something of a diary... 05 08 01:: so since i've decided to get rid of the JUSS STUFF section.. i decided to add this one.. juss a mumble jumble of thoughts.. i guess.. it's almost embarassing putting up something like this.. cuz i ususally never juss babble to anything or anyone unless it's my own diary... i did this cuz well.. i kno i don't talk much about FEELINGS & EMOTIONS and blah blah blah.. and upon *someone's* urges.. i guess i decided to make SOME attempt at making myself a little more public.. mm.. okay..so here i go.. May 8, 2001.. 6:49 PM.. furiously trying to finish a paper that's due tomorrow.. started it today.. god.. things really don't ever change.. when am i ever gonna stop procrastinating..  and this fuking CD player of my roomie's is skipping and skipping.. this damn CD that her boyfriend..or whoever he is put in there.. sometimes i really wonder about people with no consideration.. or am i being a little harsh? it's just.... he thinks it's his room now.. wouldn't any normal person get just a LITTLE annoyed if EVERY time she walked into her room, this GUY was there, acting as if he owned the room too? touching YOUR computer.. without even asking.. bumming UR cigarrettes as if he's ur best friend.. saying "i'll get you back.." even though you know he wont.. don't get me wrong.. there's a difference between a real friend bumming cigarrettes off you.. and someone you don't care about in the least bit bumming.. fuk i gotta stop being so bitter at him.. but uGh.. it's really fuking annoying.. holyshit it's cold in here.. *closing the window* this past weekend was a huge slum of events.. back to back.. though i didn't really get into any of them.. except maybe at the end.. but even then.. not really.. Friday was Slope Day.. my first one as a CORNELLIAN.. hehe.. it was juss ... well.. a lot of fun getting drenched by lambdas left and right.. which atually felt good considering how hot it was outside.. and drinking on a slope..in public.. mixed with teachers and TA's all over the place.. not to mention 5.O's everywhere except where they should have been.. haha.. john sprained his ankle that day.. so i ended up leaving early.. didn't mind though... i never seem to mind leaving if it's for his sake.. john..i hope ur not reading this.. haha.. Saturday.. wat'd i do saturday.. i don't even remember.. i think it was juss.. a bunch of nothingness... so im not even gonna waste my time writing about it.. Sunday.... were the Lambda formals.. all my northfaces came over.. well.. 3 of them.. haha.. so a majority of them came over.. (jess was doing papers and arami.. was sleeping..) .. kathy and ellen straightened my hair.. and yoonsoo did my makeup telling me to put glitter everywhere.. which ended up.. also.. everywhere.. haha.. but all in all i turned out pretty good..i think. hahah.. THANX GUYS *mWaH*  john actually looked really good in his 5 button, not-traditional tux.. it was strange seeing him in anything but t-shirt and jeans.. and to tell you the truth, i wasn't sure what to expect, but he looked good.. haha.. as usual.. :) at the formal?? the place was really nice.. they had this .. uh oh i dont remember the name of what it was called.. anyway.. this pretty thing outside that reminded me of wedding pictures.. where everyone, myself included, took a LOT of pictures.. .. at this one point during the formals when they were handing out awards to the brothers who were graduating this year,  john was up there, trying to give something like a speech but couldn't finish cuz he well.. he kinda started crying.. not really.. but kinda.. and then every brother who went up after him started crying too.. oh..another thing? seeing john up there.. i dunno.. it made me feel.. mmm. really happy.. i don't know how to say this without making myself sound retarded.. but.. he made me feel really lucky.. does anyone understand what i'm saying? it's like.. i dunno... so hard to describe.. i guess... even though he wasn't up there for me.. somehow, he made me feel special.. *all tingly inside* haha.. :X i kno i wanted to go up and say something too that night.. but the thing was.. everyone going up to talk was a brother.. and i juss felt like.. well.. it wasn't my place to go up.. like i'd be ruining something special.. i'll say what i wanted to say here.. hoping at least one or two of them sees this..:: over the past year.. my freshman year, i've gotten to know a lot of you.  True, at first, i got to know you mainly because i was a "bro's girl" but that (at least for me) grew into something else.. i didn't go hopping around from room to room just cuz i got bored of john and wanted someone else to talk to.. (though i did that a couple times) it was more cuz i wanted to talk to you.. that sounds retarded.. haha.. anyway.. you guys all became not juss my bf's friends.. but my friends.. now.. when i go to some social event.. and you aren't there, i don't feel right.. i don't have that much fun.. you all have put a smile or maybe a thousand smiles on my face.. and i juss want to thank you all for that.. you mean so much to me.. whether you be graduating this year or not.. honestly.. you guys MADE my freshman year... without those who are leaving, i kno i'll survive.. but it definately won't be the same.. it's almost harder to see you guys go esp because i met all of you at the very beginning of freshman year.. it's like.. you are PART of my cornell experience.. going back to cornell without you.. just won't seem.. like cornell... i kno things will be different next year.. and in too many ways, i don't want things to change.. im not, however, gonna let myself get all upset at the thought of ur leaving.. i hope we stay in touch.. and to say the VERY least.. i'm just REALLY glad i got to kno all of you because i found out that it really is true that you Lambda guys are the sweetest and best :) well.. i guess that's all i'll write for tonite.. i feel like i just wrote a bunch of blah things.. and that it probably didn't interest anyone very much.. but it's something of a start to wat's going on inside the head of the person who puts together this homepage.. hope u enjoyed.. haha Diary Contents         Home       Next Entry