Yup-I admit it, I'm slow to learn and slow to figure things out sometimes! It took me 26 years to really suspect and another year to come to terms and admit that I'm a lesbian. No one ever said I was the sharpest knife in the drawer! I had to put myself and my unfortunate spouse through a bad marriage (both our faults,it ended not strictly due to my discovering my true self), lots of years of fear and self hate and some really odd dreams before I as able to admit to myself that all my life I have been attracted to women as life partner candidates, not men.
All through high school and my previous college attempt I was trying so hard to be a heterosexual that I messed with some very nice guys and never meant to do so. To them, I apologize! I never meant to be a tease, I simply couldn't go through with it...Ya know? When I think back I know I had lots of female crushes, but I was blind and naive then. I had no female queer role models, no idea women COULD be gay and no clue how to find others like myself.
Finally! I realized with the end of my marriage that one of the reasons I had not been overly accepting of my husband was that he was not a woman! (I don't hold it against him<Grin> and we get along much better now ).
When I finally realized that I might be gay I had no clue what to do about it! I wanted to meet women and try this out but how? Where? Lucky for me I knew about the rainbow jewelry and such. I was able to meet a very nice woman one day that I realized was gay thanks to her necklace. Thank the Goddess for Freedom Rings and rainbows! We got together for a short time and I realized that while I wasn't ready for a relationship yet I eventually did want one with a woman.
