DESPISER

Hellooooooo,

This is channel 12, Fairfax Cable, t.v.’s DOCTOR SARCOFIGUY with another review, my dears! 

Just got my glad hands on a thoroughly unexpected movie! The movie is entitled: DESPISER, a Philip Cook film! Lemme tellya, the good Doctor loved this movie, which is pretty damned annoying! As I looked at it, I was right jealous, cuz I wished I could afford to be in as cool a production as DESPISER! No offense to my producer, but damn do we need a budget!

Back to work! Here’s THE PLOT:  

DESPISER is the story of Gordon, an artist who is having simply the worse day ever. He’s recently fired from his job, evicted from his home, RESIDENTIAL DWELLING, that is, and is spurned by his lady love. And what note could he possibly end his day on?! A high note, like inna high “C” cuz he’s screaming his head off as he crashes to his death on the highway, honey! 

But, as you know, in movies of this sort . . . death is not always the end! No, SAH! Our hero wakes up in that twilight reality between heaven and hell. Purgatory, yall! And oh how terrifyingly surreal it is! Gordo is beset by menacing beings draped in billowing rags! Why lordy, they’re called RAGMEN, souls enslaved and lost outside the realms of light and darkness! Their commander? A being known as The Shadowman! Oh, he’s a real pain in the butt fella with a ‘likable’ personality (Or shall I say, “personalities?!”)! I just love a likeable villain! He’s a master manipulator this one! But he is merely the sergeant over his lost, and dispossessed minions. The real villain, the capyTAN over all this catastrophe is, of course the titular (don’t be nasty!) character, DESPISER, an enormous grotesque that would surely leave ya quivering in your jammies if’n you were sittin’ in front of him! 

Up until our hero’s arrival, DESPISER was content to simply wreak havoc in Purgatory. But his new ambition is to take his show on the road, and spread his own special brand of lovin’ onto the earth. Well, it seems our villain is unfortunately, and permanently detained, CONSIGNED, to Purgatory. It seems Gordo is the key to his escape, and DESPISER will do anything to get ‘em! 

Let me tellya folks I was truly impressed with the movie DESPISER. Since it is technically a video, and not film, it felt very much like my very favorite t.v. show in the whole wide world: DOCTOR WHO! But, much as I hate to mete out an undignified distinction, the special effects are far superior to WHO’s! DESPISER looks and feels like the most outrageous video game ever–ala TRON--with its slick incorporation of great computer effects with live actors, and sets. The editing is tight. Super tight. And way clever ta see! There are some stylish ‘jiggy rushes’, ZOOM IN’s at folks whilst they are driving in convincing, yet computer generated vehicles.

The dialogue is delightful, as the story is creative. And the acting is actually mighty impressive. Most impressive. The Doctor didn’t smell a single ham in that smoke house at all, yall! Nothing raw at all, neither! Just done! (Hhmmm . . . a Burger King commercial just came on, and apparently I’mma hungerin’ for a hunk of ground flank!)

The stand out scenes for me, outside of the impressive climax, curiously, were the quiet campfire scenes. I’m thinkin’ the director liked those campfire scenes too, for there are two scenes where all the characters involved are sittin’ outside, under this amazing evening sky, before this awesome campfire. Sure, there aint no actual wood a tumblin’ in charred, grisly despair, AGONY, that is, but the scenes are remarkably composed, and actually most affective. It appealed to the artist (not PRINCE, lunkhead!) side of the Doctor! Heck, there’s a gallery scene that the Doctor was impressed with as well! There’s lots of little bits of tid ta see in DESPISER.  

Great action. Fun monsters. Good acting. I’m givin’ the movie 3 and ½ outta 4 CZARS, only cuz I’m jealous of the fact that DESPISER gets to utilize great special effects! 

OKAY, 4 CZARS! 4 CZARS out 4 CZARS, dammit! 

Guess I’ll just get my camera man ta shake that camera for that earthquake scene, while I stumble back forth like I’m drunk on Boone’s Farm Strawberry Wine . . . ah, well! 

Later!

- DOC SARCOFIGUY!

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