The Prom was everything I thought it would be. Yes, we were late, and yes Jac tore strips off Brian when we got there, but the actual night was a fairy tale for me. I floated in Brian's arms all night, and it felt Heaven to be in his arms again and the entire centre of his world. He bestowed love and attention on me and it felt like old times. I was able to forget the two months that had passed between us.
"Sue, you wanna get out of here and spend some time together? Just the two of us? We haven't had dinner yet."
I smiled lovingly at him and nodded. I didn't care where I was, only that I was with him. I didn't want to think about tomorrow. Right now was what mattered to me. He led me out of the hall and to the waiting limousine.
Once we were in the limousine he pulled me into his arms as if it was a necessity. It was what I longed for, what I needed to keep me going. He kissed me deeply, holding me tight and I didn't move away. I had craved this.
We pulled up in a dark spot of the city. I looked around wondering where we were, then I smiled. At the park, one of our favourites. I looked up at Brian. "A picnic in the park. Remind you of anything?" he asked me.
"Yes. The place we always wanted to come to get away from everything. But what will we eat here?
"Ahhhh, I have that all under control. Come take a look."
He led me to a perfectly laid picnic blanket, full of food and a bottle of something I didn't think we should be drinking. I looked questioningly at him. "Just for this special occasion sweetheart."
I continued to smile, thinking for once it would be alright. Who was going to find out. "Where did all this come from?"
"I had it all organised. Once I knew I would be late I rang around. Sue," he took both hands in his and kissed my fingers. "I wanted this to be your special night. I'm sorry I was late, and I was sorry about the past 2 months. I have been an ass, and I don't deserve your love."
I wiggled my fingers free and covered his lips. "Brian, whether you deserve it or not. You will always have it. I promise you, I will always love you and nothing will change it."
He lowered his lips to mine for a quick kiss. "Come on, lets eat, you must be hungry."
We sat on the blanket as close as we could. I didn't care about the food, I just wanted to savour the fact that he was there. My eyes never left his as we ate the luxurious food Brian had organised.
"Brian, Do you still love me?"
"Oh Sue, do you need to ask?"
I shrugged. "Yeah, I do actually. Sorry, but after all that time I had to wonder."
"Sue, yes, I still love you."
"Like a friend?"
"More than a friend."
I thought for a while. "Brian. Am I still your girlfriend?"
His breath caught I was sure of it, but not sure what it meant. "Yes Sue. You are still my girlfriend, and my best friend."
"What about your buddy Nick?"
"He's not my girlfriend," he said laughing and I had to laugh with him.
"No, I mean, is he your best friend?"
"No Sue, you are."
"Honest?"
"Honest. Remember this?" he said showing me his wrist where the small scar was from the day we sealed our friendship with the joining of our blood.
"I remember." I smiled.
"Come here." He said pulling me into his arms. His lips found mine in an instant, his tongue pushing it's way in to meet mine. He kissed me hungrily, with a passion, and I returned the passion. I clutched at him again, needing to take all of himself that he was giving me, storing it all away for when he was gone.
His hands began to roam, over my back at first, and I joined in, doing the same to him. When they brushed the sides of my breast, I was in a frenzy of needing Brian and I leaned into him. His hand covered my breast then and a fluid heat pooled in my belly. Oh it felt so good. I knew I was letting Brian go further than ever before, and my mind warred with the fact I should take all I could get. It felt so good to have him touching me and kissing me, missing him as much as I had almost made it feel excusable. His other hand moved softly down my belly making me shiver.
When his hand slipped between my legs and he whispered, "I want you Sue," I snapped out of my sensual fog.
"No Brian. I can't. We can't."
"Yes we can. I have to leave in the morning, early. I want you so bad Sue, I ache for you."
I groaned hearing him say those words. "But Brian, it's because you are leaving again that I can't do anything. I want to. Believe me I do. But the uncertainty that surrounds us doesn't allow me to." I took a steadying breath and continued. "I won't give myself to you Brian only to have you leave me in the morning and wonder when I will see you again. I can't do it. It's going to hurt enough to see you go, if I have given myself to you, it will hurt even more."
He sat up and thought about what I said. "So how long do I have to wait Sue. I want you, you mean so much to me."
"Prove it to me. That's all I ask."
"I shouldn't need to. Don't you trust me?" he asked in a frustrated tone.
"What have you done in the last 2 months to make that happen Brian?"
"What about the 17 years prior to that?" he asked and I flinched. He just didn't get what I meant.
"We were kids then, we were friends first. Now we are more mature. Lovers have to earn their trust. Brian, I love you. I do. You are all I ever think of, but I somehow doubt that is reciprocated."
"So you don't trust me? You don't believe me when I say I love you?"
"I do believe you, but you have to stop thinking with your hormones and think with your heart."
He sat back. I had made him mad now. But I owed it to myself not to give myself to him just because I thought he was the center of my world. I needed assurance that he would always wait for me, no matter what his hectic life would bring him. The life of a busy pop star was totally different to the life of a Kentucky high school student.
Brian looked at his watch. I had no curfew tonight, but I could tell he wanted to get home. He was angry and it hurt to think he was. But I wasn't changing my mind.
"Lets go Brian. I need to get home."
"We don't have to yet."
"Yes we do. Before we say something we will both regret."
"Has it come to this Sue? Just because I went away to follow a dream?"
"I hope not Brian, because I will always love you. No matter what, I love you with all my heart."
"I believe you Sue. Jac told me how sad you have been. Please don't be like this. We both have to move on."
"So what are you saying?"
"Just." He stopped. "Just ... Lets give ourselves time. See what happens. We need time to adjust away from all these intense feelings."
My heart plummeted. He was breaking up with me without actually saying it. "Fine Brian, lets go." I said jumping up and running to the car. He called after me but I didn't stop. I opened the door and climbed in. Brian was not far behind me, giving the driver some instructions before he did. He got out and walked to where he had been collecting all the picnic things.
Brian went to speak and I held my hand up. "Don't Brian. You know how I feel. Talking about it anymore is not going to help. You've changed. Just do one thing for me will you?"
"What?" he asked.
"When you get back to where you now call home," I said and saw his eyes sadden, "Take a look at the photo I gave you. Take a REAL good look. I wrote something to you in it."
I sat in the corner of the limo, as far from Brian as I could. I willed the tears not to come and I was succeeding so far. The trip home did not take long. I was hoping to get inside without the need for Brian to follow. But the gentleman that he is, he followed me.
"Sue." I looked at him to plead with him not to say anything. "No Sue. I have to say this." He thought about his words. "I do love you. More than you care to believe right now. You have been in my life since the beginning. I imagined our lives together forever. I still do see us growing old together. How I don't know yet." He paused. "But now I have a new life ahead of me, and I want you to take yours with both hands too. I want to stay in contact with you as much as possible. I need to stay in contact. You are my soul mate too you know. My best friend."
"But not girlfriend by the sound of it."
"I want you to be. But we are so far apart."
"So what? You'll just get one closer?"
"That's NOT what I am saying. I still want you Sue. More than anything I want you with me, but it can't happen now." He looked sad and I wanted to hold him close. I never wanted him to let go. But I realised I had to. Someone else wanted him now. That someone, or something, was his future. "I love you Sue, but I also love my new life. If I could have both, I would. Maybe one day I will."
"You only have to ask Brian." I knew I sounded like I was begging him, but I didn't care. It was tearing me up to know I was going to have a future without him.
"I can't now Sue. You have a future here right now. Your degree, your career. I barely have enough to feed myself, but one day, I promise you, I will come and get you."
"I hope so."
He leaned down to kiss me briefly before he left, but despair took over. I wanted him to kiss me, and kiss me long and hard. I didn't want to let him go. As I kissed him I cried, my tears mingling with the kiss.
"Please don't cry Sue, You are making this harder for me."
"Good." I wanted him to feel bad.
He speared his fingers through his hair in frustration. "I have to go Sue. I'll see you. Okay."
The tears were falling and I couldn't speak. I simply nodded and watched him walk away. "Not see ya, Brian, I think goodbye." I said to myself and turned to run into the house. It was definitely a memorable Prom night for me. I couldn't help but wonder what would have happened if I had said yes to Brian. Would it have made a difference, would he have been different when he left. One minute he was telling me how much I meant to him, I was still his girlfriend, the next I wasn't. By not giving him myself, I was sure I had ended it for us. But I was not going to compromise my beliefs, even for him.