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The Mentor and the Protégé is a romantic pattern that's about more than love for love's sake. In it, love grows out of deeper need to learn and understand other aspects of your life through the teachings of someone else.
But, here's the recurring pattern you may see in your relationships: Love isn't the only thing you're after.
You want power, success, attention, maybe even fame. You want to be recognized, doted on, and adored for your talents. And the object of your desire is the person best suited to provide you with these things — a boss, a mentor, a teacher, or a troubled genius.
Similarly, the object of your affection can take the place of an absent parent or role model, providing security and nurturance. Whatever the reason, you're likely to feel a boost to your self-image when you're with this person.
Just as this romantic pattern overpowers you, you might wish to be overpowered by someone stronger, wiser, and more accomplished than yourself. Your romantic pattern starts out innocently enough. Did you recently take a job working for an amazing boss? Has a teacher or mentor taken a special interest in your work? Maybe a long-time family friend stopped by for a visit, and revealed a fascinating side you've never seen before. The attention this person gives you is just what you're craving. From there, it's not a huge leap to falling in love.
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Falling for someone in a higher social, economic, or political position than you can also be a truly exciting adventure. While an affair with a teacher or boss usually doesn't always last forever, it can be an amazing learning experience. People who share your patterm feel an added confidence that comes from the feeling that they were appreciated in the eyes of someone they respected as an authority figure, someone wiser than they.
Someone as ambitious and independent as you isn't afraid to take some risks in love. Do you fantasize constantly about your boss, teacher, or successful mentor? Do you go out of your way to get noticed by him or her? You desire success in your career or your art, but are you also willing to get involved in a romance that isn't condoned by higher-ups? Would you hazard an affair with a married person, or give up a healthy relationship for what may only be a fling?
If you're in love with power, you will naturally be drawn to powerful people. If your main goal in life is to develop your talents, then obviously someone who can help you in that quest will have romantic appeal. Oftentimes, just being near someone who's admired can boost your own self-confidence and improve how others view you.
A relationship, romantic or otherwise, with a mentor can be inspiring. It can challenge you to push yourself harder and provide you with a rich and meaningful education. Regardless of how you choose to act on your romantic pattern, you are bound to be learning new things and moving forward during this period. Your ambition and dreams may lead to romance, but they will also take you far in life. If your romantic pattern is leading you to trouble, then recognizing it is the first step in moving away from its control. Psychologists and experts have helped thousands of people like yourself take a critical look at their romantic pattern and decide how to use it to improve their relationships or how to move on.
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When it comes to love, you may find that you are particularly impressionable. For that reason, it is possible that you might misinterpret desire for what a person has — power, success, fame, money — as love for that person. Check in with yourself: Is it the person you adore or what they represent? Be sure to build your confidence independently of this person to make sure you're not simply hitching a ride on their self-image. Don't become dependant.
Dating someone who is in a position of power over your life comes with inherent risks: What if the relationship goes sour and your mentor or boss turns enemy? But still, if you are honest with yourself and honest with your partner, you should be able to avoid situations that could lead to more dependent relationships than you want or deserve.
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Advice on how to shape your career turns into a romantic heart-to-heart that lasts all night. A simple biology class by day turns into human anatomy lessons by night. Your gallant boss risks everything to dance with you at the office holiday party. A dazzling novelist steps away from the crowd at a party to make your acquaintance.
No question about it. It's great to be adored. And when the person doing the swooning is someone you admire, it's all the more endearing. You're longing for a person who's in control, represents power, but the right someone for you doesn't necessarily have to be a boss or a teacher.
A healthy relationship begins with someone admiring you for who you are, while encouraging you to aim higher. The relationship is supportive and nurturing, yet isn't totally centered on work and achievement. You have a lot in common outside of shared aspirations. This significant other will be totally available, not married to a career or, even worse, somebody else. If this special person is older and wiser, he or she will also possess a playful side that you can relate to.
It's essential that you enter into a relationship with a mentor or boss with your eyes wide open. Have a clear sense of what you and the other person hope to get out of being together. If you're honest with yourself and the other person, romances that follow this romantic pattern can be mutually beneficial and exciting.
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While the patterns are universal, your specific experiences within them are not. Use your romantic pattern to map out where you've been, and where you want to go. Take an honest look at your past relationships.
Want to make your self-analysis seem more real? Then write down the characteristics you share with your romantic pattern. Ask a friend who has known you through a number of relationships to help you identify parts about your pattern you don't see because they are too close to you still.
Finally, be truthful with yourself. Have the courage to face what you really want in life. But before you allow yourself to default to the aspirations you had 5 years ago, figure out if your goals have changed. When you see the patterns emerging on paper in front of you, you can make a conscious decision to continue with a given pattern, or to change direction. If you are brave enough to face your desires, and are honest enough to share those dreams with your partner, you are well on your way to something you've been waiting for your entire life — true love.
You create your own destiny. Knowing what your romantic pattern is gives you the power to embrace it or move on. And ultimately, knowing your romantic pattern will allow you to more fully enjoy the most amazing of human relationship — love.
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Now you know how your romantic pattern has played out in your life. But, at some point, you may be affected by another pattern. That's because the elements of these patterns are universal and traits of one pattern are not always so far from the characteristics of another.
As circumstances surrounding your relationships change, you may start to see shades of the other patterns bleed into your life. With that in mind, here they are, ranked in order of how influential they currently are to you. Once you understand them, you can recognize their hold on you, and make a conscious decision to stick with them, or break away.
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Throughout the history of our site, users have written to thank us for helping them — helping them understand aspects of their personalities they previously had been unable to pinpoint. And as they took more and more of our tests, they came to understand more and more about themselves and how they relate to others.
When we thought about how else we could help people, we wanted to find a subject that was universal — a subject that intrigues everyone. What we came up with was the latest test to arm you with a knowledge that you can put to immediate use in your life, and more specifically, your love life.
Stories about love are universal throughout the world. The general ideas and motivations behind all the romantic patterns you'll find in different cultures in different countries echo the 8 themes you'll see in this test.
How is this possible? How do we know this? For years, researchers across various disciplines have been tracing the subject of recurring life themes, stories, and roles. Take for example, anthropologist Joseph Campbell. His book, "The Hero with a Thousand Faces" traces the theme and role of "Hero." What he found was that whether you are studying the myths from the African savannah, the European forests, the Asian mountains, or the American cities, there is one hero archetype. This character is a constant in what he represents, in the stories he plays out.
Another great, cross-cultural theme is that of love. It is constant, as is how it plays out in people's lives. Want to know about how you love? What your relationships say about you? How you find yourself in relationships at all? Then take a look around you. Though specific details about how you met someone, what they're like, and what you're like together are unique, there are 8 main themes that help explain some of the overarching elements of any romantic relationship.
Have you ever identified with a friend who's embarked on a relationship similar to one you've experienced? Do you wonder why you identify so strongly with the heroines in some movies or books over others? That's probably because no matter where you come from, no matter what your background, your relationships, current and past, can be mapped to the same 8 themes of love that have ruled people since the beginning of time. They're stories you can see in the Bible, you can see in history, and you can see all around you played out by friends, families and yourself.
By recognizing the elements of the story, placing your specific details into the template, you can better understand your own romantic pattern, and can determine whether it is a good pattern for you to pursue at any point in time. After looking at research, looking at available sources on the topic, and thinking a lot about relationship issues, we created this test for you.
Love does indeed, make the world go 'round. And your romantic pattern is more universal than you think.
The human being is the most rational creature on the planet. It is our ability to reason that raises us to the highest level of the animal kingdom. The human in love, however, is a different beast altogether, existing somewhere between a guppy and a wood tick in terms of rational thoughts.
Whether it's locking your keys in your car, singing in public or talking to yourself in the mirror, we all agree that love makes man and womankind do some pretty unusual things. Unfortunately it can also cause us to act against our best interest, something we intelligent creatures are not used to doing. Staying in a relationship passed our welcome, getting into relationships with the wrong people, we've experienced that at one point or another.
So, if love does cause a kind of short circuit in our ability to reason, how can we enjoy the thrilling free fall of an affair without crash landing in enemy territory? There must be a way to bridge the gap between our wildest desires and our better interests.
Most of us like to keep the division of labor well defined when it comes to the internal workings of love. The heart handles emotional matters while the brain is responsible for remembering his phone number and keeping your tongue in line when he sits down next to you. But let's get realistic; the heart is really just a feisty little muscle that pumps blood. It's the brain that runs the show.
Since the early 1950's, scientists studying the human brain have theorized that there may be more than one command center in our heads. These experts believe that the brain found in modern man's cranium is really three brains in one.
The most primitive part of our brain resembles that of a reptile, controlling all the basic functions of the body — heartbeat, breathing pattern, survival instincts, etc. The next lobe of the brain is called the limbic region found only in mammals. It is here that the pain and pleasure centers live. The limbic region controls how we feel, our current moods and "emotional memory." Finally, the neo-cortex, or rational mind, comprises the third lobe of the brain. Unique to humans, the neo-cortex processes all the signals from our five senses — smell, sight, taste, touch and sound. It also is in charge of our reasoning and opinions much like a super-computer crunches numbers.
No information can reach the rational part of your brain without first passing through the limbic region. Therefore this passion center of the brain has the power to control rational thought and color it with emotional hues when confronted with extreme situations like love or danger.
What people refer to as love at first sight or the excitement of a new relationship is really the release of hormones and endorphins triggered by the limbic region of the brain without permission of the neo-cortex. It is an emotional hijacking of the rational brain and it feels strange, wonderful and crazy all at once.
Even though all this science makes the book of love seem as pre-scripted as a color-by-numbers book, it doesn't have to take all the fun out of falling in love. Physiology and neurology do their part to explain behavioral patterns that have existed since Adam asked Eve, "hey, come here often?" Recognizing the patterns won't turn your love life into a cliché. Instead, it points out clues about your own body and mind.
Think of Tickle's Romantic Pattern test as a bridge between the logical neo-cortex and the emotional limbic region of the brain. The more you understand where your own experience fits into the eight basic romantic patterns, the sooner your logical brain can lend a hand to one of the most illogical and absolutely amazing aspects of life: love.
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