| The only one who slept that night was Colby. Catherine went home and found William and Garrett asleep in the study. The decanter of bourbon was empty. That was how they always settled or escaped everything. Well she had made her decision shaking her head as their snores echoed in the quiet house. She took her tea and biscuits to her room. After changing she sat and thought back to the last few days. Colby's world had crumbled around her and they were all to blame. How she would take Catherine's news and her apology she didn't know. If they lost her now it was their own fault. Catherine felt she had played as big a part as William and his scheming. She would tell Colby everything as soon as she felt the young woman was ready to hear the news. As Catherine prepared for bed her thoughts drifted to Brian. It was so obvious that he was in love with Colby and yet Catherine felt a pulling back from him tonight. She wondered why. She hoped that whatever they had shared prior to the accident would not be thrown aside with this set back. Colby needed him whether she realized it or not. And now more than ever. Brian would have to be patient and give her time to deal with yet another travail in her young life. Catherine pulled the sheet around her as she slid in the bed. The child was too young to have suffered so and all in such a short period of time. As he eyes grew heavy she knew the next few weeks would take their toll on all of them to varying degrees. It will all work out, she thought, in due course. God willing. ~*~*~*~*~*~*~ Brian's emotions ran hot and cold. When he thought of William and Garrett his blood would race through his veins as his anger raged at how their manipulations had caused Colby to lie in that hospital, her body battered and bruised and her arms void of the child she should be nursing. And then he would feel a chill come over him as he felt lost and alone. Strung out. He felt like he was sitting on the sidelines as family and close friends talked about tending to Colby's needs. Where did he fit in all this? Where was his place? He knew what he wanted. He wanted her with him, by his side. He wanted to share his dreams with her. He wanted to love her, make love to her. He wanted to hold her in his arms at night and wake with her there in the morning. That had been his desire for a while now but he had held back knowing she wasn't ready to hear it. Brian had hoped that after the birth of the baby he could freely express to her his deep feelings. But now he wasn't sure. He stared at the ceiling in his old room. His thoughts all jumbled together. He was not about to give up though. She meant everything to him and he would wait how ever long it took. He just prayed that he would have the right words to comfort her during the weeks ahead. He closed his eyes asking for divine inspiration. He couldn't do this alone and his prayer continued until a restless sleep overtook him. ~*~*~*~*~*~*~ The following morning Catherine and Barbara arrived at Colby's private room on the fifth floor only to find it empty. Both women rushed to the nurses station frantic with worry. They were informed Colby was in the nursery on the maternity floor. The head nurse said she had demanded to see her son and special arrangements were made for her. They both knew she would want to see him, especially after Rob. The fact that they wouldn't let her go to the hospital the night of the accident still preyed on Colby's mind. She needed this, as hard as it would be for her, she needed to see her son. So they waited while Colby said goodbye to her child. They were talking quietly when an orderly wheeled Colby into her room. With the assistance of a nurse she got into bed. Her eyes were bloodshot and soft sobs racked her body. "He was so small," she told them as she wiped her eyes. "He was perfect, Catherine. He looked just like his daddy. And there was the sweetest expression was on his face, like he had seen angels. Their together now, my two men. Rob will take care of him and…" She couldn't finish as she turned her head and cried into the pillow. Catherine held her hand as she wept quietly. ~*~*~*~*~*~*~ Barbara was at the nurses station when Brian got off the elevator. She spoke to the attendant and then went back own the hall and disappeared into the room at the end. Brian slowly made his way and when he reached the door he stopped. He took a deep breath and opened it slowly. Three pairs of red-rimmed eyes looked up at him as he stood in the doorway. "Good morning," Barbara said as she wiped her eyes. A small smile spread across her face as she noticed the brightly colored bouquet of summer flowers in his hand. "Hello Barbara, Catherine." The older woman got up and came towards him. Her expression softening also at the sight of him. She took his hand in hers. "Colby," his eyes lingered on her as she lowered her head. "Well, Barbara, let's leave them alone for a bit." Catherine urged. Barbara nodded her head and got up from the chair. "No!" Colby's voice pierced the room. "I'm sorry, but Brian, please leave." He had a gut feeling this would happen. "Colby," Barbara chided her. "What are you doing?" Colby refused to look at any of them and turned her head toward the window. Brian went outside and Barbara followed him. "Don't go anywhere. I'll be back." He nodded as she went back in the room. Brian counted the tiles on the floor numerous times as he paced the corridor outside Colby's room. He had all but given up when he heard the door open and Barbara emerged. "She won't see you, Brian." She saw his face darken as the light left his eyes at her words. He nodded his head in understanding. It was going to be an uphill battle. "She needs time. She's grieving right now and battling those demons in her head." "Demons?" Brian questioned. "Colby thinks this is all a result of her seeing you. She thinks she's being punished. So if she denies herself, she can make amends. I tried to make her see what happened has nothing to do with her feelings for you. But right now it's impossible to get through to her." Barbara felt frustration at Colby's stubbornness. "Give her some time Brian. She's lost her husband and child in six months. Her world has been shaken to its core. But I know she loves you." A spark of hope shone in his eyes. "No she hasn't said it in so many words, but I know she does because if she didn't she wouldn't be pushing you away. Be patient. Let her deal with this loss. It may take a while, but she will eventually realize you are important to her and her future." "I could help her." Brian entreated. "I know you could but it's too soon. Her mind is made up." Brian sighed running his hand through his hair. "All right. See she gets these." He handed Barbara the bouquet of flowers. "I will." Brian turned to leave but Barbara took his arm. "I'll keep working on her, but when Colby makes up her mind, it's hard to convince her otherwise." She gave him a smile. "Call me so I can let you know how she is." "Thanks Barbara. Colby's lucky to have you." Barbara shrugged. "Maybe. Colby however might not agree. But she's also lucky to have you. Hold on, because I know she wants this Brian. Her heart has been battered again and she needs to see for herself that she can't cut herself off. She has too much to give." She gave him a hug. "Thanks." He turned and walked towards the elevators his head lowered. Barbara pushed opened the door roughly. "Okay, Colby, what's going on?" She blasted at her. "Barbara please. Not now." "Yes, now, Colby. That man loves you and you've just crushed him. He was here all night with us. He road in the ambulance with you and called us to tell us what happened." She walked around the bed so she could look at Colby. Barbara knew she was being harsh especially in light of the events of the last 24 hours, but she needed to see that this was a big mistake. "Don't do this Colby. Don't shut him out. Your love for him did not cause you to lose the baby." "I don't love him!" Colby screamed at her, tears welling in her eyes. "Yes you do and you know it. I won't say anything else, but you just think about this. You've been given another chance at happiness. Take it. Right now you need to deal with your grief but then decide what you are going to do with the rest of your life." Catherine sat there aghast at Barbara's harsh words. "Barbara," she admonished the woman, "Colby's just suffered a harsh blow." "I'm sorry, Catherine. It's just that I don't want to see her throw this chance away." She looked down at Colby. "I'm sorry Colby for being so callous right now, but I love you like a sister and I want you to be happy. Just take some time to think about it. He may not wait forever you know." Silence fell over the room and not long after that Barbara and Catherine left. Colby lay staring out the window. It didn't matter what Barbara said, her mind was made up. This was how she had been rewarded for opening up her heart instead of honoring Rob's memory. She had let her emotions destroy his child. They didn't understand. How could they. She would make amends and devote her life to their memory. The painkiller started to take effect and Colby felt drowsy. She almost wished she could sleep forever. ~*~*~*~*~*~*~ The doctor kept Colby in the hospital for five days. He knew it was stretching it, but he felt under the circumstances it was necessary. That first afternoon they had her up and walking the hall. The pain from the incision was extreme and she bit her lip to keep from crying out as she tried to stand erect. And visitors were plentiful, all trying to take her mind off her loss. She put up a good front, but as soon as they left all the memories and visions returned and she would find herself crying again. Brian came to the hospital every day bringing something to cheer her. One day it was a book of poetry, another a bound collection of one of her favorite artists. And each one came with a single yellow rose and a note. He would ask as to see her, but the answer was always the same. No. Family and friends could see the disappointment on his face at her answer and tried to give him hope that maybe tomorrow would be different. They all tried reasoning with Colby but to no avail. She would shut down and turn her back on them and they would eventually leave her alone to wallow in her grief. And as promised Barbara talked with Brian daily. He craved any bit of information. The morning of her release he brought a single yellow rose with a simple note, 'always, Brian.' He left it with the nurse at the desk not venturing down to her room this time. He longed to see her but knew that she needed to process through all the pain before she could look at her future. He would wait. As with all his other 'gifts' she thanked the nurse and put it with the other unread books and notes on the bedside table. As the doctor went over some final instructions with Colby, Barbara helped the nurse load the cart with the flowers and gifts that had accumulated during Colby's stay. Catherine sat and listened along with Colby to the doctor. She had decided to stay with Colby for a few days to make sure she would be all right. Colby had argued against it saying that she could manage and that William would be upset. It was then that Catherine told her that she had had enough of William and his cold-hearted, domineering ways. She was going to move out of the house until he came to his senses. Colby was shocked by the news. But Catherine told her he had to decide what was more important. She still loved him and knew that somewhere deep inside was the man who had captivated her forty years ago but until he found him again he would have to live without her. She had leased a two-bedroom town home in the Estates and would move there once she knew that Colby was fine. The doctor gave Colby a prescription for pain medication if needed and one to help dry up her breast milk. He also told her that if there were any problems not to hesitate to call him. And so she left the hospital on a sunny August afternoon with empty arms. ~*~*~*~*~*~*~ Colby had made funeral plans for the day after her release from the hospital. Catherine did her best to convince her to wait a bit longer until she had her strength back, but Colby was adamant. She planned a funeral mass for eleven in the morning with the burial in the family plot with his father. The service was private attended by the Spencers and close friends. As the priest blessed the small white casket, Brian slipped in the back pew. Brian listened as the priest talked about the innocence of the child and that he had been welcomed into eternal glory with his heavenly father. He followed them to the cemetery and watched from a distance as Colby laid a single white rose on the casket. Her shoulders shook slightly as she said a final goodbye. As the family passed by on their way back to the car, Colby looked up and was startled to see him standing there. "Colby," her eyes lowered at the sound of her name on his lips, "I'm sorry," he continued. "If you need anything," she moved on, not acknowledging him, "call me." His words were faint as she disappeared in the limousine. "Brian," Barbara hugged him. "I know she appreciates you being here." "I hope so. I just wish I could do something. I feel powerless." He watched the long black car pull away from the curb. "Just continue like you've been doing. Call her, even if she hangs up on you. Send a note or a card. Let her know you care." He nodded. "I'm not saying she won't ignore it all, but she wants you Brian, I know she does. That's why it hurts so much. The grief is part of it, but she won't give in to her feelings either. So she'll try to throw herself into work or volunteer activities, but it will not fill the void left by your absence in her life." Barbara looked up to see Jim waiting for her. "You got under her skin, as the old song goes, she'll come around." Jim called to her. "I have to go. I'd ask you back to the house, but…" "No. It's okay. I understand. Thank you." Barbara hugged him again and joined Jim. Brian walked down to the graveside and laid the rose he brought on the casket with the others. "I love your mother, little one" he said as he ran his hand along the smooth wood. "And I'm worried about her. I had hoped we would be a family, but it wasn't meant to be." He raised his eyes towards the sky, "God help her to heal and show me how to help her." He lingered for a few minutes and then walked solemnly back to his car. ~*~*~*~*~*~*~ Colby settled in at the house with Catherine's help. And that first week she was grateful for her presence. For the most part Colby kept to herself and Catherine gave her space, but just knowing someone else was there was comforting for Colby. Somehow the days were easier. There was constant activity with people stopping by to offer condolences. Colby was stoic, never breaking down, doing her best to put up a good front. Catherine noted how she seemed so in control until one night she was coming out of the bathroom and found Colby in the nursery on the floor crying uncontrollably. Catherine tried to get her back to bed by Colby wouldn't budge. She eventually left her there wrapped in a quilt. The next morning neither one mentioned the incident but Catherine knew that if Colby didn't seek some counseling she would never get past the pain. A few nights later a similar thing happened. Catherine found her pulling all Rob's clothes from the closet and dresser. Catherine watched as Colby sat on the bed pulling all the garments around her and finally laying down and falling asleep. This couldn't go on. It was time to say something. She did at breakfast the next morning but Colby brushed her off. She didn't need to talk to anyone she was coping on her own. Catherine tried to reason with her, saying that the loss of Rob compounded by the baby had pushed her emotionally to the edge. She told Colby she had seen her the night before but Colby refused to listen and left the room. On two other occasions Catherine was awakened to sobs coming from Colby's room and both times she got as far as the door and then went back to her own room. But it was finding her once more in the nursery incoherent words streaming from her mouth as she sat in the rocking chair that pushed Catherine to make a phone call. |