Channel 5 Listings

6.00am Playschool: Adult drama set in a children’s Playschool run by Charlie Chester (Played by the ex pop star Gary Glitter). The police are called when a concerned parent discovers Charlie’s network of recording equipment.

7.00am You’ve Been Framed: Game show hosted by Chris Tarrant in which people who have committed a crime try to get an innocent person sent to prison in order to win a one way ticket to South America.

8.00am Blind Date: Game show in which a blind man has to choose which one of three ugly women he would like to go on a date with. Shown as part of Equal Opportunities Week

9.30am Changing Rooms: A hidden camera is placed in a women’s changing room in a leading underwear store.

10.15am Film - From Dusk To Dawn: Gritty drama set in the red light district of Amsterdam. The film follows the lives of three Dutch prostitutes as they attempt to break free from their dangerous world of legal drugs and bizarre sex. (Subtitled 1963 *****)

12.15pm This Is Your Life: Jeremy Beadle stalks an innocent member of the public for a week and records every intimate detail of their life. This week the star of the show could be you!

1.00pm Bullseye: Sitcom set in a slaughterhouse, this week a mix up with some BSE infected meat leads to hilarious consequences when the manager's son dies.

1.30pm Film - The Wizard Of Oz: Shrieking northern bald man Paul Daniels plays a struggling conjurer from Australia attempting to make a living by performing magic for the general public. However his career starts to fall apart when he is arrested part way through his act after sawing his 'lovely' assistant (played by Debbie McGee) in half. Unfortunately he is thrown in prison before he has had chance to put her back together again and he has a race against time to try to escape using all his sorcery before his accomplice bleeds to death. (TV Movie 1982 *****)

3.45pm The Day Today Today: Quiz show in which 2 teams attempt to answer questions on episodes of the historical news quiz ‘The Day Today’ which were shown on this day in years gone by.

4.30pm Can’t Cook, Won’t Cook: Cookery show in which some people who can’t cook sit around and don’t cook.

5.00pm 15 to 1: Endurance game show, 15 contestants are placed blindfold into a large aircraft hangar, each has an offensive weapon ranging from a large stick to a flicknife. The winner is the last person to suffer a life threatening injury and goes into the grand final to play for a £5 book token.

6.00pm Builders From Hell: Sitcom about a builder who is secretly a devil worshipper. No matter how hard he tries to separate his personal and professional life he always ends up making a mistake. This week a housewife is shocked to find an altar to the antichrist and the walls apparently bleeding in her recently built extension.

7.00pm The O Zone: Documentary following a group of environmental terrorists in their quest to further deplete the planet's fragile Ozone layer by setting off all the cans of hairspray and deodorant they can lay their hands on.

7.45pm London's Burning: Fly on the wall documentary series following a gang of delinquent teenagers in London while they go on a huge arson spree.

8.30pm Family Affairs: Sitcom following the lives of a disturbingly close family from Somerset. This week the family's incestuous secret is found out when they take some holiday pictures to be developed at the chemists (Last in the series).

9.30pm Shooting Stars: Gameshow in which seven contestants are concealed in buildings in central London with a rifle. The fist person to kill or wound ten celebrities wins a speedboat (regardless of the fact that none of the contestants lives near the coast).

10.15pm Film - Bambi: True life drama documenting the rise to fame of the 80's porn star Bambi Smith. The story starts in 1975 when Bambi's mother was shot in front of her by hunters, this was the turning point of her life and from that moment on she knew what her destiny was. Her big break came when she was 18 when a photo of her flashing her breasts was taken in a nightclub by a photographer from a highly respected 'glamour' magazine. A mere 7 years later she was a multi millionaire and had starred in a total of 427 pornographic films including TIT-anic, I Know Who You Did Last Summer and Open Wide And Say Aaaarrrsssseeee. (TV Movie 1995 *****)

12.30 - 6.00am   Sex & The City: Hidden cameras have been placed in shop doorways and secluded side streets in City Centres all over the country in the hope of catching drunken couples indulging in meaningless and empty sexual congress.