Rules for
Christian Households (Colossians
There is a disturbing phenomenon within the body of
Christ, and that is one’s Christianity stopping at the doors of the
church. You know what I mean? People who not thirty minutes ago were
singing praises to God are yelling at their kids as they’re leaving the church
parking lot. Sunday morning piety turns
into Monday morning carnality and gets progressively worse throughout the week.
In the book of Colossians, Paul is proclaiming the
surpassing sufficiency of Jesus Christ in all areas of our life. In chapter three of Colossians, Paul begins
speaking about how the sufficiency of Christ applies to our lives. In vv. 1-4, we learned that the sufficiency
of Christ ought to change the way we think.
In vv. 5-17, we learned that the sufficiency of Christ ought to change
the way we behave. Finally, in vv.
1. Rules for Wives (v. 18).
Paul addresses wives first in this passage. The command to wives (and it is a “command,”
not a suggestion) is to submit to their husbands. I know in our enlightened, emancipated
culture the word “submit” carries negative connotations, but there’s more to
this word that the image of wives being “barefoot and pregnant.” The word in the Greek literally means to line
up under an authority figure. God is a
god of order, not chaos (cf. 1 Corinthians 14), and He has set up several
layers of authority in society. First is
God over everyone, then there is government over individual citizens, third are
parents over children, and finally there is the husband over the wife.
Notice three things about the command. First, wives are to submit. This is a command for wives to submit, not
for husbands to force submission.
Second, wives are to submit to their husbands. Contrary to some false teaching, all
women are not to submit to all men.
Wives are only to submit to their own husbands. Third, wives are to submit as is fitting to
the Lord. In other words, wives are to
submit not because their husbands are worthy of their submission, but because
the Lord commands it.
What does it mean for a wife to submit to her
husband? First, it means to support his
leadership in the home. Second, it means
to avoid undermining his authority.
Third, it means to respect him as a person. Here are some things that submission doesn’t
mean. It doesn’t mean blind obedience to
the husband. Contrary to the opinion of
some men, we don’t know everything. If
the husband makes a decision that is unwise, it is the wife’s duty to
approach her husband respectfully and in such a way that doesn’t undermine his
authority. Submission also doesn’t mean
that the wife must remain in an abusive situation (physical, emotional, or verbal). If the husband doesn’t fulfill his obligation
as leader, the wife is to appeal to the next level of authority—e.g., the
church elders or the police if the situation is physically abusive.
God has designed marriage to be the vehicle in
which men and women come together to be the people God designed them to
be. By following God’s design to respect
and support her husband, women can, with the Holy Spirit’s help, achieve all
they were meant to achieve.
2. Rules
for Husbands (v. 19).
Paul addresses husbands in v. 19. If wives are to submit, what are husbands to
do? Husbands are called to love their
wives. Now maybe this doesn’t sound too
difficult, but what kind of love does Paul have in mind? The word used here for love is that familiar
New Testament word, agape. Husbands are to love their wives self-sacrificially. Paul expands this thought more in Ephesians
5:25. Husbands are to love their wives
as Christ loved the church; and Christ loved the church by giving his life for
her. Husbands are to ensure their wives
purity, sanctification, and overall well-being.
Husbands are to make every effort to see their wives grow into the women
God intended them to be.
As you can see, far from being the authoritarian,
domineering ruler of the home, husbands are to lead through self-sacrificial
service—in other words; servant-leadership is the hallmark of a husband’s
leadership. Husbands are not to lead
with a “my-way-or-the-highway” approach, but with an eye toward the spiritual
growth of his wife and children. Notice how
Paul describes the manner of the husband’s leadership. Paul tells husbands “do not be harsh with”
their wives. A husband should never lose
his temper, nor make his wife afraid. A
husband’s strength should make a wife feel safe and secure. A wife should never doubt that her husband
has her best interests at heart.
Husbands need to stop complaining that their wives aren’t properly
submitting to their leadership. As Jesus
said, “remove the log from your own eye first.”
If men start becoming the husbands that God wants them to be, then women
would have fewer issues in submitting to them.
3. Rules
for Children (v. 20).
Having finished with spouses, Paul shifts his focus
to another relationship within the home:
the parent/child relationship.
The first directive is to the children.
Paul tells his readers that children are to obey their parents. “Obey” is a different Greek word than
“submit” used in v. 18. It’s not enough
for children to line up under their parent’s authority; they are to obey. That basically means children are to do what
their parents say without question. When
mom and dad say “jump,” children are to say “how high?” Let’s face it; children lack the maturity to
willingly follow their parent’s leadership.
They are told to obey because they often lack the capacity to discern
the full consequences of their actions.
What is the extent of the command to children? Paul says, “Children obey your parents in
everything.” There’s not a lot of wiggle
room in this command. There shouldn’t be
any problems exegeting the word “everything.”
Someone will undoubtedly say, “what if my parents tell me to do
something sinful?” As is the case with
all authority structures, any command from the one in authority that
contradicts God’s will is not to be obeyed.
If the parent’s leadership is questionable, then it needs to be brought
to the attention of the next level of authority—e.g., the church or the civil
government.
Why are children to obey their parents? Children are to obey their parents because
this “pleases the Lord.” God has
ordained that the family should be the basic building block in society. For society to function well, the family
needs to be healthy. Most world empires
or great world powers die from decay within long before they are conquered from
without. Paul points out in the
Ephesians parallel to this passage that the commandment to honor your mother
and father is the only one with a promise—“so that you will live long in the
land.” By the way, we never outgrow this
command. I know most of the people who
will read this are no longer under their parent’s roof. However, as any parent will attest, we never
stop being their children. While we may
no longer have to obey every word from their mouths, we still have an
obligation to honor and respect our parents.
4. Rules
for Parents (v. 21).
Next on Paul’s list of relationships are the
parents. Paul uses the word “fathers” in
v. 21, but most commentators believe the word can refer to both parents. I believe that while primary responsibility
for the family lies with the father, this command applies to both parents. The command Paul gives to parents is “do not
provoke your children.” The parallel
passage in Ephesians 6:4 says for parents “not to provoke your children to
anger.” What does it mean to
provoke? The word carries the idea of
“stirring up” or “irritating” something.
Remember the old saying, “stirring up a hornet’s nest?” That’s the idea here. Reading further in the Ephesians passage,
Paul says parents are to bring up their children in the “discipline and
instruction of the Lord.” When we fail
to do what God tells us to do, we’re provoking our children.
What are some specific examples of provoking our
children? Speaking from experience, one
way to provoke your children is to make a big deal about small things. Another way to provoke children is to focus
only on the negative and neglect the positive.
A third way would be to over-emphasize either the instruction part of
parenting or the discipline part of parenting at the expense of the other
(e.g., all instruction and no discipline, or all discipline and no
instruction). A fourth way to provoke
children is to indulge most or all of their desires—yes, spoiling children will
make them resentful of you. All of these
will provoke children to anger. The
remainder of v. 21 says that parents who make a habit of provoking their
children (intentional or unintentional) will discourage them. Children are a precious gift from God (cf.
Psalm 127:3). They are not ours to do
with as we please. So many parents live vicariously
through their children and wonder why their children despise them when they’re
older. Children are not to be used for
our pet social experiments (e.g., let’s see what happens when we raise our
daughter to act like a boy). We are
commanded to raise a godly seed through the proper use of instruction (positive
reinforcement) and discipline (negative reinforcement).
5. Rules
for Employees (vv. 22-25).
The final relational pair Paul deals with in this
passage is between employees and employers.
A couple of things need to be said at this point before we consider this
passage. First, you’ll notice the text
uses the words “slaves and masters” instead of “employees and employers.” Since slavery has been abolished throughout
the Western world, talking about slaves and masters doesn’t have much
application to our lives. However, we
can make application to us in the modern day workplace. This is not to say that the employee/employer
relationship is equivalent to the slave/master relationship; they are, however,
analogous.
Second, notice the Bible doesn’t come right out and
condemn slavery. The Bible neither
condones, nor condemns slavery. The
Bible does regulate slavery. Now this may be appalling to our modern
sensibilities, but one has to understand the economy of the ancient world. When a person incurred a large debt that
couldn’t easily be repaid, slavery was an option for the debtor to recoup his
losses. One can, however, derive an
ethic toward slavery based on Biblical principles. In fact, this is what led to the eventual
abolition of slavery in the
Finally, you may say, “I thought this passage was
dealing with Christian households? How
does this apply to the workforce?” In
New Testament times, the home was the primary center for activity. Slaves were often considered part of the
family in a manner of speaking. The
point being the principles described here can apply to the modern day work
place.
Now to the text, interestingly enough, the command
to slaves (employees) takes up the bulk of the overall passage. Take note firstly of the command: “Slaves, obey in everything those who are
your earthly masters.” This is similar
to the command for children. The same
word is used (“obey”) and the same extent is stated (“in everything’). How does this apply to us in the 21st
century? It means we are to obey our
employers, period. There is no room for
a Christian employee to be insubordinate.
The same caveat applies as to the situation when an employer asks an
employee to perform something that goes against the clear teaching of
Scripture.
Now look at the second half of v. 22: “Not by way of eye-service, as people
pleasers, but with sincerity of heart, fearing the Lord.” What does this mean? Simply put, it means don’t obey your boss
only when he’s looking, and don’t obey your boss in order to get noticed and
get ahead. Our motivation for obeying
our “earthly masters” is because it’s the right thing to do. Our obedience should be sincere and done out
of a proper fear of the Lord.
Finally, look at vv. 23-25. This is a classic passage! In reality, we don’t work for human
employers, we work for Jesus Christ; Jesus is our boss! It doesn’t matter how much or how little we
get from our earthly employers. The true
reward will come from Jesus Christ.
Jesus Christ will also payback any wrong done toward us from our earthly
employers. This is even more incentive
to let Jesus settle our accounts for us.
6. Rules
for Employers (v. 4:1).
Paul now turns to the masters (employers) in
Colossians 4:1. We now know that
Christian employees are to be obedient in all things, doing their work heartily
as unto the Lord. How are employers to
act? Employers are to treat their employees with justice and fairness. Justice means giving employees what is due to
them. For example, giving praise when
praise is due, giving their employees an honest day’s wage for an honest day’s
labor. A Christian employer is also to be
characterized by fairness. That means
treating all employees equally, and not showing undue favoritism toward some
over others. Bottom line, a Christian
employer ought to look out for the welfare of his or her employees.
The all important question on everyone’s lips is
“why?” Why should I as a Christian
employer act in such a way? Paul’s
answer: “Knowing that you also have a
Master in heaven.” Translation: God is watching! As Christians, we will answer for what we do
here on earth (cf. 2 Corinthians
Application
Time.
We’ve talked about husbands and wives, parent and
children, employees and employers. The
point being if Jesus Christ is supreme and completely sufficient for all our
needs, then it ought to have an effect on our relationships. Relationships are constantly under intense
strain. Those in the submissive role
(wives, children, employees) resent the authority over them. Those in the authoritative role (husbands,
parents, employers) seek to suppress and selfishly exert their authority for
their own gain. That is why there can
only be victory in Christ. With Christ
comes the power of the Holy Spirit.
The Spirit-filled wife will submit herself to her
husband because that brings the greatest joy and is the surest path to
blessing. The Spirit-filled husband will
love, honor and protect his wife for that brings joy and blessing. Spirit-filled children will know that
obedience to their parents is a source of blessing and protection. Spirit-filled parents will raise and discipline
their kids in love; not provoking them because that is pleasing to the Lord and
brings the greatest good to their kids.
Spirit-filled employees will give an honest day’s work for an honest
day’s wage, and Spirit-filled employers will be characterized by fairness and
justice. All of this is made possible in
Christ through the power of the Holy Spirit.
Bottom
Line.
“But be filled with the Spirit…submitting to one
another out of reverence for Christ.”
(Ephesians 5:18b, 21)
Have a blessed day!