Weirdoes in Paradise
By Hysterical Woman
Disclaimer: The characters and settings depicted wherein were created by the Brothers Chap. The actual story was written by me. If you want to use this story for MSTing purposes, please e-mail me at hystericalwoman at yahoo dot com.
Chapter 1: Bon Voyage
“That’s a big boat!” Homestar said as he was the Ferry Queen for the first time.
“It’s a ship, not a boat,” said Marzipan, as she gathered up her luggage.
The Ferry Queen was actually pretty small as far as ships went, but it was huge to the landlocked citizens of Free County, USA. This vessel would take them to the Isle of Pom, where big ships weren’t allowed. Pom-Pom had paid for everyone to go on a week-long vacation with him to this tropical paradise.
Everyone was waiting for Homestar and Marzipan at the harbor. Coach Z was telling a long pointless story to Bubs, who politely wasn’t listening. The King of Town was there, eating a fish he stole from a sea gull. His trusty Poopsmith was with him, carrying a lumpy garbage bag filled with who knows what. Strong Mad was playfully throwing The Cheat in the air, while Strong Bad looked over a map of the ship. Strong Sad stood alone, looking forlorn as usual.
“Strong Sad,” Marzipan said, “I didn’t know you were coming.”
“Well,” Strong Sad explained, “the goblin couldn’t come. Or Senor Cardgage. Or Mr.Bland. Or the robot. Or Gavin…”
“Why were you so late?” interrupted Strong Bad.
“Oh, I forgot my witch’s brew and had to go back,” Homestar said.
“Several times,” added Marzipan, slightly annoyed.
Then Pom-Pom, the Pom of the Hour, came up to greet Homestar. They gave each other high-fives, despite the obvious physical difficulties. Pom-Pom then turned to the rest.
Time to board, Pom-Pom announced, in his Pom language.
The Pom language is almost impossible for outsiders to speak, but is easy to learn. On the other hand, Poms find it very hard to speak any outside language. So Pom-Pom speaks his own language all the time, and his friends have learned it.
His friends gathered up their luggage and went to board. The Brothers Strong threw all their luggage to the hapless Strong Sad.
“Move it, stevedork!” ordered Strong Bad.
Strong Sad slowly got up, and lifted the luggage on his back.
“I’m so glad I decided to come on this trip,” he mumbled as he walked up the gangplank, “instead of spending a quiet, brother-less week at home. Smart move, Strong Sad.”
When everyone had boarded and found their rooms, they explored the ship. Homestar found a badminton court to play cricket in. Marzipan watched the fishes in the onboard aquarium. Bubs and Coach Z found a karaoke bar, whilst everyone else found the exit. The King of Town found the buffet, and had to be dragged out a few minutes later. The Poopsmith just hung around the ship, enjoying his new-found leisure time. Strong Sad found his room, and decided to stay there for the rest of the trip. His brother wasn’t so lucky.
All Strong Bad found was seasickness. He spent his time puking over the side of the ship. Strong Mad and The Cheat were by his side, though not too close due to his vomiting.
“Oh crap,” Strong Bad moaned, “I’m running on empty now. I’m gonna die.”
“STRONG BAD!” cried his older brother.
“This is it, guys. I’m leaving you all of Strong Sad’s stuff. All my stuff is going to be buried with me.”
“Meh meh!” squeaked The Cheat.
“Okay, you can have my 8-track collection, but the rest goes with me to that lot-behind-the-dumpster in the sky.”
Strong Bad then fell into another fit of vomiting. His henchmen stepped back as the Poopsmith-like stench wafted off him.
“Thanks, guys,” said Strong Bad, “for sticking with me, even though this boat has way awesome stuff, like an arcade and a movie theater and a pet salon…”
The Cheat and Strong Mad looked at each other with a guilty idea. In the blink of an eye they ran off, far from the ailing Strong Bad.
“And laser tag and…hey!” yelled Strong Bad, “Come back or I’ll…er, I don’t feel so good.”
Pom-Pom didn’t have any problems with seasickness. He was an islander and so was in his element. He bounced around the ship, meeting up with everyone in his party, in a very manic matter. He said it was just the sea making him hyper, but there was a look of sadness in his eyes. Marzipan noticed this, and mentioned it to Homestar as they walked on the deck after dinner.
“Maybe it’s some sort of witch’s brew,” Homestar suggested.
“He does seem bewitched,” replied Marzipan, “Does he mention home ever?”
“He talks about my home whenever it gets late.”
“I’m talking about the Isle of Pom.”
“Oh, that home! No, he’s pretty quiet.”
“Why did he leave the Isle of Pom?” she whispered to herself.
She then asked, “Where did Pom-Pom get all this money for the trip? Paying for eleven people on a nice cruise like this must cost a fortune.”
“He must get the bling-bling from his shorties.”
“You’ve been hanging around Coach Z too much, Homestar,” Marzipan sighed.
Down in the Strongs’ Suite, Strong Sad was having questions of his own. A giant wooden barrel had been delivered to their room, and now sat in the den of their suite.
“Who ordered the,” he read the tag, “Pickled Marmalade?”
The barrel started to rumble. Strange noises came from within it. With a loud pop, the barrel burst open, revealing the head of the unstoppable Homsar.
“Here I come to save the day!” he shrieked.
“Shh!!!” whispered a nervous Strong Sad.
A voice came from Strong Bad’s room.
“What the crap is going on out there?”
“Um, Tourette’s!” answered Strong Sad as he towed the stowaway into his room.
“Aw crap, don’t they spray for that?” complained Strong Bad, before falling back to sleep.
Strong Sad gave a relieved sigh as he hide Homsar away in his room. Strong Bad would throw Homsar off the ship if he found out. Actually, Strong Sad was tempted to do the same. He figured though that with as few friends as he had, he shouldn’t be tossing them out to sea, no matter how cockroach-like they were.
“Homsar,” Strong Sad explained, “You’ve got to stay quiet or they’ll throw you off.”
Homsar looked at him blankly. Strong Sad sighed and took a different approach.
“Haddi-man, red zone is for bananas only.”
Homsar seemed to understand this. He gave a wink, and set up shop in the closet. He took out a piece of toast and a rotary phone and made a bed out of it. He soon fell asleep.
“Well, good night,” said Strong Sad.
He decided to go to sleep himself. He turned off the lights and went to bed. Eventually, everyone else went to bed. Even Coach Z and Bubs, who promised to party all night, passed out around twelve. Only Pom-Pom remained. He bounced around the ship, too filled with thoughts to sleep. He had so much to tell everyone, especially Homestar, but he just couldn’t. He knew they would find out eventually, but he had kept it a secret so long it seemed locked from him as well. So he wandered around aimlessly. When everything on the ship had closed, he went to his room for a sleepless night.
Strong Bad was the first one up the next morning. This was unusual for him, but when he found out he wasn’t sick anymore, he couldn’t stay asleep. He woke up Strong Mad and The Cheat and dragged them around the ship, trying to make up for lost time.
“Okay, we’ve done the laser tag, the bungee jump, and the miniature golf,” he said maniacally, “Now time for the beauty salon!”
“Meh!” complained The Cheat.
“REST!” cried Strong Mad.
“Shut up, guys,” snapped Strong Bad, “I know how you all abandoned me in my dying hours!”
“Meh meh!”
“Yeah, but I could have died. Then who would protect you from the bear holding a shark?”
“Meh…”
The Ferry Queen spotted land around midmorning. It was only a dot on the horizon, but Pom-Pom knew that it was his homeland. He would soon have to face the music.
By eleven, everyone was up. They packed and got ready to disembark. Strong Sad ran into some problems doing that. When he looked in the closet, he found that Homsar wasn’t there. Where could that little weirdo be? He looked in Strong Bad’s room. All he found was a horrible smell. Strong Bad had been very sick last night. He went into The Cheat and Strong Mads’ room and immediately knew that Pom-Pom would not get his damage deposit back. He wanted to search further, but then a voice called out.
“Hey, lardbutt!’ cried Strong Bad from the hallway, “This luggage won’t carry itself!”
Strong Sad gave up the search and grabbed his duffel bag. He went to the hallway, where his brothers stood next to a pile of luggage. He picked up the luggage and followed them to the top deck.
“Oof,” he said, “Wouldn’t it make more sense to take it to Deck 3, where we disembark.
“CARRY IT,” Strong Mad yelled.
“Good point,” sighed Strong Sad.
The sight on the top deck was worth a few broken backs. Everyone had come up to see it. The Isle of Pom was breath-taking. The tropical island glittered in the sun. The port was in Pomopolis, the beautiful if badly named capital city of Pom. The houses in Pom were painted in lovely pastels, and were decorated with garlands of native flowers. The people who had gathered in the harbor were colorful as well. The males looked like Pom-Pom, with the same face but different colored bodies. The females had the same face as Pom-Pom, but their bodies were far more shapelier. In fact, they were quite sexy. They wore skimpy yet colorful clothes. They were all gathered at the harbor.
Why were they gathered at the harbor? Was there a festival? Was there someone important on the ship?
“Wow, there’s a party going on!” said Bubs.
“Pom-Pom, what are they celebrating?” Homestar asked.
Pom-Pom was struck dumb. Strong Bad picked up the question.
“Obviously they’re celebrating my awesomeness!”
“Oh. They misspelled your name on that banner, though.”
Indeed, they had misspelled Strong Bad’s name on that banner. The banner read:
Welcome Home
Prince Pom-Pom!
Um, said Pom-Pom, I’ve got something to tell you guys.
Next Chapter: Coming to Free County