september003

Saturday, 9/16/00, 2:46 PM

          Is Lau-ra Anu obsessed with this site or what?

Web Site: Xtreme Star Wars
Name (write "AT-ST Driver" or I do not give advice): Suz-Ai Gallia

Dear Suz-Ai Gallia,

          Indeed, I am glad your sister is as obsessed with my site as you are with sock-stuffing. I really don't feel like counting right now, so I'm not sure if she has signed my guest book in an Advice Corner costume the most times. Should I make an official award? I don't know. Maybe when I have more time. I just recently made a Starvivor Logo. I haven't decided whether or not to put it up because I don't want to get sued by CBS. What do you think? My advice: Give me advice and tell me what you think I should do about my Starvivor Logo.

Saturday, 9/16/00, 6:03 PM

          What a Cool Site.

From: Marc
Web Site: JawaNet
E-mail: marcgladwell@hotmail.com

Dear,

          What a cool message. I can only assume that your name is Marc, but you didn't put it under "name," so I have to call to Dear. Sorry, Marc, but for now you are to be known as Dear. Jawas are very disturbing, sorry to say. I hope I haven't offended you. Are you a Jawa? If you are then I have a question... What is under your hood? It looks all lumpy under there. Is that your face. If it is, then I'm sorry you have to be so ugly. Poor, poor you. That is if you are a Jawa. If you are a Noghri, then go away. PLEASE!!!! My advice: Again.... GO AWAY!!!!!!

Sunday, 9/17/00, 7:58 PM

          Well then, Vada, I don't think that I am going to be the one to kill my brother Jacen. In fact, I don't even know where he is right now, so I couldn't even go kill him in my sleep. So what is the latest with that evil fish? Since I am here on Coruscant, if he comes looking for me, it will take him quite awhile to find me, since there are billions of people here. I really don't believe I am in danger...but don't think I underestimate our fishy friend either. He is evil. So, Hoth Rebel Trooper, how are you? How was the football game? Oh, and I have a question for Lau-ra...are you and Suz-ai identical twins? I've always wondered what it would be like to be identical twins...me and Jacen are, of course, not identical. And why are your last names different? Just a thought.

From: Coruscant
Name (write "AT-ST Driver" or I do not give advice): Jaina

Dear Jaina,

          I think deep down, you do know where your brother is. I thought you always did. I laughed during that time in Dark Tide: Ruin when you thought he was dead. Ha! Micheal A. Stackpole is a genius. I've actually met him. No really, for once I'm serious. He came to my local book store for signings. He's a great guy! We had a long conversation over Chewie's death. Now I know why the Wookie had to die. I'm not telling. It's a secret. I think I already told you about the football game. and I think Lau-ra will be able to answer your question. Did you know that I thought you and Jacen were identical? Huh. Well you learn something every day. My advice: The evil one is drawing closer.

Monday, 9/18/00, 9:57 AM

          Suz-Ai and I are not identical twins. We do not even look alike at all. Well, not as differant as you and Jacen, Jaina. We are both girls, after all. And the reason we have differant last names is because Suz- Ai Gallia was raised by Adi Gallia and changed her name to be like Adi's, while I was raised by...well, let's not talk about my past right now. ANyway, the evil fish has staked out my city. every where I go there are tons of little fish jummping around, always saying the same things: gluub, blup, gloop, glop. What does this mean??? Am I still endangered? Will I win all 3 of my soccer games this week? Am I asking too many questions??

From: Naboo
Web Site: Xtreme Star Wars
Name (write "AT-ST Driver" or I do not give advice): Lau-ra Anu

Dear Lau-ra Anu,

          Please do tell me how you were raised. By wolves? I guess I better translate that Glub for you... "The medicine is coming. It's coming for you." Well, all I can say to that is just don't take any medicine. I think that is how they will strike. They are going to kill the humans with phoney medicine. You are still in danger. I think you will win 2 of your soccer games. You are asking too many questions. My advice: Don't get sick, and if you do, then read all the labels.

Tuesday, 9/19/00, 9:06 AM

          My sad, sad, story, of how I was raised. I was abandoned by my mother on the planet Naboo. I grew up there, all alone in a small dugout under a hill. I lived with my little blue dog, who is now in all the Xerox adds.It was there, in the cave, that I can to love the Beatles. Every day, I would look at the beadles as they cralwed on the floor of the cave, singing their little songs, and such. When I was 10, I was brought back to live at the Jedi Temple, when my mother decided she wanted me. That is how I came to know my sisters. I have had a complex ever since leaving my cave. it was safe! Why did they take me away from the beadles?? why did they take my blue dog away from me to become a TV star?? Why, oh why, is Vada still on the loose?? i sent my cat, Tommy after them, but now only Vada is left, singing his fishy song, "gluuuub, flub, blubby, blooby, blob.". Acbar has joined me in my home and I have given him a nice bowl. Anyway, I I fear the open space.

Web Site: Xtreme Star Wars
E-mail: xtreme_Star_wars@hotmail.com
Name (write "AT-ST Driver" or I do not give advice): Lau-ra Anu

Dear Lau-ra Anu,

          It brings tears to the eyes (sniff). I think blue dogs are just the best kind. They're so... blue. What's a cat? Is it like a felynx? Kuat of Kuat has a felynx, you should get one too!!! Xerox makes the best Xerox machines. Is there a difference between the Beatles and the Beadles, because you use both those words. I don't really get it. I used to like the beatles, but then I realized they were stupid. Sorry. I have all of their CD's if you want thm. I never listen to them anymore. In fact... I don't really listen to music anymore. Well, I listen to my Star Wars soundtracks every day, but that's too good to be called music. Anyway, Is Tommy dead? Let me translate that song... "La la la la la la la la la la la la..." Fish are not very good at lyrics. My advice: Tell Acbar I said "hi."

Tuesday, 9/19/00, 3:21 PM

          I love the starvivor section, but I don't think Wicket is really there. If that was the real wicket, he wouldn't throw rice at that annoying Beru. He would make a bow and arrow, then make a fire. He would set the arrow on fire, then shoot Beru. Any real Ewok would know that Beru is a Witch and must be burned. Yub Nub ee chop Yub Nub. And you don't cause you're a racist Gran Admeral that wears a dress! We got Yub Nub when we blew up the big angry moon in the sky. I wouldn't have blown it up. I would have stolen it and blew up Dathomir. They have witches.

From: endor
Web Site: ewokshrine
E-mail: colina@att.net
Name (write "AT-ST Driver" or I do not give advice): "AT-ST Driver" or I do not give advice

Dear "AT-ST Driver" or I do not give advice,

          Well. Okay. I can assure you that the real Wicket is indeed on the island which is not in the Yukon. Correct me if I am wrong, you said that I'm "a racist Gran Admeral that wears a dress." I am not a Gran Admeral! I'm a Grand Adm... I mean, uh Hoth Rebel Trooper. Other than that, your statement was correct. I am racist against Woo---'s and Ewoks and Noghris and Mon Cals and Vada the Beta. And sometimes it is fun to wear a dress. OKAY!!??? I'm glad you pointed out that Dathomir has witches. Thank you for that fact. My advice: Stealing Death Stars is a Federal Offence.

Tuesday, 9/19/00, 6:00 PM

          You actually LAUGHED when I thought Jacen was dead? I can't believe it. That was a very bad time for me. You know, I should really read that book again so I remember exactly what happens. I'm kinda...uh, broke, so I can't afford to buy all of the Star Wars books, maybe if I win the million credits I can. (Contrary to popular belief, I am not this spoiled little brat who has everything she wants. I hardly have any money!) So I'll have to make a visit to the library sometime and get it. And yes, you were right, I do know where my brother is. I almost always do, if he's close by. But I'm sorry Vada, your pathetic hypnosis will not work on me! I will not kill Jacen. But anyway, you met Micheal A. Stackpole? That's cool. Chewie...he's really gone...I can't believe it. It's so sad, it still brings a tear to my eye...hey, d'ya think that you could use your time machine to bring him to the island so I could visit him? Even just for a minute? You probably can't, huh? Poor Chewie, I miss him so much...Anyway, I'll catch you later.

From: Coruscant
Name (write "AT-ST Driver" or I do not give advice): Jaina

Dear Jaina,

          Ha! That was really funny when you thought he was dead! Even though you only thought he was dead for a few minutes... but still hilarious. Ha! You have to visit a library to get Ruin?! Man, your parents don't give you anything, do they? Well, sorry to say that Vada's hypnosis is working right now, whether you want it to or not. He warned you that you wouldn't realize it. Jacen's as good as dead right now. Oh well. I'm really glad that you believed me when I said I met Stackpole. I didn't think you would. People lie all the time on this internet, but for once I was telling the truth. Did you see what Katee Tyre did?! Mia Hamm, my foot. I can bring Chewie back for the next Starvivor, but I can't bring him back right now. My advice: Tell Jacen to stay away.

Tuesday, 9/19/00, 6:04 PM

          "The Third Half of September 2000"? That is really, really funny.

From: Coruscant
Name (write "AT-ST Driver" or I do not give advice): Jaina

Dear Jaina,

          Oh really. Funny, is it? I don't see the joke, I'm not gettin' it, what's the deal? You... wait a minute.... let me get my calculator.... 3.... /.... 2.... =.... 1.5?!!!! 1.5!????? 1.5!!!!!!!! Oh no!!! My brain must have ceased to function. I am so, so, sorry. What can I do? 1.5, who would have thought? What exactly does 1.5 represent? I cannot conceive it. My advice: Help me figure out this math problem (and believe me, I put the "problem" in "math problem."

Wednesday, 9/20/00, 7:52 AM

          Pretty cool site. Come check out mine! You can sign up for my links page if you'd like, but you have to put a link to my site on yours.

From: Yavin 4
Web Site: Exar Kun's Temple
E-mail: ajpisi@aol.com
Name (write "AT-ST Driver" or I do not give advice): :-() ???!!

Dear :-() ???!!,

          I might have to take you up on that offer. Does the above link count? I suppose not. Well, there comes a time in every mebmaster's life when he has to put a links section. I've been putting it off, and putting it off, but I know the time has come. To make it easy, I think I'll just put links to sites that signed my Advice Corner and/or Hopeful. It will probably be a while before I start to make it, so be patient. My advice: Get off of Yavin 4, it belongs to the Jedi now!

Wednesday, 9/20/00, 1:51 PM

          When I said "beadles" I meant the little bugs that crawl, but when I said "The Beatles" I meant the 60's band, John, Paul, George and Ringo. They are the best. You can give all your CDs to me, I will take them. My birthday's coming up, so then I can have more to listen to. I told Acbar you said hi in the achient lanugue of Glub. He looked at me funny and swam around in his bowl like a maniac. ANyway, I just got finished watching soccer! Hahahahahahaha! I ate some sugar today! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Web Site: Xtreme Star Wars
E-mail: xtreme_star_wars@hotmail.com
Name (write "AT-ST Driver" or I do not give advice): Lau-ra Anu

Dear Lau-ra Anu,

          SOME sugar? I think you had a little more than SOME. I hate to disappoint you, but I still don't get the "beadles" thing. I do not believe that "beadles" is a word. It is really aggravating. Please explain it better. What are the 60's? I've never heard of them. Please explain that too. Be careful about speaking Ancient Glub. Maybe Acbar got mad because you pronounced "hi" wrong. There isn't much difference between "hi" and "I will kill you before the sun reaches day" in Ancient Glub. "Hi" is "Gluuby Glub Blopp Blop Spluggle." "I will kill you before the sun reaches day" is "Gluuby Glup Blopp Blop Spluggle." My advice: Don't get too excited about getting my CD's, I was just joking.

Thursday, 9/21/00, 8:47 PM

          Hey! Yeah, I know, it's so sad...I have to go to the library to get all of the Star Wars books. Except for 3 of them, I actually have 3 of them. But that's not the point. Anyway, this hypnotism thing ISN'T working, but just in case, Jacen is going away from the weekend. So am I, for a matter of fact. So we'll be light-years apart...how am I supposed to kill him when we are light-years apart, huh? What is the latest with Vada? Is he still outside Lau-ra Anu's house? Or is he elsewhere? I had a thought. Maybe...he cloned himself. Then he could be outside Lau-ra's house AND trying to take over Coruscant, and the rest of the galaxy. Great. As if it wasn't bad enough having ONE group of beings trying to take over the galaxy. *Sigh*...well what should I do? If you can tell me where he is, I'll go up in my X-wing and destroy him. My brothers can help.

From: Coruscant
Name (write "AT-ST Driver" or I do not give advice): Jaina

Dear Jaina,

          Which three book do you have? I only have 20 of them. I wish I had them all. My goal is to read every single one of them, but HA interferes. My local library only has three of them. Guess which ones. The excellent Thrawn Trilogy. But I own those, so I never took them out of the library. Anyway, the hypnotism will work. Why won't you believe me? I keep telling you! Vada didn't clone himself, sorry. There is no way YOU can destroy him. Did you listen to what he said? Jacen is the chosen one. Not you! Too bad. I bet you feel left out. Oh, and Anakin will definitely not kill Vada either. He's too busy killing Wookies like Chewbacca. My advice: Don't be in the same place as Jacen when you have an X-wing.

Saturday, 9/23/00, 10:02 AM

          Dear paranoid secretive man, I no WHo you are! Me steal angry moon and strange blue man with eyes like fire chase the hole way screaming "Stealing Deathstars is a federal offense! yOU mongolian buttmonkey!!!" Anyway me blow up dathomir while they scream "Women are superior Beings!" I just scream "YOu POODOO!" AFter strange blue man come again and scream "You fuzzy piece of POODOO!" (actually he said some other thing but I like poodoo) then he scream "It's All that blasted web site! Pretending to be a sniveling (POODOO) Rebel Trooper!(POODOO)any hoo he go into some metal triangle and scream "I'll get (POODOO) you u....hey what are u anyway?" Me bird-blower- upper!POODOO! Any way, whole I thinkin who is is blue man? And I realize he the buttmunch on island who no like birdhunters! Anyway I ANALYZE YOUR POODOO AND REALIZE I ATE THE POODOO! AND IT TASTED LIKE SALCIOUS CRUMB POODOO.... SO I thinkin..POODOO..maybe u be...another withch AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! gbye p

From: Endor
Web Site: ewokshrine
E-mail: analyzing poodoo somewhere in the mediteranian
Name (write "AT-ST Driver" or I do not give advice): "AT-ST Driver" or I do not give advice):

Dear "AT-ST Driver" or I do not give advice):,

          Wicket, please. Enough Poodoo. Poodoo happens, but not on this site. Watch what you say, okay. This was stretching it. If you had writen anything worse, then I would have had to erase my Advice Corner entrees. I did it anyway, actually. Next time I won't give you advice if you speak like that. You are not Wicket. Wicket is safe and he's not in the Yukon. I doubt that you are an Ewok. Such anger. It upsets me. My advice: G rated entree next time, okay?

Saturday, 9/23/00, 2:08 PM

          Okay, today I decided to splurge and put your site's link on my homepage. I deceided not to use your banner because it will only save as a bitmap on my computer, which you can't put on the internet. You should consider it an honor to be on the index page.

Web Site: You know it's name
Name (write "AT-ST Driver" or I do not give advice): Lau-ra Anu

Dear Lau-ra Anu,

          Thank you a million thank yous. (I haven't said that in a while!) This is amazing! Wow! I just looked at the link and it looks great. It's so overpowering. I should probably return the favor. I just need to know if you have a banner. Did you know that you can convert Bitmaps into Jpegs or Gifs? It's not that hard. There is always a way to do it, no matter how dumb your computer is. And why is it so hard for you to save it as a Jpeg? Oh well. Just let me know if you have a banner. This is an honor. My advice: Jpeg.

Saturday, 9/23/00, 2:14 PM

          whe I was in the car yesterday coming home from my soccer game -which, I might add, we won 5-0- I heard a strange noise coming from Suz-Ai Gallia's water bottle. It sounded like Vada the Beda's gurgling noises he makes. I don't know what it means, other than the only part I could interpret: glurbble, gurligle, glub (You may have won once, but not again). What does the rest of this mean: blurgle, gurgle, blub, glub glub.

Web Site: XSW
Name (write "AT-ST Driver" or I do not give advice): Lau-ra Anu

Dear Lau-ra Anu,

          You won once. Remember you will only win twice. So Vada is half-right. The rest translates to: "If there is someone on the other team or on your team named Brit-ney, then she is under my control and she will make sure you fail. If she does not show up, then I will never leave this stomach." Well, that's about it. Do you think that you misheard him? I don't. Your Ancient Glub is getting better, so you heard him right. The noise you heard was not Suz-Ai's water bottle. Vada the Beta was in the water bottle. Suz-Ai drank Vada. My advice: Tell Suz-Ai not to eat any seafood, it will make Vada upset.

Sunday, 9/24/00, 11:31 AM

          I'm having trouble getting over the loss of Chewbacca you got any advice on how i can ease the pain

From: Anoth
E-mail: jainasolo13@hotmail.com
Name (write "AT-ST Driver" or I do not give advice): Jaina Solo

Dear Jaina Solo,

          Huh? Why are you asking me? Do you think I care the slightest bit about that Woo---. I do not like Woo---'s. Why are you on Anoth now? Why do you have a different e-mail address? Please explain these things, my brain is going to overload in five seconds..................................... Ow! It really hurts to have your brain overload. I should know. It just happened. I have gray matter coming out of my ears. My felynx just meowed! She is getting hungry way too early. Did you know that Kuat of Kuat has a felynx? If Kuat of Kuat has a felynx, then you should too! Is Jacen dead yet? My advice: Get a felynx, it will help in the battle against Vada the Beta.

Sunday, 9/24/00, 5:03 PM

          No no NO! That last entry, the one from the being claiming to be Jaina Solo...she's an imposter. I am THE Jaina Solo. See, here's a weird apostrophe ``` and I know how to spell write and I could tell you all about Vada the Beta and Lau-ra and Suz-Ai and everyone. Do you believe me? The nerve of some people, pretending to be someone that they are not...

From: Coruscant
Name (write "AT-ST Driver" or I do not give advice): Jaina

Dear... Jaina?

          Alright, slow down. Let my gray matter come back into my ears. This is very upsetting. Now what am I going to do?! I don't even know if you are the real Jaina. I don't know who's the real Jaina! Maybe you're right about the ``````'s and the wrigh... righ... rit... write (thank you... Jaina?). Should I count the last entry when I give the world record award? Should I count this entree? Tell you what.... let's make a deal. If you can prove that the last entree was indeed false, then I will not take any points off your record. You can prove this by hunting down the imposter Jaina by using that e-mail she was so nice to supply us with. Hey! Maybe she's your clone. Her name must be Jaaina. My advice: Find Jaaina, Jaina.

Sunday, 9/24/00, 5:13 PM

          Oh, so JACEN is the chosen one. Why do all the guys in my family get to be 'the chosen ones'? Fine. Tell me where Vada is and I'll get Jacen to go kill him, if this is really his destiny. And Anakin is still very very upset about what happened to Chewie. I don't think you should be so mean to him. STOP IT!!! He feels bad enough as it is. I have to defend him, he's my cool little brother. Anyway about Star Wars books. I've read ALL but three of the Star Wars books. I can't remember what the three I haven't read are. That was my project over the summer, but I'm a fast reader so it didn't take long. Lucky for me the librarian is also a Star Wars fan so all of the books are there at the library. And, finally...I AM A JEDI! Hypnotism is so not going to work. Don't you think that we have ways to prevent stuff like that from happening? I mean, please. You have no idea of the power of the Jedi.

From: Coruscant
Name (write "AT-ST Driver" or I do not give advice): Jaina

Dear Jaina,

          Well I'm sorry! Give me a break! Maybe I was a little mean to your little brat brother. Scratch that "brat." I didn't mean it. Sorry. It's not my fault he killed your dad's best friend! Don't blame me! Oh, and I don't make the rules about "the chosen ones." Don't blame me about that either. Do you really want me to tell you where Vada is so Jacen can kill him? Vada is in Suz-Ai Gallia's stomach right now. If you read somewhere above you will see that I already explained that. The only way to eliminate Vada is to eliminate Suz-Ai. I don't think Jacen will be too quick to make that option. Let me strategize and help you find another option. I just need time! It's your fault that my gray matter fell out! Oh, and by the way, YOU ARE STILL HYPNOTIZED!!!!!! Think about it! What do I do? What am I famous for? I STUDY THE ENEMY!!!!! I know what Vada is capable of. My advice: Challenge your librarian to a game of Star Wars Trivial Pursuit, I bet I'll win even if I'm not playing, I'm that good.

Monday, 9/25/00, 1:02 PM

          I acually have a real question, not mindless babble this time. Where did the picture for Mara Jade in starvivor come from? Is she to be in a movie I am not aware of, or is that just a picture of someone who looks like Mara Jade and some one added a lightsaber? And how do you build a death star?

From: endor
Web Site: ewokshrine
E-mail: colina@att.net
Name (write "AT-ST Driver" or I do not give advice): "AT-ST Driver" or I do not give advice):

Dear "AT-ST Driver" or I do not give advice):,

          <*(((-{ I just felt like drawing that fish. Sorry. I saw it on fruit-by-the-foot. Shouldn't they call it fruit-by-the-yard? Oh well. Anyway, thank you for acting human this time. Last time you acted like a rabid Ewok with a canker sore. I hate badgers! Badgers? BADGERS?! We don't need no stinkin' badgers! A thousand credits for you if you can name that movie. About Mara... You would have to be a Kibbick lard brain to not know where that picture comes from! Do you not collect Star Wars CCG's?! Do you not read Star Wars Insider?! Do you not visit starwars.com?!! What is wrong with you?! Come on. I'll give you one more chance to find out where that picture comes from on your own. If you don't find it, then I will be forced to tell you (and believe me, I put the "force" in "forced"). My advice: You can find your basic Death Star instructions in your local bookstore, they will give ultimate power to anyone who pays $7.95.

Monday, 9/25/00, 4:39 PM

          This is very unsettling. There is a clone of me? Jaaina, huh? Hmmm....this is weird. Anyway, I asked Jacen, and he won't kill Suz-Ai just to rid the universe of Vada the Beta. But then I got to thinking. How can that fish take over the galaxy when he is inside Suz-Ai? I vote that we just leave him there. But now I have another problem. I have to hunt down this clone of mine. Don't worry, I will. And ummm, well....I actually have had a game of Star Wars trivia pursuit with the librarian. It just so HAPPENS that she's friends with my mother. So our families got together one day to play, but they made this retarded rule that you could only answer 5 questions in a row (or else, I totally would have won in one turn.) So we played 2 games, we won one, they won the other, and then came the last game. So we made it through and had all of the wedge things, and they only had one, but then, no matter what, we could not land on the middle! It was impossible. All because of that stupid 5-answer rule, they caught up and won. Someday, we'll have a rematch. And Chewie isn't stupid, Wookies in general aren't stupid, and I still say...I'M NOT HYPNOTIZED! Don't you think if I was I would have killed Jacen by now?

From: Coruscant
Name (write "AT-ST Driver" or I do not give advice): Jaina (definitely not a clone)

Dear Jaina (definitely not a clone),

          Oh Jaina, Jaina, Jaina, Jaina. Why won't you believe me? I keep telling you and telling you, but you just won't face the facts. I know every single bit of useless information about hypnotism. I know how long it takes. I know it never fails. It works on Jedi. Why do you think your granddaddy turned bad? It was pure hypnotism. Oh well. I shall never convince you. I guess you'll just have to find out the hard way. Anyway, my local librarian is not a family friend. I don't think she's a Star Wars fan. Actually, I've never met her and I don't know her name. She is a Monopoly fan, though. Yes, I placed 2nd in the town Monopoly tournament here in... Hoth, I suppose. I would have won if it were Star Wars Monopoly. I'm more familiar with that version. I commonly would mistake New York Ave. for The Massassi Temple. My advice: When did I ever say Chewie or Wookies were stupid?