Re-learn untaught lessons
I wish I could kill my heart
Yes, I said it!
It is true!
It has been my guide
Through various thick and thins
And somewhere,
Somehow...
I have learned to believe
In its imminent judgments
So...when it led me to this friendship...
I didn't question
The feelings I felt,
Even in the mists
Of my own confusion.
I wasn't suppose
To feel closeness
With the one
That unnaturalness dwells in,
But she was so understanding
And there was trust,
And I remember how wonderful,
It all felt
Among the grasps of my arms
And I found myself
Falling into the dark abyss
Of enchantment,
Of wonderment,
Of happiness I didn't know...
I didn't know...
How I could feel
So I trusted it,
And felt the scorn of a trust
Betrayal.
DAMN YOU HEART!
I want to kill you
Jab you, bash you squeeze
The very blood from your severed arteries
That are my own,
Wounds of a would be friend
Who never was,
And trusted too much...
That way, I don't
Have to listen! To hear
The impending sounds of hurt
That scream through every core
Of its fibers as it continues
Beat by beat by beat.
Louder and louder she beats
Through the loss of an illusion
She led me to feel.
Belief,
TOO PLAIN,
TOO REAL,
TOO POWERFUL,
And you, pityful, trustful
Heart!
You led me into this world,
And now I am trapped
In the depths of the screams
By its bone-piercing hands,
And I can't let the voices
Of hate
Illuminate in the core
Of soul,
Because I can't.
I believe in me too much.
I believed in the friendship too,
With every fiber and
Essence of my leading heart,
I cared...
And I lost
Once again,
Once again,
Because I couldn't believe
In ultimatums,
And my heart only
Believed in truth.
Now we are apart
But...still speaking strangers
Who speak only among the silences.
And now
I have to allow
Myself to re-learn
To be a friend,
To re-learn all
The wonderful feelings
My heart whispered
When it first taught me
To believe
And I conformily believed.
I listened and fell
Into the building
Of bricks
That supports the performance of
Untold truths between strangers
Who once were good friends.
But then again, never were.
I never was...
I was just a body,
A pair of arms,
A pair of ears
To listen.
Another name on a list
Of an unknown many
Who would follow
The same path.
And all I know
Is this furious compassion
And understanding
That my heart is re-teaching,
To me with every beat
Of its drum.
Bump-a-thump, bump,
I want to kill
You! Understanding heart!
I want to scorch
You with acid
And watch you wither away
Let me not believe in miracles,
Let me not believe in risks,
Let me not believe in anything
That speaks of your old teachings!
Let me not feel alone
In my confusion
Teach me not to be me.
But you can't...
You won't...
And I can't let you
Re-teach what I already know,
And slowly...
I'll become just another
Name that means
Nothing at all.
At least not in the depths
Of memories,
That I will soon
Teach myself to forget.
But I must re-learn
To always be the compassionate
Friend,
I know to be me,
I know...
Bump-a-bump thump,
Beat, old teacher beat,
Onto the lesson
I must re-learn
And the mistaken memories
I must allow
Myself to forget.
AS I go on
And give my trust to
To...one deserving friend.
Who will do the same for me
And teach me to re-learn the untaught lessons
That carry me throughout the days.
* "When the legends die, the dreams end.
When the dreams end there can be no more greatness." Hal Borlad