Children's developmental levels are important to understand in order to talk to them in a language they will understand. Children need information, but giving them more than they can understand is not helpful and may further confuse them. It is important to ask children questions in order to get a better understanding of where they are. It is also important to encourage them to talk openly and ask questions.

UNDER TWO YEARS OLD

Don't understand what death is
Sense feelings of adults
Depend on non-verbal communication (need physical care, affection and reassurance)
Won't remember the deceased person

THREE - FIVE YEARS OLD

View death as being temporary
Question cause of death
May feel the loss of someone loved as a punishment
Have difficulty handling abstracts, such as "heaven"
Feel sadness, which is short lived
Regress
Increase aggression
Idealize the lost person
Give up attachment to the loved one; attach to substitute people (teachers, neighbors, etc.)
Escape into play, at times to relieve themselves of the reality of loss; seem not to be reacting to the loss
May not remember the deceased person
Need reassurance, love, care, honesty, daily routine, and structure

FIVE - TEN YEARS OLD

Begin to conceive finality of death
Fear own death and others dying
Feel anger and guilt (blame self for death
Have difficulty expressing feelings in words
Express feelings through behavior (compulsive caregiving and good behavior, or aggressiveness as a defense against feeling helpless)
Ask concrete questions
Identify with the deceased person as a means of hanging on to him/her
Have difficulty with abstractions, such as heaven

TEN - EIGHTEEN YEARS OLD

Recognize irreversible nature of death
May be troubled abut own death
May experience denial (try not to think about it; don't want to talk about it)
Fear of future is high
Hide feelings
May feel anger, repress sadness, be depressed
May have physical complaints
Religious beliefs are questioned