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So let's set the scene. South end of Bemidji, fairly late at night since I had to go up after work. I'm sitting at a traffic light right across from the park holding the ghastly Paul Bunyan and Babe the Blue Ox statues. The light is about to change. My car door opens...
Ed: You? How'd you get here so damn fast? Billy (grins evilly): Who said I ever left? You've got something. I want it. Ed: There goes a rolling donut. You know what to do. Billy: I'll pretend I didn't hear that. Drive on. I had no choice. I pulled forward through the intersection and headed through town. Kay had specified a place on the north side of Bemidji. I had a short ways to go, and Billy's company to endure...enjoy. Ed: Kay specified that I come alone. Don't get out of the car. Billy: That sounded like an order. Who told you to give orders? Ed (impotent rage): Okay, please don't get out of the car. Billy: You're kidding, right? We turned down a dirt road. It had been marked with a flashing light. My instructions were that I was to drive exactly 2.5 miles down this road, flash my lights twice and sit until I saw him. Billy: What's all this James Bond bullshit? Drive this many tenths of a mile and play 'Shave and a Haircut' on your carhorn so you can talk to some spook in a black suit... Ed: Take it to your congressman, Dinkweed. This is what I need to do, this is what I do. I want this interview, fool, so shut your piehole. Billy: You definitely need some preventative maintenance. Ed: Hah! You're nothin but thirty pounds of catpoop in a ten pound sack. Maintenance, hell. A figure emerged from the woods. For a minute I thought I'd been set up - there was no black suit. Instead Kay was wearing jeans and a Hawaiian shirt. Billy: Damn! Forgot my sunglasses! Ed: Shut up. You're not here. Billy: I wish I wasn't. I got out of the car and approached Kay. Aside from his odd dress, he looked just as I had expected,serious, capable, athletic, tanned, fit...sorry. Behind me I heard a very ripe raspberry. Kay: Who's that in the car? I thought I told you to come alone. Ed: I did, I was going to, but he found me. He always finds me. It's okay if you don't want to do the interview. Kay: C'mon out of there. Let's see you. Slowly, making a production of unfolding his long legs, Billy got out of the car. He stood up, stretched elaborately - which would have been electrifying if I weren't so damn mad at him - and slouched over to where I was. Kay (staring hard at Billy): Tommy Lee, I thought you were restricted to Texas for six months...Sorry. Thought you were somebody else. Ed: No! Tommy Lee's not... Kay: We're not sure. But we're watching him closely. Billy: There's enough silly women watching him like a hawk, he makes one stupid move it'll be on CNN five minutes later. Kay: He's not who I thought he was...who is he? Ed: Agent K, MIB, this is Billy Strannix...Billy, Kay. Billy: So, Calvin Klein, where's the cheap suit? Ed: You're impossible. What he means is... Kay: I know what he means. I'm on special assignment. Billy: End of the flick that old boy zapped you with your own brainray. You weren't s'posed to remember anything. What's this special assignment crap? Was I hearing things? Was BILLY actually doing the interview? Ed: That's right, you were neuralyzed at the end of the movie. Does this have something to do with the sequel? Kay: They can reverse the effects of the neuralyzer...they said they needed me back, so I agreed. What else could I do? Ed: What about Elizabeth? Kay: She's...part of my life. It was a condition of my return. Billy: You still haven't told us, what's with the shirt and normal pants? Kay: That's the special assignment. I live in the community. We've had some unauthorized immigrations... Billy(singing): It's no fun bein' an illigal alien... I had the strong desire to kick Billy right square in his backside, but I would have been wasting my time. Kay: It's why we've been watching Tommy, among others. I know what I'm looking for. I don't think he's anyone we need to worry about. Billy: Tommy's probably straight enough. It's all these damn females... this one, Beth, Jeanie...they're the aliens. Slobberin' after some old boy when they got me right here... I couldn't help hooting at Billy. Apparently I must have stepped over the line. Billy made a move to possibly administer some maintenance, which had the effect of making me laugh harder. Kay, however, had no time for such threats. Out came the Series 4 Deatomizer. Kay meant business. Billy: I hope you don't think I give a damn for your overgrown Wham-o Air Blaster, there, young man. Kay: I like this gun. It's a good gun. Billy: It looks like one of them Super Soaker 500 things. Don't get bent out of shape, man. I'm not gonna hit her. I don't believe in wastin' my time and I don't wanna hurt my hand on her head. Ed: I'VE got a hard head. Speaking of rockheaded... Billy: I think your interview just left. Sure enough, when I turned away from Billy long enough to check, Kay was gone. I've called the number he left me with. Somebody who calls himself Jeebs keeps answering, but I've left messages, and I hope he gets back to me. Blasted Strannix.
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