Search for self identity
Sometimes I wish I could go back through my past,
And see how it all began,
Where I went right,
And where I went totally wrong
Basically, I am searching for excuses
To clear my conscience of any sin
That I may have bestowed or perched on some,
Unfortunate soul, who left themselves open to care
And that I took for granted so
Because I felt myself gratitude to no one.
Yes, I am looking for outlets
Some form of escape
From my legal and moral responsibility
To acknowledge my own faults,
Fears and imperfections,
Because they would require
The alleviating of power,
To the vessels beyond my control.
Which I fear at times to acknowledge or concede,
For others may be able to
See the very being of that,
Which makes me what I am,
A shallow being of character,
But lack there of esteem.
I am not bad nor evil
Just frightened to release myself,
To those who care about me.
Yet, somehow my past shows me doing so.
Reluctantly at times, earnest at others.
Perhaps then the future holds,
Bright perception for my search for excuses.
For I see myself in the present,
Neglecting that which hindered me,
And accepting the person I am,
And have become,
And am a becoming.
Age 18 November 1997