Due to budget constraints, the following corporate policies are announced regarding employees traveling on official business. The policies are effective immediately.

TRANSPORTATION

Hitchhiking in lieu of commercial transportation is strictly encouraged. Luminescent safety vests will be issued to all employees prior to their departure on company business trips. Bus service will be the prime method of transportation. Airline tickets will only be authorized for purchase in extreme circumstances, and only the lowest fares will be used. If, for example, a meeting is scheduled in Seattle, but a lower fare can be obtained by traveling to Detroit, then travel to Detroit will be substituted for travel to Seattle.

LODGING

All employees are encouraged to stay with relatives or friends while on company business. If weather permits, public areas such as parks and parking lots should be used as temporary lodging. Bridges may provide shelter in periods of inclement weather.

MEALS

Meal expenses are cut to the absolute minimum. It should be noted that some grocery chains, such as General Nutrition and Piggly Wigglys, often provide free samples of promotional items. Entire meals may be obtained in this manner. Travelers should also become familiar with indigenous roots, berries, and other protein sources available enroute to their destination. If restaurants must be utilized, travelers should seek places offering "all you can eat" salad bars. This will be especially cost-effective for employees traveling together, as a single plate could be used to feed an entire group. Employees are encouraged to bring their own food while on company business. Cans of tuna fish, Spam, Pork-n-Beans, Beef-a-Roni, etc can be conveniently consumed at your leisure without the unnecessary bother of heating or other costly preparation.

ENTERTAINMENT

Entertainment while traveling is strictly discouraged. If such extravagances are required on customer contacts, the customer should be encouraged to "pick up the tab". Such action will save the company money, and will convince the customers that we are concerned about providing a good product, not spending money on useless frivolities. The hospitality provided to customers who visit our facilities should also be tasteful, yet cost-effective. In lieu of extravagant dinners, a picnic bench will be provided in the parking lot, next to the dumpster, and a garden hose will be made available so that liquid refreshment can be furnished to our guests.

MISCELLANEOUS

All employees are encouraged to employ innovative techniques in our team effort to save corporate dollars. One enterprising individual has already suggested that money raised during airport layover periods could be used to defray travel costs. In support of this idea, "Red Caps" will be issued to all departing employees, so that they may earn tips for helping other travelers with their luggage. Small plastic roses will also be issued so timely sales may be made.

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