| The summer culminated with the first anniversary of the baby’s death. This time though, Brian wouldn’t let Colby retreat to herself and mourn privately. They spent the time together. Even though the months had healed her, the ache was still there. She talked about how that was the one thing she regretted, not being able to have a child. The finality in her voice pained Brian. He so wanted a child with her, but she seemed so certain that her chance was gone with the death of Rob’s baby. He didn’t press the issue but comforted her and within a couple of days after the anniversary, the melancholy was gone and she began to show outward signs of having weathered yet another milestone. And then one day it was fall. After the heat and humidity of summer, the cooler days and brisk nights were a welcome relief. The foliage began to shed its brilliance all along the countryside with its bright colors and Colby didn’t have to go far to enjoy nature in all its splendor. They spent most of their time at Brian’s house now. All they had to do was walk out the kitchen door and be greeted with a panoramic view of God’s paintbrush. The outbuildings were taking shape with repairs and refurbishing and Brian had even mentioned about the possibility of acquiring a couple of horses next spring. They spent many hours walking the paddocks and just enjoying the quiet and solitude that the farm afforded them. They fell into a routine. Colby stayed at Brian’s most nights, save a couple. If she thought she was fooling anyone, she was mistaken. They were beyond the gossip now. Nearly everyone accepted them as a couple, even the highbrows. They kept a low profile; living like everyone else in the community so there was no need for anyone to question their being together. The only difference was they weren’t married. The topic hadn’t come up since the night of the dinner party at William and Catherine’s and Colby was thankful she didn’t have to put Brian off yet again. However one day late in October while having lunch with Catherine and Barbara, she wound up having to circumvent the issue again. With Jim’s promotion, Catherine invited Barbara to join her and Colby for lunch. It was Catherine’s way of welcoming her into the upper echelon of the company and would also allow Catherine an opportunity to get to know her a bit better. They were seated at Catherine’s usual table at the tearoom and conversation had covered an array of topics from the predicable company policies on the duties of upper management wives to some of the local gossip in town. Colby’s mind had drifted off and wasn’t paying much attention to the conversation. Brian was gone again on a short trip to New York and was due home later in the day. He had traveled quite a bit over the last couple of months and Colby missed him terribly while he was gone. The hours couldn’t move fast enough for her. “So what do you think Colby? Second weddings, big as the first or smaller and more intimate?” Colby just stared blankly ahead totally oblivious to Barbara’s question. “Colby?” Barbara waved her hand in front of her friend’s face. “Colby?” “Huh. I’m sorry. Did you say something?” Colby blinked and grinned. It still amazed her how Brian could totally capture her attention even when he wasn’t here. “We were talking about second weddings. What do you think, big or small?” Barbara put a forkful of salad in her mouth. “I don’t know. I guess it depends. Why the sudden interest in second weddings?” She didn’t like where this conversation was headed. “Well, Alicia Whitfield is getting married again and she is doing it all up. You know, white dress, big church ceremony, everything.” “She’s getting married again. But this isn’t her second, it’s her third.” Colby looked at Catherine who nodded her head yes. “She’s really going all out?” “Seems that way,” Barbara confirmed. “So what about you? When the time comes, big or small?" “Me? I’m not getting married.” Her stomach started to churn and she suddenly lost her appetite. Catherine could see that she was upset as Colby fidgeted with the utensils on her plate. “Come on, surely you and Brian have talked about it. I mean it seems obvious to me that he’s a forever kind of guy.” Barbara took no notice of her reluctance to respond. “I mean at the dinner party in August, he made some comment about…” “I don’t want to discuss it, Barbara.” Colby stated emphatically. Catherine could see the fear in her eyes. What was it that could cause her to tremble and shake and tip her anger so quickly? “Barbara, I think we should change the subject,” Catherine interjected. “Why don’t we go out to Longacre and sit for a spell. It’s not that cool and I wouldn’t mind taking a look at the horses.” “Thank you Catherine, but I really need to leave.” Colby stood up and kissed the older woman. “Barbara, I’m sorry, but I just,” she turned and walked out of the restaurant. Barbara sat there stunned at Colby’s sudden departure. Catherine, however, sipped her tea. She was not at all surprised by Colby’s behavior. Her daughter-in-law still had demons to slay. Catherine let the silence of Colby’s departure wash over Barbara. After a few minutes she finally spoke. “Barbara dear, I know you want Colby to be happy as much as I do, but I think all this talk about marriage is just, well it’s not the right time.” Barbara felt a scolding coming on and was ready to answer her, when Catherine continued. “I know you mean well, but Colby can’t be pushed. You should know that. She has to deal with everything in her own time.” Barbara nodded agreeing with her. Colby was stubborn and most times went against the current. “I have a feeling Brian has asked her but she has turned him down. Why, I can’t be sure. She loves him and he loves her. There is no doubt about that but there is something preventing her from accepting his proposal. Whatever it is, Colby has to work it out. We can’t force her, just because we think it would be right.” “I know. I don’t know what gets into me,” she shook her head realizing she had sent Colby away. “I just keep thinking he might not stay around forever waiting for her to make up her mind. I still haven’t learned to keep my nose out of other people’s business. But Colby’s like a sister to me, I just want her to be happy.” “We both do,” Catherine patted the younger woman’s hand, “and it’s only natural to want to help her along, but we are dealing with more here than just two people in love.” Catherine poured herself another cup of tea. “Colby has suffered two major shocks in her young life this year. Rob’s death and then the loss of his child rocked her emotionally that after the baby we almost lost her completely.” Barbara nodded remembering hearing how Catherine found Colby just rambling in the nursery. “And then my family and their scheming didn’t help matters either. It’s a wonder that she has done so well in dealing with it all.” Catherine stirred her tea and took a sip. “And in the midst of all this, a young man walks into her life. And through his faith, stubbornness and love for her, he wins her heart. And as much as she loves him, Colby is frightened. She has lost one love, can she take a chance again. I think we need to let them find their own way even though we want to encourage them along, we can’t make the decision for them. It’s their life.” Barbara nodded her head. Catherine was right. The choice was Colby’s. “The last time I did this, we didn’t speak for two weeks. Jim keeps telling me to stay out of it but I just don’t seem to learn.” “I wouldn’t worry about it. Colby knows you mean well. Give her a day or two and I am sure your friendship will still be intact.” Catherine called the waitress over and asked for the check. “I believe it’s time I went home. I enjoyed our time together and I hope we can do it again.” “I did too, even though I caused the abrupt departure of Colby. I’ll heed your advice and silently pray that she makes the right decision.” “For some reason I just know it will all work out. I have complete faith in Brian and his love for Colby will be the key to showing her that their future is together. ~*~*~*~*~*~*~ Three days later Colby was at Brian’s. Their reunion had been a passionate one. Sometimes Colby wondered how she could need him so much. The sex was good; no it was better than good, but it went deeper than that. It was how he held her, touched her, and kissed her and the words he said as they made love. It was reaching a climax together and feeling their souls joining together. It was something she had never experienced before. Colby stood at the stove, her body swaying to the music. He watched undetected as she checked the pots and the oven and her voice rose as she sang along with the song. Brian knew she would be embarrassed that he saw her, but he couldn’t help it. He loved watching her do even the simplest tasks because she got so caught up in the moment. He walked up behind her and slipped his arms around her waist. She jumped. “Brian,” she screamed, as he nuzzled her neck. “How long have you been watching me?” “Long enough and if you want I’ll make love to you like you want me to,” he crooned in her ear, sending a shiver down her spine. Colby leaned back against him letting his arms envelop her. “Sounds nice,” she whispered turning in his arms. He kissed her softly. “Smells good.” Brian sniffed and went to peek under the cover of the pot. “It’s not ready yet. Be patient.” She tapped his hand. “You know I like this coming home finding you here in the kitchen with great smells filling the air.” He pulled her close. “It could be like this all the time. Marry me, Colby and we won’t have to decide where to eat each night and then I wouldn’t have to beg you to stay because this would be your house too.” The smile left her face and she stepped out of his embrace. “We’ve been through this before Brian. I can’t marry you.” He knew that would be her answer but he had to ask, again. They had been through this many times before. The first time he even had a ring, but she refused. She loved him but marriage was out of the question. They kept going round and round but Colby would not change her mind. Brian told her the age difference should not be an issue. He loved her that was all that mattered, but she refused to listen. So here he was again getting turned down, but Brian could see she was fighting inwardly on this. “Colby, please,” he turned her face towards his. Tears welled in her eyes and she turned away as she felt them slip down her cheek. She shook her head. “Don’t beg, Brian. I couldn’t stand it if you begged because I might give in. Let’s drop it okay. I love you. I love what we have, let’s not spoil it.” She turned back to the counter, gripping the edge as the tears continued to fall. “I love what we have too. That is why I want to make it permanent. I want to truly build a life with you. Share everything, a family, our work, the happy and sad times.” She didn’t turn around. He didn’t get it. She wiped her eyes and looked at him. “I love you Brian. I never thought I could love this passionately again. But I do. Like I told you before, I’m honored that you want to marry me, but you need someone younger who can give you the life you want and desire. I’ve never presumed forever with you. I’ll step aside Brian when you find someone who you can spend the rest of your life with.” Colby lowered her head. “I don’t want anyone else,” he said as he grabbed her by the shoulders and looked directly into her eyes. He could see the resignation there. “I love you. You are my forever Colby. You!” She shook her head. “No Brian you don’t understand. I can’t give,” she stopped. The words strangled in her throat. She didn’t want to say it. She never thought it would get this far. She had hoped he would just give up and realize it was a no win situation. “Can’t give what? You give me so much. You fill my heart to bursting.” Colby saw the frustration on his face. It had come down to the final test. It was now or never. She summoned all the courage she could muster knowing this was the end. “Please, stop. I can’t. I can’t!” Tears flowed freely. “Children, Brian, children! In all the months we’ve been together we’ve never used protection. I’m not on the pill. You want a family and I can’t give you one.” Silence filled the room. Brian still held her and now her eyes held pain. He brushed the tears from her cheeks. “It doesn’t matter Colby.” “Yes it does. You want children and I can’t…” the words failed to come from her lips. She pulled away. “Enjoy your dinner, Brian. I have to go.” She grabbed her bag and started towards the door. He took her arm. “Colby don’t leave. Please. I’m sorry. I love you so much. Don’t do this.” Her head moved slowly. “I love you too, but I have to go.” She pulled away and opened the door and was gone. Brian stood in the kitchen the aroma of a meal that would never be eaten filling his nostrils. He turned off all the burners and oven and picked up his basketball and headed outside. |