THE FIVE STAGES

Each person is differnet in their process of grief. Some will go through all satages, others will skip some, and all will go back and forth between stages.


FIRST STAGE

Denial and Isolation

This reaction is referred to by the statement,"No, not me, it cannot be true." It is a typical reaction no matter if you are told the diagnosis immediatly or later. Denial functions as a buffer after shocking news and allows time to collect yourself and mobilize your defenses.


SECOND STAGE

Anger

When the first stage of denial can no longer be maintained, it is replaced with feelings of anger, rage, envy, and resentment. The question,"Why me?'best describes this stage. This stage of anger is difficult for the family to cope with becuase your anger becomes displaced and is projected into the enviroment; the doctor are no good, family and friends cant do or say anything right, etc. Family should be encouraged to consider where your anger is coming from.


THIRD STAGE

Bargaining

This stage is less well known,but is helpful to you for brief periods. It often involves secret "deals" made with God. Such as to be a better person or to devote your life to him if you can be cured or spared y serious symptoms. Often, searching hard for a cure and trying unproven treatments happens during this time.


FOURTH STAGE

Depression

When you can no longer use the other stages, your feelings with a sense of great loss or mourning for lost roles. These might include loss of a job, not being able to do an enjoyable hobby like sports, or the feeling of loss of physical attractiveness, to name just a few. In a real sense, you become a new person to yourself and to others. This depression often causes you to withdraw from others.

There are often two kinds of depressing feelings going on at once:
1. SADNESS-Saying goodbye to lost roles and abillities. "I will miss not being able to..... , but as time passes,"I will find new ways to meet those needs." This kind of depression gets better over a period of time.
2. DEPRESSION-Not only are roles lost, but you say to yourself,"I will never be happy again." Here, loss of self worth is central and as long as you feel worthless, you will stay depressed. This kind of depression improves with understanding distorted thinking.


FIFTH STAGE

Acceptance

Though you may "bounce" back and fourth between the stages for varying periods of time, if you are succesful in passing through the first four stages, you will come to a point of acceptance. In this stage you will accept your limitations and will have developed coping abilitys which are successful. You will also have developed skills that help you communicate your needs to others successfully. You will be able to participate in life to the fullest extent possible with your limitations.




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