My Final Poem

I am now writing my final poem,
While sitting here, a little at work, and home,
Poems were my life, but that was before,
I finally stepped through the opportunity door,
One thing or another definitely has to die,
They are parts of me, and only I know why,
By the end of this poem, you will know,
Which of the paths, that I chose to go,
This is going to take quite some time,
So don't be mad if I make a repettitive rhyme,
I mean, it isn't like a total crime,
To make up a repettitive rhyme,
This poem started being composed back then,
How long ago? You ask, you want to know when?
January of 2001, A horrible month of a horrible year,
It's when I realized I no longer had to fear,
Meagan Elston was wanting to be dead,
She was almost as messed up as me in the head,
I was telling all of my friends a big lie,
I was telling them I was happy, yet I wanted to die,
My friendship, with Phillip, going down the drain,
I felt as if something was eating at my brain,
I had just quit toking, for good, on Mary Jane,
Withdraw made me feel like I was insane,
A month earlier I had just become single,
So I was too sad to go and mingle,
So instead I just made up a catchy jingle,
I was hungry, but couldn't even eat a pringle,
A girl at work started taking pieces of my heart,
She's blonde, short, beautiful, and quite smart,
Out of work, Internet is how we keep in touch,
Stuff like email, ICQ, and such,
Phillip, however, keeps doing me wrong,
He has definitely toked on the burn-out bong,
Wokr is beginning to completely suck,
I am starting to not even give a fuck,
I can't quit, because I need the money,
I can't smile, because I need my honey,
I think I will let my depression start to show,
I miss my girl, but does anyone really know?
I try to hide every bit of the pain,
Which started driving me so insane,
Ex's fighting, friends telling more than one lie,
What would happen if I were to suddenly die?
So many problems, I want to go smoke some weed,
It makes life a lot easier, but it isn't a need,
Karen is so much like my beloved Candy,
They both make me feel so fine and dandy,
The rest of the world is always kicking me down,
I try to smile, but it gets kicked into a frown,
Phillip started to hang out with his twin Mike,
They both were treating me just alike,
Mike and I were supposed to go play some ball,
He decided not to, nor did he give me a call,
I am now starting to be haunted by my past,
I can't believe it all happened so fast,
I can't believe I became a dreaded cheat,
I was guilty of it, so I had to take the heat,
My poetry has kept me in this state,
Of feeling unloved, and feeling nothing but hate,
Dark and Gloomy had become my mind,
For my poetry, that is what it loves to find,
One of my favorite teacher, soon, is going to die,
When he passes away, I know I am going to cry,
The cancer rate for this area is way too high,
I guess the government loves being able to lie,
No one really knows me, or how I feel,
Nobody cares, and no one ever will,
Everyone always leaves me in their dust.
They go their way, and betray my trust,
Acquaintances are all I really know,
No one to talk to makes my life this low,
My life has just become one big mess,
Every little thing causing so much stress,
My job was laying off people left and right,
Philip just got fired from there, tuesday night,
I just don't know what I really want,
I am not sure, if I am going to just be up front,