Chapter 15
Brian phoned me again in the morning, ringing just as I woke up. I agreed to go out with him again, as if I wouldn't. Kerry and Jac both assured me they would be right, and I was glad they had both come along to keep each other company. I certainly was none for them. I had heard them talking about sight seeing, but I was in a daze with anything that didn't include Brian right now.
Brian picked me up and took me out on a lake not far from his place. It was a perfect winters day, the sun was shining and the breeze was at a minimum, keeping the weather pleasant. I enjoyed the Orlando scenery immensely loving the tropical air of the place. We had a great day together, spending it talking over a picnic lunch, a lot of laughing, and generally getting to know each other again. Brian had done so much since he left Lexington, and when I thought about it, I had just as much to tell him, even if it wasn't as exciting. I felt myself blossoming as I talked with him, as if slowly, but warily, I was evolving like a butterfly emerging from it's cocoon. Brian was the perfect gentleman, treating me like his princess in everything he did.
We relaxed by the waters edge, still talking hours later. I couldn't believe we talked for so long. It was already beginning to get dark before Brian asked me if I wanted to come back to his place, for a little dinner. He also told me he had something to give me. A surprise. He knew I hated waiting for surprises, so he knew I would say yes. We packed all our things up and walked together, hand in hand, to Brian's car.
Brian called in at a Chinese restaurant on the way back, picking up some food for us to eat. It smelled good when he got it into the car, making me feel hungry. We walked into the house, with him leaving the Chinese containers at the door and he walked over to his video cabinet. I wondered why he dumped the food till he beckoned for me to come over. "This is for you," he said handing me a video size box, wrapped in pink patterned paper, finished off with a blue decorated bow.
I took it and looked at him. "What is it Brian?" I was feeling vulnerable. I couldn't think what would be inside it.
He reached out and brushed his fingers down my cheek gently, making my head turn instinctively into his hand. I sighed to myself, feeling a stirring within me. "Open it and find out." He urged.
I started to undo the tape holding the paper in place and noticed my fingers were shaking. I turned my fingers away, not letting Brian see my nerves, and continued to unwrap, taking my time with the procedure. I pulled the bow off first and slowly slid the paper off. I could tell Brian was eager for me to see inside.
It was a brand new copy of the movie, 'The Bodyguard' I looked up at Brian, emotion filling me. Tears welled up in my eyes and one slipped out, spilling down my cheek, leaving a trail. Brian lifted his hand and wiped the tear away with his finger, the gentlest expression on his face.
"I have a copy too Sue. Now we can watch it together, even when we are apart" he told me, his voice low.
I sniffed. "Can… Can we watch it now?" I asked him.
"Sure we can, anything you want."
I walked over to the lounge and sat down while Brian put the video in the player. He grabbed the remote and fast forwarded it to the spot the movie began. He sat down next to me and I looked up and smiled at him. He laced his fingers through mine and pressed play. I snuggled in close to him. No matter what my head was saying now, my heart was ruling this time.
We watched the movie together, chuckling at the many comparisons it had to his life, and the many that for this movie were exaggerated. We ate the chinese food through the movie, playing around as we did feeding each other pieces of the food now and then. At some time in the movie Brian's arm had gone around my shoulder and I cuddled in to him, laying my head on his chest, hearing his heart beat, feeling his chest rise and fall as he breathed. It felt like the right place to be, the place I belonged. I squeezed his hand and he hugged me tighter.
As the movie was ending, at the point when Frank and Rachael kissed one last time, I looked up at Brian. I prayed my eyes told him it would be okay, and I subconsciously licked my lips. Slowly, as if testing the waters, Brian's head came down to mine. He kissed me softly, once, then again, before I moaned and pulled him close with my free arm. I was letting him know it was what I wanted too.
Still tentatively Brian let his lips slide over mine. We stayed locked like that until he trailed his tongue over my bottom lip. I moaned and instantly opened my lips and he plunged his tongue in. The moment it touched mine I was lost. I returned his kisses with a built up passion and desire. They had built up for over 4 years and now we were both letting it all out, our tongues tasting and wanting more, not getting enough.
"Oh God I love you Sue," Brian said before plunging his lips down to mine again. My heart was definitely ruling now. If Brian had pushed I might have easily fallen in to bed with him. But he didn't. He was content to explore our relationship through kissing and holding me tight, and for that I was thankful.
"We're going to make it, aren't we Sue?" Brian asked me, his eyes full of emotion as he spoke.
"I hope so Brian. I have given you my heart again, it won't stand breaking again. I didn't mean to give it to you so fast this time, but I guess you had it all along. But 3 days doesn't dissolve all that happened."
"I know that. But I promise you I won't break your heart again."
"Brian, you have made promises before."
He sighed. "Yeah, I know. But I was young then, I didn't know any better."
I didn't want to keep rehashing it all again. I had said it all to him already. "Just so long as you know it will still take time."
He nodded, "I know." He said, lowering his lips for another kiss. It was good to be back in his arms like this, and step by step I was beginning to allow the trust back into my heart.
"I guess I should take you back hey?" he asked slowly. I didn't know if it was a question for me to stay here. But I wasn't ready for that. Not for a long time.
"Yeah, that might be a good idea," I said
He put his fingers under my chin and made me look up. "I love you Sue."
"I love you too Brian." I told him and kissed him softly again.
"Come on, lets go." He said, jumping up quickly, before he said or did something he didn't want to.
The next few days I spent solely with Brian. I didn't see much of Jac and Kerry, but they assured me that it was okay. I had to admit I didn't even know what they were up to, I was so totally absorbed in my new relationship with Brian. When they asked us to join them, Kevin and AJ at Disney World, nearing the end of our second week there, I realised they were having fun of their own. I had no idea the 4 of them, or should I say two couples, were getting on so well.
It was also getting closer to the time I would have to say something to Brian about his surgery. I wanted to say it a number of times, but kept on bailing out, not wanting to spoil what we had built. All the guys said they could see the difference in Brian, and Jac and Kerry could see the difference in me. We were good for each other.
The day we were leaving, Brian picked me up to take me on another picnic at the same lake as before. We weren't leaving till late, so we had time to spend one last day together. It was a little cooler this time and I was suitably dressed. My Kentucky sweatshirt was one of the items I wore. He had commented on it when he picked me up and I told him it was my favourite item of clothing. I think he knew why.
I knew I had to say something about the surgery and time was running fast out. I still couldn't find the words I wanted to use, but I was forced to say something when the time got close to leaving.
"Brian." I said, absently rubbing my thumb over the back of his hand, fingers entwined with mine. We were laying on a blanket by the water, both looking up at the sky.
"Yes Baby?" He rolled over onto his side to look at me. When he looked at me like that I just wanted to melt.
"Your mom was telling me about your heart and how you need to have surgery." I felt him tense and feared the worst. I stole a peek at him and he seemed to be weighing up what to say.
He didn't say anything for a while, rolling back onto his back. "Yeah, I have to have surgery on my heart again,' he told me looking at the sky again.
"So," I said, "Why aren't you having it?" Now I rolled on to my side to look at him.
"Did mom ask you to come here to Orlando and ask me that?"
"No she did not Brian. She told me about it, but she never asked me to mention it to you," I fibbed crossing my fingers on my other hand. "I came here to see you."
"Did you? Really? I was wondering why all of a sudden you arrived here." I could hear the reservation in his voice.
"Nothing sinister Brian. We all wanted a vacation. I can't even remember who's idea it was to come to Orlando. Probably Jac's because she wanted to see us together again," I said making a mental note to remind Jac, Kerry and Jackie to back me up. "She's a bit of a matchmaker. She tried to match me up with nearly everyone back home" I continued, noticing the look of annoyance cross his face. "It never worked before though," I reassured him. "But that isn't what I asked you Brian. Why aren't you having your surgery? I know your mom and dad are worried about you."
"I don't have time Sue." He said simply.
"Time? Brian, can't you make time? This is your life we are talking about. You have to make time." I stole another peek.. "Are you scared Brian?"
That threw him, I think he was expecting me to keep arguing with him. "Yeah, I am kind of," he admitted, and my heart went out to him.
I half sat up and leaned closer to him. "Brian, I'll be there for you. No matter when you have it, I'll be there."
"Thanks Sue, that means a lot to me," he said squeezing my hand. "But I can't. Not yet."
"You can and you know it," I said taking my hand away from his. I went from concern to anger in one second. It frustrated me. He frustrated me.
"I have commitments Sue." He said, getting agitated. He sat up now, holding his knees in his arms.
"Bull. Brian, any commitment is not worth your life. I have just found you again Brian. I don't want to lose you again." I took a breath, I was scared for him, but angry too, but I didn't believe I uttered the next few words. "Brian Littrell, if I EVER meant anything to you, you will have your surgery."
"You always meant something to me" he said quietly rocking back and forth.
"You had a really funny way of showing it then didn't you."
"Ouch!" he said holding his hand over his heart trying to lighten the mood.
It didn't work with me. "Brian, I think you better take me back, I need to pack."
"You're all packed and you know it." He accused looking sideways at me.
"Yes, I am, but I can't sit here and pretend everything is alright either. I can't go through the horror of totally losing you. What I have been through already is enough."
"You can't come waltzing in here telling me what to do when you have no idea what the situation in my life is right now. I have spoken with the doctors, they say I can wait. Don't do this to us Sue. I can't lose you again either."
My anger subsided at his tone. I had gone too far, mostly out of fear. "Brian, you never lost me in the first place. I've said all along I will always be yours, no matter what happens. Just please, consider the surgery. Please. I'll be there through the whole thing for you. Just do it."
"We have a 60 date tour coming up. After that, about August, I will be free."
"August? Are you sure the doctors okayed that?"
He shrugged. "They just said I could postpone it. Sue, you don't understand, management…."
"Brian, do management know how important this is? This is your life we are talking about."
His face was sad. "You know I don't think they do, but I can't get out of this."
"Surely the doctors can speak up for you."
"They won't listen," he said, and I felt defeated. He had to get this done. I would make it my mission to make sure he had it done and before it was too late. I felt torn between wanting to comfort him and argue with him.
"Come on, lets go back." I said standing up.
"Come here first." He got up and pulled me into his arms. "Sue, please don't let this come between us. I know what I am doing."
I took a long shuddering breath. "I'm scared Brian, I don't want to lose you."
"You won't lose me. I Promise you." There were those words again. I sure hoped he was learning what they actually meant.
Chapter 16
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