would either of them start? Should he? Should Obi-Wan? There was so many things to explain...
So many things to tie up.
Qui-Gon decided he would start the conversation. "I guess you are wondering why I came aren't you?"
Obi-Wan was still expressionless, "You always knew me too well Qui-Gon. Why did you come if you didn't want me as your padawan?"
Qui-Gon grimaced, remembering the day he told Obi-Wan those words. That destroyed the young boy's heart, and his in the process. "I was worried about you Obi-Wan. When I found your note-"
"The Jedi Master was worried about me?" Obi-Wan almost let out a small cry. "Didn't you think you would do that when you told me that you didn't want to take me back as your Padawan? Didn't you think for a second that I may have taken it the way you wanted? To be a man? To be a stoic Knight who showed no emotion?" Obi-Wan resisted the urge to scream at him. No, he wouldn't do that, he wouldn't do that to himself.
"How do you think I felt?" Qui-Gon questioned. "I was torn to shreds when you left me. I didn't know what to do, you hurt me badly."
"Wait a minute." Obi-Wan's voice became a little bit louder. "I realized I hurt you Qui-Gon, I realized that fact when I said that I wasn't going to return with you to Coruscant." Obi-Wan pushed back from the table and stood up. "I tried to make amends for what I had done Qui-Gon. Many times I had tried to make up for the mistakes that I had done. But you would look away, to blinded by your own self guilt to see that I hadn't turned out like you thought I had. Like Xanatos, not at all, the diffrence there Qui-Gon Jinn, was that I came back, I didn't turn to the dark side. As much as you probably wanted to believe it, I was still doing things for the right, not wrong. For the months after Melida/Daan I strugled so hard to gain back what we had shared before."
"Is that why you ran away Obi-Wan?" Qui-Gon questioned the now sobbing boy. "That you thought you wouldn't gain back my trust."
Obi-Wan shook his head no. "It was only a fraction of why I left Qui-Gon." He rubbed his eyes to try to make the room come back into focus. "The reason why I ran was that I knew I had lost the only father I knew. That I had failed him dearly, and I didn't deserve any other master because of it. If I had done it to him. There wasn't any knowing that I could hurt another. I didn't want to do that Qui-Gon, not again." Obi-Wan slumped back into the chair and cried harder.
Qui-Gon was now in tears. How could he have been so blind? Now for his mistakes he has lost the best thing that ever happend to him. Not knowing what to do he reached his hand across the table and put it on top of Obi-Wan's. The boy looked up with very swollen eyes and shot up from the table.
"I...I'm sorry...I" Obi-Wan took off at a dead run to the door and took off down the hall to the crowded streets below.
Before Qui-Gon could get up from the table Obi-Wan had dissapeard without a trace. Frustrated with himself he took a drinking glass and threw it against the wall with all the strength he could manage. Slumping to the ground he covered his face with his hands and began to sobb loudly.
What in the name of the force had he done?
******
Nova was wakened by the soft sounds of someone whimpering. She looked at the clock, it was extremely late. Forcing herself to wake up she pulled herself upright in her bed. Clearing the sleep from her eyes she looked over to the fresher unit.
She didn't leave the light on. Did she?
Grabbing the electro jabber that she kept next to her bed for protection she crept silently to the unit. Stepping behind the door she slowly pushed the door ajar. Not knowing what to expect.
As Nova peeked around the door she saw a pair of legs. She looked some more. No! Not again! She pushed the door all the way open and droped next to the figure on the foor. Who was covered with blood.
Obi-Wan was the mysterious figure on the floor.
Nova touched him and he jumped from her touch. His face was smeard with a mix of his blood and tears. She took his hands and inspected them. Not too bad, not like the last time. She checked his wrist and neck. There was some hesitation marks, nothing more. Wraping her arms around him he began to cry even harder, like a lost child. Which tore Nova apart even more.
"I'm ss..ssorry Nova." Obi-Wan managed to speak. She just hushed him and continued to rock him. "I...I tried..tried..." Nova felt tears escaping her eyes as she held Obi-Wan's somewhat small frame (compared to her) close to her.
"What did you try Obi-Wan?" She asked as she willed his body to heal. A trick she learned from a healer when she was sixteen. "What did you try?"
" I t..tried to talk to..Qu..Qui-Gon." Obi-Wan sobbed. Nova tried desprately to hold her rage in her. "I told him why I...r..ran."
"What did he say to you Obi-Wan?" If he said anything to him. "What did he say when you told him why you ran?"
"I ran out before he could respond." Obi-Wan told her. "I was too scared of what he would say."
Nova thought quietly to herself her plans for tomorow.
***********
Nova made her way down the crowded streets of Benal 3. Even though it was late, the streets had a somewhat constant flow of people. It tore at her heart to see such a young kid be willing to take his life, to end it before it had even really begun.
Qui-Gon was going to pay, and she didn't care about the cost to her.
She found her way to the hotel that Obi-Wan said he found Qui-Gon. That bantha fodder, how could he do this to Obi-Wan? Did he even know the extent of how Obi-Wan has changed and that it is his fault? Well, Nova shrugged, I guess that is why I came.
Taking the steps two at a time Nova made it up to Qui-Gon's hotel door. A flash of Obi-Wan lying in a puddle of his own blood made her remember why she was here why she needed to do this.
If she had just kicked the door down it would have made less of a racket. Nova pounded as hard as she could trying to get someone to come to the door. She finally heard movement. As the door opend she knew it was Qui-Gon.
All logical reasoning had just left Nova's mind.
Grabbing him by the colar she dragged him down the stairs out to the streets. No one even thought about giving it a second look. They just assumed either Qui-Gon owed her money, or it was a marital dispute.
As they continued their journey Qui-Gon got enough footing to stand and twisted out of Nova's grab on him and twisted her into his hold. "What are you doing?"
Nova struggled to get free. "Trying to show you the extent of what you have done to an innocent boys heart and soul. If you want to see him, follow me."
Without hesitation Qui-Gon followed.
A eeire silence fell across the cold Benal night as Nova and Qui-Gon took the stairs up to her apartment. He could sense something was wrong. That something has happend...
And he had a sick feeling that it was his fault.
Nova punched in the code to get into her appartment. She entered the appartment first with Qui-Gon right behind her. It was pitch black, with only the moon's blue light shining through the shutters. Nova must of turned on a light because the room had a small enough light for her to be able to move around.
She walked back into where Qui-Gon was standing and motioned him to hide. "When he wakes up, I don't want him to see you here. He will go balistic. I want you to see what has happend to your Obi-Wan."
"But-"
"I don't care what you think Qui-Gon." Nova hissed under her breath. "Personally, I feel that I should have killed you back at your hotel room. But I wouldn't, because unlike you, I think of how other people may feel."
That last comment hit Qui-Gon like a blaster shot. Hitting him to the core of his exsistance. Without arguing anymore, he took his place inside the closet. "What if he senses me here?"
"Trust me, he is to weak to probably sense that I am here." With that Nova walked over to the sleeping form of Obi-Wan Kenobi. She just sat there, for a long time. She took his hand into hers and held it for a long time. Qui-Gon saw the compassion that Nova held for Obi-Wan, she cared about him very much.
Obi-Wan began to stir which both made Qui-Gon and Nova jump. He moan and tried to sit up right. Nova helped him and put some pillows behind him so he could sit upright. Qui-Gon saw Nova whisper to Obi-Wan.
Nodding his head very slowly he began to pull off his sleeping shirt. He got it half way before Nova helped him get it off the rest of the way. Qui-Gon's heart was a hard lump in his throat. He had done this to him. He was the one that made Obi-Wan feel that he should end it all.
And he was young, so young.
Nova pulled out a small thing of gaze and bandages. She tenderly began to remove the bandage from Obi-Wan's neck to reveal a small gash on the upper left side of his neck. Nova must have done something because it made Obi-Wan smile and laugh. She laughed with him. Probably trying to show Obi-Wan that there were somethings in life that can't be missed. Nova applied some medicines to his neck and began to bandage it up again.
He could now see that Obi-Wan was in tears. Nova crawled up in bed with him and wraped her arms around him. Trying to calm him down she stroked the top of his head with her hand and rocked him slowly. She was now crying with him.
Qui-Gon was going out of his mind.
He so wanted to jump out of this confined space and help Obi-Wan.
But he couldn't, he just sat there silently and wept. Wept for his Obi-Wan.
And wept for the bond he didn't know if he could save.
**********
Nova laid Obi-Wan back down on the bed since he had fallen asleep in her arms. Her eyes were red and swollen from her tears. She looked at the closet and cleared her vision and walked over to the closet. She opend it up to see Qui-Gon Jinn sitting in the floor in the same state that she was in. "That has happend three times. I wish that it would stop."
Qui-Gon stood up and looked over at Obi-Wan who was now in a deep sleep. Walking over to him he gently bent over and kissed him on the top of the forehead. Trying not to disturb him he choked back hard sobs that tried to escape his body. He turned back to Nova. "I never meant for this to happen. I never wanted to hurt him." Qui-Gon rubbed his raw eyes. "Obi-Wan was the son I never had, he was everything to me. He taught me how to trust again. Now I have broken his trust, I have hurt him so deeply. I love him so much, I wish I could take back this past year. I wish I could tell him everything." Qui-Gon moved to go out the door.
Nova wanted to scream at herself for treating him the way she did. She had never seen a single person have so much love for one boy. "Master Qui-Gon?" Qui-Gon turned to her. "I want to help you."
"Why would you want to help me?"
Nova began to cry again. "I didn't know how much love you held for Obi-Wan. I was one sided and didn't want to hear your side of the story. The reason I left home is that I felt no one loved me, which was true. But, Obi-Wan has someone that loves him very much. I want him to be where he feels the best. With you."
"I thank you for your help Nova." Qui-Gon nodded.
"I must apologize for earlier Qui-Gon." Nova laughed. "I get sort of aggressive when I'm upset."
Qui-Gon smiled. "Don't worry I would have done the same thing."
"So what are you going to do?"
"His birthday is tommorow." Qui-Gon remembered. "I need you to keep him busy and I'll set up a little suprise for him."
"You mean a birthday party?"
"Yes I know a few people who I need to contact first."
********
TBC
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