Finding Balance - A Pure & Simple Story

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Finding Balance

It is very important that work does not become your whole life. Many an executive and high level manager know this experience first-hand and will tell you that it is hell at the top. Your time becomes company time and work begins to interfere with your family life and social life. Think of all the business trips where airline travel and ground transportation has to be done on the "off-business" hours. You can't afford to be away from the meetings or the scheduled conferences during the "regular" hours of the day. All the preparation and the travel arrangements have to be done on your own personal time away from work. Last-minute emergency business can intrude on well-laid family vacation plans on a day's notice. You have to go sometimes because it is your livelihood. Your business may be dependent on you, to the point where you may have to sacrifice virtually anything, to sustain the business. It can be cruel, but it is your financial source of survival in this world. You need the job.

Finding balance between home life, personal life and business life is not easy by any means. It requires some hard decisions and it requires the foresight to know what you can comfortably handle, without pushing yourself to the point of "burn-out". Your family will suffer if you can't find balance. Your hobbies and personal pleasures will go unattended. You will start to resent the time away from things you want to do. It will create unwanted stress.

It may not be an overnight thing either. This sometimes takes months and years to build into a serious stress condition. It can be so subtle and so subconscious, that you may not even be aware that it is happening to you. All you know is that you are not feeling well (a little "off") and you seem to be getting sick more often than usual. This is the "big" warning sign. It is time to take vacation or a leave of absence. You have to do it.

Try to be conscious of the things your body is telling you. Your body has an uncanny way of letting you know when stress is really starting to exert some physical pressure on you. Aches and pains come out of nowhere. Even old injuries seem to "flare up". Teeth start to hurt and are extra sensitive to hot and cold. The back becomes more tender and stiff. You can't seem to sleep it off any longer. You need aspirin and prescriptions to keep the pain away. Cigarettes, drugs, caffeine, not eating, over-eating, indulgent eating of your favourite food (looking for comfort or that "quick fix") all help to "restore your calm", by making you feel good temporarily. What you are basically doing is trying to cover-up or suppress your own body stress signals. There is this need to "escape". Sleep deprivation will then begin. Your body is going into hyper-drive from all the stimulants and chemicals, to the point where normal sleep is a thing you can only dream about. You now stay awake when it's sleep that you want and really need. Many people start losing weight because they are getting sick when they eat, or they have lost their appetite altogether (something out of your ordinary nutrition and everyday eating routine habits). This is all scary stuff. Be forewarned. You are slowly killing yourself. Return to your senses and smarten up. Let your instincts deprogram you from your addictions, and slow down the intake of anything other than healthy food. You will feel so much better in just a very short period of time.

Listen to all your co-workers and how they react to you at work. They may appear puzzled or confused about your business decisions or directions, or answers to simple questions. You may feel that participating in meetings and seminars is more of a nuisance than a necessity. You may experience some conflicts and problems which routinely should never happen. Your boss may be concerned about your performance "all of a sudden", and there is pressure to try and improve your skills. You may feel that you are losing ground. These little things point to over-work and resentment; for all those extra hours that you have been working, with no gratitude. The balance has tilted in favour of work, and you don't like it.

Listen to your family and your friends. They will show concern for your well-being. They will be worried for you if they don't think you are acting "normal". They will ask you more questions about how work is going, than they will about you in particular. People will be "tip-toeing around you" rather than talking to you directly with enthusiasm. They are afraid to "light your fuse". Don't pass it off as small-talk. They are talking to you that way for a very good reason. You should be concerned that they aren't being more open and straight-forward with you. Make sure you talk to them with honesty and tell them your work may be causing you frustration and more commitment than you intended. They may give you some unexpected and very worthwhile advice. Your family and friends care for you very much. Let them give you guidance.

Another way of coping with an unbalanced stressful lifestyle is by keeping busy; doing mundane boring domestic tasks rather than just sitting and thinking about your stress. You can't sit still. You keep busy to avoid thinking about the problem. You have no time and there is so much to do. Nobody seems to be willing to help you when you need it, and you always have to do everything yourself anyway. You sacrifice all your free time because you want to avoid the obvious and can't deal with it just right now. Everybody starts to become incompetent in your eyes, and you end up stressing yourself even more out of sheer exhaustion, from doing all those things that you didn't really need to do in the first place. People will give up asking if they can help you, because they are becoming increasingly frightened and distant from you. You are actually pushing them away because you have no time. Learn to delegate and spend some quiet time by yourself. Even if the jobs don't get done right away, let them do it. Try to be patient and give them clear instructions. They will learn.

Single parents know this routine and frustration all too well. The "balancing act" is a real challenge and time can be an issue. There is help though. Rely on your friends, baby-sitters, the grand-parents, or even your neighbours; everyone that you know. Most of the time, any one of these people will be more than willing to help you out if you ask for their help. You are never alone. If your children are old enough, start delegating simple everyday jobs to them (washing dishes or cleaning up the table). They will feel like they are making a worthwhile contribution to the family, and at the same time, hoping it will make you happy. Tell them that you appreciate and love their help, very much. Give them hugs and kisses to show them recognition afterwards.

If you are a two-parent family, then delegation of duties has to be equally shared among both parents (absolutely no exceptions). Even if you are sick, exhausted, frustrated; it doesn't make a damn bit of difference. You pull your own weight no matter what. Just because you're sick doesn't mean the children don't have to go to school. They still need a bath and the lunches still have to be made. Women do this instinctively whether they are sick or not. They just don't have the time or energy to get sick (doesn't this sound familiar guys ?). Men have to learn not to get sick, and how to get through doing all their duties when they are sick. Don't pass it off. It is your job and you have to uphold your marriage vows just as much as your spouse does. Just do it. You will be loved and appreciated more than you think.

Balance is bliss. If you can find that "harmonic resonance" that comes from having a balanced lifestyle, you will never lose it. It will give you freedom, enjoyment, love and self-worth like you have never felt before.

Pure and simple...

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- This storyworx page was last updated on January 25th, 1998 -