september00

Saturday, 9/2/00, 8:59 PM
          I just read the 'advice" that you gave to me (that I didn't ask for, by the way) and I have one thing to say:(or maybe more than one, you never know...) Okay, mister Hoth Rebel Trooper or whoever you claim to be, of course I'm Jaina!! And of course I'm not from Canada. I just say I'm from Canada, because people look on this planet look at you weird when you say that you're from Coruscant. And furthermore, I've spent a little time in Canada (and of course they have Internet access! It's not like the people in Canada live in Igloos or whatever). And I'm not mean. I thought that saying your site was funny was a good thing. My brother Jacen likes it when I say he's funny. Funny is a good thing. For those of us who have a sense of humor. Oh yeah, I like your new Starvivor thing. As long as I don't get kicked off the island. (By the way, where is this island?) And you know, you made me sound like a spoiled little brat. "I'm Jaina Solo, and I'm from the famous Solo family! (et cetera) I want to win the money so I can be rich by myself and not take my family's money!" Or whatever it was. I'm not a spoiled little brat! And I'm not a meanie. I'm sorry if you think I am. I really am. So...even though I'm not convinced that you're really a Hoth Rebel Trooper or whatever (I asked Dad and Uncle Luke, and they don't remember you, but they want to know your name) I'll still be nice. Okay? Okay. Your site is...very very good. Is that good enough of a compliment for you?

From: I'm still from Canada...
Name (write "AT-ST Driver" or I do not give advice): I'm still Jaina, I'm not an AT-ST driver, but I'm an X-wing pilot.

Dear I'm still Jaina, I'm not an AT-ST driver, but I'm an X-wing pilot,

          Gee, If I had known you were really Jaina... I... I'm so sorry. Please don't send the Jedi to kill me! Yes, I have recently come to realize that most normal beings find my site funny. If you haven't noticed, I give advice to anyone who signs my guest book in an Advice Corner costume even if they don't ask for it. I hope you enjoy your stay at the island (I can't reveil the island's location or tourists would take over!). If you want I can rig the game so you win. It is my site! I can do it! No I do not think you are a spoiled brat, I was just trying to make it sound like Jaina took after her father with all the sarcasm (did I spell that right? If you haven't noticed, I'm usually too lazy to flip through a dictionary for every word I don't know how to spell. The list is long, very long). I have been to Canada myself, actually. Well, I've been to Quebec (I've heard that's different). If you are from Quebec, then Quebec is wonderful.... right, and If you are from the rest of Canada (whatever it's called) then, I really don't know. Remember Jaina, I hold no threat to the Jedi. My advice: don't hurt me, I don't tolerate pain very well.

Monday, 9/4/00, 1:28 PM
          Hello, Hoth Rebel Trooper. (Do you have a name?) I just thought I'd tell you that since you were nice to me, I won't send the Jedi to kill you. And, I've never visited Quebec (I'm currently somewhere in the rest of Canada, I can't tell you where because you are an imp...uh, I mean a rebel) and for you information, the rest of Canada is called "Canada." And, don't rig the game so I can win. I wanna win fair and square. I don't want Adi or Thrawn or any of the rest thinking I cheated. Anyway, just thought I'd say hello.

From: Canada
Name (write "AT-ST Driver" or I do not give advice): Jaina, X-wing pilot

Dear Jaina, X-wing pilot,

          Thank you a million thank yous for not sending the Jedi to... Hoth (I suppose) to kill me. You are now the only person to sign my Advice Corner three times. Keep it up and maybe you'll win a world record for the most Advice Corner signings. Deep down in that vast memory of mine, I found that I once have been to Canada. A little place called the Yukon. I can tell you now that the secret island is not in the Yukon. I repeat, not in the Yukon. I guess I won't rig the game, but don't get mad at me if you lose! My advice: Go ahead and sign the Advice Corner again, I have no life so I don't mind responding.

Wednesday, 9/6/00, 10:34 AM
          Hi this is Lau-ra Anu. Your site is funny, I just started laughing and almost fell out of my chair, but any way, I was wondering why your site is so cool and mine is blah. I mean, is it because you are a great general and I just a Jedi Master, or is it because you are smarter than me? Maybe because I'm only a freshman. yeah, that's it, so can you answer my question?

From: Naboo
Web Site: Xtreme Star Wars
E-mail: xtreme_star_wars@hotmail.com
Name (write "AT-ST Driver" or I do not give advice): Well, I really want you to answer my question, so my name is ATST Driver or I do not give advice, but if you would really like to know my name it's Lau-ra Anu

Dear Well, I really want you to answer my question, so my name is ATST Driver or I do not give advice, but if you would really like to know my name it's Lau-ra Anu,

          Funny. Okay, I'll accept it this time. It is my policy not to visit other peoples sites until after I give them advice, but in this case, I have already been to your site before because Vada the beta was the second person to sign my Advice Corner. Did you see what he wrote!!! Go tho the top of this page and read it! I hope you aren't Vada the beta. Don't worry, I don't think Xtreme Star Wars is "blah." You won that humor award from starwars.com, didn't you? They don't just go giving awards to "blah," unless there is such a thing as a "blah" award. Anyway, I am not a General, I am a Grand Adm... I mean, uh Hoth Rebel Trooper. Are you a freshman in high school or college, because there are two angles I can take here... nevermind, I'll play it safe to prevent any lightsaber injuries. My advice: Don't call Xtreme Star Wars "blah" because it's awesome.

Wednesday, 9/6/00, 9:00 PM
          Hi. Do I win an award yet for signing a guest book the most times? That'd be cool. Actually, kinda pathetic, but whatever. I'll still keep on signing it. So, Mister Hoth Rebel Trooper, you still haven't told me your name. Although, I could use my Jedi Mind Tricks to discover that your name is really Grand Ad...oops, I mean Hoth Rebel Trooper. So, the island is definitely not in the Yukon, huh? Is this a tropical island or what? I've never been to the Yukon, but it's definitely not tropical. But, whatever. Ok, I need your advice. (Wow, has anyone asked you for advice before?) I'm starting my own web page, and so far, it is not very good at all. I have no idea what to do. I'm kinda computer- impaired (on this planet anyway, and all this primitive technology, I can do much better on Coruscant). So, what should I do? Thanks for your help, Hoth Rebel Trooper. (You really need a different name, I'm getting tired of calling you that, and you'd probably call me meanie again if I called you Grand Admir...I meant, an imp...oops, well, I mean, you really need a different name.

From: Canada...or Coruscant...or whatever
Name (write "AT-ST Driver" or I do not give advice): Jaina

Dear Jaina,

          Well I do believe you have come to the right person. You see, I happen to be a computer genius as well as a military gen... I mean, uh Hoth Rebel Trooper. Sorry my name is so long (you think
you're tired of typing it?). I cannot change it, I am sorry. Unless, you send the Jedi, then maybe I'll change my name. Before I can give you advice on how to build a web page, I must know what you have so far (if anything) so that means I need your URL. That's the thing that usually starts with http://..... and so on. I also need to know if you are using a front-page format or an html format. This page is front-page, but I also know how to use html.... Oh dear! What am I doing! This site is supposed t be a Star Wars site! I'm giving advice on how to use this internet thing, and not pointless Star Wars advice. What's happening to me!!!!! AHHHHHhHHHHHhH! My advice: Uh... I'll get back to you on that.

Saturday, 9/9/00, 10:06 AM
          Okay, well, first of all I AM NOT VADA THE BEDA! That is my twin sister's fish who got onto the internet and sufed the web while we were at soccer practice. Vada has said some very stupid things in his life, but I would never have thought that he would say somethins so insulting as "glub"! HOW DARE HE! secondly, Xtreme Star Wars was not even (unfortunatly) nominated for the humor categorie, but we are hoping that maybe we might get nominated for ep. iv-vi. thirdly, i am only almost old enough to drive a land speeder, and once i can, i will prove why it is called a land SPEEDER.

From: Naboo
Web Site: Xtreme Star Wars
Name (write "AT-ST Driver" or I do not give advice): at-st driver (not really, I am really Lau-ra Anu)

Dear at-st driver (not really, I am really Lau-ra Anu),

          So glad to hear that you are not that dreaded fish. I hope you have punished him swiftly. There are many methods of fish extermination. I happen to be and expert on the subject. By any chance has Veda the Beta ever met Acbar? No, not Admiral Ackbar (with a "k"), just Acbar. I swear, If I get my hands on that tropical monstrosity.... oh dear, I've lost my temper again. Sorry, I think I got your site mixed up with Star Wars: In the Xtreme when I said you won the humor award. The names are similar, one can get confused easily. What I want to know is if there is another website called The Last Grand Admiral. I've been searching, but so far nothing. That's a good thing actually. I don't want to be sued or anything. Anyway, I happen to already be old enough to drive a land speeder. In fact the other day I almost crashed right into a tree. Nevermind. My advice: Flush the fish

Saturday, 9/9/00, 7:15 PM
          Hi I am a Mon Calamary and back on the planet of Mon Calamary I am the director of the Grand Mon Calamary Boys Choir. Today I wrote the global anthem. I heard this tune while in slavery on Coruscant and added words between wippings. How did I get off Coruscant. I disguised myself as Emperor Palpatine. No one could recognized me under that hood, except I smelled like fish. Anyway, here is my amazing song: Oh Calamaria! Our pond and native sea. True gurgling fish, gurgling songs of joy for thee. Then the Impies come and whip our butts and take us to slavery! But the smell of fish soon breaks us free, and we return with shouts of glee! Oh Calamaria! Our pond and native sea. Forever Calamaria, we'll break our guard for thee. Oh Calamaria! We'll run and hide in thee! We'll waddya think? The big fish love it. It speaks true to Calamary heart! Cool site, by the way.

From: Mon Calamary
Name (write "AT-ST Driver" or I do not give advice): The Screaming Mon Calmary

Dear The Screaming Mon Calmary,

          Um... wow. You get the world record for being the first Mon Cal to sing a song in my Advice Corner. I like the song and all... just... how long did it take you? I hope you wrote it ahead of time, because it must have taken a while. Did you just sit there at my Advice Corner for hours, trying to make up, or as you claim, remember the words to this anthem. Your boys choir must be very proud of you, Screaming Mon Cal. By any chance, are you related to Ackbar (with a "k")? If you are tell him to give up the costume thing because everyone knows the truth now. Wait a minute... are you Ackbar (with a "k")? If you are, then tell Acbar to come to the battle arena now! I'm ready... once I find AT-ST Driver. Help me find him, too. My advice: Invent some sort of anti-fish-smell spray or something because my website smells of decomposing cod.

Sunday, 9/10/00, 4:39 PM
          GLUB! Bloop! *splash*.

From: THE fishbowl
Name (write "AT-ST Driver" or I do not give advice): atstdriver VADA THE BETA

Dear atstdriver VADA THE BETA,

          Hmmmm, your military strategy is almost as cunning as mine, but not quite (pretty dull, tuna head). You think you can outwit me? Well your flippery days have come to an end. The "Bloop" I understand, but that little *splash*. It really upsets me. The stupidity of that remark is unthinkable. What is in that microscopic brain of yours? Do you not think? Do you not plan ahead? Please study me, I giving you that chance. You will find no sanctuary. There it not a glimmer of hope for your shimmering rear-end. I hope your filter clogs and your tank is overcome with disgusting algae (not the tasty kind). I hope your owner mistakes the rat poison for fish food. My advice: The same as always, think before you speak you gravel eating bug-eyed freak.

Sunday, 9/10/00, 4:42 PM
          Okay, I talked to Vada today, and he said that he met Acbar (without a "K") while in a fish tank where ever fish come from. Vada has been very upset since he said "glub" to you, and I have found him laying on the floor once, having tried to commit suicide. Unfortunatly, he was rescued. A few days later he jumped down the garbage disposal, but he was rescued yet again, though he made a valiant attempt to jump back down again while being rinsed off. He is a disgusting fish. Oh, yah, and I love Starvivor, it's really cool. right now I'm trying to get in touch with the people on the island and tell them to vote Guri off.

From: Naboo
Web Site: Xtreme Star Wars
E-mail: xtreme_star_wars@hotmail.com
Name (write "AT-ST Driver" or I do not give advice): AT ST Driver, AKA Lau-ra Anu

Dear AT ST Driver, AKA Lau-ra Anu,

          If he was so upset, then why did he just righ... rit... wrigh... write (thank you, Jaina) that pathetic little message earlier. I don't think you understand your fish. He may look disgusting, but inside there is a type of genius I have never had the pleasure of coming in contact with before. He is very rude and those remarks really hurt me, they do, but Vada has some very interresting ideas going on in his mind. Of course, the thoughts are primative, but most impressive... for a fish. Do not let him end his promising life so soon! I can council him! I can teach him manners so he can prosper like he should. Send the young one to me before it is too late. My advice: There is not and never will be a way to contact people on the island, sorry.

Sunday, 9/10/00, 4:44 PM

          School stinks. that is all i have to say right now.

Web Site: Xtreme Star Wars
Name (write "AT-ST Driver" or I do not give advice): Lau-ra Anu

Dear Lau-ra Anu,

          I would have to agree with you. School here on... Hoth... I suppose... is very stinky indeed. The cod are decompsing under the desks and you are supposed to rit... wrigh... righ... write (thank you, Jaina) your homework on sea-bass. Too much homework, may I add. You think being a freshman is bad? Just you wait. It gets worse, much worse. More homework, boring teachers, no tolerance for mistakes, and it all counts towards your future, Ha! My advice: Get off the net and hit the books!

Monday, 9/11/00, 10:58 AM

          Teriffic site! you did an excellent job! If I slide tackle Sissi from the Brazil team, what would happen? Please make sure you watch my team play in the Olympics, and cheer us on!

From: USA
Name (write "AT-ST Driver" or I do not give advice): Mia Hamm

          Wow... Really?! Thank you a million thank yous for being the first celebrity to sign my guest book in an Advice Corner costume. I think you get a world record for that. As to your question, uh... I'm sure if you slide tackle Sissi, then she will be... slide tackled. I love the Olympics very much. Actually, I was in them. Well, the winter Olympics. Yes, my younger days were filled with dreams of Curling. But in that faithful year of 1980 (Lake Placid was the spot) I fell like I had never fallen before. I just slipped on the ice right before the games started. I broke my pinky finger in 7 places and was forced to be hospitalized for three years. Oh, I could have won, I know it. Now we shall never see Grand Adm... I mean, uh Hoth Rebel Trooper in the spotlight. My advice: Slide tackle Sissi... I think.

Monday, 9/11/00, 11:43 AM

Dear,

          When you sign a guest book, I think you are supposed to rit... wrigh... righ... write (thank you, Jaina) something. You aren't the same Dear that signed my Advice Corner on Wednesday, 8/30/00, 9:17 PM, are you? Please put your name next time, or is this some kind of secret message? No, I don't think so. You are just to lazy to type anything, aren't you? My advice: Stop being weird, Dear.

Monday, 9/11/00, 12:00 PM

Yo:) -Hey I really like your site!!! That starvivers thing--2 words TOTALLY AWESOME!! I mean it`s totally tight!!! I`m checkin it every week. And that acbar and acbar with a "k" --was pretty funny. I`ll have to show that to my sister(she`s also loves star wars) ---Seeya

From: Corellia
Name (write "AT-ST Driver" or I do not give advice): Tenenial Jo

Dear Tenenial Jo,

          Thank you a million thank yous for your kind words. Like, totally awesome, totally tight, checkin, pretty: Those are the word I like to hear about my site and they're all in there. The Acbar vs. Ackbar (with a "k") is supposed to be pretty, but not funny. It's all true, remember. No false information on this site, as I'm sure you've already noticed. There is something about those apostorphies, they are very odd. Please help me find the button on the keybourd. I shall never find it! It is most definately driving me insane (and believe me, I put the in in insane... that doesn't make sense, does it?). My advice: Tell me where that weird apostrophy is before I go in.

Sunday, 9/10/00, 7:58 PM

          Hey, it's me again! (I think this is time #5). By the way, forget about my web site advice stuff, I've decided that there are enough Star Wars fan sites and that I should leave the making of them to those who know how.) So, how are you, Hoth Rebel Trooper? I just thought I'd sign in again and tell you that I love the Starvivor stuff, it's pretty funny. (Oops, I forgot. You don't like people saying it's funny. Okay, it's not funny. I just like it.) How often do you tally up the votes? Every week? Well, just thought I'd sign in, because I like seeing what you write to everyone. So...keep up the good work on your site, it's one of my favorite SW sites! PS. That Hopeful thing. Are you someday going to put up ESB and ROJ things like it? I like that, too...

From: Coruscant
Name (write "AT-ST Driver" or I do not give advice): Jaina

Dear Jaina,

          I'm so glad you are continuing your Advice Corner signing. I really do enjoy wrigh... rit... right... writein... writing (thank you, Jaina) to you. Why give up on the website? How else am I going to give you your world record award? I could just e-mail it, but then what are you going to do with it? I guess you could print it and put it on your refridgerator. I just love magnets. Anyway, yes I do tally the Starvivor votes every week. I start on Friday evening and finish on Saturday morning. It really does take a long time, you know. Maybe once more people are voted off (please not me... I mean, uh Thrawn) it won't take as long and I might finish Friday night. It just all depends on whether or not there's a football game (I hate football, it's a long story, but I like soccer). And about ESB and ROJ, well, you do predict the future well. There are many thing comung in the future of this website. Once Starvivor ends, plan to come back for something very special. My advice: Keep on signin'

Monday, 9/11/00, 7:43 PM

          Do I not get advice anymore? You gave advice to everyone but me! After I taught you how to spell write and everything, this is the thanks I get? You don't even bother to respond? I was very, very disappointed. Maybe I'll have to send the Jedi to...uh, Hoth. But maybe I won't. You never know. Well, I'll check back later to see if I get any advice. Later...

From: Coruscant
Name (write "AT-ST Driver" or I do not give advice): Jaina

Dear Jaina,

          Oh my god! I did not mean to! I am so, so, sorry! Please, what can I do?! I.. I type the advice is a word processor and then I cut and paste onto my site. I did wrigh... rit... right... write (thank you Jaina) the Advice, as you can see if you look above Mia Hamm's advice, but I forgot to cut and paste yours. Cancel the attack on... Hoth... I suppose! Please, I am no threat! You.. you got an award so far for... for signing the Advice Corner most! How are things on Coruscant? Nice? Good. Uh.. Bye. My advice: Forgive me, for I have failed you.

Tuesday, 9/12/00, 5:24 AM

          WONKA WONKA WE SAYS STAR WARS RULE. I CAN'T WAIT FOR THE NEXT MOVIES TO COME OUT. KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK HOTH TROOPER. FROM WONKA WONKA WE

From: the planet wonka wonka
Name (write "AT-ST Driver" or I do not give advice): WONKA WONKA WE

Dear WONKA WONKA WE,

          What really bothers me is the fact that you are mean. All those poor little children that came to your factory were killed. Were they? I tell you, I've watched that movies almost 1/20 the times I've watched the Star Wars movies (that's a lot actually) and I still don't know whether or not those children die. That movie scares me. Get on your glass elevator and fly away. My advice: If you press Caps Lock again, your letters will look little.

Tuesday, 9/12/00, 5:43 AM

          your website rocks!!it's one of my favorites!!! i love the starvivor!! i am not actually a wookie, i am an insane chadra fan who thinks she's a wookie jedi. nobody beleives that i am a wookie i'm too short or a jedi because every time i try to use the force i pass out . help me!! actually i think i am actually a rabid noghri disguised as a wookie who thinks she's an insane chadra fan who thinks she's a jedi. either way i need help!! bye and as we say on kashyyyk-roara roararrrr

From: Kashyyyk
Web Site: no website-boohoo
Name (write "AT-ST Driver" or I do not give advice): Katbacca (atstdriver)

Dear Katbacca (atstdriver),

          Get away! GET AWAY! My site rocks!? Oh no! What are you?! Who are you?! Wookie's scare me! Chadra Fans scare me! Noghris REALLY scare me!!!!! AHhHHhHhHH! Insane! Insane! Please leave me alone, I promice I won't enslave your kind again. Just get away...ay...ay! I'm so sorry you Noghris had to suffer because of me. I take the blame! You killed me once, please don't do it again. You.. you're not an AT-ST Driver, are you? They scare me as well. I haven't found a true one yet. Your rabid!? Badgers really make me angry! He bit me... HE BIT ME!!!!! My mind, my mind, mind, here mind, com'on... that's a goooood mind, yes you are, yes you are.... Okay, It's back. I advise you to ignore what you just read. This never happened, from now on I don't exsist. My advice: See a vet.

Tuesday, 9/12/00, 5:54 AM

          I came back for seconds. dude your banners rock. if I had a site I`d take`m off your hands. I am a jedi master though so i guess i`ll just have to use the force to get them. Oh by the way Mr. last grand admiral site person....I am ackbar with a "k" -Da,Da,Da! goodbye, Or as we say on mon calamri... uh.. sorry i lied i don`t speak mon cal.

From: honohgr (I moved from Correlia last week)
Name (write "AT-ST Driver" or I do not give advice): Master Joda (atst)

Dear Master Joda (atst),

          Get out. You're not Ackbar (with a "k"). I have my ways of finding out if someone is lying about who they are. I know it was really Mia Hamm who signed my Advice Corner, but I know you are not Ackbar (with a "k"). Sorry. Anyway Jo, I have to agree that my banners rock. They really are that boring, aren't they? Sorry, I ain't no banner expert. You still haven't told me how you get those weird little apostrophies. My mind cannot take the pressure of thinking after that last Advice giving. Please do not read that. It is untrue, and I don't know where the backspace button is. My advice: Get a website so you can put my rocking banners on.

Tuesday, 9/12/00, 9:39 AM

          I need some major advice! I have run out of clean socks but I can't wear them dirty because they smell like bologna! WHAT do I do?!? You may wonder why they smell like bologna, it is because I have this great new hobby! It is stuffing socks with bologna! Have you ever done that? It is so up-lifting! If you're having a bad day, just stuff socks with bologna! Oh man, you just don't know how wonderful it is to hold a sock filled with bologna..... Cheese wiz works good too..... mmmmmmmhmmmmmm.....

From: Yavin 4
Web Site: Xtreme Star Wars
Name (write "AT-ST Driver" or I do not give advice): Suz-Ai Gallia (at-st driver)

Dear Suz-Ai Gallia (at-st driver),

          Are you that Lau-ra Anu's sister I've heard so much about. The fish is yours, huh? I see where he gets it from. They have counciling for your type of problem. Look in the yellow pages for Sock-Stuffers Anonymous. They can help you. You can fight this. If you do manage to grab a hold of your flippery fish friend, then stuff him in the sock with the bologna. Isn't "bologna" an amazing word. I think many Mon Cal's have the same problem as you. Keep in touch, I might be able to help, too. My advice: Buy some new socks, too many Sock-Stuffings can cause them to become Ronald McDonald sized, and that's bigger than a Woo---.

Tuesday, 9/12/00, 10:01 AM

          Cool, Mia Hamm asked you for advice! never fear, Vada the bada now has a cloth top over his bowl, so that he cannot commit suicide. So, a real question: If I listen to "Uncle Albert/Admiral Halesy" too much, will I turn out like Cynzar? Because if you say yes, I must start listening right away. BTW, I ditched Enviromental Studies today at the hoth academy, because i wanted to sign this guestbook. I want to hold the record number of times, so Jaina watch out!

From: Naboo
Web Site: Xtreme Star Wars
E-mail: xtreme_star_wars@hotmail.com
Name (write "AT-ST Driver" or I do not give advice): Lau-ra Anu

Dear Lau-ra Anu,

          You go to Hoth Academy, too?! Well, isn't it a small galaxy, after all. You may think I'm too old to be in school, but I was old. Now I am just a young clone... I mean, uh Hoth Rebel Trooper. Boy, am I going to regret typing that one! I'm not a clone, Lau-ra. Do not tell anyone I am a clone, please. It's not true. I lied. Lying is fun. I lied when I said Vada the Beta was a genius. He's an idiot. Anyway, why in the galaxy do you actually want to be like Cynzar. Amazing. It's unthinkable. It's even Vada the Beta-like. Well, there are strange ones here on... Hoth (I suppose). Going on the internet at school is fun. How do you think I get all that time to work on my website? It's faster, too. Sucks that Hoth Academy uses Netscape. My advice: Don't intimidate Jaina, she get angry easily.