HARRY POTTER AND
THE PRE-ORDER OF THE FLEECED
  

The weekend that the fifth Harry Potter book came out I was sequestered in Pennsylvania at the Monster Bash convention.

I had not pre-ordered it on Amazon, nor did I participate with the midnight madness stampede before I left for the Monster Bash convention on Friday the **** (excuse me, that would Saturday the ***, since it was after midnight , right?). I figured that if I didn’t purchase it in Pittsburgh (excuse me… Butler ) that I could simply pick up a copy upon my return (excuse me, when I got back home).

While I didn’t have much time to really get to know Pennsylvania , there was no Target, Barnes and Noble, Wal-Mart or Borders Books to be seen near the convention.  Driving back to Washington , I knew my fate was then sealed – I would have to wait until I returned until I could get the book.

TARGET - After I awoke (at about 11am), I looked in the Sunday circulars, and saw that my favorite retail store, Target, was advertising the book for only $16.99

WOW! What a bargain!

I know the book goes for almost twice as much! So, I got dressed, and scurried on over there, but by 12:30 , their shelves were bare.

BARNES AND NOBEL/GEORGETOWN – Since my next stop was to visit a friend in Georgetown , I thought I would try my luck at the enormous Barnes and Nobel, to see if they had any left in stock. Once again, no such luck. The only evidence that they even had the book was a notice in their window about the winners of some lousy Harry Potter baseball hats, and copies of the audio book on CD.

Phooey!

I went home Sunday bookless, yet more determined than ever to have that blasted piece of pop-cultural hooey as soon as possible. Not that I was dying to read it (I only got around to reading the first four some time last year); I was even thinking that it could wait until later in the summer. I just hate being the odd person out of consumer hysteria.

CVS/FALLS CHURCH – On Monday I run to my local public access station to drop off some tapes. I decide to see if the pharmacy across the street from the station still has any in stock (they, too, had advertised the book), but no luck. I get a Snapple Ice Tea, and mentally map a route home that will take me by several places that should have this damn book in stock.

BARNES AND NOBLE/SEVEN CORNERS – This time I am heartened by the sign in their window advertising the book, but once I get in all I see are more of that damn audio book. As I turn to leave, I see hundreds of the book in a display behind the register.

“ Eureka !” is what I would have yelled, if I was actually looking for gold. Instead I got in line with my credit card and simply waited my turn.

“I’d like the Harry Potter book,” I tell the woman.

“Not until tomorrow,” she says – seriously, that’s what she says, as I stand, looking at a display right behind her with 500 books all lined up – a book that’s been out, now, for more than 72 hours.

“Uhhhhh…” I stand, dumbfounded, pointing at the display.

“Those are for those who pre-ordered it,” she says, realizing how it must have looked and sounded. “We won’t be able to start selling those until tomorrow.”

I don’t say anything, but I leave fuming. It all begins to sink-in; they never had any copies to sell through their store, except to those who plucked down $5.00 three months ago to pre-order it. Even though they advertised it, and even though there is a sign in the window that announces that the book is “Available June 21^st,” and even though it is actually June 23^rd, and even though there were HUNDREDS of the fucking book right there…they actually didn’t have any copies to sell average people who came in off the street.

BORDERS/BAILEY’S CROSS ROADS – Next down the road is the Borders Books and Music, and now I know what to expect. Unlike the Barnes and Nobel, they do not have the sign out, the display of books taunting you that you can’t buy, or the copies of that flippin audio book.

They do have one small sign, but other than that you would have no idea that the biggest book in the century had just been published.

This time I go to the information counter, and I actually follow a woman who is looking for the same thing as me – imagine that. This time, the guy behind the counter is very helpful and informative, as he tells the woman they should have a shipment in the following day. When I get up to him, however, I decide to go ahead and ask him if they ever had copies to sell the public, or if they were simply sitting on copies for those who pre-ordered.

He is amused and taken back by the question, but answers that they did have a few that they were able to sell on the Friday (er…Saturday) midnight sale.

“I think most everyone who came down for that went home with a book,” he said, with a laugh.

I thank him, and then tell him to pass along to the P.T.B. (Powers That Be) that as someone who spends thousands of dollars a year on books, music and DVDs, that I will no longer be shopping at Borders because of that practice.

Yeah…I know it was kind of ridiculous, especially over a children’s book that I won’t even begin to read until August or September, but I was beyond annoyed by this point. I was fueled by righteous indignation, too much caffeine, and an annoying determination to spend money on what everyone else had spent their money on.

TOYS R US / BAILEY’S CROSS ROADS – Next on the tour I take a chance and go into the T.R.U. across the street from the Borders, and this time find…nothing. I purchase a Diet Pepsi, and again I am off.

CVS/COLUMBIA PIKE – Staying true to my conviction of just hitting the places on the way home, I make one final attempt at a CVS Pharmacy, and with the same results. I am now resigned to the fact that I will have to order this on Amazon.com, and that 8 million people in the world will have a first edition, and I will be a loser with a second edition.

GIANTS FOODS PHARMACY / COUMBIA PIKE – Before I head home, I walk across the street from the CVS to use the ATM machine in the other, smaller, pharmacy. Knowing that it won’t be there, I meander back to the rear of the store, where their magazines and books are, and (of course), see absolutely no sign of the Harry Potter book…until I turn to leave, when I spot five of them sitting amongst the paperback romance novels.

“ Eureka !” I would have shouted, again, if I had discovered actual gold.

I take the book and buy it right there, and don’t even mind paying two dollars more than what Target had advertised – still about 40% off the cover price.

Since then, I have seen the book everywhere, which I knew I would. I am just not a patient man, when it comes to buying crap I don’t really need. And while I still intend to boycott Borders and Barnes and Nobel for the next year (I know that other chains are also guilty, but they were THE ones who turned me away), I may get started on this book sooner.

I need to see if it was worth all of the fuss.

monster bash 2003

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