september002

Wednesday, 9/13/00, 12:04 PM

          I just wanted to let you know that Suz-Ai Gallia is super weird, and that's why her fish is so freaky. Vada the Bada has just told me he plans to take over thw universe. You MUST stop him! Vada is not to be under estimated. You MUST DO SOMETHING!! btw, did you know there is a song called "Something"? it's one of my fav.'s. I am going to try to stop Vada, but I beileve that he is already out of my grasp.

From: Naboo
Web Site: Xtreme Star Wars
E-mail: xtreme_star_wars@hotmail.com
Name (write "AT-ST Driver" or I do not give advice): Lau-ra Anu

Dear Lau-ra Anu,

          Yes, I noticed Suz-Ai's... disorder yesterday when I gave her advice. I already am aware of Vada the Beta's plans, so have no fear. I am not underestimating that aquatic strategist. But I do think you are overestimating him. I have analized his words. The plan is well thought out, but there are too many flaws. He will fail shortly after he begins. Bring him fourth to the Advice Corner, and ask him to type his entire plan in his language, the ancient language of Glub. I shall translate it for you and point out everything that is wrong. My advice: Put your socks in a safe place because once your sister runs out of her own, she'll go for your's.

Wednesday, 9/13/00, 1:24 PM

          your "second set of september 2000" link is still linked to the 1st set of september. just thought you ought to know!!!

Name (write "AT-ST Driver" or I do not give advice): Lau-ra Anu

Dear Lau-ra Anu,

          Impossible. Just inconceivable. There are three very freaky things about this message. One: It is not "second set of september 2000," it is "2nd Half of September 2000," but that's not the really freaky thing. Two: I noticed this poblem immidiately after it started. This problem only exsisted for at most, five minutes. And you just happened to visit my site in those five minutes. Three: LOOK AT THE TIME YOU WROTE THE MESSAGE!!!!! This problem happened at 4:30 PM-4:35 PM 9/13/00. You... you... time travel. Amazing. If there are only two things that we haven't figured out on this galaxy they are life on another galaxy (we have no proof the Yuuzhan Vong are extragalactical) and time travel. Do you know what you can do!? You can change things! You can stop that Noghri from killing me... I mean, uh Grand Admiral Thrawn. Please! Help me!Give me those plans or... or I destroy Naboo! I can, you know. My advice: You know what to do, the plans.

Wednesday, 9/13/00, 6:56 PM

          Yeah, well, thanks for the advice. I knew you wouldn't purposely forget about me. So I'm calling off the Jedi attack to Hoth. So, Hoth Acadamy, huh? I'll have to remember that that little Lau-ra Anu person goes there too...I mean, who does she think she is? Trying to beat me, Jaina Solo, in signing this Guest Book most often? No one can beat me, in anything. It makes me angry to even think about...oops, sorry. I don't get angry. A Jedi is calm and peaceful and is not supposed to get angry. But, you know, sometimes I do have a hard time controlling my temper...Darth Vader/Anakin Skywalker was my grandfather, you know. But anyway, just a warning to you, Lau-ra....I do not lose. I checked out that Lau-ra and Suz-ai (or whatever)'s website, and it's definitely not as good as yours. They have trivia, though. They even stumped me on a question. But anyway, how is life like at Hoth Academy? I sometimes go to Coruscant Academy, when I can, that is. I mean, I'm kinda busy here, saving the galaxy from the Yuukzan Vong and all, and if I had my way, I'd just forget about school for now. But my mom insists thats I keep up with my school work. I don't see why. Uncle Luke and Dad never went to school and they're doing just fine...but whatever Mom says. Well, I'll talk to you later...I'm going to be at Coruscant Academy tomorrow, so maybe I can sign the Guestbook again from there. Maybe ask for advice about my homework. Speaking of my homework, I've gotta get to it. So, later, I guess. (And Lau-ra Anu, you've been warned.)

From: Coruscant
Web Site: Sadly, I have no website...unless someone wants to give me a really good idea for making one? And tell me how?
Name (write "AT-ST Driver" or I do not give advice): Jaina Solo

Dear Jaina Solo,

          When you ask me for advice, you don't have to wrigh... righ... rit.... write (thank you Jaina) a book. I mean, this isn't English class. But I guess if you really want to, you can keep on doing it. Anyway, I really do not want to get in the middle of a Jedi battle between you and Lau-ra Anu. I mean, gosh, it's getting tense. I'd be careful, they have an evil fish with them, very evil. I took the Xtreme Star Wars quiz and I got a lot of questions wrong, but Suz-ai was nice and gave me a perfect score because I was the first one to... oh I probably shouldn't tell anyone how I did it or then everyone would be getting perfect scores. That would make them mad and then I would never get the time machine. I already have a time machine (how do you think I got all those different people on the island togther?) but it doesn't work for Chiss... I mean, uh Hoth Rebel Troopers. I think you are mistaken when you say your father, Han Solo never went to school. I do believe in one book (can't remember which one and I don't feel like going up to my room to flip through every single one), your father speaks to some famous guy that everyone thaught was dead... uh.. I can't remember his name. But anyway, Han says that he met the guy when the guy visited his school on Corellia. Doesn't make sense because he never mentions school in the Han Solo trilogy, but maybe he chose to forget. My advice: Ask him and see what he says.

Wednesday, 9/13/00, 7:05 PM

          Just one more comment: You wanted to know where the weird apostrophes were on Master Joda`s keyboard. Are those the apostrophes you mean? Those ones are in the top left corner, at least on my keyboard. And by the way, what does football have to do with when you can tally up the Starvivor votes? I really don't like football much, I don't know how to play. My school (Coruscant Academy, or CA) started a football team this year. I think we lost our game last night. But anyway. Please tell me, I'll be in suspense until you write back!!!

From: Coruscant
Name (write "AT-ST Driver" or I do not give advice): Jaina

Dear Jaina,

          Oh thank you a milion thank yous!!!! Finally, after years of agonizing pain and suffering you have helped me find the weird apostrophies!! Let's see.... top left... - , wrong left, sorry... `. YES!!!! Ha ha! ``````````````````````. YEAH!!!! ````````````````. Let's try this.... shift.... ~. Wow. ~~~~. It's beutiful! ~~~~. I've never seen anything like it in my life. Phew. Well, let's get back on track. Football has everything to do with being able to tally the votes. In fact, this Friday there is, in fact a football game. Let moi expalian: Here at Hoth Academy (HA) we do indeed have a football team. I don't play, of course, but I do PLAY. My Kloo Horn, that is. Yes the HA band does have to go to every home game and sit there for three hours. We have been playing some John Williams music. But our version of Main Title is terrible and when we play Imperial March, it sounds like somebody's strangling a felynx. Doesn't Kuat of Kuat have one of those? We were good buddies in college, but now we're both dead... I mean he's dead. So, anyway football games take up my precious time. My advice: CA should play HA some time, they would both lose.

Thursday, 9/14/00, 5:19 AM

          I AM NOT WILLIE WONKA, I AM WONKA WONKA WE. WE ARE DIFFERENT PEOPLE, THAT MOVIE SCARED ME TOO. I THOUGHT IT WAS REALLY FUNNY WHEN THE GIRL TURNED INTO A BLUEBERRY AND ROLLED AWAY. BUT I HAVE NO RELATION TO WILLIE WONKA FOR I AM WONKA WONKA WE HERE ME ROAR YOU DON'T SCARE ME HA HA HA HA HA HA HA

From: the planet kids-r-us
E-mail: wonkawonkawe@hotmail.com

Dear,

          I know you are WONKA WONKA WE, but I have to call you Dear because you forgot to put your name. Please stop being mean to little girls and boys. Only a mean person laughs when a little girl turns into a blueberry. To anyone who is reading this advice who is not WONKA WONKA WE, I would like you to meet my friend, Tate. He is not a Star Wars fan and knows nothing about Star Wars. He can't tell a bantha from the Millenium Falcon. My advice: Stop writing in to my site, Tate.

Thursday, 9/14/00, 8:22 AM

          You have discovered my secret! My only problem is it just happens, like I'm watching JAG and all of a sudden I'm back on Hoth fighting the Imperials! I will do my best to stop that Noghri from killing you. And your link is fixed now, and that is very good.

From: Naboo
Web Site: Xtreme Star Wars
E-mail: xtreme_star_wars@hotmail.com
Name (write "AT-ST Driver" or I do not give advice): Lau-ra Anu

Dear Lau-ra Anu,

          Ohhhhhh. You mean it's just random? I have a time machine but it doesn't work for me, only people I want to put on the Starvivor island which is not in the Yukon. Oh! And by the way, I... I never said a Noghri killed me. Heh, Heh... where'd you get that silly idea. So, you were at Hoth during the battle of Hoth, too? Well, isn't it a small galaxy, I was there... I mean, uh here, too. I am a Grand Adm... I mean, uh Hoth Rebel Trooper. Of course I was there! You may think Dack died, but I ran out there and saved him. I did! So, he was a little smushed because that AT-AT crushed his Snowspeeder. My advice: I already know that the link is fixed, it was only broken for five minutes!

Thursday, 9/14/00, 8:26 AM

          Jaina, I will beat you, so there!!! You can warn me all you want, but I hold the power. I will hold the record for the most entrys if it kills me. So there!!! And I know how to spell "write" also, so there!!

From: Naboo
Web Site: Xtreme Star Wars
Name (write "AT-ST Driver" or I do not give advice): Lau-ra Anu

Dear Lau-ra Anu,

          Stop it. Just stop it, you two! You should be ashamed of yourself, Lau-ra. And Jaina too. Do you want an award or not? Really. This fighting is not the Jedi way. Play fair and square. This world record thing isn't even official yet. Come on people! I won't make a world record section like I planed if the fighting continues. My advice: It's okay to take a break from Advice Corner signings, please only one a day is fine, I do get busy and mother gets mad if I stay online too long.

Thursday, 9/14/00, 8:30 AM

          Vada the Beda has escaped. I do not know where he went, but he said something like "Glob, blurb, blub, glub" as he flipped out the door. I tryed to stop him, but Vada is much more powerfull. I fear he is out to destory us all! All I care about is Jaina, as long as he gets her. J/K! Don't come after me with your lightsaber! I take that back! Please disregard that mean comment I made! Please??

Web Site: Xtreme Star Wars
Name (write "AT-ST Driver" or I do not give advice): Lau-ra Anu

Dear Lau-ra Anu,

          Okay, calm down. This is no time to panic. Do you want me to translate what your friend said? Okay, here it goes.... "The end is near for all infidels. The rein of Vada the Beta has begun. All will be punished for the actions of few. Fish are not seen as equals, but I will make sure we are seen as rulers. I shall begin by destroying the Human race, therefore creating economic disaster. Borrsk Fey'lya will be exposed for the Woo--- that he is and I have Hoth Rebel Trooper to thank for that vital information. We shall rise from the depths and show the universe our true potential. The Yuuzhan Vong will be veiwed as mere pests next to us. Never more shall we be mixed with tarter sause! Never more shall we chopped up and put into a sandwich with mayonaise! Never more shall we be stuck in tanks and fed those revolting protien flakes! Tell Hoth Rebel Trooper what I am saying, sister of my ex-owner. I do enjoy a good piece of beaver mucus, but only when it's warm." Well, that about sums it up. My ancient Glub is a little rusty, but I think that is the rough definition of "Glob, blurb, blub, glub." The only way I can explain the beaver mucus part is that you must have misheard part of what he said. My advice: Please don't worry about what you said to Jaina, if she's a human, then I think she will be exterminated by Vada within the next 24 hours.

Thursday, 9/14/00, 8:41 AM

          Hey did you watch our game this morning? WE WON!! I SCORED!! HA HA HA!!! NORWAY STINKS! I am so sorry. I am so giddy with excitement that I can't even spell rite whoops right! BTW keep up the awesome work!

From: USA
Name (write "AT-ST Driver" or I do not give advice): Mia Hamm

Dear Mia Hamm,

           Congradulations! Sorry, but I missed the game. I must have been asleep this morning. I will keep up the awesome work. After two signings, I hope you don't mind that I'm skeptical. Your writing style is very similar to that of Lau-ra Anu's. You also seemed to write you message right after she wrote hers. But it's probably just a coincedence. Do you usually go on the internet right after a big game? Oh well. My advice: Don't forget to slide tackle Sissi!

Thursday, 9/14/00, 9:14 AM

          Hey, I'm at school here at Coruscant! Gotta go, the bell rang. later!

From: Coruscant
Name (write "AT-ST Driver" or I do not give advice): Jaina

Dear Jaina,

          In a hurry? Since your message was so short, then mine will be too. Bye. My advice: There are things called clocks that you can look at if you don't want to run out of time.

Thursday, 9/14/00, 9:10 PM

          Hello, I really am sorry my message was so short. See, there was a clock, but it runs on the wrong time. And I just had a second. And to Lau-ra Anu: I apologize. I really really am sorry, my behavior has been very un-Jedi-like. And, I am not dead yet. Sorry. Veda the Beda, or whatever that evil fishes name is, has not killed me yet. I did though, all of a sudden, hear this strange voice: "Glub gurgle glub!" Care to translate? And I am Jaina, no evil fish is going to kill me! I will take a break from signing this Guest Book, if you really want me to. But only if Lau-ra Anu will...I mean, oops, that was un-Jedi-like also. I'm sorry, I really am trying. And by the way: you spelled planning wrong in one of your advices. I could correct all your spelling but I won't, it would take too long and you'd just get mad at me. Oh and I'll try not to write stuff so long anymore, if you don't want me to. I just have a lot to say. Bye for now, maybe a few days, I'm busy this weekend anyway. (And I really doubt Mia Hamm is signing your guest book, sorry to say).

From: Coruscant
Name (write "AT-ST Driver" or I do not give advice): Jaina

Dear Jaina,

          Thank you a million thank yous for ending that stupid fight. You are right, I do get mad when people correct my spelling. For some reason I can't find the place that I spelled "planning" wrong. I probably meant planing (plane-ing). It's a word, right? I don't see why a language called "Basic" has to be so complicated. It really upsets me! Are you sure you want me to translate "Glub gurgle glub?" Oh well... here it goes... "Young one, if you are listening then you will know what to do. You will first go to Hoth Rebel Trooper and ask him to translate this into your primative-like language. Once that is done, please do the following; Kill Jacen Solo. My insights tell me that he will be the one to crush me if he is not dealt with. I am speaking in hypnotic tongue. By now, deep down you already want to kill him and you don't even notice. You will not remember killing him. It will probably happen at night. I'd make occasional trips to his room to check for a broken torso. Ha! Oh, and while your at it, could you be kind enough to pick up some of those little garden gnomes? I think they're just adorable!" Be calm, Jaina. I'm sure he was just joking. Either you misunderstood, or he really likes garden gnomes. My advice: Lock yourself up before it's too late!

Thursday, 9/14/00, 9:20 PM

          Sorry, I know I wasn't going to put any more for a while but I forgot to put something. I remember that about my dad going to school from a book too (and I don't remember the name) and I asked him about it, and he said when he was there he didn't really go to school when he when he was older. I mean, he had to learn all of the stuff when he was in the Imperial Academy, or whatever it was called (from the Han Solo trilogy) but...well, okay then, maybe he did go to school. But did Uncle Luke? Noooo...even Lau-ra Anu and Suz-Ai Gallia (is she any relation to Adi, by the way?) would have to agree with me there, they even wrote a story on their website on how he never even went to kindergarten. Now, there was one more thing I wanted to say...oh yeah, the time machine bit. I was wondering how you got all the characters from different times together! It all makes sense now! Okay, now I really won't write again for a while. Maybe...I hope. I'll try not to. PS. You liked those ````` thingy's, huh?

From: Coruscant
Name (write "AT-ST Driver" or I do not give advice): Jaina

Dear Jaina,

          Ha! I was right! Your daddy went to school. I went to school with him, actually. Yes, we were best of friends. I remember the time we replaced the teacher's chair with a malfunctioning repulsor sled. And then there was the time we painted that thermal detonator red and put a stem on it to make it look like an apple. The teacher was so pleased... until her atoms were split right there on the spot. Han never told me Mrs. Fuzzkins swallowed apples whole. It was funny to watch... from a distance, of course. Did you know that I also once lived on Tatooine? Yes, Luke and I were best of friends. There was the time that we found those weird snake stick thingies that those extragalactical guys left behind when they were visiting. We stole the Tuskin Raiders's Gaffi sticks and put the snake thingies there instead. We found a few of the Sandpeoples' heads just lying around the next day. Ha! My advice: Don't get me started on the `````````````'s, ````````````````````````````````````````, oh yes, I love it!

Friday, 9/15/00, 9:40 AM

          oh no! I can't beileve Vada said that!!! And the last part I forgot, as he left, was"bubble". Maybe that will explain the Beaver Mucas. We're doomed!!!! I am hiding out here on Hoth, hoping that Vada won't think to look for me here. Please reply with a translation of what he said last quickly! Time is running out!

Web Site: Xtreme Star Wars
E-mail: xtreme_star_wars@hotmail.com
Name (write "AT-ST Driver" or I do not give advice): Lau-ra Anu

Dear Lau-ra Anu,

          Oh noooooooo! I SPELLED MUCAS WRONG!!!!!!!! I hate myself! I am really sorry! Oh my god! I hope I didn't upset you. I'm going to translate "bubble." Ehem, Bubble mean.... Bubble. It looks like he just felt like saying "bubble." Does that help you? I hope so. So he's looking for you, eh? That must mean you're human. Well that clears a few things up. I thought you were a Gand. Oh well. Don't worry, he can't come to Hoth without a heated pool. He won't go there... here... yes... for quite a while. My advice: Do not get hysterical over "bubble."

Friday, 9/15/00, 9:43 AM

          Mia Hamm is not signing your guestbook, it is really Katee Tyre a weirdo who believes that she is the first gungan monarch, when she is human and only 12 standard years old. Katee Tyre, I'm ashamed to admit, is my freaky younger sister. I strongly believe that she taught Vada the Beda his evil ways.

Web Site: Xtreme Star Wars
E-mail: xtreme_star_wars@hotmail.com
Name (write "AT-ST Driver" or I do not give advice): Lau-ra Anu

Dear Lau-ra Anu,

          Katee Tyre is so mean. Oh, thanks a lot for getting me all worked up for nothing. Did you know that I went and told all my friends about Mia Hamm's Advice asking. ERRRggggHHHHggg!!!! Stupid, STUPID, STUUUUUPID!!!!!!!!!!! Not you, I'm talking about Katee Tyre. I demand you to send hr to a computer and apologize to me immediately. I knew something was wrong. I spent two hours searching the web for any sign that Mia Hamm was a Star Wars fan. Nothing. Her favorite movie is not Star Wars, it's Empire of the Sun. Difference! Maybe you are right about her teaching that fish. They are both really mean! My advice: Punish Katee Tyre swiftly... and tell her soccer is the dumbest sport ever, curling is better!

Friday, 9/15/00, 9:50 AM

          Okay Jaina, apology accepted (not in the way your Grandfather accepted them though). Suz-Ai Gallia is Adi Gallia's 4th cousin, but since Suz-Ai and I are twins, I guess that would make Adi my cousin too. Have fun learning at your school on Coruscant and Luke Skywalker did not go to school, so I do wonder why all the rest of us have to go. That is really unfair, I mean, what are our parents thinking??? At school we learn nothing, not even the achient languege of Glub, which would be somewhat usefull to know with Vada the Beda on our tails. And I am pleased to hear that Vada hasn't killed you yet Jaina. But anyway, Mr. Hoth Rebel Trooper, I would like to tell you I recieved a note today that said: "Glub, gob, blu, blub, blip, blup, glubble, blubble. Vada the Beda." What does that mean?? Is my life in danger???

Web Site: Xtreme Star Wars
E-mail: xtreme_star_wars@hotmail.com
Name (write "AT-ST Driver" or I do not give advice): Lau-ra Anu

Dear Lau-ra Anu,

          Ohhhhhh (tears). Poor, poor Captain Needa. Jaina's grandfather was not a very nice man. Captain Needa showed so much potential, but he choked (sniff). I am very sensitive about these things. Well, I guess I should translate that message for you... "Sister of my ex-owner, do you really think you can hide from me? I am watching your every move. I have planted spy cameras all over your room and everywhere else you go, including Hoth Academy. You fool, you cannot stop me. I have used my hypnosis on young Katee Tyre. She works for me now. The only way to stop her is to eliminate her. I don't think you will do that to your own sister. I know you, Lau-ra. I know you better than you know yourself. For I am the great expert degreaser." You must have heard something wrong because I don't think he's an expert degreaser. If he is, then tell him to come on over I've got some really dirty pots and pans. My advice: Find some pots and pans, they are his only weakness.

Friday, 9/15/00, 4:49 PM

          Yes well, I'm glad that we are not fighting anymore, Lau-ra. I agree, we do not learn anything of real value here at school. And since Coruscant Academy is a pretty small school, there is absolutely no way that I could just cut class, everyone in the school would know I was skipping. By the way, Mr. Hoth Rebel Trooper, did HA finally win a football game? Did you have fun playing at the game? CA has a game tomorrow, but I didn't come here to write about football. I'm looking forward to the Starvivor results tomorrow, unless I got voted off. That would be bad. But, I'm going to go now. Vada hasn't killed me yet! I'm still alive. But am I in danger, Hoth Rebel Trooper? I need to know!

From: Coruscant
Name (write "AT-ST Driver" or I do not give advice): Jaina

Dear Jaina,

          Oh, so glad that you have reached an agreement. How can Coruscant Academy be a small school? I mean, It's Coruscant!!! Unless you concider 5 million students to be small. Anout the football game... It was awful. I believe the end results were 0-38. That's zero for the Wampas. Did you know that we have two real Wampas on our team? Well, I don't understand the fact that you put the word "fun" in the same sentence as "playing at the game." Oh my god, I hate my Kloo Horn. I'm terrible at it. Tomorrow I have to play a selection in front of the teacher all by myself. Sometimes she makes us play in front of the whole class. I wish I were old again. School is a repeated nightmare for me. It would have gone perfect if it weren't for that stupid Noghri!!!! Never mind. My advice: Hide yourself in a little corner 'cause you're still in danger, sorry.

Saturday, 9/16/00, 7:04 AM

          Help! Vada has surronded my house with all his little fishy friends (including one who looks like Acbar.). Time is running out, I need advice!

Web Site: Xtreme Star Wars
Name (write "AT-ST Driver" or I do not give advice): Lau-ra Anu

Dear Lau-ra Anu,

          Really?! Acbar is over at your house?! Cool! Hey, he's not mean. Ask him in, maybe he'll be a fish ambassador for you. That would be just perfect! The first step in ending this war. There are many steps that can be taken to prevent sudden death. 1.) Let the felynx out (do you have a felynx? Kuat of Kuat has a felynx, everyone should be like Kuat of Kuat). 2.) After the feline-fish battle, please step outside and dispose of you felynx's carcass. About half of the fish should be dead by the time Fluffy is defeated. 3.) Call your local chef and tell him you've got free live fish. If all goes as planned, they will be gone. My advice: Keep a close eye on Vada, he's a sneaky one.

Saturday, 9/16/00, 7:07 AM

          "please wait while I tally the votes??" ahhhhhhhhh! All this suspence, I can't take it! I MUST know who gets voted off. I have a feeling it's gonna be Guri and Thwran, but if it's Jaina....It better not be Jaina, that's all I have to say right now.

Web Site: Xtreme Star Wars
Name (write "AT-ST Driver" or I do not give advice): Lau-ra Anu

Dear Lau-ra Anu,

          By the time you read this advice, the votes will be tallied. Sorry it took me so long, my computer was being very fiendish. It wouldn't let me look at the votes and it was going in super-slow-motion. But now everything is settled. Guri's going home to Black Sun... and... and... Thrawn (sniff) will be returning home, too. It was so great to meet him when I used the time machine to get him. We had some great conversations. He reminds me of myself when I was older. In fact he is myself.... I mean, uh Hoth Rebel Trooper... I mean, he's just Thrawn. I hope you didn't help vote for him. My advice: Usually the "w" comes later in the word Thrawn.

Saturday, 9/16/00, 2:43 PM

          How dare you say that Vada is out to take over the world! He plans to take over the whole UNIVERSE! He has just left home with his bowl and told me, as he would say it: "blolop burble GLUBBE *splish* blop". He WILL take over the world! no one can stop him! He has survived many things!

From: Yavin 4
Web Site: Xtreme Star Wars
Name (write "AT-ST Driver" or I do not give advice): Suz-Ai Gallia

Dear Suz-Ai Gallia,

          Huh? I don't get it. I never said he would take over the world. In fact, you said he would take over the world at the end of your message. Poor, poor you. The sock-stuffing has really gotten to you. I'm glad to hear that you understand Ancient Glub. Maybe you should teach your sister so she won't keep asking me to translate. I guess it is good for me to practice my Glub so I don't forget. My advice: Tell me more about what he has survived.