Although not Fat my whole life, I've had to "fight" my weight all my life. You see, I'm an emotional eater of the worse kind. The difference between now and then is...when I was younger I just did a little more excercising, skipped a few snacks and viola I lost weight. 
After I got married in 1984, I started a new position within my company, I worked in the data entry department it was just sitting therefore became very sedentary and started to gain more weight. I was always borderlining about 5-10 lbs overweight.

     I became pregnant in 1987. I was sick for the first 3 months and didn't gain much weight.  Right before I gave birth to my daughter I was so proud of myself when the doctor said I gained only "baby" weight! My daughter was born 5 weeks premature and she was full time which meant no time for me. I would eat whatever and whenever I could. This meant alot of junk and fast food, sometimes not eating at all then pigging whenever she slept. By the time my daughter was a year old I had put on about 20lbs. In 1989 I got fed up with myself and joined Weight Watchers. After 4 months on the plan I lost all my weight and became a lifetime member. What a proud day that WAS!

     My second daughter came along  in 1991, I was sick again and almost lost her after 7 months of pregnancy. She was a colic baby and was full time, full time...NOW there was NO time for meal planning.  I was lucky enough to only gain an extra 10lbs. before I realized "Hey, I'm not going through this weight thing again" I just followed some sensible meals and rejoined my gym. I lost the weight just before I found out my son was to come along in 1993. 

     I decided to quit working and be a stay-at-home mom. I went full term with my son and gained mostly "baby" weight. The problem was staying home with 3 children, no adult contact, no real set meal times and I guess you can say, I just gave up trying to look good for others, really helped me pack on the pounds. I believe I got up to an extra 20-25lbs. I finally got fed up AGAIN and tried The Fat to Muscle Diet in 1997. I lost all the weight by excercising to Jane Fonda at 4am every morning. I was so happy, I fit into some pants that still had a movie receipt from 1989!!

     But alas, here it is 2001 and I currently weigh 160 pounds. That's 40lbs overweight!! The most I've EVER weighed. I've been eating everything and anything I want for the last 4 years. I don't excercise or watch what I eat. I know, I know what did I expect, huh? I've had some real emotional ups and downs the last 4 years also. I lost my mother to cancer. She was also my best friend so I felt like I lost two people at once. Then I lost my 21 year old nephew to Melanoma--skin cancer. It was devastating to me and the entire family. Although, I know where to put the blame  *ME*  I know my  emotional eating behaviors during these losses contributed to some of my weight. 

I want to lose weight for many different reasons. I've had back problems since my second daughter, I know with at least 10-20lbs off, It would be 50% better. When I lost the weight before my back didn't ache 24/7. I huff and puff while just doing chores around the house. I do a little bit then sit down and once I sit down....look out, I'm on the couch for good!  I can feel my heart racing if I take the kids on a walk to the park or any excercise that's beyond walking for 10 mintues, this IS NOT healthy and VERY scary. I don't feel good in my clothes and frankly, I don't feel good about myself.

     I want to use this website as a motivational booster to myself. If you're reading this and it motivates you...hey, it makes me happy to help someone else with the struggle.
I hope the idea of owning up to my weight and putting it all out there for everyone to see might make me stick with it. As you can see I've had some success and failures with my weight.  This time I want to lose all the weight and keep it off. Most of all I want to develop better eating habits. I want to be healthier, look better and feel better about myself. 

Oh, I'm not going to kid myself...I'll still eat junk and eat fast food but just make better choices when doing so. I'm going to go with the motto "never say never" as in "I'm NEVER going to lose the weight"...yes, I am I want it bad enough. "Or I'm NEVER going to touch another french fry"...Yes, I am but I'll order a small bag(vs biggy fry) and be happy about my choice. Or "I'm NEVER going to be able to walk 4 miles"...yes, I will--- small baby steps---10 mintues here and there and soon I'll be able to walk a marathon!!!!!!!

     I plan to take pictures of myself whereas I've always avoided the camera before. I want to look at myself  for motivation(when I see myself in pictures I get disgusted at myself and it makes me want to do something about it),  for progress(It's going to be great seeing what I've achieved) and  for AFTER I've lost the weight!

     Last but not least...if you have an tips, suggestions or ideas to help me on my journey, please email me.....just click on the email button on any of my pages.  I would love to hear from you, if for no other reason, just to know I'm not alone in this struggle. 
I believe that kind words, and sometimes not so kind words will help me on my journey to success!!
 
 

I managed to talk myself out of my program by August and by September I was not even visiting the gym. By October 2001, I started bad eating habits, no excercise and drinking soda again. NOT good.

The new year has begun and happy to report that I only gained 4 of the 13lbs back. I am starting the WEIGHT WATCHERS WINNING POINTS PROGRAM. Because of time and financial reasons I will not be able to join for meetings but with the help of the boards and some great email friends, I know I can do this. I have to do this.