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adventures of a teenage elf on crack
Here ya go, yet another AMAZING piece of brain droppings from the wild and elusive stevie-poo. Im not sure how long this took because I kept being distracted, so I probably blew the 45 minute limit, but oh well. ACK!!! Whatthehelliswrongwithme? I love the x-men..AND NOW IM WRITING (or trying to write) XMEN GAY PORN?!?!?! WTF?!?!?! Oh dear god please help me!!! (SPLORTCH!!!)
Editor’s note: ive adopted SPLORCTH as the sound my head makes when it explodes (SPLORTCH!!!)
DISCLAIMER: todd and kurt belong to marvel, and I am (unfortunately) not a member of aerosmith. I do believe that Geffen records owns all rights to aerosmith’s songs. What ever the case may be, they aint mine, don’t sue me. I am poor and I will have my army of evil attack midgets eat the left arms of any of your lawyers that you send my way. Thank you drive thru.
SUMMARY: kurt sees a rainbow and decides to follow it. This is the most fuckededed up rainbow ever.
WARNING: this story (if it can be called that) contains no actual sex. Deal with it. Once again, intended to be funny, not sexy. Its short and not so sweet.
Aerosmith: Outta Your Head from the Just Push Play album.
Your outta your head
Friday afternoon. Nothing to do except watch tv and forget that you actually went to school this morning. That was Kurt’s plan anyways. Coming home to noggin and Daria had become routine for the elf. He had been off in his own little world, daydreaming about life with Trent when the froot loops commercial came on. He had become quite accustomed to this whole “gay thing”. At first this just brought back memories of that time he and Todd pretended to be the rice krispy gnomes and, heh, you don’t want to know. Suffice it to say that those delightful little treats weren’t the only things covered in marshmallow cream that night. Er…I think [hope] it was marshmallow cream anyways.
Sigh….and then things just got weirder.
“I’ll just follow my nose to blah blah blah…” POOF! And then the rainbow jumped out of the tv! Kurt nearly fell out of bed. He couldn’t believe his eyes. This had to be the freakiest thing he had ever seen. And he has seen a lot. Like that one time when Todd decide to go as a dog for Halloween and actually began licking “himself” on some old lady’s doorstep. “He really gets into character “, Kurt thought to himself. It didn’t help matters when the old lady answered the door and Todd tried saying what Kurt could only assume was “trick or treat” with his mouth still full of, ummm…NOT candy.
Anyways, back to the story.
Kurt flew out of his room. The rainbow snaked its way all thru the mansion. Making its way thru the halls and out the front door. Its even passed the other students, but for whatever reason, they didn’t even notice it. Could this all just be in his head. Did all those noogies and blows to the head finally takes there toll? Kurt hated to think so. Not wanting to sound crazy, he asked the others if they had noticed anything “strange” about the day. Nothing so far they all said. Some of the students walked right thru the thing as they went to their own rooms. Weird.
Kurt persisted. He left the mansion. Following the thing on foot wherever it went. If he just knew where it ended at he could teleport there, but NOOOOOO this thing had to be difficult. Stubborn fucking rainbow. He started wondering what kind of fucked up pot of gold this thing held for him at the end…..and what if this was some kind of trap. He thought about going back and having his mind read by Jean or the Prof, but quickly changed his mind at the thought of having other memories come to their knowledge. No, he had to take care of this on his own. Possible outcome #1: this is a trap and he was about to have his ass kicked by the members of the brotherhood that he wasn’t banging. Possible outcome #2: he was now insane and this was all in his head, and maybe, just maybe, that evil flock of seagulls under his bead WAS just his imagination. Either way, the reason as to why he can no longer sit down without wincing will remain a mystery to the other x-men.
And then, attention turned back to possible outcome #1. The rainbow was coming from the brotherhood house. At this point he knew he should turn back but something wouldn’t let him. For whatever reason, he continued onward into the house. Stunned when quicksilver didn’t even notice him. Not only was the rainbow in his head but he was now invisible apparently. This day just kept getting weirder and weirder. Upstairs. The rainbow was coming from Todd’s room. WTF!?! He opened the door and saw the strangest (yet oddly erotic) thing ever. Todd, with his pants around his ankles and hands hung proudly on his hips. And the rainbow emanating from his crotch. Not exactly a pot of gold, but Kurt would take it.
Todd glances over at the 6 inch tall leprechaun with a strap-on on his head and says, ”holy shit, it really did work”.
“My work here is done”, said Queero, the erotic gay leprechaun. And then he farted a four-leaf clover and disappeared. That was the best Christmas EVAR!!!
---THE END---
so out of your head
stay out of your head.........
You better get with it cuz your so without it
No out of your head
so out of your head
stay out of your head
Somewhere, somewhere underneath the rainbow