An Outsiders View:

I first met Lisa while we were at the local community college. While I don't actually remember the first time we actually met, I do remember the first time I saw her. (No this is not a sappy, "Love at First Sight" thing.) As I passed in the cafeteria, she was standing next to a guy who seemed twice her size. Eventually, the crowd I was hanging out with, merged with hers. I never really paid much attention to her other that just another person in the cafeteria. (Besides, her boyfriend at the time was an awful lot taller than I!) One of the first memories I have interacting with her was the day after she had her catheter "port" put in. She had come into the cafeteria to visit even though she was not in classes. At that time I did not know what was wrong with her, but I knew that surgery of any kind is nothing to take lightly. I did inquire about the operation, as did the others. Some seemed to (privately) take it upon themselves to claim that it was up to them to make sure that Lisa was looked after as if she could not do it herself. Thankfully not every one did. Lisa was very willing to share her story with us over the next few weeks. She explained that what she had was a birth defect that cause her immune system to be suppressed. As time went on, I learned about her monthly infusions and other bits pieces of the puzzle. Eventually, we began to feel more like brother and sister, then as friends. We were always there for the other when needed. When we started to date, I never knew if it would last a few weeks, months or what, but I knew that over time I had found a real friend who I could be myself around. We did so many things together, things that she had only dreamed about as a sick child. We would dress up in medieval costumes and go to the local renaissance fair (several times we almost got employee discounts on food and other items for sale). I still remember the first time she went rock climbing with me. She was emotionally upset and worried about me, until she got up on the rock herself. We have been climbing for five years now. While we were at Northern Illinois University, we both joined the NIU Fencing club. Instantly she took to the Saber (a slashing weapon wielded by psychos), while I took to the Epee (a larger no-holds-barred version of the traditional Foil, wielded by classy psychos). We only fenced each other a few times, since we both sucked at the others choice of weapons, and ended up hurting for several hours afterwards! Through all of that, I saw her change dramatically from the innocent girl to a woman who knew when to fight and did not worry about getting hurt. Over the last few years she has put up with me and has always been there for me when I needed her, and I for her. She has opened my eyes to her world as I opened hers to my world. My early memories of her, I remember her going down physically during the week prior to her infusions, not having enough energy to stay out with us all the time. She would panic if she missed an infusion date by a few days. As the years went she seemed to be less dependent on the infusions. This is not to say that she did not need them. But rather as she started to do more that was "normal" she seemed to feel like she was more "normal". It seems as if her own will was helping her get closer to her desire to be normal. She has now been able to miss infusion dates by a few weeks, and the quantity of the medication in the infusions has decreased as well. While the hope is there that she may be able to outgrow this disorder, I don't waste time thinking about it, because it will not change my feelings for her. I will be here for her one way or another. Besides, as I have told her many times, as an archaeologist, I think its neat that in several hundred years, if her body is excavated, she'll blow another archaeologists mind when they find the chunk of plastic in with her bones! In the years that we have been together, we have each had many friends come and go. Many that have interacted with her eventually found out about Lisa's malfunction. While a few may have been scared or frightened by it, none have shown it. Several of those friends are still active in our lives and don't treat Lisa any different then the others. I can see it in her eyes that she is happy. Many of the fears that she has had in her earlier years that people would think she was a "freak" have dissipated as she realized that friends don't let such childish notions take form. The few people that may entertain such thoughts are no worth trying to convince otherwise. Two of the relationships that seemed to help the most are the two people she roomed with while at NIU. It was obvious to me that it meant a lot to her that these two people did not think that she was any kind of freak. (Well, they did, but not because of the PID. Part of it was due to her choice of boyfriends…) Lisa had once confided in me that in addition to being labeled as a freak, she also thought that she would never find any one who would want to spend the rest of their life with her. Well, now that she has become my wife, she has realized that was just another childish fear. She has gone from a sick & frightened young girl to a healthy and normal adult. Her day to day life is just as normal as any one else with out the disorder. Yes, she still gets sick a little more often. She still has to get the infusions on a regular basis, but she is in control of her disorder instead of the disorder being in control of her. Hopefully, people with a PID out there can see that there is hope, a chance for normalcy in their lives. Having a Primary Immune Deficiency is not the end of the world, just another challenge. I have seen the work that Lisa had to go through in the last few years, but she has come out pretty good. It was not easy for either one of us. But, she has come a long way. She has come to terms with the fact that "normal" is a subjective ideal that is all in the mind. I remember that as a teenager, what the others thought was for some reason important, but I now know that it is not. I know that Lisa had a difficult time as a teenager with a PID, and was afraid to tell others, but as time went on she shared her story with people she wanted as friends. Those that could not (or did not want to) handle her situation were not people she need waste any further effort on. She has realized that any one who could not accept her for who she was, was not any friend. As much of a cliché as it is, it is true. This was not intended to be a full biography of Lisa or her story, but as a way for me to reach out to others who are still struggling with the fear of what they can or cannot do or be. It is intended to be reassurance from some one who does not possess the disorder nor thrown into a situation where I had to deal with it with out any say (as some parents may feel). I willingly took Lisa into my life with the knowledge of her malfunction, and with out any regrets. And the same can happen for any one.

Created: Monday, August 17, 1998, 10:05 PM
Last Updated: Tuesday, February 16, 1999 - 7:16:33 PM
This page was designed for Lisa M. Verachtert
This page was written, coded and maintained (when I can) by Jason C. Verachtert
Copyright © 1998 L.M. Verachtert
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