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October 1
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October 27
Today is my baby's 21st birthday. I can't believe that he is 21, married and going to be leaving me soon. Talk about empty nest syndrome. I can't sleep tonight because of my cough so I figured I would just update my page, do something constructive. My mom got up again on her own at 9:00am and didn't go back to bed until midnight. She was going to go earlier but she decided to watch a movie. She has been in such a good mood lately. She got up from her chair and straightened out the cover on my couch without being asked, then she asked me where the furniture polish was so she could wax the coffee table. She hasn't had this much motivation in months. I'm kind of worried about her tonight though, she started coughing pretty good before she went to bed. I hooked up her humidifier just in case. I sure hope that she isn't getting this thing that I have, it will be terrible hard on her. We sure have alot of new people that have started using the ICQ chat room, it has been great chatting with everyone and making new friends. They are all so nice.
October 28
October 29
October 30
October 31
Well, yesterday was different but more normal. Mom got up around 2:00pm in a terrible mood. She demanded that I find her mother, that I release her to go home and to quit stealing her things. This went on all day and night. She finally went to bed at 10:00pm and I was so happy to tuck her in. I had a horrible headache from all the yelling. My grand-daughters were here in the evening and she was yelling at them too. They didn't know what to think. Hopefully she'll be better today, guess the good moods of the past week or so spoiled me.
Yesterday was a heck of a day. I got mom to sleep at 7:15 in the morning. She refused to go to sleep because of the 'other lady' that she kept talking about. I thought she would sleep all day but, she was up at 3:00pm, still totally confused. She started packing as soon as she ate something. You know she is really messed up when she forgets that she has trouble walking alone or that she gets dizzy alot or that she is incontinent or that she wears a hearing aide!!!I couldn't belivev how well she was getting around last night, no problems at all. She even walked out to the laundry room to help me with the clothes. She hasn't been out there in over 1 1/2 years. She got herself dressed, shoes and all. I have always believed that alot of the symptoms associated with AD are not real but a manifestation of the memory loss affecting ability and motor skills. Perhaps her behavior last night is evidence of this.
Mom is still being pretty weird. She just doesn't know what is going on at all. She is getting somewhat verbal and combative now. She thinks we are lying to her and that her family must be terribly worried about her whereabouts. I try to just go along with her but, even that is getting difficult. She is getting anxious about everything which is causeing her to get very upset and nervous. The doctor has allowed me to increase her Trazedone, it hasn't had an affect yet.
I guess I'll have to stop saying mom is being weird because I think this is going to be mom from now on. She has been in this state of confusion longer than at any other time and this time I can't bring her back at all. It seems like she absolutely does not comprehend anything that is being said. She hears it, acknowledges it and forgets it all in the same breath. Last night she had a wetting accident and she started yelling about needing a pad because she had started her menstral cycle. My son David was up, she recognized him right away and forgot him just as soon as he sat down. She told Robert to be careful of him because he carries a knife. There was a fire on t.v. last night, she thought it was live news coverage and we needed to get out. I was on the roof fixing a leak and she thought there were other people upstairs making racket that would get us kicked out. If mom is going to stay this way o.k. but, I hope she gets to a point where she isn't as aggitated and anxious. I think the stress and worry will kill her faster than the anything considering her congestive heart trouble.
Yesterday was a pretty good day. Mom is still very confused but, I'm dealing with it better. Mom isn't as aggressive as she has been, perhaps she is dealing with it better too. My brother is going to be moving down her later this month. He will be staying here until he gets a place. I'm glad he'll be around more often, maybe it will take a little of strain off me.
I didn't do anything yesterday. This cold has really got me good. I kept my blanket over me all day. Mom wasn't feeling well either so it was a good day to be lazy. We all just sat around watching movies. Of course, mom didn't go to bed until 2am and was back up this morning at 7:00. She had been packing during the night so she could be ready when the bus got here. She was really mad when I told her we had already missed it.
I figured since I'm up I may as well write now. Mom is having a very bad night. She got up at 7am and was very confused all day, around 6:30pm she got up to use the bathroom and was bearly able to get there. She couldn't lift her legs enough to take a step so I had to almost carry her, once in the potty she was fine because of the rails, however, when she was done she again couldn't walk. I got her to her bed and put her in it. She got up alone around 9:00pm to use her bedside commode and couldn't get up from it and back to the bed. I finally got her back in it but, she has been excited and anxious because school starts tomorrow and she has to be ready. I keep checking on her every 15 mins. and she is trying to get out of bed but, has forgotten how! She thinks it is afternoon and the teacher is going to be very angry with her. Her heart is just pounding away and she is hyper-ventilating.
Mom got up from bed at 1:00pm yesterday only because the lady from church was coming to give her communion. She was fine when she got up but, by afternoon she was totally confused again. She goes from being unable to walk, to doing just fine, then back again within a few seconds. She is really lost now. Basically not knowing anything or anyone ever. I feel so bad for her, it must be very scary for her right now. I'm sure she has some cognition that things aren't right but, she is unable to do anything about it. At least when she looses that shred of cognative ability she won't get as anxious. What a thing to look forward to.
Well, it's 3:40am and I am still up, since 8:30am. I put mom to bed last night at 11:30pm and she never got up until 12:15am this morning. I went in several times to get her up but she absolutely would not. She said she was cold, tired and was staying in bed, period. She was starving when she did get up so I fixed her dinner. She actually knows where she is right now, however, she wanted to go back to bed, so I out her to bed. I don't think she will stay sleeping and besides I can't sleep now so I'm going to surf the NET. We are having very strong wind gusts right now so I think I'll go out and put up my awnings before they get torn off.
Mom slept all day again. She finally got up at 7:15pm, had dinner, watched a little t.v. and went back to bed at midnight. She was worried about a little boy that she was hired to babysit because she couldn't find him. She figured if she went back to bed he would come to her. She had a very restless night, at 4:30 this morning she got up looking for the boy again. I told her his mom picked him up so she went back to sleep and is still in bed. I was up all night because of this cold, I'm pooped. I have tried to get mom up but, she won't do it.
I actually got mo up yesterday, of course it wasn't until 6:00pm. She did stay up until midnight though and only got up once during the night. She is still very confused, this makes three weeks now, the longest period yet. I really don't think she is coming back this time. She was saying last night that she thinks it is time for her to leave, I thought she was talking about going home or something like it again. I asked her where she needed to go and she said she feels like it is time for her to die, after all she is 82. I was shocked that she would say that and that she remembered how old she is. I hope that wasn't some sort of premonition or something. I know she isn't going to be around much longer but, I'm not ready for her to go yet.
Mom is till in the sleeping all the time mode. She got up last night around 7, had dinner, watched (stared at) t.v., and went to bed at 11:30, she was dozing off all night though. She was talking about how tired is of all this and asked me how many years has she been sick, I told her 2 1/2 and she said that was long enough. I really think she is preparing to leave and in a round about way letting me know she wants to, like wanting me to say it's o.k. I know that sounds strange but, I firmly believe that people know when their time is approaching. My Grandmother told me 9 months before she died that she wouldn't be around much longer but, she would try to make until my mom's birthday, mom's birthday was May 17th, Grandma left May 18th. Mom has told me she will try to make it for Christmas because it will be her last. As I have said before, I already mourned the passing of my mother, she left me when the AD came, however, I will surely miss the little lady I have been caring for.
Murpheys Law - If it can go wrong it WILL. I finally got the leak on the roof fixed now I have a leak in the water line. Just what I need, 75ft of digging to find a leak. AHHHHHH. On the other side of the coin, mom got up last night at 6:30 and stayed up until 1:30. She was in a good mood, ate all her dinner and even a whole banana split. Well, the rain has stopped so I must dig, cold and all, waa waa waa, whine whine whine, yuck yuck yuck!
Well, mom got up last night at 11:27pm and stayed up until 4:00am, then she decided she wanted to go back to bed. She got up again at 6:00am. and started packing, came out to the livingroom with her paper bags, purse and coat on. She thought I had a beautiful train depot and wondered when the train came in. I told her she had missed it so, she is sitting in her chair waiting for the next one. Guess she caught up on her sleep. I got the water line dug only to find out there is NO leak in it. Can't understand how we could use so much water. Now I just have to fill the ditch back in!! It's a Wonderful Life.
Mom stayed up until 3:30 yesterday afternoon, she got up to go potty and the next thing I knew she was on her way to take a nap. I though, O.K., she had been up a long time and I would wake her for dinner. After an hour of trying to get her up she finally did and stayed up until midnight. She was really tired so I got her to bed, thinking that I would get a good nights sleep, WRONG. I must have put her back to bed twenty times if I did it once. She demanded; that I raise the blinds and let the light in, get the other lady so she could go home, let her out of this jail, feed her because she hadn't eaten in two weeks, pack her clothes, get her daughter or son, turn on the heat, turn off the heat, check the closet because the door keeps opening. God, I felt like I was in the twlight zone. Everything was so off the wall and she really couldn't stand or walk very well. Her knees would buckle and she would about fall but, I would keep her from going down, then she would yell at me for making her almost fall. I feel like I am losing it, I am always so tired and irritable. I finally got her to sleep at 6:30 this morning.
It is 3:45 am and mom just went to bed. She had been up since 2:00 this afternoon. She didn't know me at all today. It hurts so bad. She would ask me my name, wonder when her daughter, Denise, would be here to get her, thanked me for letting her visit with me. I want her to remember me DAMN IT! I take condolence in the fact that it is always me that she is looking for and depending on to come and get her but, when she is looking right at me and doesn't know me, the pain is tremendous. I often wonder if my mom's mind isn't in there getting really pissed off because she hears what she is saying and sees what she is doing but, is unable to control it, like hovering over her body, looking down at it and being unable to reenter it. I have realized that with mom, her cognition of many words is gone. She knows the word but, can't recall it's meaning and/or uses it improperly because she has affixed a different meaning to it. Here I go again, analyzing . My greatest fault, turning my feelings aside and analyzing the situation instead of feeling it, allowing it to be what it is, painfull. People always ask me how I can do this, take care of my mom all the time, well, that's how. I disasscoiate myself from the situation and distance myself from it. If I were my mothers daughter 24/7 I couldn't have done it as long as I have, however, most of the time I am just her caregiver, nothing more. Mom has finally gone to sleep so I will try also.
I actually got some sleep last night. I made mom get up at 4:00 yesterday, boy was she mad. I made dinner, she ate and tried to go back to bed. I wouldn't let her. I kept her talking and tried to keep her interested in t.v., then I got help. My grand-daughters came over, totally excited and in great moods, which makes them really hyper and noisey, thank God. I told Jaide, my oldest one, that she needed to help keep granny awake, she did. I let them carry on as much as they wanted, no way mom could have slept :-). They left at 10:30 and I put mom to bed at 11:30, she slept until 6:45 this morning. When she tried to get up I told her to go back to bed for a couple more hours because we were going to be very busy today and I would need her help, she said o.k. and didn't get back up until 10. HURRAY! Between her keeping me up and this darn cold hanging on I felt like turning myself into the funny farm. I think I can make it now.
Call me stupid! I spent the day outside having a garage sale, since 8:00 this morning. Boy is my cold greatful :-). Mom had a good day yesterday, she stayed up until 11:00pm and went to bed without a fuss, in fact, now she won't get back up. It is 6:00pm and she has refused to get up every time I went in to get her. Guess I know what I'll be doing tonight, staying up. Oh well, I got half a nights sleep this week, what more could I ask, one good thing, the cold medicine keeps me awake. Tomorrow is the last day of the sale, I sure hope it is busy, I can really use the money.
Mom never did get up yesterday, she slept through the night until 6:00 this morning, then she got up and started packing. She had her coat, purse and bag ready and waiting for me to pick her up, she has been up ever since and in a pretty good mood to boot. She kept her fingers crossed that I would do good with the garage sale today, $33.00 isn't bad. I'm glad the sale is over, now I can stay inside and maybe get my cold better.
Today has been a pretty good day. Mom slept in until 3:00 but, she got up in a great mood, laughing and carrying on. She even recognized me for awhile. Mom knows I don't feel good so, she has been getting up on her own and getting us both coffee. I have my grand-daughters for awhile tonight and even they are playing with 'Granny' and having alot of fun. It is so nice to hear laughter in this house, it happens very seldom.
Yesterday was such a joy. Mom was up until 11:30pm, went to bed without any trouble and slept all night. She started to get confused during the evening but, realized it and said, " See how that damn Alzheimer's gets me. I know what I say sometimes isn't even what I'm thinking but I can't get it to come out right!" Strange how she can realize what is happening to her at times. I think I am going to have to go to the doctor, I believe I have pnumonia. It is very hard for me to breath and my chest feels very heavy. Maybe I'll wait a few more days, now that I can stay in the house for awhile.
We had a pretty good all in all. She was confused most of the time, however, she didn't go on about it. She actually got up on her own about 11:30 and was in a good mood, although she had packed up her pictures, shoes and some misc. stuff. Boy did she eat a good dinner. We had meat loaf, mashed potatoes, vegetables and dessert and she ate every bite on her plate. Mom did good last night. She slept through and didn't pack anything :-)
Well, mom has been asleep for nearly 36 hours. I have tried to get her up but, she doesn't want to. She hasn't taken her meds. nor she eaten since dinner the other night. I really feel that she is shutting down and I pray that if this is true that she goes in her sleep. I dread the day that I go in to wake her and find that she isn't going to wake up again but, I know she will be in a better place then. I am going to fix her lunch an take it in to her, maybe then she will get up, at least to eat. We did get good news this morning, Robert and Crystal both got hired at the same place on the same shift but, in different areas. I am so glad for them. Robert's birthday is Monday the 27th, he'll be "21" and employed :-). Guess this means they'll be moving into their own place before long :-(
Boy yesterday was nice. Mom got up at noon, stayed up until 11:30pm and was in a good mood all day. She was confused but it didn't bother her that much. I cleaned her room from top to bottom and put a new bed spread on her bed, she really liked that, in fact she helped me dust her room. I think she was watching to make sure I didn't take anything, she is still paranoid about stuff like that. She slept through the night and appeared to be having a good dream when I checked in on her.
Mom got up yesterday on her own again, around noon, in a good mood again. We didn't do much but, watch t.v. and read the paper. She actually wanted to do the crossword puzzle. She used to do them every night but, hasn't even mentioned them for months. She began feeling funny, not herself, right after dinner so she asked to go to bed, that was at 7:00pm. She slept through the night and just got up 7:30am for coffee. She said she smelled it in her room and it woke her up, she is having a pancake too. I enjoyed last night. There was finally someone in the chat room #2 and then another person joined us, we talked for awhile and it was great.
Mom stayed up all day yesterday, she didn't go to bed until 11:00pm. She was in a decent mood all day too. You know, mom is still refusing her medications, has been now for awile and it seems like a good thing. After she had her 36 hours of staight sleep to kind of sleep off the residual medications, she seems better. Granted, she is still confused, sometimes alot, however, she isn't as withdrawn as she had been, she's more talkative, more attentive, her sleep pattern has become more normal; getting up in the morning and sleeping through the night, she doesn't seem nearly as depressed, she is walking again without much help other than to get her out of the chair which is low. Perhaps it is wishful thinking but,???? I'll have to pay close attention to her for awhile and record any other changes, good or bad.
Mom got up at 9:00am, good mood and all, she stayed up until midnight and went to bed on her own. I helped her get ready for bed but, that was it. She was still very confused, thinking she was taking a train but, it didn't seem to worry her or anything. She was talking alot, taking herself to the potty and making jokes about Robert's birthday. This really is strange behavior for her compared to the past.
HAPPY 21st BIRTHDAY ROBERT
Mom is really sick. She stayed in bed all day, although she was awake. She has had a temp. ranging from 98.6 - 101.2 off and on since last night, her voice is very raspy from coughing so much. The doctor filled her Rx for cough syrup again, the same stuff that she usually takes. She didn't even come out for Robert's birthday party, she apolozied for not feeling well, she did eat a good dinner and cake and ice cream in her room. Other than for mom being sick we had a pretty good time withthe party. It was just family and Robert's best friend Tommy. I was surprised that Robert didn't want to go out and test his I.D but he didn't. He doesn't drink so he felt it wouldn't be worth it. He has turned out to be a very nice compassionate young man and I am very proud of him and since I raised him alone I get all the credit too:-)
Mom stayed in bed again today, although she got up about 8:00pm to watch a movie. She said she was feeling better and really would like to join the family for awhile. We watched Dantes Peak, it was really good. Mom even recognized some familiar sceens in it and knew it was Mt. St. Helens. She stayed up until 1:00am and we had a good time. She was very lucid, knew where she was and who we were. We started talking about old times and she would bring something that I hadn't thought about in years. She remembered facts about different things, names and times. It was weird, scary and great all at the same time.
Well, Robert and Crystal are off on their first day at their new job. They were so nervous when they left, like the first day of school or something. Mom did good again yesterday. She wanted up around 1:00pm, so she came out to the livingroom and stayed up until 11:30. She was in a good mood and feeling somewhat better. Her confusion has really lessened, it really is strange. I have a hard time explaining it because she is almost acting like a non-AD person. How can that be?? Except for the fact that she is still not taking her meds. Could they have been the culprit?? She has never been the 'typical' AD person anyway, but this is different. She has more short term recall as well, she asked me a question, I answered, a short while later she asked the same question, I answered and she said, " That's right, you just told me that. I guess this damn Alzheimer's figured I needed to know again." and laughs.
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