Ahh, life in the wilderness.  Jade took one look at little Munchin, 
sprawled out on the throw rug, one of Ryan's socks in shreds beside her.  
The cat meowed.

Jade:  Looking cute won't save you if Ryan finds you destroying his new 
duds.  Come on...

She picked up the little cat and pitched her outside, just in time for 
Ryan to lope downstairs.  He kissed Jade on the cheek as he walked by, 
and nearly tripped over the cat.

Ryan:  Damnit!  

Jade:  Strange, I just let her outside...

Ryan:  Out she goes, then. 

Ryan lunged for the cat, nearly fell on his face.  Munchin was not one 
to be caught easily, and to her, the chase was a fun game of 'lets see 
how long it takes to make Mom and Dad fall on their asses'.  She stopped 
two feet from Ryan, cocked her head, and meowed.

Ryan growled.

Jade:  I'll get her, you eat your breakfast.

She retrieved the cat easily and tossed her out into the snow again.

Jade:  Use the bathroom and then you can come back in...

Not five minutes went by.  Jade was looking out the window, calling for 
the cat, the cold air turning her face red in seconds.  She slammed the 
window in disgust and was about to ask Ryan if he'd seen the cat, when 
she heard the sound of a feline being stepped on.

Jade:  Ryan, why in hell is the cat yelling?

She stepped into the kitchen to find Ryan perched on one of the wooden 
chairs, his socked foot poised above a brown work boot.

Ryan:  Why am I bleeding out my fecking toe?

Jade:  Maybe it's because... Munchie??? get out of that boot... 

Two ears were barely visible inside, and she had trouble hiding a smirk.  
Ryan was being unnerved by a cat.  It was not something you got to see 
every day.

Ryan thrust his hand in the boot, removed the hissing feline, and heaved 
her out the kitchen door and onto the couch.  He shoved his foot in the 
boot and let out a howl.

Jade:  What's the problem now?  

Grumbling.

Ryan:  Goddamned...beast...shite...

Jade opened the window and shoved the cat outside once again.  

Jade:  Ryan.... you going to tell me what's wrong?

Ryan hopped across floor, one foot extended comically.  Jade tried to 
hide the smirk again, but it was proving to be a losing battle.

Jade:  Shall I play a jig or a reel? 

Ryan:  Everybody's a feckin comedian...that goddamned animal shit in my 
boot...

Jade:  Well, take the damn thing off and clean it out instead of jumping 
around like it's a crab taken hold of your toe... 

Jade was nearing meltdown, one hand over her mouth and grinning her ass 
off.

Ryan:  Not amused...fuck...  

Ryan sat down on the couch, pulled off his boot to reveal his sock, 
soaked with runny catpucky.  Jade wrinkled her nose, the smile gone for 
the moment.

Jade:  Oh... ick.  take it off.  I'll wash them... and dont you go after 
that cat.  Looks like she was sick.  

Ryan:  Indeed.  Go n-ithe an diabhal an cat...

Jade:  Yeah yeah, I know... give me the damn things.  

Ryan:  Don't you go after that cat, ye say.  Kick her hairy little arse, 
I will.

Jade:  Ryan.  Socks.  Don't give me the lip.

Ryan thrust his finger down into the sock, peeled it off.  He followed 
with the other, balled them up and tossed them to Jade.  He made to get 
up and stepped not on the rug but on the cold floor.  Jade winced when 
he started to yell about the state of the floor.

Ryan:  Goddamn fecking bare damn floor Jesus Christ!  

He jumped onto a throw rug and stared murderously at Munchin.  She was 
staring back at him through the window, oblivious to his state.

The cat started to howl as Jade made her way towards the kitchen with 
the tainted socks.

Jade:  No, you'll stay out there for a while, bud.  

Ryan:  Maybe she's cold.

Jade:  It's either a cold ass or a kicked one, the way it sounds... 

The cat cried pitifully, shivering in the snow.  Ryan stood on the sides 
of his feet, regarding her.  Jade returned with a thick pair of socks, 
tossed them to Ryan.

Ryan:  Thank you, aingeal...tu diabhal cat...

She opened the window to let Munchin back in.

Jade watched the cat wander past Ryan, tail twitching.  Munchin stopped, 
began to sharpen her claws on piece of rug Ryan had nailed to the newel 
post...stopped, took a short bath, walked to Ryan's chair, jumped up and 
curled herself into a ball to sleep.

Jade:  She isnt that bad...

Ryan put on the socks and walked to the chair, nabbing his (actually the 
Indianapolis public library's) copy of Joyce, seized the cat and heaved 
her onto the couch.  As soon as he sat down to read, she was up in his 
lap, kneading.

Ryan:  AAAAAHH!  Bitch!  

Ryan picked her up, looked her in the face.  Their noses were barely 
touching.  He was giving her a deadly scowl, but to her, it might have 
been a grin.  Munchin blinked tiredly back at him.

Jade:  She loves you...

Jade took up a pad of paper and several pencils, plopped down on the 
couch to watch the festivities.

Ryan:  Loves me, hah!  Down, hellcat... 

He shoved her onto the floor.

Ryan:  I made you a bed, use it and not me.

Jade simply raised an eyebrow and began to sketch.

Ryan started to ask her what she was drawing, but then sensed movement 
out of the corner of his eye.  Munchin was pawing open a cabinet.  He 
swore under his breath and lunged for her, but she disappeared under 
Ryan's chair.  Satisfied, he shut the cabinet and returned to the very 
same chair she was underneath, started to read again.  In a few minutes, 
she started to play hunter with his ankles.

Jade:  Maybe if you gave her a treat or something, she'll make up with 
you.

Ryan sighed, defeated, and went to a small jar Jade kept out in the 
room.  It was full of fishy-smelling little bits that she bought at the 
grocery.  He found them disgusting, but he seemed willing to try 
anything.

Ryan:  If it means she'll stop trying to kill me by inches...up here, 
little one...

He retrieved a treat, sat down in his chair, and Munchin was instantly 
up in his lap, trampling the book, purring, marching back and forth and 
nudging his hand.

Ryan:  Here, now be still. 

Munchin retreated to the floor with her treat, dropped it on the floor, 
licked it once, and stared up at him as if to say, "Is that all you've 
got?"  When she realized that she was being ignored, the cat started to 
bat the treat around.  She never ate it.  Periodically, she stared up at 
Ryan.  Jade was startled out of an artistic trance by Ryan's yelping.

Ryan:  AHHH!  What the sweet fuck, cat?  What?  Tell me!

Munchin had made a second introduction of her claws to Ryan's ankle.  
She turned from him, slapped the treat.  Stared up at him.  Slap.  
Stare.  Slap.  Stare.  She walked back to sit beside the tasty looking 
bare ankles, and Ryan drew his feet up into the chair, glaring at the 
small specimen of feline ire.

Ryan:  I pet her, she claws me.  I scratch her, she claws me.  I FEED 
her, she claws me...diabhal cat...

Jade:  Well, *cocks her head to the side*  maybe if you'd scratch her 
behind the ears instead of pelting her with books...  that way she might 
believe you want her around... or do you?

Munchin laid down on the treat and started to roll voluptuously on it.

Ryan:  I wouldn't have brought her.  What I don't want is to take second 
place to a ball of fur.  

Jade:  What, second place?  What are you talking about?  Christ, Ryan... 
she's just a cat.  

He glares at Munchin, who has jumped up on the arm of his chair.  

Ryan:  WHAT do you WANT?

She turned around in place several times, turned her tail in his face... 
and there was a small but distinct noise.  Ryan howled.

Ryan:  Jesus, Jade...!!!!

He picked up the cat from the center of her little toxic cloud.

Ryan:  What in hell have you been eatin', wee one?

Jade:  You know, my Grandmother used to do that... but we didn't throw 
*her* out in the snow.  

Ryan:  Did your Grandma aim her arse in your face?  Munchin...are you 
sick, darlin'?

Jade:  Ah, you dont want to know the answer to that one.... Grandmother 
was... a little off.  Her favorite pastime was 'pull my finger'. 

The cat dropped to it's side lazily in Ryan's lap.

Jade:  Maybe the cat *does* need to go outside... 

Ryan was only half listening.  Munchin was lying on her back in his lap.  
He was stroking the soft, furry belly, smiling faintly.  The cat gripped 
his wrist in all four paws, claws sheathed.  

Ryan:  Absolutely not, you tell your mam it's too cold out for such a 
little thing...the very idea...

Jade:  Well, we could get her a litterbox. 

Jade watched for his response, but Ryan was still rubbing the cat's 
belly.  The smile had settled in.

Ryan:  No litterpan?  Is Mam a heathen, my Munchie?...does Da need to 
find his baby a litterpan?  

He lifted his arm and Munchin held on, staring up at him blankly.

Jade:  Put her in the pot... boil her for a nice stew...

Ryan:  Mam is one of the Weird Sisters. 

He drew the tiny cat to his chest in mock fear as Jade cackled like an 
old hag.

Jade:  Aye, laddie, and I'll throw you in, as well!  

Ryan:  Munchie, love, we'll need to call the men with the wet sheets...

Munchin crawled inside his shirt and Ryan looked up at Jade in "fear".  

Jade:  Wet sheets?  Oh... now, I have the perfect spell against that.  
All it requires... is a kitten... 

He placed a hand over the squirming mass in his shirt, jumped over the 
back of the chair, and started up the stairs.

Ryan:  Munchie, run for your life!  

Jade took off after him, giggling like a maniac, scrambling up the 
stairs behind him, hair in her face.  When she got upstairs, she saw 
nothing... save for a stockinged foot poking out from under their bed.  
She pretended not to see it, started creeping around the room.

Jade:  Oh, kitty.... heeeere kitty kitty, where's your Daddy?  Come 
here... 

She stepped onto the side of the bed where Ryan couldn't see her, got on 
her stomach, head hanging slightly over the side, above the foot.  
Quickly, she grabbed the toe and pulled off the sock, both hands 
clamping down onto the foot.  She started to tickle him mercilessly.

Ryan:  AAAH!  Munchie...Da's in mortal danger!  

He rolled out from under the bed as Munchin fled down the stairs.  
Lightning quick, he lunged onto the bed, pinning Jade easily.

Ryan:  So...we must stop meeting this way.  

His fingers were gentle on her side.  She tried to talk her way out of 
it.

Jade:  Oh, but I think something just took off ... your prey just 
vanished, what ever will you eat?

Ryan:  Had something a little more substantial in mind...  

He kissed her on the forehead, softly and slowly.

Jade:  She's tamed you thus?  I'll have to start paying her in tuna to 
pester you... 

Ryan:  Tuna?  She's damned easy.  

His fingers were deep in her hair, his lips on her chin, the side of her 
neck.

Ryan:  Have I missed a spot, love?

Breathless.

Jade:  Oh... I'm not sure... you've hit so many... 

He withdrew a hand from her hair, traced the outline of her lips with a 
finger.

Ryan:  Here, perhaps...but that might be too sensitive for the likes of 
me...

He sensed another presence in the room just as he felt the paws along 
his spine, daintily picking a path.

Ryan:  Mo chroi...your cat has picked a most inauspicious time to make 
her bed between my shoulderblades.

Jade smiled up at him.

Jade:  And you're daunted by her?  

Munchin starts to gently knead the spot between his shoulderblades.  

Ryan:  Jade Winifred Riordan... dislodge your wee beast!

Jade stopped giggling, shocked into near silence.  

Jade:  What.  The hell.  Did you say, Ryan Gaerity?  

Ryan:  I said.  Jade Winifred Riordan.  Dislodge your wee beast.

Jade:  What I thought you said.... Munchie, give it to him good.  

She stretched her arms out underneath her head, laced her fingers at the 
base of her skull, and smiled up at him.  The cat had gone to sleep in 
the strangest of places, on Ryan's back.  He rested his full weight on 
Jade, utterly relaxed.

Ryan:  Aaaah, Jade Winifred...you make a lovely mattress.

Jade:  Damnit... 

Ryan went on, smiling.

Ryan:  Yes, Jade Winifred?  Something I can explain, Jade Winifred?

Jade:  Shutthehellup, you big damn bogtrotter!!!  

Ryan:  My, such language, Jade Winifred.  

He crossed his arms over her collarbone and rested his chin on them, 
staring into her eyes.

Jade:  Where the hell did you find out my middle name, tell me now or 
I'll make sure Munchin takes all of her morning constitutionals in your 
shoes... 

Ryan:  Excuse me?  Should a lover not know everything about his beloved?  
Is it not normal that I should know that your given name, as recorded on 
your birth certificate, was nearly Esmeralda, but that your grandfather 
yelled until your Ma changed it to Jade, but that your Da wouldn't 
relinquish the Winifred for something less...ossified?

Jade:  WHAT???  How did you...?  Where did you....?  

Ryan:  Would it also surprise you to know that your name WAS officially 
Esmeralda Winifred Riordan for the first 30 days of your life, but that 
when a copy of your birth certificate came to you Ma for final 
corrections, that was when she changed it?  That she called you Esme?  
and that it upset her to give up Esmeralda?  that Esmeralda means 
emerald, and she chose that name because of your lovely green eyes?

Her voice was low.  She was trying to keep control of herself.

Jade:  No, it wouldn't suprise me, I've heard the story many times from 
my grandmother... who died seven years ago.  What *does* suprise me is 
that *you* know it.  I've never told you.  

Ryan:  I have no other sources, my Esme?  

She could tell that it was all he had to keep from grinning.

Jade:  I'm sure I'll drag it out of you someday.  Now... don't call me 
that.

He brushed the long hair from her face.

Ryan:  'Tis not the name I would have given you either, love.  Why do 
you dislike it so?

She met his gaze and doubled the ante.

Jade:  It was my great-grandmother's name.  She was British.  
Protestant...

Ryan slapped his forehead with one hand, laughed.  

Ryan:  The horror, the horror!  

Jade smiled up at him, grabbed him by the collar and pulled him down to 
face her.  The cat jumped off his back from the sudden movement.

Jade:  Boyo, I *know* you missed a spot...

Jacque Whitworth - 1999
TO BE CONTINUED...

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