Links

I've just submitted my designs for the Hoodbrella at a popular inter-net site for entrepreneurs and inventors: the Halfbakery.

TWO CATEGORIES OF UMBRELLA OFFENDERS AS DEFINED BY THE NICE FOLKS OVER AT DoctorGrosz Dot Com:

Short Umbrella Carrying Assholes [SUCAs]: While not excessively "short" when compared with a cross-section of the populace, these people pose a MASSIVE threat to anyone taller than 5'10". The tiny metal spines on their umbrellas seem to hover exactly at eye-level with the person behind them. Oh, they also like to stop short [more on that later] for no particular reason other than their share-holdings in a prosthetic eye manufacturer.

The Picador:You will probably catch this offender either indoors or shortly after a rainstorm. Completely unaware of their own kineosphere or the planet around them, they carry their collapsed umbrella parallel to the ground, extending their backward-reach by another 24", crowned with a giant metal spike. These people apparently want to work in body-modification as genital-piercers.

Vote in the on-line POLL INQUIRING ABOUT REMEDIES FOR SHORT PEOPLE UMBRELLA USAGE on FreeVote.com! We CAN CHANGE THE WORLD TOGETHER and MAKE THIS CRAZY WORLD A BETTER PLACE! Go vote now my normal-to-tall heighted compatriots!

Sign the on-line PETITION AGAINST SHORT PEOPLE UMBRELLA USAGE on PetitionOnline.com! Exercise your CIVIC PRIDE, people. Help convince the US Department of Homeland Security to create an OFFICE OF TALL PERSONS SECURITY.

Web-page on COMMON SENSE umbrella etiquette. Be sure to read the section that says: "Take care when passing others that you don't poke them with the umbrella, whether furled or unfurled. I have often been menaced by a wicked-looking stick umbrella jauntily carried on someone's shoulder and swinging around unconcerned for those in the vicinity."

Neutrond.com's Umbrella Safety 101. Thank you Trond. You are a good, helpful man.

UPDATE!!! A CONCERNED SOPHOMORE at Georgetown University considers umbrellas the most SERIOUS and GRAVE issue on campus this rainy season!! Ryan J. Peters' editorial appears in the University's newspaper, The Hoya.

Visit Milwaukee!!

I spend some of my "cyber time" in the OnMilwaukee.com forums. Bring a CUPPA JOE over and have a chat with us!

Randy Newman knows a thing or two about short people!

My buddy Carl's really cool Milwaukee-based web-page.

When I'm not on-line, I can be found on the FROZEN TUNDRA.

UPDATE!!! The Cybermidget page. Ha ha! No really, it's all in fun.

Another great Milwaukee home-page! Friend Bill even includes a link to the Taco Bell newsgroup. Mm, Gorditas...

Dj's Kewl Stuff page is pretty kewl (it doesn't hurt that she's from Milwaukee!). I love the Police MIDI song file. Nice touch ;). Still, I can't help but wonder if Dj is a short person herself...

UPDATE!!!An interesting animation parable about short (in this case, young) people and umbrellas, and, ultimately, TAKING UMBRELLAS FROM THE HANDS OF SHORT PEOPLE.

UPDATE!!! The Sound-light Umbrella from those incredible innovators in China. Look at this beauty LIGHT UP AND PLAY A SONG while you're getting drizzled on at the bus stop. Just as long as short people don't get their grubby little hands on it. The spikes look sharp.

Fantasy Wrestling page (don't miss the part about the Disco Midget).

Sane Magazine'sarticle on people who CAN'T USE UMBRELLAS CORRECTLY.