News of the bacta's impending arrival gave Qui-Gon a small amount of comfort.
He had barely moved from Obi-Wan's bedside and while he had released his grip on his padawan's hand, he kept in constant physical contact.
Bren had gold Qui-Gon not to send any mesages through their link during the treatment as they did not know how it would effect the binding trance. Qui-Gon had to content himself with just being near Obi-Wan.
Although the Master had no doubt that Sira's efforts were helping Obi-Wan, it wasn't saving him but merely giving them precious time.
Obi-Wan was still dying.
As the hours went by the small face had grown impossibly paler and paler. The once bright lifeforce of his padawan was getting weaker, making it so frail that a small gust of wind might extinguish it all together.
Qui-Gon quickly shook himself. He would not do this. Obi-Wan needed him to believe he would recover fro mthis. He did not need him to dwell on his deteriorating condition. He needed Qui-Gon to believe he would be alright.
And you will be.
A soft sound broke Qui-Gon out of his thinking. He looked up to see Sira stirring. Before Qui-Gon had a chance to move to look at her better, she suddenly bolted up with such a force she nearly fell over the bed.
"Sira?" Qui-Gon asked in a concerned voice.
But the healer gave no indication that she had heard. She wildly began to glance around the room finally settling her eyes on the still figure of Obi-Wan.
Qui-Gon moved to call Bren as Sira's eyes widened at the sight of the younger Jedi.
Something was frightening her.
In seconds, Bren rushed in towards Sira while a small group of healers followed to tend to Obi-Wan.
"What is it? What's wrong with her?" Qui-Gon asked, urgently.
Ignoring the question, Bren gently shook Sira. "Sira, look at me. You're in room 734 and you are here treating patient Obi-Wan Kenobi" he said in a level voice.
Sira blinked and seemed to break out of her daze and focus on Bren's face. She shook her head slightly as if she was trying to shake the dreams out of her head.
"Bren? I thought..." Confusion spread over her face. "I thought I saw--"
A loud electronic shriek interrupted Sira.
Qui-gon looked at Obi-Wan in horror as the warning alarms went off on the life support systems.
"His blood pressure's dropping, Bren!" a healer shouted.
Bren let out a string of curses as he saw Obi-Wan's vitals drop.
"Get Sira out of here! She's stopped the trance. He's bleeding again!" Bren ordered frustratedly as he and the healers began to furiously work on Obi-Wan.
"We can't get the blood pressure up, he's bleeding too fast."
"He's in shock!"
"How long before the bacta tank gets here?" Bren asked quickly.
"They said an hour."
"Right. Tell them to transport the damn thing as soon as they're in range" Bren instructed as he began to disconnect the wires on Obi-Wan.
"What are you doing?" Qui-Gon demanded.
"Taking him back to the operating room. We have to stabilize him before he goes into the bacta" Bren answered hurriedly as they wheeled Obi-Wan past Qui-Gon.
The Jedi Master couldn't remember how he ended up on the floor. The last memory he had was the frighteningly pale face of his Obi-Wan as Bren had wheeled him out. The next sensation he had was of the cold hard floor where he had fallen next to the chair. Gripping the plastic leg, Qui-Gon did not notice the tears that were running down his face.
Please don't die, Obi-Wan. Please don't die...
"How do you feel?"
The soft voice nearly made Sira drop her sketch book. "Bren! Don't do that!" she exclaimed, snapping her book shut.
"Sorry. I wasn't sure if you'd be awake yet" he replied as he checked her chart.
"Everything appears alright. A whole day's sleep was good for you. But back to my original question: how do you feel?"
"Fine." Came the short reply. Sira had been grateful that Bren had honored her wish to be taken back to her quarters after each session. The last time she had performed a binding trance, curiosity had prompted Bren to leave all wires and machines attached to Sira so he could get a few more readings. She had awoken with what had felt like a hundred itchy wires and a splitting headache. She calmly had told Bren that if he ever did that again she'd feed him to her pet Rancor, her Healer's oath be damned.
A long period of silence passed before Bren cleared his throat.
"I think we should talk about the treatment."
Sira's fingers idley traced the edges of her thick sketch pad.
"I guess I wasn't used to working with a human before" she began.
"How was it different?" Bren attempted to subtly take notes.
"More open....he didn't try and block his mind like most Gemians. It was easier to bind with him at first."
"Uh huh.....then what happened?"
Sira turned to stare out her window that overlooked the nighttime traffic on Gema.
"Then...I got careless" she answered absently.
"Sira." Bren wasn't letting this go. "What about this?" he asked, tapping her sketch book. "The visions."
For a moment Bren wasn't sure if she had heard him. Sira looked lost in thought as she stared out to the twinkling lights below. "Sira?"
"Where is Master Jinn?" she asked suddenly.
"What?"
"Master Jinn. Where is he?"
The frustrated male Gemian inwardly sighed. Fine. If she needed to ease her mind about her patients first, he'd indulge her.
"Well, Padawan Kenobi's bleeding increased after the trance was broken. He's in the bacta tank now. Vital signs are being monitored as well as-"
"I asked where Master Jinn was, not Padawan Kenobi" she interrupted with irritation.
Bren blinked in surprise. "Well, last I saw he had suctioned himself to the side of a bacta tank."
Sira nodded as she pulled a robe on.
"I need to talk with him."
"Aren't you even the slightest bit curious about Padawan Kenobi?"
"Padawan Kenobi will live through this" Sira answered as she made her way for the door.
"You're so sure?" Bren asked, staring at her incredulously.
Sira stopped, fixing the healer with a sad gaze. "Yes. Obi-Wan will survive this. He will live a very long while" she stated. "Much longer than he wishes to though, I fear."
Before Sira could make it past the door, Bren grabbed her arm.
"Wait. What do you mean 'longer than he wishes to' ? What did you see?" he asked urgently. Sira remained silent. "Surely nothing in Master Jinn's future" Bren pressed. "You were bound to Kenobi, not his master."
"All the same, I need to talk to Master Jinn." Sira loosened herself from Bren's grip and went for the door.
"Wait a minute! We agreed on this. We weren't going to discuss your visions with anyone just yet!" Bren reminded, blocking her path.
"This is different!"
"Why?!" Bren's violet eyes swirled to a dark blue in rising anger.
"Because to do nothing is worse Bren!" Sira yelled, her eyes matching his. "We're healers! We're supposed to help people! If I don't talk to Master Jinn, a greater suffering is in store for Obi-Wan." Sira could already feel tears rising in her eyes.
"And what will you tell Master Jinn exactly? From past experiences your visions have hardly been clear or complete for that matter." Silence followed Bren's words. "Do you know specifically what exactly this danger is? Will it happen soon? " Bren questioned.
"No."
Bren drew in a deep breath. "Then you are about to march into there and tell a man who is half dazed with worry and sleep deprivation that you had a vision of some kind of danger in regards to his apprentice but you have no idea what it is or when it will happen. Sira, that's crazy. That accomplishes nothing."
He quietly waited for Sira's reaction. He knew he was speaking perfect logic and that sooner or later Sira would have to see that.
"Maybe so. I don't know. But I can't just sit here and do nothing" Sira sobbed, tearfully. "You don't know what it's like Bren. I tell you all my visions but you don't know what it's like to have them. I can't do anything because they're so incomplete but I know I have to do something...." Sira broke off as her sobs increased, hysterically.
Bren carefully pulled Sira into a gentle hug, letting her bury her face against his shoulder.
"What he will have to suffer..." she whispered almost to herself. "And what makes it worse......" Without finishing her thought, Sira raced out the room, her sobs echoing down the hallway.
Bren did not go after her, knowing she needed to think by herself. Besides, he had done enough damage. Bren had never known until now how these visions had been affecting Sira besides the physical aspects.
He had been wrong to practically order her not to talk of what she saw. While he had done it to protect her from the consequences of making public her ability, the results of her silence could hardly be more beneficial for her. He had no right to bind her to secrecy, they were her visions and they affected her well-being the most.
As he turned to leave, Bren noticed the sketch book that Sira had dropped on her way out. Two pages that had been torn out of her book had fallen out and lay crumpled by Bren's feet.
Carefully smoothing them out, Bren noticed they were two new portraits. He squinted at the first. It was of a human male. He guessed him to be about 50 or 60 standard years old, judging by the man's silver hair and beard. Then, recognition dawned on Bren's face as kind but sharp blue eyes stared back at him.
This was Obi-Wan Kenobi.
Sira had seen nearly 40 years into his future?
Scrutinizing the face again, Bren had yet to carefully study the second portrait that Sira had drawn.....of a man whose only features were that of the dark mask and helmet he wore.
At the far end of Medicenter, a room had been cleared out for a bacta tank that now held the body of Obi-Wan Kenobi.
While several healers had requested to observe the newly obtained device in action, Bren had wisely restricted the flow of healers to those specifically assigned to the patient. He had originally thought it best to keep the traffic at a minimal should anything happen.
But truth be told, Bren did not want anyone to tangle with the Jedi Master sitting next to the tank more than necessary. Bren hoped for the sake of the mental well-being of the healers on Couresant that Kenobi did not get himself injured very often.
In the short time he had known him, Bren had discovered that the Jedi Master was not one to be argued with when it came to his apprentice. He'd frighten every healer on Gema to death should any of them attempt to debate with him about leaving Obi-Wan's side for the sake of some sleep.
Right now, the Master in question sat, leaning against the bacta tank, eyes closed in concentration. He had spent the last few hours sending healing waves and words of comfort and love towards his padawan who had yet to regain consciousness. While Bren had told him that Obi-Wan would recover, Qui-Gon could not be fully convinced until Obi-Wan himself told him so.
It had been so close. If the bacta had arrived only a few minutes later.....
"Think on the past you must not. Concentrate on the future you should." His old master's voice echoed in his head.
Yes, the future. And Obi-Wan was his future.
Qui-gon hugged his apprentice's cloak closer to his chest. The clothing was torn in several places and was well damaged beyond the point of wearing due to the bomb. It would need to be replaced when they returned to Couresant. But Qui-Gon held on to it nonetheless. Despite the fact its owner had not worn it in several days, the cloak still held the Force essence of Obi-Wan and it brought Qui-Gon some amount of comfort.
The part of his mind which he had grown accustomed to having occupied by the bond he shared with Obi-Wan had remained silent for so long, the emptiness was becoming unbearable.
The strong feelings of love and protectiveness that Obi-Wan had ignited in him were as intense as Qui-Gon had feared in the beginning of their relationship. He had not wanted to attach himself to anyone as closely as he had to Xanatos.
But the persistance of his irrepressible padawan had prevailed. And now he was closer to Obi-Wan than he had ever been with anyone else and more so than he could have ever imagined.
//And I would not change it for anything, padawan. I had long feared the risk I would be taking by opening myself up to you. But I see now the risk is nothing to the reward of having you in my life.//
Although Obi-Wan gave no indication he heard his Master over their connection, Qui-Gon continued:
//I am priviledged to be your teacher. To be your friend. You have made me so proud, my Obi-Wan.//
"So very proud" he whispered outloud to the still figure.
Even in the normally muted floors of the Medi-Center, Sira felt her footsteps echoing throughout the hallways with each step she took approaching Obi-Wan's room. She had not yet decided what to do.
Bren was right, as much as she hated to admit it. What could she tell the Jedi Master? Before she had undergone the trance, she had seen the love and concern that poured out of Qui-Gon. The man cared deeply for the boy. What could she tell him?
That he would later cause the greatest suffering for his beloved apprentice?
Sira was not positive from her vision how exactly Qui-Gon was tied to what later happened to Obi-Wan. But she knew he was the catalyst for the events that would later greatly effect the young man. She tried desperately to not feel some resentment towards Qui-Gon.
She knew logically that he would never do anything to hurt his apprentice. But it had not mattered. He would one day bring about something that would injure Obi-Wan far greater than any physical wound. And Sira could not help but feel a small amount of anger towards the Jedi. What could render Qui-Gon so blind that he would not see what would happen?
Standing outside the room that held both Master and padawan, Sira peered through the window. Qui-Gon had his hand pressed to the side of the bacta tank, speaking quietly to his student. The fierce protectiveness he was projecting made Sira want to cry at the cruel irony of what was to happen.
At the sound of her entering, Qui-Gon turned his exhausted eyes on her and gave her a smile.
"Sira, how do you feel?" he asked, gently.
"Better" she truthfully replied. She slowly seated herself in an extra chair next to Qui-Gon, staring at the 14 year old floating peacefully in the tank. All the scars from the previous surgery had disappeared. Other than a few fading bruises, the boy looked completely unharmed. A few minutes of silence passed before Qui-Gon spoke.
"I want to thank you for all you have done for Obi-Wan. Both you and Bren but you especially. I will forever be grateful" he spoke softly. The naked gratitude that flowed from his words threatened tears in Sira again.
"I am only sorry that it could not have been easier for you or Obi-Wan, Master Jinn. I heard it was close."
"There is no need to be sorry. What matters is that you have saved him.....and given me a second chance."
Sira caught the last part of his statement and was puzzled.
"A second chance?"
"Yes. For me to tell Obi-Wan so many things I had put off for too long. And for me to give him the love he deserves."
"It has not always been this way?" Sira asked, frowning.
Qui-Gon gazed sadly at Obi-Wan. "No....for a long time I did not wish to take Obi-Wan as my padawan. I pushed him away and blocked myself from him. Even after I took him as my padawan."
"Why?"
"It had very little to do with Obi-Wan. Just my own cowardice that stupidly pushed me to try and deny what was right."
"And it will not always be this way either" Sira stated. Her coldness caught Qui-Gon's attention as he gave her a confused look. "You love your student now. But when he finishes his schooling with you, you will take on another student, yes? And will pour all the devotion you have for Obi-Wan on to him?"
Qui-Gon shook his head at the accusation. "You misunderstand me Sira. I do not love my student. I love Obi-Wan ." His reply was calm but forceful nonetheless. "I was meant to take him as my padawan, yes. But the Force has given me more than a padawan. I treasure Obi-Wan as my son. His ascent into Knighthood will not change that nor my taking of another student. I will always love him and no one will ever replace him. I will follow his accomplishments throughout his life with pride and an evergrowing love for him."
"You believe in destiny then, Master Jinn?" Sira asked quietly.
"I trust in the will of the Force, Sira. No one can ever be certain of what is to come. But I would have made the greatest mistake to deny what was meant to be." The strength of his conviction marked his every word. Sira stared at the Jedi Master who had returned his attention back to his padawan.
Drawing a deep breath, she prepared to tell him everything. To explain about her visions and what she had seen in Obi-Wan's future. To beg Qui-Gon to act carefully watch his actions and spare Obi-Wan the pain that was in store for him. To protect him as a father should. She prepared to do all this and stopped.....
"I would have made the greatest mistake to deny what was meant to be."
His last words rang through Sira's thoughts and gave her pause.
"No one can ever be certain of what is to come."
But she was. She was certain that Obi-Wan would suffer. Far more than anyone could imagine.
But do you know what is to come after that? a voice asked.
No.....
Then how do you know his life as it is set now is not meant to be?
Sira gazed upon the face of Obi-Wan Kenobi that radiated a goodness and innocence that struck her heart. Was she doing this to only relieve her own sense of helplessness? Would her confession really save him from harm.....or put him in even greater danger? Would she be protecting him? Or would she be denying him the path he was destined for?
"I trust in the will of the Force, Sira."
Closing her eyes, Sira stood up. Moving silently to not disturb Qui-Gon, she wordlessly left the room, allowing only a soft click as she shut the door behind her.
A few hours after Bren had come into her quarters, Sira had finished reading every word that Bren had written. She stared at him, rather impressed.
"Do you really think I can do this?" she asked.
The other healer began to rub the kinks out of his neck.
"I don't see why not. If everything you've told me about how you bind to your patients is true, it should work. Theoretically, of course."
"Do you think I should?" Bren shrugged. "It might not even work." "And it also might work. You never know. But you wouldn't be doing him any harm by trying."
It was all the encouragment Sira needed. She got up to take a trip to the recovery room.
"Want to come?" she invited. "See your theory in action?"
For a moment, Bren looked tempted. But he settled back on the couch. "Nah. I think I'll get some rest. Writing that all out wiped me out" He barely stiffled a yawn. "Besides, you should do this without any distractions, especially from me" he added as he closed his eyes.
Sira looked at Bren in amazement for the second time this week.
"When did you become so considerate?" she teased.
"Since you had Minzi's teeth sharpened" he replied, indicating the Rancor who was curled up in the far side of the room. Keeping his eyes closed, Bren grinned at Sira's laughter as it faded down the hallways.
As Sira approached Obi-Wan's room, she suddenly noticed the time. In her determination to try and do this she had neglected to see how late it was. Peeking in through the window, though, she noticed that while Qui-Gon was finally asleep, Obi-Wan was awake and staring thoughtfully at his Master.
This is a change. Sira thought with a bit of amusement.
The large Jedi had his head resting on his arms that were folded Obi-Wan's bed. He was dozing rather heavily. The four days of worry and little sleep had finally caught up to him. Sira quietly opened the door and approached to introduce herself.
"Hello Obi-Wan. My name is Sira Kershni, one of the healers who treated you." Obi-Wan smiled a greeting in return that was mixed with a hint of curiosity. There was something familiar about her. "How do you feel?" She was back in healer mode.
"Fine. A bit tired. But not as much as my Master, I think" indicating the lightly snoring figure.
Sira laughed softly as she pulled up a chair. "Yes, I can imagine. It's an understatement to say he was worried about you."
"Yeah..." Obi-Wan's eyes slid back to his Master. Sira cocked her head as she regarded the padawan's features.
"You seem surprised."
Obi-Wan flushed slightly at her observation. But looking at her violet eyes, he felt strangely comfortable. He could have sworn he had met her before.
"I guess I am, a little. My Master doesn't really...I mean, its the first time I realized he cared so much" he finished awkwardly. Sira nodded with a look of understanding that the younger Jedi had not expected.
"You know, Obi-Wan, I studied under a healer who was very much like your Master Qui-Gon."
That sparked an interest in Obi-Wan. "Really? How so?"
Sira leaned back in thought. "Well..she was very wise, like your Master. Very kind, Resourceful. And incredibly headstrong." She grinned at the memory. "She always did what she believed was right. Didn't give a bantha's behind about what her superiors thought."
Obi-Wan laughed. "Yeah, that's my Master."
"And she cared quite a bit about her students. Even if she didn't show it very much."
"What happened to her?" he asked as a trace of sadness touched Sira's eyes.
"She died. Few years back. It was a very peaceful death in her sleep."
"I'm sorry." The sympathy that Obi-Wan prjected in waves made Sira smile. Only 14 and already so sensitive.
"As much as she loved me, I can't honestly believe she could have held a candle to your Master's feelings about you. He loves you deeply, Obi-Wan."
Obi-Wan returned his gaze to Qui-Gon, who was still snoring lightly and regarded him for a moment.
"It's strange. I see him now and its nothing like I remember. All those times he didn't want me or wouldn't talk to me even after he took me as his padawan. I always thought...that he took me because it was something he had to do. I didn't think he actually cared so much about...well, about me I guess." The uncertainty in Obi-Wan's statement made Sira want to shake Qui-Gon awake and demand that he reassure his apprentice. What kind of neglect would have caused such insecurities? She reached out and tilted Obi-Wan's chin so that their eyes met.
"Whatever mistakes your Master made and may make in the future, you must never forget that he loves you, Obi-Wan. And he holds you dearly in his heart. It's important that you remember this."
Sira couldn't blame the slight confustion that rose in the other's face at the intensity of her words. She smiled, trying ti dissipate some of the tension. "And now, you should get some rest." A yawn was Obi-Wan's affirmative. He snuggled into the covers and turned towards Qui-Gon and closed his eyes. In a few minutes, he was fast asleep, his breathing matching that of his Master's. Sira sat, looking at the two figures, the smaller having curled closer to larger Jedi. A soft smile spread over her face at the tender sight.
Shifting a bit, Sira closed her eyes. Quietly reaching out, she placed a hand on Obi-Wan's shoulder. Although physical contact was not necessary, it felt better for her all the same. Slowly, she opened her mind and for the second time, she binded again with Obi-Wan. It was easier this time. The young student's mind welcomed her as an old friend. A few minutes into it, Sira began to see the images she had witnessed before, flickering across her eyes.
"Much concentration will be needed at this point." Bren's written words reminded her. She grit her teeth as she willfully tried to push the visions back. It took awhile, but soon Sira was left again with only the soothing darkness and Obi-Wan's mind as her only companion.
"Having pushed back the visions, the attempt to merge closer to the patient's essence should be made."
The second task was much easier. Sira gasped slightly as she connected with the energy surging through Obi-Wan. It was beautiful. The strength that was within him was overwhelming.
"Once completed...well, that's when you tell him, Sira. Your bond with him will be much more effective than spoken words. It'll be a part of him. He might remember."
Sira opened her mind as far as she could and carefully thought the message that she intended to sent to Obi-Wan:
Your Master will always love you, Obi-Wan. Do not forget that. Whatever happens, whatever changes, those who truly love you will always love you and be with you. You will never be alone, Obi-Wan. You will never be forgotten. Remember that...
Sira could feel the tendrils of her thoughts travelling from her towards Obi-Wan. They gently wove themselves around the pulsating energy of Obi-Wan's essence, which in turn enveloped them in a welcoming embrace. As Sira began to pull out of her trance, she felt the tendrils weaving themselves further and further, each whispering her message.
When Sira woke from the trance, she realized the process had only taken an hour. She stood up a bit shakily but happier than she had been in a long time. She did not know if what she had done was enough. Would he remember what she had told him? She could only hope. Sira would not deny Obi-Wan his destiny, but she would offer him whatever words of support she could. Perhaps they would remain with him and 40 years offer whatever comfort they could. Perhaps help him remember the bond he shared with his Master. Remember he was loved and would always be so.
Sira bent down and kissed Obi-Wan's brow. She reached over to get an extra blanket and draped it over Qui-Gon.
"You have much to be proud of, Master Jinn" she whispered in his ear. "Many trials await Obi-Wan...and he will honor you in every single one of them."
TBC
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